HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right, we gotta get ready for the show, guys. This is a big topic.
BEN KISSEL
It's a big topic.
MARCUS PARKS
Literally.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Literally.
MARCUS PARKS
It literally is a big topic.
BEN KISSEL
Literally.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ah! I just have to build my neutrinos. Do you guys know about building these neutrinos?
BEN KISSEL
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ah!
BEN KISSEL
Is it like a LEGO set?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you have to harness the power of dark matter. That's how you can travel through trees. That's how you can make your penis do a U-turn.
BEN KISSEL
Interesting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Inside of a woman. Ah!
BEN KISSEL
Scientists just made a black hole.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's honestly what we're gonna be talking about a little bit today. And you'd be surprised, if they make little black holes, what's nice about them is that it cleans all the stuff up around it.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So it's like a Roomba but for all eternity.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Very good. Welcome to Last Podcast on the Left everyone. I am Ben hanging out with Marcus and hanging out with Henry.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ah!
BEN KISSEL
Have you checked your thetans lately?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're full.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah? Are your thetans running?
MARCUS PARKS
Oh my god. The most surprising thing about moving to LA? The Scientology commercials. Jesus Christ, they're amazing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Welcome.
BEN KISSEL
David Miscavige, you might think you know Scientology but have you seen my wife? I don't know where she is! Well speaking about hidden figures, today's episode, it's all about the Pennsylvania UFO Bigfoot Invasion of 1973.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dog, this story is from... I can't believe that we haven't covered this already.
MARCUS PARKS
I can't believe I've never heard of it.
BEN KISSEL
You can't believe we haven't covered the Pennsylvania UFO Bigfoot Invasion of 1973.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not so silent invasion.
MARCUS PARKS
No, not so silent as you'll see. Quite a loud invasion in fact.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is a very loud invasion. I feel like they could have used more cover.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But this story, man, this story is old school. And I'm now with Stan Gordon on being like Pennsylvania Bigfoot Society is not getting the acknowledgment that it needs.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I really do think that there is a Skinwalker Ranch deep in the heart of Delco.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Now when one thinks of Bigfoot hotspots in America, the first places that come to mind, Pacific Northwest.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
BEN KISSEL
Washington.
MARCUS PARKS
Of course.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
The original home of the Bigfoot. You might even think of the Texas Arkansas border, the folk monster.
BEN KISSEL
Okay, Texakarna.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Texarkana.
BEN KISSEL
Sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. Getting people mad.
BEN KISSEL
If you put your mind to it.
MARCUS PARKS
But as far as the third most popular hotspot for Bigfoot activity in America goes, and that's at least according to the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization also known as BFRO-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's my boys at BFRO!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
BFRO!
MARCUS PARKS
Well BFRO sort of won the great Bigfoot society wars of the early 2000s. There was BFRO, there was BAFRO I think?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There was BFRO, I do think it was BAFRO.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then we got PBS now, we're gonna be introducing you to PBS today.
BEN KISSEL
PBS. Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I think when it comes down to Bigfoot hunting nay research societies, it's all about not quitting.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Also BFRO is what we call it when the LPN crew and cast go out to sit courtside at the Los Angeles Lakers. It's beef row!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Beef row.
BEN KISSEL
Beef row!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay. All right now I unpacked it.
MARCUS PARKS
We're the beef row.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Got it.
BEN KISSEL
Ed Larson, Holden McNeely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Jake Young.
MARCUS PARKS
And I'm the jerky.
BEN KISSEL
But you are still beef.
MARCUS PARKS
Still beef.
BEN KISSEL
You belong.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're the lean cut.
BEN KISSEL
Beef row.
MARCUS PARKS
But if you want the third most popular hotspots for Bigfoot activity in America, you go to Pennsylvania, my friend.
BEN KISSEL
All right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is wild, dude. After reading Stan Gordon's 'Silent Invasion' I can't believe more people aren't talking about how many Bigfoots are in the Pennsylvania area.
BEN KISSEL
You can't believe it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't believe it and I won't believe it.
BEN KISSEL
Vladimir Putin just put a nuclear weapon into a silo, making it closer to launch.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He just fell down a flight of stairs and he pooped his pants.
BEN KISSEL
Perhaps.
MARCUS PARKS
Well so ubiquitous is the Pennsylvania Bigfoot that the state boasts multiple local Bigfoot societies devoted solely to the Pennsylvania Bigfoot. For example, Pennsylvania has its own all female Bigfoot research team, adorably called Monkey Wench Investigations.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
These ladies. These ladies, man.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, I would actually has a Bigfoot say that I'm not a monkey, I am an interdimensional being.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I don't care what you are monkey.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You come over here and you eat my Pittsburgh pussy.
BEN KISSEL
Not again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't think they're looking to have sex with the Bigfoot.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They just want to identify it. But I do think at some point from some of the documents I've seen, it might get erotic once they are in this situation.
BEN KISSEL
The state that gave us John Fetterman, they like them big.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They do!
BEN KISSEL
I know.
MARCUS PARKS
Monkey Wench Investigations however is merely a subsidiary of the current top dog in Pennsylvania Bigfoot research. That's the Pennsylvania Bigfoot Project or the PBP.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Pennsylvania Bigfoot Project sounds like a prog rock band. And it is pretty sweet.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, it really does.
MARCUS PARKS
But my favorite which reigned supreme from 1998 until its abrupt end in 2011 is the Pennsylvania Bigfoot Society, aka the PBS.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah man.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They should have gave out tote bags.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The real PBS does.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the PBS was a nonprofit no kill group which is an important distinction in the Bigfoot world because some Bigfoot researchers are after hard evidence no matter what the cost.
BEN KISSEL
And also just to clarify it's nonprofit not on purpose.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not on purpose.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's called a no profit corporation.
BEN KISSEL
No profit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But actually we just did speak with the author of was it the cryptid map?
BEN KISSEL
The United States of Cryptids.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The United States of Cryptids.
MARCUS PARKS
Great book. Super fun.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's really great. And he straight up, we were like should you kill a Bigfoot? He's like I gotta see a body. So you'd be surprised how many people want to kill a fucking Bigfoot. He was like a nice man too.
BEN KISSEL
Very nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was like I want to play with it's guts. And you're like all right.
BEN KISSEL
And that's our Patreon, check out that interview. Also did you know the platypus used to be considered a cryptid until it was proven to be real?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The okapi as well.
BEN KISSEL
Isn't that weird?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See Marcus knew.
BEN KISSEL
He knew. I was surprised.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You were educated.
BEN KISSEL
But I mean it's got a big bill on it, that sounds like a cryptid.
MARCUS PARKS
Now because there is such diversity in how people study Bigfoot, the PBS-
BEN KISSEL
Wait a second, what?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not within in the white men that do it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Diversity in method.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Diversity in method of how you want to study Bigfoot. Some people say yeah, kill the Bigfoot.
BEN KISSEL
Oh.
MARCUS PARKS
Some people say don't kill the Bigfoot. Some people say trap the Bigfoot so we can study it. Some people say oh we only want to observe the Bigfoot in the wild. Like I said, there's a lot of diversity to method.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There is.
BEN KISSEL
Beverly's out there stretching out her labia, trying to capture it that way.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's got one labia attached to one tree, she's got the other labia attached to the other tree and she's covered herself in honey. Meanwhile most of the times He's mostly attracting bugs. Poor, poor lady.
BEN KISSEL
I know.
MARCUS PARKS
Now because there is such diversity, the PBS had its own exacting Standards for what type of person could join the PBS.
BEN KISSEL
Ah, sort of like... Anyway, go on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like The Rangers.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Texas Rangers.
BEN KISSEL
Okay, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Before one could officially become a member, and this is at least up until 2011, they first had to submit an application. If the application was approved then the prospective member would be subject to a vibe test-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dog.
MARCUS PARKS
Held at the next PBS expedition, hike, function, or public outing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Gotta see how Greg holds, man, is what it comes down to. Because you're hanging out because first of all-
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
One thing, I think honestly probably one of the biggest issues with the Bigfoot hunt is guys that are like loud pee-ers.
BEN KISSEL
Sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because there are guys that go out there and you hear that full flow, right? And the guy's going, 'Oh yeah. Ah yeah.'
BEN KISSEL
There we go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You got that thing, that's a difficult guy. You got the Anchorman quoter guy, that's a guy you don't want in a Bigfoot fucking function because he's doing the same thing, he's like, 'Smells like Bigfoot's dick.' And you're like yep, we've heard it.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And you don't want the stinky pee-er either, guy who doesn't drink enough water and his piss smells real bad?
BEN KISSEL
I actually am gonna push back on that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, me too. I actually do feel like when it comes down to it-
MARCUS PARKS
No, it's going to make the Bigfoot run.
BEN KISSEL
Or will it attract a Bigfoot? Because you know these hunters, they truly cover themselves in the urine of the animal they're hunting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The deer piss so they can remain invisible. So maybe a stinky ass pee. But also I feel like does Bigfoot have access to a Trenta Starbucks that makes his pee European? You know what I mean?
BEN KISSEL
Good point.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That makes his pee smell like a café.
MARCUS PARKS
Well concerning the vibe test, after what was I'm sure an intense and awkward afternoon-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Bigfeet or Bigfoots?
MARCUS PARKS
Bigfoots. That's the nomenclature that we have decided upon.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's first step of finding out if you can hang.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And also second being they bring in a big guy and be like you think that guy's the size of a Bigfoot? And if they say yes be like Bigfoot is much bigger than that.
BEN KISSEL
Much bigger.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Get the fuck out of here.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Well after the vibe test, the group would meet without the prospective member present and decide if the applicant would be formally invited.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey, what do you guys think of Greg?
BEN KISSEL
This is like when I fucking got with the Libertarian Party.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. What do you think of fucking Greg, all right?
BEN KISSEL
I think Greg's about to quit this group in two months.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is also the Libertarian Party, Kissel.
BEN KISSEL
Oh is it? Probably yeah. It is.
MARCUS PARKS
If chosen, the new member would then be placed on a one year probation.
BEN KISSEL
I'm so sick of these assholes already.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it is important!
BEN KISSEL
What do you mean a one year probation?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because you gotta build up a rapport. What do we know about the paranormal? If you're going to research these kind of weird anomalous situations, you need to be able to hang.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You need to be able to show up, put up, nut up. Because if you don't then you're just wasting everybody's time. Most of Bigfoot hunting, we talked about this with the author-
BEN KISSEL
I know!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Is the most Bigfoot hunting is sitting in a tent, drinking Natty Light, scanning.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yes, I underStand.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you gotta be able to hang in there.
BEN KISSEL
I understand that. But I also think they're just trying to have an lackey that's going to give them Jersey Mike's everyday, drive me around to the mall because I got another DUI. They're just taking advantage of a person and making them work for free.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's an intern.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I actually think it's necessary for a functioning Bigfoot society.
BEN KISSEL
It's a nonprofit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a nonprofit. And by the way they don't charge dues, free of charge.
BEN KISSEL
No shit!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The dues are you gotta hang out with all the bros.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You gotta be able to hang, dog.
BEN KISSEL
Also the author, I'm sorry to interrupt Marcus, the author we've been discussing is J. W. Ocker.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
J. W. Ocker. Fantastic man.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a really fun book. But that's the thing, there's no dues but it is strongly encouraged that you contribute to the website hosting fees.
BEN KISSEL
So there are dues.
MARCUS PARKS
No, strongly encouraged.
BEN KISSEL
No but it is strongly encouraged.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's strongly encouraged like you're supposed to give at the museum.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Except sometimes what I do is I go like okay and I act like I'm putting in the donation box so people think I am.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then again I've done it for the cameras.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, that's my most CoStanza moment when I got a tip and it's gonna be a nice one and I'm like I just want to make sure they see it otherwise it doesn't count.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Scan the eyes, big high arc over the $5 bill as you put it in the little basket.
BEN KISSEL
That's awesome.
MARCUS PARKS
But if you pass the vibe test, if you pass the year long probation-
BEN KISSEL
Ugh god.
MARCUS PARKS
Then and only then would the applicant become a full member in good Standing in the Pennsylvania Bigfoot Society. Now the creation of all these Bigfoot societies in Pennsylvania, they can be traced back to one of the rarest of paranormal phenomena, the double flap.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah man, paranormal back tits.
BEN KISSEL
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
See back in the early 70s, Pennsylvania was beset by an invasion of sorts.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Silent invasion.
MARCUS PARKS
In which both Bigfoots and UFOs became ubiquitous, confrontational, and terrifying.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Legitimately. This is some scary shit. This is the scariest shit that's been seen in central Pennsylvania since all of the fracking.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a lot of instability in the brains of people because of these paranormal back tits.
BEN KISSEL
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
Now the history of this double flap was kept alive all these years by one man, Stan Gordon.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's my boy!
BEN KISSEL
Is he?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Do we know enough about him for you to claim he's your boy?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love him.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's still out there, bro.
MARCUS PARKS
He's done 10 appearances on Coast to Coast. That's considered a close personal friend by Henry.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I listened to a lot of him in the last week or so and he talks a lot about Bigfoot and his stories do match up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Does he have anything to say about Sandy Hook?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He said something about like... But he thinks it's a beach resort, like one of those places you'd go to like what's it, like Club Med.
MARCUS PARKS
He's one of the guys that got into cryptid but never made the jump into conspiracy.
BEN KISSEL
Wow!
MARCUS PARKS
He's smart enough to see what kind of bullshit that is. This is a singular focused man, he doesn't have time for conspiracies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The political landscape is a distraction from his real work.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Now this guy, Stan Gordon, he wrote a book called 'Silent Invasion' about this two year long bother. However I will say that for a silent invasion there is quite a bit of high pitched screaming and a lot of bullets fired.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not so silent invasion.
BEN KISSEL
Well if something is super loud but it's kind of like the same tone all the time, it's almost like it's silent.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're talking about, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Like highway noise.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah. How we live.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It's interesting because he loved this shit and also it kind of boggles my mind how many people in Pennsylvania tried to shoot a Bigfoot in the fucking head.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
You're shocked by that, huh?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's just it was way more because especially after doing the folk monster, far more bullets flew there for some reason than in this story.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Now Stan Gordon was a local whose interest in UFOs was piqued when a fiery object seen by multiple people crashed near his hometown of Greensburg, Pennsylvania in the 60s. This attracted the attention of both national media and the federal government. According to Stan, an unknown branch of the military showed up and used a flatbed truck to cart away a mysterious object covered by a tarp.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not so silent invasion.
MARCUS PARKS
This incident instilled a lifelong curiosity concerning the UFO phenomenon in Stan Gordon to the point where he started a UFO hotline for reporting purposes in 1969.
BEN KISSEL
I would love to hear the prank calls that that hotline got.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He has asked for people to be serious when they called because he says a lot of his time is spent combing through a lot of obviously baba booey.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. I feel like hey man, I don't know what to do man, I got like a UFO circling my Uranus. It's circling my Uranus.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's in his anus!
BEN KISSEL
It's shit, bro.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Shut up, shut up.
MARCUS PARKS
But by 1970 Stan was in the mood to get official.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well because he was legitimate.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Stan Gordon was pure, he's pure of heart.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And he loves these Bigfoots and UFOs and he's very, very curious about them but he's diligent and he's got this hotline that continues to be open.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well in 1970 Stan established the Westmoreland County UFO Study Group or WCUFOSG.
BEN KISSEL
Wuh-cuff-oh-sug.
MARCUS PARKS
Wuh-cuff-oh-sug.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He wasn't great with the acronyms.
BEN KISSEL
Do you have to wait a year of indentured servitude to get into that one also?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
WCUFOSG.
BEN KISSEL
Wuh-cuff-oh-sug?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wuh-cuff-oh-sug.
MARCUS PARKS
Eventually Stan became the Pennsylvania state director for MUFON.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dude! That's cool.
BEN KISSEL
Why are you reacting like that means anything? Wow. Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No man, it really is turning nothing into something.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
What a step up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He got paid to be a UFO investigator.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Okay. I agree.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That is way rarer than being a professional comedian. You can make a living being a Ufologist which he kind of was on and off.
MARCUS PARKS
Now the MUFON posting was actually a pretty choice position because unbeknownst to I think most people, Pennsylvania in the early 70s was the place to investigate and witness not only UFOs but a massive amount of Bigfoots.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, dude. Because Stan Gordon, even the UFO that got him obsessed with this thing called the Kecksburg UFO which now that's a whole other episode that we're gonna have to do.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But he really got started deep. It's like if your first experience in the paranormal was witnessing the Roswell UFO. It's big, it's weird how it was like the world series of UFO events. Don't you fucking look at me like that. It actually was a big deal for him and me.
BEN KISSEL
It's a big deal. I think it's great.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Let's call it the Reggie Jackson three home runs.
BEN KISSEL
Sure!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Mr. October. It's the Mr. October of UFO events.
BEN KISSEL
You guys are overselling it. I'm almost thinking you're insecure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What? I've never been insecure in my life.
BEN KISSEL
Do you think that's true?
MARCUS PARKS
No. Never been insecure about my masculinity. Not once in my entire life has that been true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not once.
BEN KISSEL
Unless we're in fucking Oklahoma City.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well that was different.
MARCUS PARKS
That was different.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We didn't belong there.
BEN KISSEL
No.
MARCUS PARKS
No, no. That's why I left that area of the world. Now that is to say when it became clear that a double flap was indeed occurring in the state-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(flapping sound)
MARCUS PARKS
Stan Gordon was well placed to head the investigation. He claimed that between January 1, 1973 and the end of 1974 there were 278 incidents involving either a UFO, a Bigfoot, or both.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you can call bullshit all you want. But if you read 'Silent Invasion' what you will see is that just the amount sightings is crazy.
BEN KISSEL
That's a lot, 278, wow.
MARCUS PARKS
But the interesting thing is that Stan wasn't just tallying incident reports and put in a notch every time someone called up. Rather there were 278 incidents that Gordon deemed credible with more credence given to people who previously didn't believe in UFOs or Bigfoot.
BEN KISSEL
Can you buy them off?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Unable, he's Teflon.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He is hired by MUFON, all right? He knows he can't mix all these strains of money. But most of it really is done out of his own pocket.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
But of course this was as I said back in 1973 and while UFOs certainly still ruined lives, as we've said over and over again, that statement went double in the early 70s when one could be entirely ostracized from the community for publicly yelling:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know what I saw!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. For an example of how even just telling your friends about a Bigfoot can still be perilous in modern times, here's a clip from a fairly recent Bigfoot news story in Pennsylvania in which one man openly mocks his friend on camera when that friend tried backtracking on how much his Bigfoot sighting freaked him out.
BEN KISSEL
Who would do, what kind of friend would do that to another friend?
AUDIO
Ready to give up, we found guys who allegedly saw the beast just a few nights ago. Getting someone to talk about that on camera was not easy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You go back in the woods, you see animals in the woods. I don't know where his story comes from.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Let me try to jog your memory a little bit. Tom, you better get up here! There's something up in the woods, we don't know what it is! You don't remember that?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He literally couldn't experience one moment of genuine vulnerability in front of his old buddy. Which also shows that they're real friends.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But still, man.
BEN KISSEL
Remember that? Remember that?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was scared. He called up his buddy he thought he could trust.
BEN KISSEL
Hey remember that, when you had to throw your underwear out cause you shat yourself? Remember that?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No dude, I needed you to be there for me, bro.
MARCUS PARKS
And the guy who was telling the story, he just walks away in the middle of the interview, just walks away.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whatever.
MARCUS PARKS
And the guy making fun of him is a cop that is no shit 350 lbs easily.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
BEN KISSEL
Great. Good for him.
MARCUS PARKS
Well interestingly the Bigfoot did not just suddenly appear in Pennsylvania in 1973. As it is with most of the heavily wooded areas of North America, sightings of the Pennsylvania Bigfoot date back to the 1800s when human settlements began encroaching on previously undisturbed wilderness. In one report from 1859 printed in the book 'Bigfoot in Pennsylvania' which was sent to us by fans Amanda and Zack, a quote "thing like a man but hairy as a bear" was seen in a cow pen quote "sucking the cows".
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See? Cause that's the most human of all cause he saw a thing that looked like a tit.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And he went right in there. He knew because no one would judge him like they judge us.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No one eats udder, right?
MARCUS PARKS
Udder?
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't think you want to eat udder.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I've never seen anybody eat an udder.
MARCUS PARKS
It's just gotta be rubbery.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
There's no flavor there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Unless you braise it.
MARCUS PARKS
Braise it, huh?
BEN KISSEL
That's a whole different show. And also we don't have any cows. We have some bulls though.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh what's all this milk? Look at all this milk.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well that was the first reporting that you ever heard about Bigfoots in Pennsylvania, 1859.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And from there reports of gigantic hairy wild men and wild women as they were called before the Bigfoot nomenclature came into use, they came continuously throughout the decades following. It's a full book and it's news stories, it's articles. Wild man, wild man, wild man.
BEN KISSEL
And now we just call them moonshiners.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
But concerning the double flap of 1973-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(flapping sound)
MARCUS PARKS
It is interesting to note that the UFOs came before the Bigfoots.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is a real mixture and that's what I love about this entire story is that it is a genuine... And we'll keep unpacking why, like why is it like this? But it's they're all right on top of each other.
MARCUS PARKS
Well there's a very interesting cause and effect in play here. But therefore one must ask a simple question.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Were the Bigfoots piloting the UFOs themselves or were the Bigfoots introduced by the UFOs into the wilds of Pennsylvania as an experiment? Like putting a scorpion in a shoebox with a frog just to see how the frog handles it.
BEN KISSEL
The frog would do absolutely fantastic. Chewbacca. Reminds me of Chewbacca.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What? Sure, sure, sure. Honestly just let him have this. Let him have this.
BEN KISSEL
Piloting the aircraft.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well I feel like that's one conversation. But what you're talking about is a fairly materialistic version of the story.
BEN KISSEL
He's a material girl.
MARCUS PARKS
We're going to get into the interdimensionality of this later on, don't you worry, my friend.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because it also could just be clouds of electrons, dog. All right? And you got cold fusion, that's natural cold fusion is what we're seeing and we're going to get into it.
MARCUS PARKS
Or could it be that the UFO sightings introduced the idea of the paranormal to the area and it wasn't too far of a leap between UFO sightings and Bigfoot encounters? And these of course are the central questions of this episode.
BEN KISSEL
All right, there we go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I actually feel like the two experiences as we see in the accounts are wholly different because the UFOs, the sightings-
MARCUS PARKS
Unless of course the Bigfoot sighting in the UFO sighting happen at the same time which happens a few times.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But that's when they touch tips.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because the UFO experience is way more ethereal. Because what people talk about when you see a UFO it makes you question your place in the universe, it's way more of a sighting, it's more passive. Where a lot of the Bigfoot sightings in this story especially, they're kind of aggressive and they're way more personal and in your face. And there are more up close sightings of Bigfoots in this story than I've seen in any one of the other Bigfoot cases we've ever covered.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
Well I would make a distinction here and I do make this distinction many times over the course of this episode is that they are UFO sightings but Bigfoot encounters.
BEN KISSEL
Okay. And there we go. And that's the cornerstone of ufology and cryptozoology. You are your own research. And then you agree with yourself.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But that's the problem, dog. You are actually again tripping upon an essential question.
MARCUS PARKS
Essential, yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Is that if the paranormal which we kind of talk about a lot of times is a personal experience and maybe it's something that you can only see, it is so unique and it is so expressed as was put in another side book I read called 'Dark Matter Monsters' by Simeon Hein PhD, so he's a doctor-
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He calls it-
MARCUS PARKS
PhD from?
BEN KISSEL
Phoenix offline?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Phoenix offline.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Actually it's incredible because-
BEN KISSEL
Is that the cardboard box he got delivered to his house?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He met a guy outside of the Hess station.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, weird.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But he talks about it, see it's a hidden event. Which they originally coined the term 'hidden event' as a way to talk about the rampant child abuse in the United States that wasn't really considered crimes until the 1960s. But he says it's also like Bigfoot because it's an event that happens to only you that no one will believe that happened to you because you're the only witness to the event.
BEN KISSEL
That's an absolutely horrendous analogy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no. It's exactly the same. It's at the top of this book. It's exactly the same.
MARCUS PARKS
Because you know who else knows that you got molested? The guy who molested you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What do you think the only other person that knows that you saw a Bigfoot, is the Bigfoot.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right? He had a person side of it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was just freaked out, he was probably more freaked out by you, right? Think about how the molester feels understanding how much trouble he can get in.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, we always have to think about that. I don't know, I posit, I don't know the exact timeline here, Pittsburgh Steelers, perhaps they were just seeing Terry Bradshaw on a bender in the woods.
MARCUS PARKS
Terry Bradshaw was a 60s player or 70s player?
BEN KISSEL
I think he was the 70s.
MARCUS PARKS
All right. This is the early 70s.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just like his hair.
BEN KISSEL
Doesn't have any anymore.
MARCUS PARKS
No, none whatsoever. I think you're thinking Joe Namath with the hair because he had the hair.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. Broadway Joe.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, Terry Bradshaw.
MARCUS PARKS
Terry Bradshaw is bald as a cue ball.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm just looking at pictures of Terry Bradshaw now. He might be the Pennsylvania Bigfoot.
BEN KISSEL
He might be.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But he's only 6'3".
BEN KISSEL
There's also speaking of I know what I saw, he was hammered one time on Jay Leno dressed in a santa suit, going through a divorce, openly crying because he hadn't stopped drinking yet and I cannot find the episode anywhere. Then they scrubbed it. I know what is aw!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They might have scrubbed it.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, it was really sad.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Actually he was at his height in 1974. But I feel like that would have made him to the Pennsylvania public, they would have been like oh my god it's Terry Bradshaw!
BEN KISSEL
Terry Bradshaw!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god, Bradshaw! They would freak out.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the UFO sightings that preceded the year long Bigfoot invasion of 1973 actually began in 1972. Near the end of that year, witnesses saw glowing spheres of light and metallic material falling from the sky near high tension power lines.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Very common in UFO sightings. WCUFOSG collected these samples-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This fucking acronym, man.
BEN KISSEL
Really nailed it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is difficult.
MARCUS PARKS
I use that acronym because I'm not gonna say the fucking Westmoreland County UFO Society underground.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No one would. No one would.
BEN KISSEL
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you can't say the W-U-C-U-UFO-S-U-G. That doesn't make any sense!
MARCUS PARKS
No. It's Wuh-cuff-oh-sug.
BEN KISSEL
In no way would you ever be long winded during our the Pennsylvania UFO Invasion of 1973 episode.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Silent invasion.
MARCUS PARKS
WCUFOSG collected these samples and sent them to a lab where it was discovered that while the metal was mostly aluminum-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Mostly.
MARCUS PARKS
The origin of the material was unknown.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And also this is a lot of times we see with UFO parts, right, with these quote unquote "meta materials", a lot of times it is earthbound material but they're like but it's put in a way that no human would ever do. It's kind of like the Bill Murray thing in Ghostbusters.
MARCUS PARKS
No human being would stack books like this, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whatever dude. But it is that where it's curious, it's the playful nature of the trickster phenomena.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right? Which I underStand because I'm a playful trickster. So I know what it's like and I'm always fiddling and fooling.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So they're like me, you can't trust them at all.
MARCUS PARKS
However I did see there is that great clip of Jacques Vallée taking some material that was found from a UFO into a lab to put it under an electron microscope. And they found that the isotopes in that piece of material were far beyond anything that we have here on earth.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Isotopes.
BEN KISSEL
Beyond isotopes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See this is the thing, there's a lot of stuff said-
BEN KISSEL
I can't believe it's not isotopes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a lot of stuff that's kind of just said like there's a thing like coherent matter I was reading about, like dark matter surges.
MARCUS PARKS
No, no, a scientist said that while sitting in front of a computer next to a big piece of equipment I didn't understand. So that's got to be true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Isotopes.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wuh-cuff-oh-sug.
BEN KISSEL
Fantastic.
MARCUS PARKS
Not too long after that UFO sighting, several reports came from the Greensburg area involving a quote "strange high pitched screaming sound".
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(screaming)
BEN KISSEL
(quiet wailing)
MARCUS PARKS
Those screams were paired with the sounds of something heavy moving through the woods which again negates the premise of the silent invasion.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not so silent invasion.
MARCUS PARKS
But at any rate, people reported seeing a very broad shouldered creature about 5 ft tall chasing two dogs soon after. That was followed by more high pitched screams and several large piles of fresh scat were found nearby.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(scatting) It's just scat. Bigfoot scat.
BEN KISSEL
Love the Scatman. Did they investigate the dook?
MARCUS PARKS
Yes, they did.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And it was dook.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Did they get any indication if it was a Bigfoot?
MARCUS PARKS
Inconclusive.
BEN KISSEL
Inconclusive.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But the real findings was that they had found similar piles.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they were too large for a horse.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. We'll get into the horse piles later on. Actually we'll get into the horse piles right now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what I'm saying.
BEN KISSEL
Great. I lived in New York for 15 years and those horse cops, they just sit right on the street and keep on going.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. A security guard near the University of Pennsylvania Greensburg campus, he found those piles he said "too big for a horse".
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're too big for a horse.
BEN KISSEL
How do you know? How much horseshit have you seen?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean I feel like they might be around more horseshit than we are.
MARCUS PARKS
Pennsylvania, the Amish are everywhere, horse drawn carriages.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. And meth. And child molestation.
BEN KISSEL
Liquid horseshit. Yeah, that's the meth dump.
MARCUS PARKS
But lest you think this large pile of feces is merely a frat boy prank, the guard also found several large unidentifiable footprints nearby. You also must ask your question as to whether or not frat boys are capable of taking a lot of dumps in a can, perhaps a bucket of some sort.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't pry into it. Don't go in too deep.
BEN KISSEL
I don't know why you just sort of... I mean I'm not... You're just kind of maligning frat boys out of nowhere.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean they pay for friendship and they make sweet love to each other.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, you guys are talking about an organization that does the exact same thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes but it's for Bigfoot. And so it's different, it's better.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's not just for school.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, they don't get connections later on in life for high powered jobs like frat boys do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. They burn bridges. They ruin their lives getting involved in this. Yeah, the more you say that it does sound like actually that's the perfect thing for a bunch of frat boys to do is to stage a Bigfoot invasion because that's the single funniest thing you could possibly do to people who tend to take it seriously.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then you have a bunch of Bigfoot researchers that are all like, oh yeah, no one can make prints like this. Meanwhile they're all like elephant tailing each other behind a bush, just looking through like we fucking got him, Brad!
BEN KISSEL
That is funny.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is.
MARCUS PARKS
Now one might say that 5 ft tall is by no means Bigfoot size.
BEN KISSEL
That's what I was thinking.
MARCUS PARKS
5 ft is actually somewhat of an odd cryptid size because usually they're either 2-4 ft tall like the chupacabra or the melon-headed children or they're much larger like the 10 ft tall Flatwoods monster or the beefy Mothman.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Big, thick old Mothman. I think it's cause it was a baby Bigfoot.
MARCUS PARKS
Interesting.
BEN KISSEL
Or could it be?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think it was a baby Bigfoot.
MARCUS PARKS
But here's something interesting about this double flap that you'll notice as the story goes on and on. See the more people reported Bigfoot sightings, the more detailed the descriptions became and the larger the Bigfoots got.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Now if we stay on the paranormal side of things, it could be said that these creatures were pushing through from another dimension and the further they pushed, the more detailed they became. This is a very John Keel way of looking at things.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Astral hemorrhoids.
BEN KISSEL
Oh fantastic.
MARCUS PARKS
But the not as much fun but still fascinating explanation can be found from the psychological point of view. See the way the human brain works is that our perceptions are guided by our expectations.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure, absolutely. And that's why you can, if you change your perception you can sometimes change your reality.
MARCUS PARKS
These expectations are called prior beliefs and they help us to make sense of what we are perceiving in the present based on similar experiences we've had in the past. And that's either direct experiences are indirect experiences, meaning something you've seen vs something you've heard.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, of course.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
It's called learning.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is.
MARCUS PARKS
It's very much learning.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
But sometimes the brain takes a shortcut when learning. The brain uses these signals to make judicious decisions in the face of uncertainty. Is that a trash can or is it a murderer?
BEN KISSEL
Is it a home?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
For some, if you're Oscar.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And one could make the argument that the double flap was a case of mass hysteria in which people saw bears, tree branches, or shadows as Bigfoots because they you're on high alert for Bigfoot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know what I saw!
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I feel like something could maybe be bears but you're seeing a face in your window, I know that there's also the thing we see faces, we see things that look like human shapes often and we look for them in chaotic backgrounds and we can kind of make them with our own minds, we can make those outlines.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
We've been to a Pennsylvania quite a bit. Love it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Love Philly, love Pittsburgh, love all of Pennsylvania really in a lot of ways. Sobriety. Now is this something that we must ask?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just feel like how often have we all been drunk?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
All the time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I've never really, truly-
BEN KISSEL
Especially in Pennsylvania.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I've been drunk but I've never seen something I didn't see because I was drunk.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I've never had that either. I've never had the whole pink elephant phenomenon.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Every time I see things when I'm drunk, I know what I saw.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A lot of times it's what I'm seeing when I'm drunk because it's the only time I really see.
BEN KISSEL
That's unhealthy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, it's the only time.
BEN KISSEL
It's an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Finally the whole world catches up, I can finally know!
MARCUS PARKS
But if we swing back to Keel-
BEN KISSEL
I drive better when I'm drunk.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just feel relaxed. Because again, you get floppy and it's everybody else that gets all rigid and upset because you're coasting through a bunch of red lights.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But if we swing back to Keel, it might also be that the Bigfoots were indeed interdimensional beings and the more people saw the creatures, the more quote unquote "sense" the creatures made.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We filled out the details with our brains and our observation of them.
MARCUS PARKS
Well not necessarily that we filled out their details but that's the thing when you first see a creature like this, that's what a lot of people say about these interdimensional beings is that your brain freaks out because there's no frame of reference for that creature. But the more you see a creature, the more you experience something like that, the more your brain can actually handle it, you can actually process what it is that you're seeing in front of you. More details are perceived and more details are remembered.
BEN KISSEL
Like the aforementioned platypus.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Absolutely. Or in this new book that I read, 'Dark Matter Monsters', what if these are special creatures that have managed to be able to harness the power of dark matter, right? If Bigfoot or any other cryptids can create bunched electron structures from the static in their long hair, the compression of their huge feet on the ground, this is legitimate, this is all science.
BEN KISSEL
Legitimately written down.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Piezoelectric effect in their bones where the vortical action of blood flowing in their cavernous arterial structure.
MARCUS PARKS
Vortical?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Vortical. They would be able to create the itonic mesh structure-
MARCUS PARKS
Itonic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That Matsumoto who is another scientist says is the hallmark of neutron stars and the cold fusion process.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah but they just retroactively put what an actual scientist had to say in front of a bunch of bullshit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No! Hidden events, not child molestation, it's about Bigfoot. All right? These creatures, they'd have unique gravitational abilities through their ability to harness dark matter energies. And now that quote unquote, according to author, he says that he sees your reaction, he knows your reaction's coming. And he says yeah, that probably sounds strange but if you think about the encounters people report, they're often gravitational effects, missing time, and electronic anomalies.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Man, if he just put his mind to anything else.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Use your fucking brain, people. Use your brain.
BEN KISSEL
he could have been Moneyball.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They could create a bunch of electron structures.
BEN KISSEL
With their hair.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dude, this is fucking real, dog.
BEN KISSEL
It's definitely in a book.
MARCUS PARKS
We actually got some bad news about dark matter recently. Scientists think that we may never actually be able to see it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No of course, we're making it up.
MARCUS PARKS
It will mean remain theoretical forever.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Of course because we made it up because the math don't work, right. And that's why we made it because the math doesn't work so we need something to stick in there because it wouldn't make sense. When when it comes down to it we live in a chaotic reality that we couldn't measure if we want because we change it just by fucking looking at it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Was it vortal?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Vortical! This is real!
BEN KISSEL
Vortical.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The cryptids can absorb and generate active neutrinos in the same way cold fusion reactors so.
BEN KISSEL
Oh man.
MARCUS PARKS
But when it came to the first wave of Bigfoot sightings in Pennsylvania in 1972 prior to the larger double flap, the early reports bordered on assault. See after a family heard and felt footsteps outside of their house for consecutive nights, a Bigfoot allegedly attacked.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh man.
MARCUS PARKS
One night the family and a friend of theirs arrived home late at 3AM. Who knows what they were out doing?
BEN KISSEL
Drinking.
MARCUS PARKS
And something suddenly lifted and shook the car.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cool!
MARCUS PARKS
Terrified, the passengers stayed put. But when they got out of the car after the shaking and rumbling was over-
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
They found that the vehicle had moved a fair diStance from where they had originally parked.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Arnold Schwarzenegger from Twins.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Remember that?
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, that was one of the stronger years.
MARCUS PARKS
I thought that was Kindergarten Cop.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He might have done it in both.
MARCUS PARKS
I think he did it in both.
BEN KISSEL
He moves cars all the time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He knows what he's able to do.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And when he lifted the tree in Commando.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Very difficult.
MARCUS PARKS
That's true, that's true.
BEN KISSEL
That was kind of cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Well another night, that same family lost their dog when the creature attacked and killed it. A lot of dead dogs in this story, I'm sorry to say. Although the family had convinced themselves that they were simply dealing with a clever if malicious bear.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, The Riddler of bears.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Definitely dealing with a highly organized mafia-style bear.
BEN KISSEL
The bear from the great outdoors. Very smart.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Bald hiney bear, that's what we used to call it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I thought the raccoons were smarter than the bear. The bear was malicious.
BEN KISSEL
The raccoons could talk.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The bear was misunderstood.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, the bear was misunderstood. He got his little butt blown up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And then his head.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Spoiler alert.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sorry.
BEN KISSEL
I know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sorry to interrupt, sorry to ruin that 40 year old film.
BEN KISSEL
40 years old. Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
But when this family heard the telltale footsteps a few nights later, they decided to go out and shoot the damn thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Great.
MARCUS PARKS
The dog's killed, their car's been attacked.
BEN KISSEL
Oh absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're mad now.
BEN KISSEL
No, I understand.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This I understand. They've been attacked.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They have to defend themselves.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
But instead of a bear they saw a hairy 6 ft tall biped with broad shoulders and exceptionally long arms, arms that hung down to the knees.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And this creature had a hairless, shiny face.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like Anya Taylor Joy who you just met last night at the bar.
BEN KISSEL
Like Terry Bradshaw.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He wasn't there. They would've known it was Terry Bradshaw.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well knowing they were outmatched, the family fled back into the house and watched the creature from the window until it wandered away. And they never saw it again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's kind of funny knowing that they were outmatched. They had guns.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Bigfoot's just standing there.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
That's the thing, they got firearms, man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was just scared by the dog.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Not long after a group of teenagers encountered the creature several times over the course of one night. When they described it to Stan Gordon, they said it walked upright and fast. It had an ugly non human face and long arms that again hung down to its knees.
BEN KISSEL
And that is a descriptive that teenagers use. Ugly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
As opposed to uniquely beautiful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And now we know that to be true. 2022, I know if you say someone's ugly it's because their soul is ugly. People are still ugly.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But we're not allowed to say that anymore.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh okay.
BEN KISSEL
You can say that. You can describe people.
MARCUS PARKS
You can describe people, yeah.
BEN KISSEL
You're still allowed to describe people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Big tomato-headed bitch or something like that. You can say that.
MARCUS PARKS
Well interestingly one of those kids allegedly had a paranormal awakening of sorts after his encounter with Bigfoot and he wouldn't be the only one in the story to have this happen to him.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what 'Dark Matter Monsters' talked about, the trauma associated with seeing a cryptid.
MARCUS PARKS
Well months later the teen said he saw a floating glowing grayish figure of a man appear from out of nowhere in his room. The figure walked through the wall and was never seen again. He walked through the wall! That's the thing, I know what you're thinking.
BEN KISSEL
Did he walk through the wall?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Neutrinos. He was made out of fucking real neutrinos, dog. Bunched electrons. He was made out of coherent matter.
BEN KISSEL
Did he climb through the window by any chance?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no.
MARCUS PARKS
Through the wall.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Through the wall.
MARCUS PARKS
But while all this happened in 1972, the Pennsylvania double flap didn't truly begin until January 1st-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(flapping sound) I just see me jumping up and down. Because I got the backs and I got the fronts.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Beautiful. Double flaps.
MARCUS PARKS
Triple.
BEN KISSEL
All right, let's move on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Do you mean triple flaps? What's my third flap?
BEN KISSEL
No one's triple flap.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The bottom of my belly?
MARCUS PARKS
It's the bottom of your belly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, but that's not flaps.
BEN KISSEL
They're all flaps.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think my titties are flaps and I have back folds that I thought that I would do pushups and get rid of but then they just accentuated them.
BEN KISSEL
2023 is a whole other year.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is.
MARCUS PARKS
It is. It truly is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Another year to not change.
BEN KISSEL
I'm gonna start doing Muay Thai.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. You're gonna start doing Muay Thai?
BEN KISSEL
I'm gonna start eating more thai.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Eat more thai. Kissel!
BEN KISSEL
I think I've used that joke before. Is it a joke? I don't know.
MARCUS PARKS
Well that's the thing is that all of this happened January 1, 1973. That's when it began. It began-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(coughing)
MARCUS PARKS
You okay?
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, Henry just choked on water. So you're ready to get in shape next year.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's your Spanish Muay Thai.
BEN KISSEL
Yes. Real good.
MARCUS PARKS
But before the Bigfoots truly began their invasion in the spring, the sky was filled with UFOs day and night throughout late winter. On New Year's Day, a bright star-like object was seen floating above a barn near the town of Delmont. This craft moved by alternating between bursts of speed and moments when it would slow down, very deliberate movement.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Four more separate times in January, a spherical pink object, a bright orange egg, and a cigar- shaped UFO respectively appeared in the skies above Pennsylvania. Some like the star-like object would be almost ethereal but the orange craft was reported to have flown with extra wide contrails that implies a propulsion system, while the cigar-shaped UFO, that had hundreds of white lights and it emitted an odd smooth humming sound.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, by the way is this the hotline? Yeah, I got a cigar-shaped UFO circling Uranus!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it's your anus man, it's fucking about his butt!
BEN KISSEL
You get it. I got one joke here.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I wish that you'd take the hotline seriously. It costs good money.
MARCUS PARKS
Now there was only one object reported in February, a red spherical craft. But in March of 1973 there were 14 credible UFO reports.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's the amount of them that are crazy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I feel like that's the true difference.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
What do you think a balding alien calls it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What?
BEN KISSEL
Male Saturn baldness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what you wanted to do? That's what you derailed everything for?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I liked it. I enjoyed it.
BEN KISSEL
Male Saturn baldness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Male Saturn baldness is fine.
MARCUS PARKS
I enjoyed it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's fine.
MARCUS PARKS
It's enjoyable.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's merch.
BEN KISSEL
It's merch. Boom.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the shape and size of each craft was different but the descriptions do track with the UFO types that many other people have reported around the world for decades. You had dome- shaped UFOs-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Sweet.
MARCUS PARKS
Cylindrical cigars-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nice.
MARCUS PARKS
Blimp-like craft-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You don't get that all the time.
BEN KISSEL
No you don't.
MARCUS PARKS
Small BB-shaped ships-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Micro UFOs which we should talk about because that's a whole other episode, micro UFOs.
BEN KISSEL
Truly what is interesting is we that didn't have as much tech as we do now so that is fascinating because now it's like that's a drone, guaranteed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
This is the 70s?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's weird.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. It's cool stuff.
MARCUS PARKS
You had football-shaped ships, you had larger objects that split into smaller objects.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's having babies.
MARCUS PARKS
That's one of my personal favorite UFOs. I love the large objects that split. That was Hudson Valley, that happened a lot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
That was the video that you played in our live show as well.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, shooting out the little shits, little farts.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. You had balls burning flame and you had arrowhead UFOs and that's among others. There were a fair amount of other shapes and sizes. Sound and color wise, some objects hummed, others were silent, and all varied in color from red to orange to pink to white. In one case a witness that they saw an object shift in size, shape, and color.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's super weird. And a part of it is because maybe again they're harnessing a technology that we don't understand. They're literally morphing, they're the very creative matrix of the universe, they have at their disposal.
BEN KISSEL
Could be. You're about to pass. You're about to pass this class. Your one year apprenticeship is almost over.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't wait, man.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because then I can stop doing the jerky runs, I can stop bagging all the scat.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's my big thing, I'm really sick of bagging the scat because there are piles larger than a horse and it is shovels full.
BEN KISSEL
It's a lot, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Perhaps the strangest case out of those 14 sightings in March, a witness said he saw 5 dome- shaped UFOs in the sky. He said that he'd been in his house but had been lured outside by an odor so terrible that he had to go see what it was.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's cold fusion materials burning off.
MARCUS PARKS
To my knowledge though, the smell of ozone is more associated with UFOs, terrible odors are more attached to the Bigfoot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And demons.
MARCUS PARKS
And demons, yes. Also in demons. April was similarly rife with UFO sightings as was May. But in the spring of 1973, a witness said he saw a human-like figures descending from a UFO along a beam.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We were working, having a good time. That's fun, man.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You see all these aliens dancing on the foot of a light.
BEN KISSEL
And then they get to be in Pennsylvania!
MARCUS PARKS
And by his report, these figures were 8-10 ft tall, classic Bigfoot size.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
And of course not too long after the witnesses saw the possible Bigfoots descending from the UFO, the Bigfoot side of the double flap began in May of 1973 and it would not slow down for a second until the following fall.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's crazy but what is interesting is that that was the first sighting that incorporated a Bigfoot and then from then on they were attached.
BEN KISSEL
So maybe they were planted here. So the UFOs dropped them off. Maybe they stunk up the UFO!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They might have farted in the UFO, they might have been kicked off.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They might have been like all right, we've had enough.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. We stopped by fucking Glorglack planet, these motherfuckers stink.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They all had the chili.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in a report that Stan Gordon said was the one that made him stand up and take notice, a witness said that he was-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was very difficult because he had issues with his knees.
MARCUS PARKS
A witness that he was cleaning his bathroom when he looked out the window and saw two shiny red eyes staring back.
BEN KISSEL
Cool.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jesus.
MARCUS PARKS
The only thing was the bathroom window was 8 ft off the ground. And the telltale foul smell of the Bigfoot was so strong that it penetrated the walls.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That must make him feel self conscious.
BEN KISSEL
Don't mind me, I was just going to watch you go to the bathroom.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I was just watching you poop.
BEN KISSEL
Oh man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I guess that's also bad.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
A lot of Bigfoot sightings happen in the bathroom and I was wondering-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Smelling the scat. You're vulnerable.
MARCUS PARKS
But I was thinking it's not necessarily a Bigfoot thing, I think it's more of a human thing because sometimes when you're on the toilet you tend to look around, you're bored, you're kind of sitting on your knees.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, especially in 1973.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
You don't have a phone to play with and you forget your magazine. What you're gonna do is stare out the window.
BEN KISSEL
That's true. Yeah, you gotta read the back of shampoo bottles and stuff like that. But then that gets boring.
MARCUS PARKS
I actually wonder if the Bigfoot is just more like you know, there's not a lot I miss about being only half human. I wish we had toilets.
BEN KISSEL
Toilets! Well dumping in the woods is more fun than a toilet. The toilet is a ball and chain in its own right, isn't it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love my toilet.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah well you have a very nice one.
MARCUS PARKS
When Stan interviewed the family living-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thank you. I accept the compliment.
MARCUS PARKS
I still have yet to use it. I'm pretty excited. One day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Come saddle up. It's worth it, it's worth every penny. I'll sit on that bidet, I'm not even joking, I think I was on it for 7 minutes the other day.
MARCUS PARKS
When Stan interviewed the family living at the house in question where the bathroom sighting occurred, their teenage son reported another incident in which he was hanging out with some other boys from the neighborhood. He said that they heard heavy breathing quote "like a horse". Then heard a large snort seemingly from a horse. But that's when the Bigfoot showed up.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, especially if you're looking at that scat. You know it ain't a horse.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Does the Bigfoot cloak itself to sound like other animals perhaps?
MARCUS PARKS
Perhaps.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It might.
MARCUS PARKS
Perhaps. Standing up out of some bushes it was apparently hiding behind, the Bigfoot was 8-9 ft tall and covered in black hair. When Stan later investigated the area, he found a three toed print 13 inches long and 8 inches wide.
BEN KISSEL
Dang.
MARCUS PARKS
And Stan naturally made the first of many, many plaster casts.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And a lot of people say oh it's easy to make up a footprint or something.
BEN KISSEL
It is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
BEN KISSEL
It is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well you'd have to be a liar. You'd have to be a liar to do that.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Why would you break everyone's hearts by faking it?
BEN KISSEL
That's one thing we've learned with the new era, no one lies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No one lies. But I saw pictures of the footprint, it's good.
MARCUS PARKS
It's good.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's clear.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Awesome.
MARCUS PARKS
Oddly though bathroom peeping as I said, it became a habit of the Pennsylvania Bigfoot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's how it is.
MARCUS PARKS
In August WCUFOSG got a report from a man in Beaver County who said he saw an 8 ft tall gorilla with glowing red eyes staring into the window of his privy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's jealousy.
BEN KISSEL
Jeez.
MARCUS PARKS
And again an odd footprint was found at the scene. And that's another interesting thing about it is that sometimes they would find two footprints, sometimes they'd find one footprint, sometimes no footprints.
BEN KISSEL
And that's when I was carrying you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
To go make sweet love to that woman and gape her in a tent.
MARCUS PARKS
Around that same time a woman reported seeing a 9-10 ft tall creature with a pear-shaped head.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Weird.
MARCUS PARKS
And she heard the strange high pitched scream of the Bigfoot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(wailing) That's them recharging. That's in the book! That's them recharging their neutrinos.
BEN KISSEL
That's them recharging.
MARCUS PARKS
Recharging the neutrinos by expelling?
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, don't you wanna kind of calm, almost hibernate?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you're bringing it in. You are bringing in by expelling it out. That's what it says in this book.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It says it in the book!
BEN KISSEL
I know it does.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it doesn't fully explain it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Was it self published?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Because again, certain things are too true for mainstream editorial processes and editing. All right? Because these guys are like oh what's the proof for this? And you're like I wrote it down. My name is Dr. Heinz.
BEN KISSEL
PhD, yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Soon after, a cop saw glowing red eyes the size of a 50 cent piece which is quite similar to the description we heard when we covered the folk monster.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Perhaps not so coincidentally, this is very interesting, the Pennsylvania Bigfoot flap and the folk monster sightings, they happened at almost the exact same time and neither one had yet enjoyed national news coverage.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe there was also cryptid inflation was happening at the time.
BEN KISSEL
Could be, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Too many cryptids.
BEN KISSEL
When it rains it pours.
MARCUS PARKS
However the folk monster was completely devoid of any UFO sightings, much less an entire flap.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Single flap.
MARCUS PARKS
From there- No, you can't have a single flap. A single flap would be a flap-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's no Bigfoots now?
MARCUS PARKS
What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're not gonna say a group of seeing a several series of Bigfoots is not a flap, I guess it's more of a glurk or a gorshk.
BEN KISSEL
Well the flap, you can't clap with one hand, you know?
MARCUS PARKS
But that's the thing, I would say that the folk monster, that's one monster. Flaps usually involved more than one craft, more than one monster.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, the folk monster was just one guy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, that was more of an experience, an encounter.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. He was visiting the area.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. From there the calls to both Stan Gordon's UFO hotline and the local number for WCUFOSG, they increased dramatically.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Because Bigfoot sightings seemed to be happening weekly if not at times daily. Rotten smelling Bigfoots were killing chickens and dogs, wandering cornfields, hanging around caves and mineshafts, lying in fields taking naps-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's cute. They did see one just sleeping.
BEN KISSEL
Aw that's nice.
MARCUS PARKS
They saw multiple Bigfoots sleeping.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, just hanging out, just sleeping.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And they saw one tear a 6 ft tall pine tree from the ground with its bare hands.
BEN KISSEL
Wow!
MARCUS PARKS
What's strange though is that like the variations in the UFOs, people also reported variations on the Bigfoot. Footprints would vary in size, shape, and toe number, fur would be reported as white, black, or brown. And in one case a 9 ft tall humanoid was seen by several people wearing a shiny fabric suit.
BEN KISSEL
Oh very nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
It was the 70s.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, he must have gotten... Cause I follow NBA fits on the internet cause they're really big guys. That's what you have to do is you have to go to the Big & Tall store.
BEN KISSEL
Yep.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We went through the mail for the studio because this used to be your home, Kissel.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And we got all this mail that you used to have. And it's all the Big & Tall stuff-
BEN KISSEL
It is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That they try to wrap your poor guts in.
BEN KISSEL
A whole other world.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I tell you what, they really could up the fashion.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
King size.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because it really does look like Bigfoot Hunter Magazine.
BEN KISSEL
Yes indeed.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. They definitely sold... You ordered one Big & Tall shirt and they definitely sold your address to many other Big & Tall companies.
BEN KISSEL
Yes they did. King size.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, King Size, there's Westmoreland Big & Tall.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. There was something called Beefy and Long. A lot of guys weren't even wearing the clothes.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, that's a special magazine.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in one of the most detailed encounters, a woman said that she saw a grotesque faced creature stooping down to look in her window. The face was round and covered in dark hair while the nose was flat like a gorilla's. The eyes had no whites, eyelids, or eyelashes but were bright red.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What if they were goggles? That is literally a question.
MARCUS PARKS
That's interesting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What if it's goggles?
BEN KISSEL
What if it's goggles?
MARCUS PARKS
The skin not covered in fur was wrinkled, almost appearing burnt. And of course the strange smell of decaying meat filled the house. And it's interesting because sometimes it's decaying meat, sometimes it's rotten eggs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it's farts.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And again, several large footprints were found outside the window and casts were made.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's why we got the plaster.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
In another detailed encounter, a witness visiting friends saw a horrifying face again peering into his bathroom window. This witness said the Bigfoot had a big head, two pointed ears, a deeply set ape-like nose, large glowing red eyes, and two big fang-like teeth.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Kind of sounds like he was like more of a Batsquatch.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
We're gonna get to Batsquatch here in a second.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. And also you ever heard of dino beavers?
BEN KISSEL
I haven't heard of that one yet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You haven't heard of dino beavers?
MARCUS PARKS
I've not heard of dino beavers.
BEN KISSEL
Beavers the size of a dinosaur.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dinosaurs the size of beavers.
BEN KISSEL
That's the same thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it's the opposite. Smaller dinosaur. It's not bigger beavers.
MARCUS PARKS
So you're talking about like the Gallimimus, they were about the size of a beaver.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What'd you call me?
MARCUS PARKS
Plenty of dinosaurs were beaver size.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not now.
BEN KISSEL
Birds. Birds.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We're going to do a follow up on the Skinwalker Ranch but they actually had an infestation of dino beavers.
BEN KISSEL
Any bird is a dinosaur. So a pelican is a dinosaur.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, a dino beaver.
MARCUS PARKS
Well when I'm talking about these detailed descriptions, you see what I mean by the description is getting more and more detailed as time goes on.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And they get weirder and weirder. Now by the summertime, so many Bigfoot incidents were being reported to the police that authorities created a special code red signal to alert Stan Gordon so he could take some quote unquote "pressure" off the authorities.
BEN KISSEL
They didn't do that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no. Stan was very like basically... All right. You got one side of the story, you got Stan's side of the story where he's like the police just were graciously, they knew that I was an expert.
BEN KISSEL
There was a signal for him. A sas-signal.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sas-signal.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a code red.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's a code red. He's like because in the end they knew that these cases were important, they needed to be investigated and they need to have a guy, they need to have somebody who knows what he's doing.
BEN KISSEL
They were making fun of him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I do think that there might have been another side of this story where they were like please send this horseshit to Stan.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Every single time they're calling being like you should be calling Stan, not the police department.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then the hotline to this day is just Stan's home number.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, I think Stan might be Disney-fying a little bit, kind of what they do with Rudy Ruettiger because they were kind of making fun of him there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no. He said the code red, I think that they did that to make him feel good. The cops in this story, the cops are being... I don't know why but they're being extremely nice to Stan Gordon.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They are allowing him in the process. These cops are I guess bored or whatever because they say started actively investigating all these UFO and Bigfoot stories. And then they were like well Stan likes this.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
I think I would disagree that they did not take this seriously.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, they were all up in it.
MARCUS PARKS
They took it very seriously. Because it's not that crazy that people are calling the cops because some of these encounters were actually very dangerous.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
In one case a Bigfoot chased a car down the road emitting a crying moaning sound. And in another a Bigfoot was just hanging out on someone's roof, again wailing and crying. I'm gonna call the cops.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
I don't know. Honestly I don't know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Honestly you call a therapist because that Bigfoot needs to communicate.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, it really does. We don't want to hurt the Bigfoot.
MARCUS PARKS
Now concerning the sound, that's another interesting detail.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Like the visual details, the sounds made by the Bigfoot evolved over the summer. It went from a high pitched scream to a crying wail.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(wailing)
MARCUS PARKS
Finally it settled into the sound of a large baby crying.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wah. Wah. Wah. Someone change my diaper.
BEN KISSEL
Wah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wah.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it's scary though. I do feel like that's one of those noises that would freak me out.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
If you're outside and you just heard that (baby crying).
MARCUS PARKS
But a large baby.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, big baby.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I feel like it's that noise but louder.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
I've seen some TLC shows about big babies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, that's different.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they don't really make crying noises.
BEN KISSEL
No, that guy was crying.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I would imagine that's probably what it sounds like. It sounds like one of the adult babies faking a cry.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wah, wah.
MARCUS PARKS
Wah!
BEN KISSEL
And then he gets his food.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, then he fills up.
MARCUS PARKS
Well by the summertime, someone captured the chilling wailing crying of one of these creatures and they played it on the local radio station.
BEN KISSEL
Sweet.
MARCUS PARKS
According to a later analysis, the sound was within known animal range.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
But could not have been produced by a man or machine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's no way an animal ever could have made that noise. But yes, it could have. But it was in the range-
MARCUS PARKS
No, an animal could have but a man could not have.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
BEN KISSEL
And a machine could not have.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A machine probably could, you could make a machine do it.
BEN KISSEL
73? I don't think so.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
At the time no.
BEN KISSEL
No.
MARCUS PARKS
At the time, no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I could make a machine that sounds like a baby cry.
BEN KISSEL
Now you can, sure.
MARCUS PARKS
Now at the same place where the Bigfoot was seen on the roof, that creature, it came back and it started throwing rocks. Big fucking rocks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's not good.
BEN KISSEL
That's not good.
MARCUS PARKS
While most of the other Bigfoots had red eyes, this one's eyes very interestingly glowed green.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. Irish.
BEN KISSEL
Maybe, that's why he was so hammered up there on top of the roof.
MARCUS PARKS
But in the first of many incidents of tampering by forces governmental and unknown, the WCUFOSG investigator who took the reports of the green eyed monster, a dude named Ken, he discovered that all of his Bigfoot reports disappeared from his filing cabinet soon after.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Collusion.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my god.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Collusion. They're trying to shut it down. They don't want to talk about it because again it's a hidden event.
BEN KISSEL
Bigger than Watergate.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They don't want to get involved in it because if they open it up, you got the Bigfoot of the Vatican right there.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Now eventually odd people did show up in Pennsylvania to quote unquote "investigate" the double flap. One woman named Beverly Burns called up Stan Gordon's hotline to report that a Bigfoot had ripped an electrical cord from her mobile home. But it wasn't Stan, Ken, or any other member of WCUFOSG who arrived to hear this woman's story. Instead she was visited by a short heavyset man with brown hair wearing an all gray uniform. According to his plates and ID, this man hailed from Ohio.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Ohio.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Men in Black territory.
MARCUS PARKS
The man- Is it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
BEN KISSEL
We don't know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We don't know. I know we have friends that live in Ohio.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah we do.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
The man however wasn't interested in Beverly's story.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
All he wanted was evidence.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where's the evidence?
MARCUS PARKS
He took the hair samples Beverly had collected and took pictures of the footprints outside of her mobile home.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay, okay, looking good. Okay, looking good.
BEN KISSEL
Looking good.
MARCUS PARKS
But when a local boy scampered up and took Polaroids of the footprints in the presence of the odd man, that dude grabbed the Polaroid and ripped it up.
BEN KISSEL
What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You give it to me you little bastard! You shitty little bastard! And he ripped it up and they're all like why are you doing that? You just showed up, bro.
BEN KISSEL
Come on.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Strange and aggressive. The man then inexplicably destroyed all the evidence.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ahhh!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I think he set it on fire.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Right in front of him.
BEN KISSEL
What in the world? He's like Tiger King killing all those alligators.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, he's showing you we mean business, we Men in Black. I'm not entirely corporeal.
BEN KISSEL
He's not wearing black. And Men in Black aren't fat and short.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's the thing is that you don't know, I'm just wearing my gray uniform. But that's my title, I'm a Man in Black.
BEN KISSEL
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's my title, that's my position.
BEN KISSEL
You can't be wearing a Hardy's shirt and working at McDonald's.
MARCUS PARKS
Well I don't know, I mean that's the question. If Johnny Cash is wearing an orange shirt, is he still the Man in Black?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what I'm saying.
MARCUS PARKS
And the answer is yes.
BEN KISSEL
He's only the Man in Black when he's wearing black.
MARCUS PARKS
No, he's always the Man in Black.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Always the Man in Black.
MARCUS PARKS
Always.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's permanent.
BEN KISSEL
That's a euphemism about people who struggle.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I know that. But he's still known as the Man in Black.
BEN KISSEL
Yes. He also said it was thinning.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's true.
BEN KISSEL
Slimming. After he kicked the pills he put on some weight.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. And he almost got killed by that ostrich.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's right.
BEN KISSEL
He's so funny.
MARCUS PARKS
Well after this guy, the odd man burned the evidence, he jumped in his car and sped away without a word. And this was the only time anyone reported seeing this gray man. But someone else did report that a strange guy showed up the next year asking about UFOs in an odd, squeaky, high pitched voice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Again it could be any ufologist that we've met.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
The only other incident involving mysterious authorities was when a man in West Newton reported that he'd seen and shot a Bigfoot on his property.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. It's that confidence. Yup.
BEN KISSEL
Yup.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep.
BEN KISSEL
Any Bigfoot blood? Any flesh?
MARCUS PARKS
We'll get to the Bigfoot blood here in a second.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
But according to this guy, men who seemed official arrived and removed the creature.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. So we're here to take it. Yup.
BEN KISSEL
He just gave the creature up?
MARCUS PARKS
Well he thought they were the authorities. What's he going to do?
BEN KISSEL
What made them see official?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Badges probably.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Possibly uniforms. A really cool truck.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A hurried affectation where you're like oh no, I must blow through this. I'm so busy, I have four other bodies. There's a Bigfoot I gotta pick up today, let's wrap it up. You act super bus, people think that you're important.
BEN KISSEL
Official. All right.
MARCUS PARKS
But even though the Men in Black seemed to be taking a light touch this time around, I'm saying comparatively, this is a pretty light touch.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I honestly think this is one of those things where the second amendment comes into play where it's like these guys are all very heavily armed.
MARCUS PARKS
They are.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So they can't send the weird Men in Black.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, they don't want a Ruby Ridge here.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Evidence did however sometimes get mysteriously destroyed, sometimes in the field. One day Stan Gordon and his team were taking three toed footprint casts near the Greengate Mall.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe he was headed towards the H&M.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well that's the funny thing about this Bigfoot is that he's not just relegated to the forest, he hangs around the town.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Or they hang around the town. There are obviously many more than one.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Stan and his team were waiting for the casts to dry when they had to leave to respond to another incident of high strangeness, such was the frequency of reports that year.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I do believe this. He said that his life was turned upside down for an entire year, that there was so much paranormal activity that was being called in and talked about that it was a full time job.
BEN KISSEL
I think that's great.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I mean they're basically the Ghostbusters.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it's awesome.
BEN KISSEL
That's very fun.
MARCUS PARKS
But when Stan returned to collect his plaster casts, both the casts and the footprints were mysteriously destroyed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well you know, there's foul play involved.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. It's a mall, bunch of kids out there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Everyone was making fun of him.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. The one potato, two potato.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well it was around this time that everything got even stranger and that was a trend amongst this entire flap is that things got weirder as time went on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It kept building.
MARCUS PARKS
This was about the time that the Bigfoot wail turned into those large baby cries. Then someone in the Donegal area saw a Batsquatch.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, Batsquatch!
BEN KISSEL
Whoa!
MARCUS PARKS
Batsquatch, basically a Bigfoot crossed with a Mothman.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Batsquatch!
BEN KISSEL
Batsquatch.
MARCUS PARKS
Sightings, not as rare as you might think.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You would be surprised, seriously. We were talking about that author, the amounts of different shapes and sizes these cryptids can take, it's fascinating.
BEN KISSEL
So perhaps did a Bigfoot have sex with a bat then to make the Batsquatch?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think that they existed solely on their own. And these are dark matter monsters, man.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're just traveling between realms.
MARCUS PARKS
I would imagine that a Bigfoot's genitalia is far too large for a bat.
BEN KISSEL
Well they're supernatural perhaps.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Unless it was a very large bat.
MARCUS PARKS
Could be.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, or a very small Bigfoot.
MARCUS PARKS
Like those bats in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Those are big bats.
BEN KISSEL
Big bats, dude.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Big bats.
MARCUS PARKS
Now the Batsquatch wasn't the only almost but not quite Bigfoot seen in the area in the late summer. Two brothers in Lancaster County saw a white-maned bipedal creature with tiger-like fangs, curved horns, and long grizzly claws.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa, it sounds kind of like a yak man. Yaksquatch.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Or ram.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ramsquatch.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, Ramsquatch.
MARCUS PARKS
Apparently according to a report taken by the Society for the Investigation of the Unexplained, that's SITU, a farmer also saw the white-maned creature a few miles away just after the boys saw it. And this happens a lot in the story is that were one group of people or one person will see a creature and then another person miles away will see the same creature a couple of minutes later.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's real. That's one of those things where it was strange. And all of the descriptions match.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The farmer, he tried using his scythe to kill the creature but the creature stole the scythe and ran away.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I feel like yeah, don't use a hand weapon on a Bigfoot.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
No, a scythe isn't going to be nearly strong enough. No.
MARCUS PARKS
And allegedly the farmer found the tool the next day and the handle had been eaten away.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa!
BEN KISSEL
Oh he ate the handle.
MARCUS PARKS
He ate the handle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah like he's a giant gerbil.
BEN KISSEL
Now why wouldn't the Bigfoot eat the food that the farmer is farming?
MARCUS PARKS
Well we'll get to that in a second. Bigfoots love corn.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's powered by his wails.
BEN KISSEL
All right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that is also how he fills his gigantic artorial system with the coherent matter that he needs to do to exist.
MARCUS PARKS
Vortical.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Vorticals.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, vortical.
MARCUS PARKS
But finally in September of 1973, someone else witnessed a connection between the Bigfoots and the UFOs. UFOs by the way had been seen less and less since the Bigfoot flap began but they hadn't disappeared entirely. A witness said that she saw a large, rectangular, metallic UFO extend a ramp from a doorway and two large Bigfoots came down the ramp and walked into the woods.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thanks for the ride! Bye!
BEN KISSEL
Okay, multiple Bigfoots.
MARCUS PARKS
Now perhaps because the UFOs seemed to be dropping off more of these creatures, September ended up being one of the most active months of 1973 for Bigfoot activity. Dozens of Bigfoots were seen looking through more windows.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude.
MARCUS PARKS
They killed more chickens and dogs, they hung around mobile homes, destroyed mail boxes, bellowed, yelped, baby cried, and generally stunk up the place with their trademark rotten eggs sulfur smell.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're ruining the neighborhood.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
BEN KISSEL
Really sounds like it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it is reverse gentrification, Bigfoot style.
BEN KISSEL
Was there a paper mill around?
MARCUS PARKS
No. No paper mills.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
However there is a paper mill in Texarkana.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that's where the fart smells came from there.
MARCUS PARKS
From the folk monster.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
But concerning the smell, a woman in Jeannette said that she was walking around her trailer park when she caught the rotten egg scent and threw up as a result.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Very sensitive.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Moments later though she heard a loud vomiting sound from the woods-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(gagging)
MARCUS PARKS
That sounded similar to hers.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(gagging)
BEN KISSEL
It's like the scene from Stand By Me where everyone just starts puking on each other.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, the pie eating contest.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that's how I feel. When I hear (gagging) it makes me kind of sick, I actually made myself a little nauseous.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this woman felt that the creature was mocking her. The creature then bellowed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(bellowing)
MARCUS PARKS
And when the trailer park was later searched, a large pile of feces was found along with an ear of corn that had been husked and eaten like a banana.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's going to work through you pretty difficultly. It's very difficult to poop.
BEN KISSEL
Oh interesting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Imagine that, you know the kernels come out.
BEN KISSEL
Of course.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That cob is also going to be coming out in chunks as well.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this is one of many trailer park sightings because strangely the Pennsylvania Bigfoots were particularly interested in aluminum sidings.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He kept saying this, how fascinated, they're playing with it, they're poking at it, they're licking on it.
BEN KISSEL
Well perhaps it resembled the spaceship that they were dropped off from.
MARCUS PARKS
Well remember that metallic debris that fell that kind of kicked off this whole thing, mostly aluminum.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Mostly aluminum.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Now it's around this time that another Bigfoot got shot or at least a man claimed to have shot a Bigfoot who was stealing apples from the man's apple tree.
BEN KISSEL
Oh that's not a killing offense, come on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No it's not, it's literally a Huck Finn crime.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this guy said that after he shot the Bigfoot, the creature screamed and ran into the woods, leaving behind spots of blood. But when the alleged Bigfoot blood was collected and sent to SITU, it was found to be nothing more remarkable than saliva mixed with apple juice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Now that is a strange combination, I don't know why, I guess he just swished a bunch of apple juice in his mouth and spit it on the ground.
MARCUS PARKS
Well I think he was eating the apples pretty fast and the apple juice that he created from eating the apples, he started drooling because I think Bigfoots drool.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, Bigfoots definitely drool.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, they have to drool. Yeah sure.
MARCUS PARKS
Now in mid September Bigfoot sightings and UFO sightings began to converge, although the shape, size, and color of the UFOs wasn't any more consistent in the fall than they had been the previous winter. Interestingly once the Bigfoot and UFOs began their convergence, Stan Gordon started getting calls from government agents who told him that they were aware of the sightings and wanted to learn more.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See, Stan Gordon might actually get a job with the government if he doesn't blow it all up.
MARCUS PARKS
Soon after they put him in contact with a government facility known as the Bureau of Sports Fisheries, Birds, and Mammals Lab.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I guess if I were to trust the government with one branch that we're going to put towards Bigfoot, that makes sense.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
That totally makes sense.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The fisherman of the government.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, the sport fisheries. Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Well they make sure that everything's on the up and up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I would imagine it's probably a subsidiary of the Game Warden Commission.
BEN KISSEL
I'll tell you one thing man, you know the fishing world, it's up in arms.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a big cheating scandal.
BEN KISSEL
Cheating scandal. They're putting weights inside the fish. Bro, have you seen the clip?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
People are freaking out cause there's millions of dollars on the line, it's a big deal.
BEN KISSEL
Millions. And they say okay, we caught him cheating, let him get out of here. Because they were about to fricking kill him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They were literally gonna kill him.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow. Well while nothing-
BEN KISSEL
It's interesting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's fascinating.
BEN KISSEL
Cheating on fishing? Come on now.
MARCUS PARKS
Well while nothing came of that potential collaboration, he didn't get the job-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. No he did not. No, no, no. It's hard, man. You know what? He was needed in Pennsylvania.
BEN KISSEL
He was.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He couldn't go to DC.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Well after that, the sightings again increased in strangeness. Two teenagers in Beaver County said they saw an 8 ft tall white-haired Bigfoot carrying a luminescent sphere. But it didn't have red eyes and it didn't reek.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah man, they like to play with the spheres.
BEN KISSEL
It's like the ball from Phantasm.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yes. Because they also believe maybe that's them ingesting dark matter because we can speculate that if cryptids are harnessing dark matter in their biology, it suggests that something in their bodies allows them to compress water in hydrogen clusters.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We can imagine that they might use minerals to do this or a particular mineral-lined organ or surface that can accomplish what palladium seems to achieve in a cold fusion reaction.
BEN KISSEL
Wow. Self published.
MARCUS PARKS
Interesting. Do you know what cold fusion is?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know that it's not hot.
BEN KISSEL
It's not hot usually.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know that.
BEN KISSEL
It's about my answer too.
MARCUS PARKS
I mean I don't know either but I just wanted to know if you knew.
BEN KISSEL
Does the author of the book know?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He said it several times. Hot fusion... Hot fusion is... Needs one of those little wrappers, the cardboard wrappers.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
BEN KISSEL
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hot fusion I think is like what we try to do?
MARCUS PARKS
I mean hot fusion, isn't that nuclear reactions?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fuck you, man.
BEN KISSEL
I don't know, man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You guys are all coming at me?
BEN KISSEL
I don't know why. You have the book!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm teaching here!
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, I know.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the sighting of the seemingly more enlightened Bigfoot coincided with the UFO sighting from the father of one of these teenagers. He said that at the same time that his boy saw the Bigfoot in one field, this guy was in another field and he saw a UFO projecting a beam of light down into the woods. They're in two different locations and seeing two different weird phenomenons.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And that again implies that the UFOs and the Bigfoots were linked.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Or unless they are the same phenomena and then they present in different ways depending on what eyeballs witness the phenomena.
MARCUS PARKS
But the question I have about that though is that when people see these things together, they all see the same thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Wouldn't each of them see something different if the perception is based on the individual person?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sometimes.
BEN KISSEL
Vortal.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Voritcals.
BEN KISSEL
Vorticals.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The answer is sometimes but not always because that's the entire thing. Trickster phenomena! You never know what I am, you never know what I look like. Sometimes I'm a UFO, sometimes I'm a dino beaver. Fuck you! Trying to put a label on him. Trying to put a label on the unlabelable fucking phenomenons.
MARCUS PARKS
I ain't trying to label him.
BEN KISSEL
Male Saturn baldness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Honestly it's fine.
MARCUS PARKS
But concerning the increasing strangeness, a family at the end of September saw something unlike anything else witnessed. They said that they heard the wailing cry of a baby from their front porch.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
But when they went to see what they could see, they were met with a creature that looked like a cross between a dog and a monkey.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh that's cute! It's a weremonkey!
BEN KISSEL
It's a mog.
MARCUS PARKS
This thing had large round red eyes and hump on its back, it had long fur and a 12" ring tail.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Weird.
MARCUS PARKS
Amazingly though, this was actually the second time that the matriarch of this family had seen the unfortunate jumbled creature.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe it's her spirit animal.
BEN KISSEL
It could be.
MARCUS PARKS
Maybe. But by October-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
My spirit animal is a monkey dog that I've seen twice. And you're just in a fucking mental institution.
BEN KISSEL
Tale as old as time, Beauty and the Beast.
MARCUS PARKS
Now by October, neither the UFO sightings nor the Bigfoot encounters were showing any signs of slowing down. And it was concerning enough that locals began calling their state representatives in Washington to do something about it.
BEN KISSEL
Good. That's good.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah man, bring something even more ineffective in, a senator.
BEN KISSEL
May I just ask, was Vietnam happening?
MARCUS PARKS
Winding down.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, there was trauma.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There was trauma in there, there's some undiagnosed trauma. There's some boys that were left behind.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There were some boys that wanted to be left behind because they didn't believe in that goddamn war.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I had no quarrel with the Vietcong.
BEN KISSEL
Right, yeah. We actually had an opportunity to speak with the man who played Michael Myers in the latest three Halloween films, James Jude Courtney and he mentioned how often times in Vietnam people would become aroused from the killing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
From the killing.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Plenty of people become aroused by violence.
BEN KISSEL
Okay. Well the way you looked at me there...
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm just really glad that we brought it into this.
BEN KISSEL
Very good. Check out that, it's another Patreon interview.
MARCUS PARKS
Well as a result of them calling up their state representatives, a Pennsylvania congressman called up WCUSOFG, or WCUFOSG, sorry not WCUSOFG.
BEN KISSEL
Don't get that wrong.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't get it wrong.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We can hear the calls.
BEN KISSEL
Yep. The other one is a group that aids and abets a whole series of crimes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well he called to get more information and two congressmen visited Stan Gordon with genuine interest.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
These fucking... That's the thing. On one side I'm like well they're listening to their constituents and they're showing up but also you're so full of fucking shit, you don't believe in Bigfoot.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Hey man.
BEN KISSEL
You never know!
MARCUS PARKS
I mean it's more the UFOs than the Bigfoot. That's really what it is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Because this wasn't too far removed chronologically from a time when UFOs were seriously discussed in the Senate.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is like a peak of UFO conversation.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. About 7 years prior, future president Gerald Ford, the House minority leader, he proposed a full investigation to Congress concerning a UFO flap in his home state of Michigan. These sightings had resulted in the infamous swamp gas explanation.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, they were forced.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, erroneously made by legendary ufologist J. Allen Hynek who later regretted making the statement under governmental pressure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He knew what he saw.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
He did. And we want to thank everyone who came out to our show in Grand Rapids, the home of Gerald Ford.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, love him.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
They love him!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
He's all over the place.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And Gerald Ford agreed with J. Allen Hynek's regret. He called Hynek's swamp gas explanation flippant.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude.
BEN KISSEL
Flippant!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Flippant.
BEN KISSEL
Wow!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He might as well said the R word.
BEN KISSEL
Wow!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Now nothing came of Ford's proposal nor was the Pennsylvania double flap ever discussed in the halls of power in Washington.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, not once.
MARCUS PARKS
Therefore Bigfoots continued terrorizing the citizens of Pennsylvania unfettered throughout the rest of the year, eating their corn and fouling their air.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They love their corn.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
I guess so.
MARCUS PARKS
However it was said that sometimes when the Bigfoot ate something, his scent would change from that of a dead animal to something more chemical in nature, as if some reaction was taking place.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like the mix of coherent manner with the very creative nature of the universe itself.
BEN KISSEL
Yes. Self published.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you gotta see it here, man. The proof is that it's written down.
BEN KISSEL
Yes indeed.
MARCUS PARKS
Well compellingly, UFO sightings and Bigfoot encounters in Pennsylvania during the flap, they seesawed. The more UFOs you saw, the less Bigfoots there were on the ground. And the more Bigfoots you saw on the ground, the less UFOs there were in the air.
BEN KISSEL
There you go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Makes sense. Fucking supply and demand.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Well I actually think this discounts the mass hysteria theory because you'd think that both would get more and more frequent until it reached a pitchfork and torch fever pitch.
BEN KISSEL
Well it's the Old Country Buffet. If you see the meatloaf is there, you know the steak's gone.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
If the steak's gone, you're gonna get some meatloaf.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's when you roll in.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But weirdly I think that that is appropriate.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because yeah, it's not a mass hysteria that the steak is gone and now I'm gonna have the meatloaf.
BEN KISSEL
Gotta have the meatloaf now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But there was a mass hysteria trying to get all the steak.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Exactly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Which is why there was no more steak.
BEN KISSEL
Which is why you gotta go get the meatloaf.
MARCUS PARKS
Concerning the convergence of UFOs and Bigfoots, on October 25th they were both present during an actual Bigfoot shootout.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is a good one, man. Because there's so many sightings but this is a thick one.
MARCUS PARKS
That night, witness Steve Palmer and his wife were driving to his father's farm when they saw a large round red UFO as big as a barn hovering 100 ft above the ground. A group of about 15 people soon gathered to watch the craft.
BEN KISSEL
Cool.
MARCUS PARKS
All of them swear that this goddamn thing was there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. And it made this crazy noise.
MARCUS PARKS
Whirring noise.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whirring noise)
BEN KISSEL
Awesome.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And you had the cries of the large baby.
BEN KISSEL
Uh oh.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. This time though the UFO landed which was actually very rare. This is the only time anyone saw one of these UFOs actually land. Because when the Bigfoots were dropped off, they would just hover above the ground and put out the ramp.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah. Because they're on their way.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because it was like the one of those group Ubers.
MARCUS PARKS
Group Ubers?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
BEN KISSEL
Grubers?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Uber Pool but for space.
BEN KISSEL
Yes. I got it, I got it.
MARCUS PARKS
Well after the UFO landed, a couple of young boys decided to investigate with Steve Palmer. They also brought along their .30-06.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Of course.
BEN KISSEL
Great.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And when they came upon the UFO resting in a field, two 8 ft tall Bigfoots with no necks and long arms began approaching them.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Please, we'll tell you the lotto numbers. They could have been nice!
BEN KISSEL
They could have been nice.
MARCUS PARKS
Steve panicked, started firing the rifle, and continued his barrage even after the Bigfoots retreated. Steve claimed to have made three hits which Steve could see because the entire field was illuminated. After being wounded though, one of the Bigfoots was struck by a beam of light and after the creature rocked back and forth as if it was about to lose its balance, it charged at Steve.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Got you, faked you out! Got you!
BEN KISSEL
Weeble wobble, weeble wobble, don't fall down!
MARCUS PARKS
But then it hit a fence and fell down.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It's cute.
BEN KISSEL
Well you know it's hard.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's getting used to his corporeal form.
BEN KISSEL
Sure! Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
And that's when Steve and the boys decided they'd better retreat as well and they finally ran back to their cars. They called the police who called Stan Gordon.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Stan, these guys are fucking just shooting randomly.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Can you go fucking end this? Because one thing Stan did say which is again the lament of every round man who is curious in this incredible country of ours, where he says he has tried to show up and see these things on time and he has never once seen a UFO or a Bigfoot.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So he's just like they're shooting at them right now! Stan puts his what I can only assume some form of illegally purchased police siren on the top of his fucking Plymouth and then wee-oo, made noises with his mouth.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a code red, man.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, of course.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then showed up and by the time he showed up everybody's gone.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Poor guy.
MARCUS PARKS
Well he made it out the next day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was tired.
BEN KISSEL
I believe it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think he was an engineer.
MARCUS PARKS
Something like that, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He worked at something, he had some job. He had a day job.
BEN KISSEL
Right. Oh really? What? No way.
MARCUS PARKS
So he came out to do some radiation tests with Steve and a couple other WCUFOSG members. Now radiation tests are standard practice for UFO landing sites.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You got to.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And more often than not radiation is found. It was found in Rendlesham, it was found in, is it the Cortez landing out in New Mexico? The Cortez UFO incident where that patrolman saw a UFO land and saw some of the aliens running around?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. And then he saw the ground all fallowed, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
The ground was all burnt. Yeah. I don't know if it was Cortez but a lot of radiation was found there. But there was no radiation here, nor could they find fur, footprints, or blood from the Bigfoots. But there were shell casings from the shots that Steve Palmer fired.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So he definitely shot at something.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yes, I do believe he shot his gun.
MARCUS PARKS
He was certainly in a field firing a .30-06. Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Again. Not so.
MARCUS PARKS
But here is when things get really weird.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Prepare yourself.
BEN KISSEL
I am fully prepared.
MARCUS PARKS
While Stan and his colleagues were taking their readings, Steve Palmer started acting odd. He began moving in a herky jerky manner.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(grunting) He's doing the Bigfoot shuffle.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But he kept insisting that he was fine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm fine! Quit looking at me. (grunting)
BEN KISSEL
Sugar water. More sugar water.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(wailing)
BEN KISSEL
Is he an alien?
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
He started running around in a frenzy, making loud inhuman noises while he swung his arms.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ah! Ah! Ah! You hear the effort? It's difficult. He was just traumatized. People react to trauma in different ways.
BEN KISSEL
I guess so.
MARCUS PARKS
Finally Steve passed out and this may not be trauma because the smell of sulfur hung in the air.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think he shit his pants.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. Yeah, possible.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He had a long night.
BEN KISSEL
Eggs are a fairly common food.
MARCUS PARKS
Well shit smells like shit, he would have just farted a bunch.
BEN KISSEL
He probably had eggs for breakfast, eggs for dinner. It was the egg hysteria of the time. Everyone was going egg crazy in the 70s.
MARCUS PARKS
Afterwards Steve only complained that his ankle hurt.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See?
MARCUS PARKS
But his hands were tightly clenched and no matter how hard they tried opening his fists, they couldn't get him to relax.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah man, he had the Bigfoot fits!
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
Now when Steve later talked about his experience in the field, he said that he saw a man-like figure cloaked in a black robe wearing a black hat and carrying a sickle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
As always the apparition said that the world would end if mankind wouldn't change its ways and then he got a vision of the world on fire.
BEN KISSEL
Great.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We've seen it.
MARCUS PARKS
Again and again and again. And again I'd say that if aliens do in fact have this important message to deliver, you take it to the president.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, don't just bring it to Delco.
BEN KISSEL
Take it to the president, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Go to the news!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, you don't go to some trigger happy goon in rural Pennsylvania.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But that's all about the slow evil evolution of humankind. One person at a time.
BEN KISSEL
One person at a time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
À la carte evolution. You do it, you just go in, you find the guy, you make that one guy now he's groovy. I mean he can't ungrip his hands ever again, he's got Bigfoot fever.
BEN KISSEL
Jimmy Carter would be the closest one. Peanut farms, I bet you they like peanuts. He was the closest one I bet to seeing a cryptid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He also was looking actively for UFOs. Jimmy Carter was obsessed with it. Man, that poor cuck put solar put solar panels on the fucking White House.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He said in the while he was in the white house that he saw a UFO and some people point to that as part of the reason why he didn't get reelected.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Simple man.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
It's the economy and UFOs.
MARCUS PARKS
Well after this experience, Steve Palmer claimed to plug into the world of the paranormal. Where before he was just a regular dude, he was now having visions of future events like plane crashes and then that shit would come true.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
And he began seeing and talking to the ghosts of deceased in-laws that he'd never met when they were alive.
BEN KISSEL
Nice.
MARCUS PARKS
I feel like a lot of shit just kind of came onboard for him. If you did have a genuine paranormal experience, people do tend to flip out especially if you are deeply materialist, you live out in the middle of rural Pennsylvania, you're not used to dealing with the flights of the fantastic.
BEN KISSEL
Sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And when they appear in front of you sometimes again the more you talk about it the crazier you sound and then it kind of turns into a chicken and the egg scenario where you're up your own cloaca and you didn't know how you got there.
BEN KISSEL
And they did decide the egg came first.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And the thing about Steve Palmer is that after this he actually worked with Stan Gordon for the rest of his life. But unfortunately Steve Palmer died before the publication of the book.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, he really didn't have a chance to be ridiculed in real life. That's unfortunate.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
The weirdest thing though, he formed an intimate connection with birds. From what people said-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, hear it out.
MARCUS PARKS
Hear it out, hear it out.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Steve could look at a bird and predict what the bird was gonna do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's gonna fly.
BEN KISSEL
Bet it's gonna fucking fly, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's gonna fly.
BEN KISSEL
It's gonna shit on you. Maybe it'll eat something.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you never know what birds are gonna do.
BEN KISSEL
You do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Birds are the essence of freedom.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Birds are the easiest animal to predict what it's gonna do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I actually feel like it's the opposite.
MARCUS PARKS
No, it's the absolute opposite. Birds are extremely unpredictable.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're free!
BEN KISSEL
What are you talking about?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're dinosaurs!
MARCUS PARKS
You never know what a bird is going to do.
BEN KISSEL
They fly in unison.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're dinosaurs.
MARCUS PARKS
Some birds fly in unison.
BEN KISSEL
They all fly in unison.
MARCUS PARKS
No they don't!
BEN KISSEL
How do you know?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, some birds are outliers.
MARCUS PARKS
Because I lived in a city, I had a pigeon infestation in my last three or four months in New York City. I intimately got to know the habits of pigeons, they're extremely unpredictable.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You became Mike Tyson.
BEN KISSEL
New York pigeons are different.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He became Mike Tyson.
MARCUS PARKS
No, I didn't cause Mike Tyson loves his pigeons and I couldn't stand these pigeons.
BEN KISSEL
Oh I like pigeons.
MARCUS PARKS
And then I asked my landlord, hey can you get rid of these pigeons? You know what he said?
BEN KISSEL
What?
MARCUS PARKS
Look it up on the internet. He said you take care of it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know how you get rid of a pigeon?
BEN KISSEL
Jerk one off in front of all the other ones.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. No, the problem is that more pigeons start showing up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
It depends what kind of pigeons they are.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You need to shoot them in the head.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well I can't fire a gun in New York City.
BEN KISSEL
BB gun.
MARCUS PARKS
Nah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Get a machete.
BEN KISSEL
Either way, it's over now. You're here.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I'm here. I'm away from pigeons. But that's the thing is that from what people said, Steve would say hey that bird is gonna come over here and land on my shoulder. And the bird (flapping sound) and it landed on his shoulder.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Look at that right there.
MARCUS PARKS
Look at that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Snow brown.
BEN KISSEL
That's great.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Look at that right here. That's my little buy right here.
BEN KISSEL
Cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Steve though, he was the only one to actually get an official visit from the air force. They asked him to describe in detail what happened to him that night and the day after. They then hypnotized him to get even more information. He doesn't know what he told them. And then they left, never to be seen or heard from ever again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's a lot of outside work that the air force did.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Now after Steve's encounter, both the UFO and Bigfoot sightings began to wind down. They slowed to a relative trickle by the winter of 1973 and by 1974 they became sporadic at best.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, there was a couple bigger sightings. There was another red object that was seen again landed in a field, saw Bigfeet come out of it. Bigfoots came out of the thing, a group went up to a higher elevation to look at it and shot at it again.
MARCUS PARKS
Again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Shot at it and then the UFO just just blip, just disappeared and the Bigfoots ran into the forest.
BEN KISSEL
Steve's just convincing all these fucking doves to suck his dick.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Little lower. Little lower. Put some feed over here.
MARCUS PARKS
That wasn't the only time though that you had a gunshot and then a disappearance. In December a man in Ohiopyle fired... It's a horrible-
BEN KISSEL
The name of the town is Ohiopyle?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ohiopyle. Or Ohio-pull.
MARCUS PARKS
Ohio-pull. But it's Ohio-pile, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, with a Y. So it makes in Nu metal.
BEN KISSEL
Okay. Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he fired a revolver at a Bigfoot. But when the bullet made contact, the Bigfoot vanished without a sound as if it was only a projection that had suddenly cut out.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Perhaps coincidentally, that guy's mother-in-law also shot at a Bigfoot who was out on her front porch, rattling tin cans two weeks later. Reportedly when she fired her shotgun, the creature also physically vanished, except this time in a flash of light. The UFO reports came less frequently as well and Bigfoot encounters slowly turned into suspected sightings by 1974. By 1975 the flap was at an end.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sad.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
But that doesn't mean that the Bigfoot left Pennsylvania.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It did not. It did not! That Bigfoot, it had bought property.
MARCUS PARKS
Just last year a mayor of a small town who's also a chiropractor, he relayed a tale from 1984 to a gathering of the Pennsylvania Bigfoot Project at a restaurant in Warminster.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Did he bring up fractals?
MARCUS PARKS
No. Not fractals, not vorticulars, not dark matter, not cold fusion, not electrons or neutrons!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well it says here, if you look at this, if you look at the typical Bigfoot type creature, right, their larger body would have a larger arterial structure than ours so the fluid capacity would allow for hydrodynamic vortex action in the arteries and the veins would also be a source of charge cluster generation. That's what we have to get Kissel going on.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because he's got the big veins all clotted up.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, we gotta get you some Bigfoot veins.
BEN KISSEL
So I'm gonna follow this self published book to get healthy. Okay, I gotcha.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the mayor said that something walked up to his campsite he was sharing with his girlfriend at the time back in 1984 and the Bigfoot screamed in a tone that was both deeply guttural and high pitched.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Throat singing.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Reportedly the scream shook his body so hard that the air looked like shimmering water, like he was Standing in front of a gigantic bass amp.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(metal guitar riff)
BEN KISSEL
And then he got into the pseudoscience that is chiropractory. Chiropractory?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Chiropractory.
MARCUS PARKS
Chiropractory. Now the mayor wasn't the only one to see a Bigfoot in the 80s back in Pennsylvania. A man named Rob Viars told a news channel that he and his family saw a Bigfoot when he was 9 years old. Faced with skepticism, Rob Viars said quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"I'm not crazy. I served in the military, I worked in law enforcement. So it's not that I'm crazy but I know what I saw."
BEN KISSEL
All right. No way a military man who's a cop would be unreliable.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He knows what he saw.
BEN KISSEL
I believe he does know what he thinks he saw.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And the more that you say it, the more that is true of you.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because you know what you saw. And if you find yourself in a position screaming I know what I saw, you know what you saw.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it's everybody else that doesn't.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that's why you're yelling at them.
BEN KISSEL
Fantastic.
MARCUS PARKS
And of course there was the man we heard from earlier that was quite a recent sighting. So while the double flap came to an end decades ago, it seems as if at least a few Bigfoots stuck around to make a life for themselves in the wilds and small towns of Pennsylvania.
BEN KISSEL
There you go. And you can insert your senator joke because I'm too classy to do it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thank you. I actually think that John Fetterman is an appropriately sized senator.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And we actually have a message here from Officer Ghaznavi of the Chestnut Ridge.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
BEN KISSEL
Chestnut Ridge.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This took place within the Chestnut Ridge area of Pennsylvania which they're saying is the hotspot.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is the UFO hotspot of the middle of this country. And so we have an actual officer here to talk about what you need to do if you see a UFO.
BEN KISSEL
On Top Hat this week we talked about PornHub had all of its little like what did people search? Chestnut, nowhere to be found.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
Interesting.
SEENA GHAZNAVI
(sirens) Hey there, this is Officer Ghaznavi. If you find yourself in the woods one evening and maybe you've had one too many Iron Citys, lord knows I have, and you happen to see a shimmering light in the jaggerbush and you think to yourself that must be one of them UFO aliens, do us a favor here at the Chestnut Ridge Police Department, don't go willy nilly shooting your .22 into that bush! My cousin Tommy did that and he shot his friend Bobby right in the ass. It hurt real bad but now you could ride the incline right up his butthole. He's lucky he didn't end up in that hall of fame in the sky with Myron Cope. So here's a tip. If you do see that shimmer, wait till you see the green of the alien's eyes, then feel free to unload all the leads you want. But if alien combat ain't your thing, you should call our pal Stan Gordon at 724-838- 7768.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That is a legit real number that is still alive. Stan Gordon, he has a UFO website called Stan Gordon's UFO Anomaly Zone. You can call him at any time. And also sightings at stangordon. info. Please for the love of god don't waste his time. Don't. I mean this.
MARCUS PARKS
Please.
BEN KISSEL
See a UFO.
MARCUS PARKS
Be kind.
BEN KISSEL
See a UFO and give him a ring.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Look at his website, it's stangordon.info. Understand before you prank call this man, just look at the man, look at the pictures. Look at the man.
BEN KISSEL
Lemme see this guy.
MARCUS PARKS
Look him in the eyes, know that he is a human being.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's just a man. He's a normal flesh and blood. Look at this guy.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't fuck with this man.
BEN KISSEL
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
He looks so nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's a nice man that is genuinely interested.
BEN KISSEL
Well there you go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But if you do happen to see something in the greater Pennsylvania area, send him a message.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. Give him a call, keep him company. All right everyone. Well thank you so much for listening to this fascinating true story.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is as real as it gets, dog!
BEN KISSEL
It is as real as it gets. Do we have any information that we want to relay to the fantastic listeners out there?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
First of all, so if you want to harness dark matter a part of what you have to do is be big enough to stomp hard enough that you create the corterial blast that you need to dig up-
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Does that make sense?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm going to send you the book.
MARCUS PARKS
All right. Send it. Send it to me, yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You should read the book.
BEN KISSEL
I'll read the book. I'll read it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But actually I do have some news. We did make a premature announcement about the postponement of the Australian dates. They are gonna be postponed to August, they are there. But there's a couple of venues that we're still waiting to find out if we're going to get the new date that we need.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And so you're going to get information from the venue. It is my fault.
BEN KISSEL
Fantastic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I shouldn't have said it.
MARCUS PARKS
That's fine.
BEN KISSEL
It's great.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And now we're back at it.
BEN KISSEL
We all stood by you there. We're competing with Toto who is also on tour.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's legit though there.
BEN KISSEL
I know. That's why I said it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Also make sure you check out the Mystic Museum has a holiday food and toy drive, it is here in Los Angeles. It's through December 31st. It really is great and we've worked with them before. If there's any clothes that you don't need, you want to put in or any canned food, nonperishable items, they would love it. Check it out. It's at the Mystic Museum that's at 3204 West Magnolia Boulevard, Burbank, California. Also one little announcement. I am looking for, if anybody's around that does Japanese translation, I am looking for a quick job.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right. For somebody who can can really well translate Japanese. So email sidestorieslpotl@gmail.com if that's you.
BEN KISSEL
Tough gig indeed. All right everyone. Marcus?
MARCUS PARKS
And don't forget as of this week all three parts of the Patti Smith series on No Dogs In Space are officially out.
BEN KISSEL
Official.
MARCUS PARKS
So if you've been waiting for the entire series to be done before you listen to the thing beginning to end, you can now do so. Get No Dogs In Space wherever you listen to your podcasts.
BEN KISSEL
Awesome.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like it.
BEN KISSEL
Also the Sirius shows, check those out Monday and Tuesdays at 6PM PST. All right everyone, hail yourselves!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hail Satan!
MARCUS PARKS
Hail Gein!
BEN KISSEL
Megustalations everybody.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not so silent invasion.
MARCUS PARKS
(wailing)
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(screaming)