HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay. You wanna start?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I'm ready to start.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know, are you ready to start?
MARCUS PARKS
I've been ready.
ED LARSON
I'm already annoyed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right, Eddie, first of all, first lesson today. You know what I'd like you to do? This is my middle finger.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right. Now I'm not telling you to go fuck yourself.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It might look like it.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I'm not. Right?
ED LARSON
That's the David Icke way to live, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I want you to feel my middle finger. Touch it. How does that feel? Solid?
ED LARSON
Soft.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But solid.
MARCUS PARKS
Hasn't done a hard day's work in his life.
ED LARSON
I mean it's a little mushy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But feel it.
ED LARSON
I feel it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you feel like it's here in this room with you.
ED LARSON
It is in the room but it's not hard like a penis is hard.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're wrong. It's very hard.
ED LARSON
Not here.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is as hard as my penis gets.
ED LARSON
That's it?
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I also feel wrong because we're not solid. We are perceivers.
ED LARSON
We are mushy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We are awareness.
ED LARSON
Yeah, I know we're mushy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We are not objects. We have no solidity.
ED LARSON
Oh.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We are boundless. We forget this and thus we entrap the totality of ourselves in a vicious circle from which we rarely emerge in our lifetime.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don Mattingly.
ED LARSON
Oh, thank god. Thank god.
MARCUS PARKS
Welcome to the Last Podcast on the Left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks, here with the sports references, Henry Zebrowski.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a lot built up to the series.
MARCUS PARKS
This is big.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is a lot for me to bring to the table.
ED LARSON
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Look at what I have in my hands.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
He has books.
MARCUS PARKS
He has so many books in his hands. Of course Ed Larson is here with us as well. And the books that Henry has in his hands are of course authored by the one and only David Icke, the mastermind behind the Reptilian conspiracy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
More like David Yikes! Having fun today already.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow. And you say you're ready, huh?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
So you've been keeping that in your pocket for what, 14 years?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I always thought that if I went to Rikers Island on the bus, like the worst thing you could do is like as you're pulling up, you just be like looks like we're all headed to Yikers Island!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go sit in the back near the bathroom so I can smell the shit. David Icke is a troubling subject in the fact that today I have consumed, up to now, up to today, I'm not exaggerating, 20 hours of David Icke material.
ED LARSON
Ugh.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right, just watching it, just watching it with my eyeballs. And I am getting stupider.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, you like it though.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. I'm past that now.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I was liking it.
MARCUS PARKS
He likes the surface level. He likes the idea of it. But actually getting into it is a fucking slog, trust me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I read dianetics.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right? And I sort of understood dianetics. I tried to read the Communist Manifesto which was even more difficult to read because it's all fucking real. Right? But this shit is, this is difficult. But you know what I did understand? I actually got a moment today where I understood David Icke a little bit closer because he begins all of his books with quotes. That's how he does it. And all of his lectures and everything that he talks about, he always got quotes to prove everything. And so what he says here is that, first of all, be warned because ridicule is the tribute the mediocrity pays to genius. So first of all, when you guys make fun of me-
ED LARSON
So don't make fun of me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because I'm too smart, I'm too smart.
MARCUS PARKS
So if I'm making fun of you, I make you a genius.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
So everyone who's ever been made fun of in the history of the world is a genius.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. That is what David Icke unlocked, that is the power that he unlocked.
MARCUS PARKS
Who is that quote attributed to?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Anonymous.
ED LARSON
Ah!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. You never know.
ED LARSON
Goddamnit.
MARCUS PARKS
So he read that shit on a fucking internet comment.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, definitely read that in a Dove like little square of chocolate. You know when you open it up and it says stuff? But I understand that today, because I was walking down the street carrying coffees for our staff-
MARCUS PARKS
Which we appreciated.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then I was coming down the street.
ED LARSON
Didn't offer me one.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nope. You weren't here yet.
ED LARSON
I was here. I was at the coffee shop before you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, you were getting your salad.
ED LARSON
Yeah, I got a salad.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You were getting your weak man's lunch. And I walked down the street and the fucking wind came, knocked my hat off. Everybody sitting outside of the restaurant, oh they laughed at me.
MARCUS PARKS
How was it? A snicker? A giggle?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They were literally pointing going like... They were inside the glass and they're all like (whispering) I saw, I saw what happened.
ED LARSON
Did you get your hat back?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No! What do you mean?
MARCUS PARKS
Oh wow, you lost your hat?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah! It rolled into the middle of the street. One of my favorite hats. It rolled into the middle of the street, got hit by two cars.
ED LARSON
Why didn't you just fucking wait?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because I had a bunch of coffees in my hand. I'm not gonna go out there and just become... I felt like a target. I would want to hit me.
ED LARSON
Imagine to be so wealthy that you let your hat-
MARCUS PARKS
To let hats go! Oh, a disposable hat!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I didn't want to become a target.
MARCUS PARKS
Did you go home to your hat dispenser and just pull another one out?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No!
ED LARSON
You take the coffees, you put them on one of those outside tables, you wait til traffic stops, you get your hat. You slap it against your leg, you put it back on your head.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, I didn't wanna be laughed at again because I didn't wanna be shown just how much of a genius I really am. But no, it is difficult.
MARCUS PARKS
Fastest man within 10 feet, my ass. Fastest man within 10 feet could get his hat out from the street.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, fastest man within 10 feet knows it's better to save your energy for the show. And I just didn't want to. I'm also one of those, I don't tie my shoes in the street because I'm so afraid someone's gonna come up behind me and just grab me in my ass and start... Not full-on like rape-
ED LARSON
Nobody wants to-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But like taking my wallet and shit. Yeah, pulling my pants down and laughing at my butt.
ED LARSON
This is the valley. It's chill.
MARCUS PARKS
Super chill.
ED LARSON
It's chill here, man, it's fine. You're not in Fresh Pond anymore.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't show weakness.
ED LARSON
It's not weak tying your shoe! Walking with an untied shoe is weaker than tying your shoe.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No but I learned from David Icke that accepting my weakness makes me strong.
ED LARSON
People have been reaching out to me. They're like Ed, how are you handling all the content? Is everything okay emotionally, all the murder and stuff. This is what pisses me off.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know.
ED LARSON
Today is like what drives me completely insane.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
I can read about the fucking guys from Chicago lopping off tits all day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You can?
ED LARSON
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
All right, let's get into the story of David Icke and the Reptilians. David Icke is a former soccer player and BBC sportscaster who for all intents and purposes lost the plot of reality after visiting a psychic in 1990.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Let's just say he only had a pinky grip on reality to begin with, in order for that to push you over the edge.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Clad in his trademark turquoise tracksuit, Icke subsequently wrote a book called 'The Truth Vibrations'.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(singing) Truth, truth, truth, truth vibrations.
MARCUS PARKS
Then he went on talk shows to tell everyone that he was the son of the godhead, not the son of god, important distinction. And he had therefore been chosen to bring the truth to the people. But back in 1991, David Icke's truth was mostly about the aforementioned vibrations, good and bad, along with all sorts of other new age hokum that nobody would have paid attention to had it not been for the novelty of the situation. Basically David Icke's coming out would have been the American equivalent of Marv Albert making the rounds on talk shows to tell us with deadly seriousness about color energies, life forces, a 12,000 year old plot by mysterious forces to keep humanity down, along with the inevitable end of the world as we know it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I'll also tell you-
ED LARSON
Yes!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes! And I'll also tell you, I know for a fact that I was just checking to see if that sex worker was made of chocolate. And the experiment failed. Let me tell you about cockatiels and how they can help you heal from the flu.
ED LARSON
Can't buy a bucket!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Simply because in order to even buy the bucket, I have to find one. Is anybody working at these hardware stores?
MARCUS PARKS
See what many people don't realize about David Icke is that prior to his established notoriety, he was more of a colorful if anti-Semitic British character for most of the 90s, writing various books about the power of love as well as millennia-long conspiracies and ancient civilizations. And this is all using bad science and worse history.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And of course we will be delving seriously into the thoughts and processes of David Icke. And I will say upon this dip into the swamp, he's definitely anti-Semitic.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I'm glad you were able to join us on that one.
ED LARSON
Of course he is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you know what's funny is that-
ED LARSON
Larry King does look like a lizard.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We all know that. We know that.
ED LARSON
Larry King does... Did, I'm sorry.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Barack Obama unfortunately does have sideways eyelids. We know that for a fact. But again, that's because he's Hawaiian. But David Icke, you know what? Because I realize that we'll keep my tongue firmly planted in cheek.
MARCUS PARKS
Indeed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Explaining the Reptilian theories. But he is, yeah, he's not innocent.
MARCUS PARKS
He's an extraordinarily dangerous individual.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's not an innocent man.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in 1999, 8 years after he came out as a new ager, David Icke went global when he released the book that has since become his double-edged sword because it both made him famous and it guaranteed that he would never be taken seriously by anyone with half a brain ever again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But that's his superpower. No shame. And we have learned in the 21st century, is that not the ultimate currency that runs this whole fucking world right now?
MARCUS PARKS
No shame. Well in 1999, Icke self published 'The Biggest Secret', which as many of you already know is how most of the world came to discover the Reptilian agenda.
ED LARSON
You can't name a book 'The Biggest Secret' because it's not a secret anymore once you publish the book.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's in a book!
MARCUS PARKS
It's the biggest secret until the book.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Now it's nothing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Now it's my book.
MARCUS PARKS
Now it's the biggest truth.
ED LARSON
Ah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See?
MARCUS PARKS
See? Yeah. See? Anything you say, I can say some stupid bullshit to tell you you're wrong.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Got his ass! Boomerang effect!
ED LARSON
I'm so stupid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, see?
MARCUS PARKS
See? Now his confidence is destroyed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But no, but you're not stupid, Eddie. You're not stupid. You're just ignorant. Which David Icke really explains really well. It's like you ignore because you don't know because you're so deeply entrenched in the matrix. Look at your shirt, look at your hat, look at your face. You're so deeply entrenched in the matrix that you can't see on the outside and it's not your fault because you are trained to ignore the signs that make you ignorant.
ED LARSON
I'm more ignor-uncle. Who's going to be worse today, me or David Icke?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know. I think it's all of us in a race downhill.
MARCUS PARKS
In a nutshell, David Icke's Reptilian narrative is that for 10,000... Yeah, help, help, I'm in a nutshell!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I didn't do it though, I didn't say it.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well you didn't say it but you did it and I had to acknowledge...
ED LARSON
Join the Patreon if you wanna see jokes like this that you can't hear on the show.
MARCUS PARKS
Well David Icke's Reptilian narrative is that for tens of thousands of years, every government, every secret society, and every multinational industry have been run by an alien race called the Archons. And these are all run either through direct rule or Reptilian puppetry.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
First thing that you're incorrect about. Archons is just an example of one of the Archontic forces that might be facing us and keeping us in this giant, what some people call a prison planet.
MARCUS PARKS
Let me ask you this. If I would have said Draconians, would you have also told me I was wrong?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Because the Reptilians are actually the ones that are a part of this but they're in a lower rung of the Draconians. And that's all according to the thought processes of Ma of Maestà Pastore and the Encyclopedia of Alien Races.
MARCUS PARKS
Right. And if I would have said Anunnaki, would you have also told me I was wrong?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Because Anunnaki are just the beginning forms of this. And like now we're dealing with the Reptilians obviously, they took over. But all of these are just the samples of Archontic forces.
ED LARSON
Do the Reptilians lay eggs?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
Unclear.
ED LARSON
Unclear.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, they don't because it's all psychic breeding. So they do a lot of DNA testing. They put into a bunch of like labs and technology. But that's the Draconians more than the Reptilians. Reptilians are the foot soldiers of the Draconians.
ED LARSON
Thank you very much.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in one of their many forms-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See?
MARCUS PARKS
Reptilians are semi physical inhabitants from the so-called fourth density, which is a plane of reality that vibrates at a higher rate than our material three dimensional world. It is however a misnomer to say that the Reptilians are shapeshifters.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is a misnomer.
MARCUS PARKS
Rather than say Odo from Deep Space Nine who changes literal form. Fourth density-
ED LARSON
Shang Tsung.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
That's who I prefer to reference.
MARCUS PARKS
Sure. Yeah, Mortal Kombat. That's much cooler.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That helps him. Yeah, yeah, it helps him understand.
MARCUS PARKS
Well fourth density Reptilians wear so-called human suits when they're in the 3D realm. This is why some YouTubers were obsessed with finding TV clips that supposedly showed these human suits glitching out. This was particularly bad in the Obama years, especially after the release of the famous secret service video.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yes, very, very familiar. Also one thing that no one talks about with the transition from the Obama presidency to the Trump presidency was getting rid of all of those large flat rocks that Barack Obama was commonly... They were all right next to the basketball court.
ED LARSON
Well you gotta refuel.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey.
MARCUS PARKS
Of course, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He can't regulate his temperature.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in other forms, the Reptilians are aliens from the Draco constellation, physical beings who have been coming to Earth for hundreds of thousands of years, feasting on the flesh of humans, and using them to mine for gold.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But we made them in order to... Well Reptilians, I'm not saying we. Reptilians made them dig for gold.
MARCUS PARKS
The Draconians. The Reptilians made humans to dig for gold.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
I didn't see that anywhere.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're not reading the right sources.
ED LARSON
Draco is the dragon constellation, correct?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes, the dragon.
ED LARSON
So that makes sense.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it does.
ED LARSON
I'm connecting dots literally through the constellation.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly.
MARCUS PARKS
When in other forms, Reptilians can also be native to our planet, although they unlike us come from the Earth's interior.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Inner Earth life.
ED LARSON
Magma.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Yes. Magma. Now like most alien conspiracies, the Reptilians also control the world through hybrid programs, breeding with humans to create a Reptilian custodial cast that comprises the world's royal and elite bloodlines.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well mostly it's because they are allowed to work during the Christmas holiday when the rest of us have time off.
MARCUS PARKS
True. For example, David Icke was the first person to say that the British royal family is a bunch of lizards.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you can't be wrong all the time.
ED LARSON
That's a great claim to have.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's the guy. He's the guy.
MARCUS PARKS
(British accent) Before me, nobody was saying that the British royal family wore a lot of lizards!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) From what they were saying, yeah.
ED LARSON
They called them rats, they called them dogs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Oh yeah. I called them lizards. Everyone was saying that Queen Elizabeth is just a female dog. But I don't call her that. She is a sexless iguana.
MARCUS PARKS
Now the reason why the Reptilians have hijacked the human race tend to shift, for the Reptilians are nothing if not multitaskers. The central idea though is that the Reptilians are a naturally dominant species who want to make the world a horrible place so they can feed off our bad vibrations. Or at least that's my understanding of it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're a war-like species that go across the various galaxies and they conquer worlds for resources and slave labor. And so by the time they're here... But they also work underneath the Draconians. So all of this is completely literally real, which is only, what we were saying before, is only one of the explanations. The rest is that all of this is psychic thought forms that are on an interdimensional aspect working for us and with us.
MARCUS PARKS
Well that's how he pivoted. Because when he first wrote 'The Biggest Secret', he was like these are literal lizard people who are-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh no, he's still talking about lizard people. No, the literal lizard people are there.
MARCUS PARKS
They're still there, okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, very much so.
MARCUS PARKS
Because I thought he pivoted to say like well I wasn't actually talking about Reptilians, I was actually talking about psychic thought forms.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. He basically says they go half and half.
MARCUS PARKS
Ah okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is where we really get into the nitty gritty of learning nothing. This is where we really get into like none of this holds. And he does change depending on who he's talking to.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And what thing you talk to. Because I was watching stuff from 1993 and then I watched a bunch of stuff from 2010 and then I watched a bunch of stuff from 2022 and it largely doesn't change but it shapeshifts.
MARCUS PARKS
There you go. Well one thing that does stay constant is that the only way to defeat the Reptilians according to Icke is to embrace his version of love, truth, and understanding which of course can only be properly understood if you buy Icke's books and attend his lectures.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I understand nothing! I have thousands of pages, David Icke! Email me! All right? Email me! Explain some of this shit!
MARCUS PARKS
But if you follow David Icke's instructions, the Reptilians will lose their psychic control. And if enough people break free, then the Reptilians will lose the war that's been raging in the background of human history for thousands upon thousands of years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And this is why Laurence Fishburne doesn't answer fan mail anymore. Because he says, David Icke believes that we all need to escape the matrix. But I'm starting to think, and maybe this might be against my too real to be kept inside mentality though. But that matrix is like nice.
MARCUS PARKS
It's cool.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And outside the matrix is like where David Icke is. David Icke seems to just like not be doing good.
ED LARSON
So he's where like all those weird aliens are attacking the ship?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But he's not though. He's in California.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's just outside of the matrix but I think he just means outside of hireability. He's outside of having a job.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He has to do it all himself.
MARCUS PARKS
Now when it comes to talking about the elite bloodlines who control the world, David Icke gets into trouble areas.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's a good way to term that.
MARCUS PARKS
Trouble areas, yeah. Because he, like 99% of conspiracy theorists, just can't help but make the Jewish people a central character in their narrative.
ED LARSON
Jealousy!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Well he's always like (British accent) they're a bit weird, aren't they? A bit different, eh? A bit different, aren't they? You know what they do in there? Oh, you got little hats. Why you wear a full hat?
ED LARSON
Yeah. Well it's because we did our homework in school and you didn't.
MARCUS PARKS
Well David Icke has spent his career denying that he's anti-Semitic, saying that it's not that all Jews are Reptilians, it's just that a Jewish person is more likely to be a Reptilian. This is an argument that he will not and more importantly cannot back down from lest his entire argument fall apart.
ED LARSON
So he's not like anti-Semitic, he's semi-Semitic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know what it is? Is that he came up with a bunch of imagery, we'll obviously unpack this over the next two episodes. But he came upon a bunch of imagery that he thought would be really helpful in his, I'm just gonna say monologuing, whatever you'd call his-
MARCUS PARKS
His narrative.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
His narrative. Because he's not a cult leader but he wants to be but he also kind of doesn't want the responsibility of managing people and resources.
MARCUS PARKS
He wants people to listen to him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. And buy his shit.
MARCUS PARKS
And pay attention.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And go into his lectures and do all this type of shit. But I feel like once he came across this idea of like these Reptilians and stuff and there might have been a lot of people that have been like you know this is like a direct dog whistle, right? Like this is a direct anti-Semitic dog whistle. And I think at some point he was just like but maybe we need to think about that then.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe you need to think a little bit of that. Instead of like oh maybe I should change it to cat people. Maybe I could change it to... Like there's gotta be like friendly dog people that want us to learn from them.
ED LARSON
Oh I love that.
MARCUS PARKS
Well that's the thing is I guess you could say that David Icke sort of backed his way into anti- Semitism, you could kind of make that argument.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'd say he moonwalked into anti-Semitism.
MARCUS PARKS
He did so by making classic old school anti-Semitic conspiracy theories the centerpiece of his world domination narrative. And he did so before he even started talking about Reptilians. In other words, let's just say that David Icke and Heinrich Himmler had similar bookshelves.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Mahogany.
MARCUS PARKS
But I think what's most telling was that when David Icke was constructing his Reptilian mythos, it made perfect sense to him to think that Jewish people, particularly Jewish people in power, are subhuman bloodsucking Reptilians who eat the flesh of humans. Basically it's the blood libel story in another form.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's called globalists. That's the term they use.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. That just means Jewish.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Lastly, while there may be a wide, wide outside chance that David Icke isn't anti-Semitic and is just using the work of other conspiracies because he's a lazy if prolific writer-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a teaspoon of that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The vast majority of people who follow and believe David are most definitely blaming the Jews for many of the world's injustices.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they have the back door, which is we're still just talking about reptiles, this is reptiles.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But it could be said that David Icke is provocative on purpose because while his ethics are dubious, I do think that he believes everything he's saying in writing and that includes the things that directly contradict the other things. And there's a lot of things in David Icke's writings that directly contradict many, many, many other things.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He can't say the same thing twice. Ever. Every single thing that's changed just depends on the vibe of the room that he is talking to. But also we always ask this question when we've done cult episodes, because this is different than a cult leader episode.
MARCUS PARKS
No, this is a conspiracy theorist episode.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. But I think about him and I really wonder where does his belief start and stop?
MARCUS PARKS
Well I think we're gonna cover that a little bit later on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Once we really get into his character, we'll talk a little bit about that. Because by being so outrageous, David Icke ensures that he's being talked about and in talking about David Icke, you're talking about Reptilians, which is what David wants. But above even that, I think what David Icke really wants above anything else is to talk about David Icke.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) I wish I was friends with Snoop Dogg. Everyone would know and they'd call me in. I'd do a bit of the Olympics, wouldn't it be nice? Go in there. You can see me. Oh smart man, Mr. Icke. Talking about the Olympics. Oh fancy man, isn't he? Oh he might be. I've been watching so much of him.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it's just that, he always says when he talks about George Bush Jr, (British accent) oh Boy George Bush. He always calls him Boy George Bush.
ED LARSON
That's kinda fun.
MARCUS PARKS
That's really fun. So without further ado, let's explore the story of David Icke himself, how he found his way into the Reptilian agenda, and the incredibly negative consequences David Icke's work has had on the world since 'The Biggest Secret' was published in 1999. Born in 1952 in Leicester, England to a working class family, Icke admittedly had a rough, poverty stricken childhood.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So did Ozzy Osbourne!
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But that was in Birmingham.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know what I mean.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I know, Birmingham especially back in the fucking 50s was awful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah but that's what made (British accent) fucking metal what it is, friend!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But Icke does make sure to say over and over again in his various biographies that he's always been a persecuted soul, even if he has to use the tiniest incidents to make his case.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because let's be frank, nothing happened in his childhood of any consequence.
MARCUS PARKS
I mean his father was a dickhead, that was the worst of it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, great.
MARCUS PARKS
That was the absolute worst.
ED LARSON
He was from Leicester. Mo Leicester. Think about it. Think about it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Honestly, have you ever been there? I could use some less Leicester.
MARCUS PARKS
Well for example when it comes to his persecution, the best example he had from his childhood was a time when he was falsely accused of throwing paper darts in school.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) I knew then the mark was gonna be on me then. Oh a bit of a target on old David Icke then.
MARCUS PARKS
And there was also another time when a baker unjustly yelled at him for stealing a cake.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) I would never steal cake! I only steal chips. I only like savory. I don't like sweet. Everybody knows that about me, knows that single thing about me. I hate sweet. I want savory! How dare you?
MARCUS PARKS
And that's the extent of his childhood persecution.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. That's it. And nevertheless, Icke makes a big deal out of these incidents by saying that his astrological birth chart shows that false accusations and persecution were always going to play a central role in his life, which I think is how he deals with being constantly and mercilessly mocked the world over.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, make it a feature, not a bug. People like to make fun of me because it's in my astrological chart. And I also say this, you know why they make fucking fun of you? Is because-
ED LARSON
Are you talking right to him right now?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, I am. I'm talking to a lot of people right now. All right. So I also like astrology, we're in Los Angeles, you're gonna hit into it, you're gonna bump into it as much as you want.
ED LARSON
Capricorn.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're around ladies, if you even wanna talk to a witchy lady you're gonna need to figure out how to do that, it's gonna be through astrology.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm on the cusp.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He is. But if you're one of these people that uses Chiron in your astrology, don't talk to me. Okay? It is the single most... I think it's one of the more annoying things in esoteria.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This Chiron stuff, have you looked into this at all?
MARCUS PARKS
Isn't it like if you're born under a Chiron sign, you're like extra super special?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Like it's kind of an indigo children type thing, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Very much so.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Icke also proved himself to be a pain in the ass from an early age. In one story he played a tree in a school play but when the kid who was supposed to chop him down didn't perform with enough conviction, David refused to fall until the chopping was more authentic.
ED LARSON
Yes and, motherfucker!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was doing that. I had an acting class, that was like all they would do. It's like I had an acting teacher who was great but his whole thing was like I don't believe you! Whenever you'd say something you wouldn't believe. And so to get him to believe us, like he'd throw shit at us, like he threw a chair at me, threw a bench at me in the middle of a scene. Where you jump over it, he's like I don't believe you! And he was like 300 lbs but he would like cycle around like a fucking jungle cat. Like it was a huge man who would get down on his hands and knees and walk around and shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Was this high school or Florida State?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's Florida State.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. But just that idea of David Icke as a tree being like (British accent) I don't believe you.
MARCUS PARKS
Like a 10 year old.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like a 10 year old.
MARCUS PARKS
On stage during a performance.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
To the point where his teacher had to pull him off afterwards, being like (British accent) you ruined the play for everyone, David. And he was like I'm an iconoclast! I'm a special boy!
ED LARSON
I'm gonna make like a tree and get outta here!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) You're funny. That's funny.
MARCUS PARKS
Icke is also almost defined by contradictions. In his painfully dull autobiography-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We spent a lot of money, our man Neil in the UK-
MARCUS PARKS
Thanks Neil.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He got us this book.
MARCUS PARKS
Necro Neil got us this book, 'The Light of Experience'.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This fucking book sucks.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I hate you, David Icke. This thing is, yeah, it's too expensive.
ED LARSON
It's his autobiography?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Yeah, we spent $50 on it.
ED LARSON
Oh my god, we should put it in one of those like boxes outside of a church where they give free books away.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Did I tell you how I've been semi terrorizing a little library in my neighborhood.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
You've been fucking with the little library?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not fucking with it, just putting books in it.
ED LARSON
Yeah, your books.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you know what? They're always gone. So I'm educating somebody to be an insufferable, just an impossible person.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in this dull autobiography, Icke claimed that he was always a different, more special boy than everyone else. He actually used the word special boy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, he is.
MARCUS PARKS
And that specialness made him shy. He claims that he prefers to be left alone. But that contradicts every profession he's ever pursued from professional footballer to TV personality to politician to author and lecturer. Every job he's ever had has been a public facing job.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
How dare you? He's an introverted extrovert. Okay?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that's what you don't understand.
MARCUS PARKS
I understand.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you don't.
MARCUS PARKS
I understand. I'm an introvert who is a podcaster.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No but David Icke is so special. I mean yes, and that's why he must talk at a minimum of 12 hours at a time. I have never met an introvert with so much to say! And each thing is just, he just talks and he talks and he talks and he's just got that little smile on his face.
MARCUS PARKS
See that's the funny thing is that David Icke ironically is one of the people that introverts like me avoid because people can be draining.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Of course.
MARCUS PARKS
And he is the most draining human being in existence.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He is a psychic Dracula.
MARCUS PARKS
But speaking of football, as I just mentioned, it's somewhat of a misconception that David Icke was a famous footballer.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I didn't know this.
MARCUS PARKS
While he did play part time for a couple of minor pro teams, his football career was over by the age of 21 due to a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, or that's what he claims.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) My ankle was a bit of a biggity bug. And I do wish, I do wish that I could perform on the soccer field. Because you know why? It is a true meritocracy, friend. You show up, you're better than the other boy. You jiggle the balls. That's how I know it's good because I'm jiggling the balls past the other skinny little boy on the other side of the fence. But guess what all of you don't understand is that there's deeper, deeper thoughts to be had. I don't have time to be kicking this little jiggly ball. I need to be in my thought sphere, talking to you about truths. True truths. It's vibration from my middle part. That's what you get, sir.
ED LARSON
It's annoying as hell.
MARCUS PARKS
Can I get anything else?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent)Unfortunately no.
ED LARSON
Probably just played defense.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was a goalie.
MARCUS PARKS
he was a goalie.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well that's the thing, that's what he says is that he found the most solitary part of the soccer field. And he enjoyed being the defender, the man who defends.
ED LARSON
It's because he wasn't smart enough to not use his hands.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey man, goalie is complicated. We're gonna get a lot of emails immediately from goalies. But he does have rheumatoid arthritis. You can tell now from his hands.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. His hands are kind of gnarled.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's got the James Cromwell hands. You remember that actor?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah, I remember James Cromwell.
ED LARSON
He's still going.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
His hands look like a bunch of cruel bananas.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, James Cromwell. From Babe?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
All kinds of shit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Who's the other guy? There was another old guy. They're all dead.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
James Cromwell's alive!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he was in Succession. He was fantastic in it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There was somebody else who had big hands, it was another actor guy.
ED LARSON
Richard Harris.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's fucking, I don't know him.
ED LARSON
He's dead.
MARCUS PARKS
Well after being interviewed by a local TV station about the end of his sports career, David decided to try for a job in media and by 1981, he was a full time sports reporter for the BBC. By the end of the decade, David Icke had become a household name in sports reporting. He's like John Madden, Dick Vitale.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Marv Albert.
MARCUS PARKS
Marv Albert.
ED LARSON
He was that popular?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Everybody knew who David... If you watched football, you knew who David Icke was.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Man, so he's like their Joe Buck.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Joe Buck or what's the name of Michaelson?
ED LARSON
Michaelson? Al Michaels.
MARCUS PARKS
Al Michaels.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, like Al Michaels.
ED LARSON
But Al Michaels is cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Al Michaels is great. But known to that extent.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I wouldn't say he was like a Troy Aikman because Troy Aikman was a massive superstar before being a commentator.
ED LARSON
That's a good point.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he's just a guy who was very good at his job.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was at the very peak of sports journalism which is having middle to low talent but then just being able to talk into a microphone.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, he's really good at not shutting the fuck up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And in fact, his first book which was called 'It's a Tough Game, Son!' it was not about Reptilians but about breaking into professional soccer. And by the way, the book title did have an exclamation point at the end.
ED LARSON
Good.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Than how do you not know it's the father yelling at his son without the explanation point? Because it is important to yell that into your son.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it really is.
ED LARSON
And you when you're reading the book to your son, you're supposed to like while you close it, you hit him with it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. That's why the back is blank. That's the hitting surface.
MARCUS PARKS
That's why I love punctuation, it's so powerful, it can say so much.
ED LARSON
It's a tough game, son!
MARCUS PARKS
Icke's relationship with the BBC however was terminated when Icke, in the only thing he's ever done that I agree with, he refused to pay a tax implemented by prime minister and perennial villain Margaret Thatcher. It was a tax that shifted even more of the tax burden from the rich to the poor. Thatcher hated poor people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But unfortunately it was mostly just because he didn't want to pay money.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he didn't want to pay money. He tried saying that he was trying to stand up for the working man but I don't think that was the truth. I think he just didn't want to pay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I watched some BBC videos last night and they were graphic.
MARCUS PARKS
BBC. Big, beautiful...
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh. Big black cocks. He's talking about big black cocks.
MARCUS PARKS
Big black cocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know BBW is big beautiful women and BBC is big black-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Big black cocks.
MARCUS PARKS
Very graphic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Very graphic. They don't leave anything to the imagination. I actually prefer more of a Hitchcock.
ED LARSON
What if what I think was a snake?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so much better when you kind of don't know who's fucking what or how they're getting fucked.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I always like you go in the other room and all you hear is (moaning). Yeah, yeah. (moaning) It's so much sexier to imagine. I don't need all this. Show me the curtains! Show me the furniture.
MARCUS PARKS
Well while Icke's sports broadcasting career was winding down, he began experimenting with alternative medicine and new age philosophies to treat his rheumatoid arthritis.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
These are like the two things that really kind of started down... Because first, the reason why I think he did the tax thing was because he was leaning into the populist movement.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh definitely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And he was trying to look cool. And I also just think that he was bad at his job. I think that eventually he just didn't want to do his job anymore.
MARCUS PARKS
No, he was very good at his job.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it wasn't special enough.
MARCUS PARKS
No, it wasn't special. He wasn't special enough, he was just another guy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And just another guy who talked about football on TV. But him getting into alternative medicine, new age philosophies, that's how David Icke launched himself down the slippery slope that ended in Reptilians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Actually it ends in 5G spreads COVID. But we'll get there.
ED LARSON
Ugh.
MARCUS PARKS
Now by the late 80s, Icke's interest in new age beliefs turned him on to the environmental movement and he subsequently joined the Green Party as a small time politician. After six months of holding a position as National Representative though, he quit or he was fired depending on who you ask. Because according to him, strange things started happening to David Icke.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Is the Green Party the same there as it is in America?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where it's like kind of environmental defender?
MARCUS PARKS
It's environmental friendly. Yeah, yeah.
ED LARSON
I just wanna like him so much. But you keep hearing about shit like this.
MARCUS PARKS
You wanna like everybody.
ED LARSON
I do, I do.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, you want to believe the best in people but David Icke, there's nothing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, he's a total utter piece of shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I was more talking about the Green Party than David Icke.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ralph Nader.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ralph Nader, the fucking enemy of freedom everywhere because of the fucking forcing us to fucking-
MARCUS PARKS
Seatbelts.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's keeping us in the matrix of the safety of our cars. All right? How dare you tell me I can't fucking die! I like smashing my head against the windshield, it's one of my hobbies.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in 1989, just after Icke wrote his second book, an environmental work called 'It Doesn't Have to Be Like This'-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) It doesn't have to be like this.
MARCUS PARKS
He claimed to have found himself followed by a presence, a presence so strong that David was forced to address it. He said:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) "If you are there, will you please contact me? Because you are driving me up a wall."
MARCUS PARKS
Pretty soon after, David claimed that the presence introduced itself in the form of a psychic named Betty Shine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) I'm here for your money.
MARCUS PARKS
And Betty more than anyone else would be the one to send David Icke down the path that he still walks today.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Betty Shine. Same world as, I'm gonna go, Colonel Tom Parker of esoteria. Betty Shine sent David Icke in. She sets him up. Where is Betty Shine?
MARCUS PARKS
I mean Betty Shine, she winds him up and lets him go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Where the fuck is Betty Shine today?
ED LARSON
She's at temple.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I would love to know. Author and oh yeah, well she's an author and opera singer. Oh yeah, she did write. Yeah, she does claim...
ED LARSON
She loves the amphibian race.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Frog people?!
MARCUS PARKS
Now David himself told two different stories as to how he met Betty Shine. In the first, David said that he and his son Gareth were having lunch at a cafe when someone recognized David from TV and started chatting him up. Suddenly though David found himself unable to move because he was fixated on a stack of books. He then heard his presence telling him to look at a particular book. Then David felt that the discovery of this book was behind the presence. In another version, David and his son were having lunch at a cafe when he had a tremendous urge to look at some books.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I get it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Chosen almost at random, David bought £13 worth of books and one of them was 'Mind to Mind' by spirit, medium, and healer Betty Shine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Now Betty Shine, she's got that like, how do you put it? She's got a big stupid face. She's got like pan face.
MARCUS PARKS
It's like a Barbara Walters face.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
But squished down more.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh like Cabbage Patch head.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cabbage Patch head.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah! Exactly.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And she's on the cover of this book and she's smiling. So I feel like he's like (British accent) oh look at that, it's my wee grandmam. Oh I could trust her. She's gotta be something in that, right? 'Mind to Mind', I got a mind, she's got a mind. That'd be nice right there. Talk right in my mind. That's easy. Take my eyes and ears out of the equation.
MARCUS PARKS
Here you go. Icke said that he devoured the book in 24 hours then immediately wrote to Shine requesting some healing sessions.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Unfortunately I had to go back to the bookstore and buy one for reading.
MARCUS PARKS
Within just a few weeks. Icke's rheumatoid arthritis was suddenly gone. That's what he says. But I mean the way, as Henry said, like if you look at his hands today, like that rheumatoid arthritis didn't go nowhere.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah. His hands are too, they're all fucked up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Wicked witch hands.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But while Icke believed she was a healer, Shine apparently had to prove that she was a competent psychic as well. And by the way, all of this comes from David Icke himself.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Like he's writing this as if, I don't know, like it makes sense.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like it's a thing that she should be proud of.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where it's like no, you got taken for a ride by this woman that was just so excited to fucking jump on you like a horse.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the thing about David Icke is that he shows his, in the parlance of Texas, shows his ass a lot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Without realizing that he's doing it.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He tells you exactly who he is.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Like if he's Christ II, he wouldn't know if it wasn't for this chick.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes, exactly. Now to prove that she had the gift, Shine told Icke during a session that when he returned home, one of his two cats would have diarrhea.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No shit!
ED LARSON
Yes shit!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) I've got to go home!
MARCUS PARKS
And sure enough, when Icke walked through his door, one of his cats was indeed a shitty little kitty.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Let me check. Oh my god, did someone melt some fudge in this litter box? (slurping) That's diarrhea.
MARCUS PARKS
This apparently was more than enough to convince David Icke. But perhaps the reason why the cat diarrhea was such a turning point in David's life, and it was, because during that same session that foretold the cat's splatters, psychic Betty Shine was supposedly possessed by a powerful spirit. Quite suddenly while Shine was talking about something or other, she announced that a Chinese man from the year 1200 named Wang Yi Lee had appeared for the sole purpose of speaking to David and also Socrates was there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's there. He's always there.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't let him anywhere near your kids.
ED LARSON
So hold on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's a smart guy. He's a funny guy.
ED LARSON
So she speaks Chinese then.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa, whoa.
MARCUS PARKS
Well, you'll see.
ED LARSON
Do all ghosts speak English?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well we'll find out.
ED LARSON
Is that what happens once you die, you know English?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
If you look at the amount of human beings, there's a lot more Chinese ghosts than there are any other type of ghosts.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right? Maybe more Indian people ghosts.
MARCUS PARKS
What does that have to do with Ed's point?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm just saying.
ED LARSON
Socrates didn't speak English, right?
MARCUS PARKS
No!
ED LARSON
He's Greek, right?
MARCUS PARKS
English didn't exist then.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, he's sitting there, he's talking, he's talking, he's saying gyros and tzatziki-
ED LARSON
She don't know shit what these fucking ghosts are saying to her.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No but then ghost translates, there's a ghost translator in her head.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right? And also-
ED LARSON
A Whoopi Goldberg.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that's why she decided to come forth and say a bunch of stuff that if this was a different time period, I would get to illustrate for you what she sounded like.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I would imagine that she did not speak in Chinese but I would imagine her choice of accent was highly inappropriate.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well did you see what she's-
MARCUS PARKS
Depending on the method she gets with it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a whole paragraph that I'd like Eddie to now interpret in a way that I would have interpreted this 10 years ago.
ED LARSON
Okay. Am I reading it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you're not allowed to read it like that.
ED LARSON
Oh okay. Oh I see. Yes. I remember your old personality. Yes but that is gone.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm still in free speech jail. But honestly, it's been so fine. It's so nice. Once I got the Quran, I really finally got to sort of go to peace with myself.
MARCUS PARKS
Well eventually we transferred you to Norwegian free speech jail and it's a lot nicer.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's why I have the computer.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well during the session, Betty Shine channeled the spirit of Wang Yi Lee so he could deliver a message to David Icke.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just wish I had a recording that we could play of it.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Wang started with predictions, saying that a massive revolution would occur in five years time, electric cars would be used in eight, and that in 20 years, 2011, there would be a different kind of flying machine, very different from the aircraft we have today.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) All right then, Betty, describe it.
MARCUS PARKS
Very different from the aircraft we have today.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) I know, I'm hearing that. But say something specific.
MARCUS PARKS
Quite strange to your eyes!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Fascinating.
ED LARSON
Double helicopter.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) We're going to make the big-titted helicopter of my dreams!
MARCUS PARKS
There's already double helicopters in 1990.
ED LARSON
(British accent) Triple helicopters!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Amazing!
MARCUS PARKS
Well Wang then went on the old environmental trip, saying that deep sea drilling was destabilizing the Earth and that the sea would reclaim the land. Therefore man needed to treat the Earth with respect, lest the Earth reclaim itself. The same shit they always say. Which is all true and should be listened to but it's hack at this point.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Oh David, I have to tell you that there is someone else here. Yes, I am talking to Wang. Yes, Wang is here and then Socrates of course, big ups to Socrates. Good to see you, obviously we'll be right with you. But there's another man here with Socrates, it's Sum Yung Guy, another ancient Chinese master.
MARCUS PARKS
(British accent) Yes, he has some sort of substance that he would like to give to you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) It's a sauce that he has brought with him from his homeland. Oh yes, definitely. Oh let me taste this sauce. Oh, salty. Ah, very good. Socrates, I can see why you love the various sauces of this Sum Yung Guy.
MARCUS PARKS
So Yang continued, saying that yes, it was going to be David Icke's job to bring this message to the world. The reason why David was chosen was because Icke had passed many tests of courage, like playing soccer.
ED LARSON
I mean you gotta flop.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's it. But that's acting.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's not being tough.
ED LARSON
He was a goalie.
MARCUS PARKS
He was a goalie.
ED LARSON
So at least the balls flew at him.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I guess he could have got hit in the face.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it's all he did to become the new messiah?
MARCUS PARKS
I've heard worse explanations for new messiahs.
ED LARSON
Yeah, what are the trials that Jesus went through?
MARCUS PARKS
40 days in the desert.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
40 days in the desert.
ED LARSON
He had to play with wood for a while.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, he had to suck all those guys off every fucking week cause if not they were gonna shoot him in the head.
ED LARSON
Yeah. And his wife was a hooker.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. And that's hard on the ego. You gotta be able to be a strong person to date a sex worker.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well Icke was also told that he was destined to become a great healer of the world, a communicator, and that he would become very famous.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What, what, what?
MARCUS PARKS
Very famous. Sometimes David would have to learn the hidden knowledge he needed to impart but, and this is key, sometimes that hidden knowledge would just appear in his mind.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where do you think my ideas come from?
ED LARSON
Yeah. It's very convenient.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh it works. He lives in a world where, we're gonna get more into this in episode two, but the destructive concept of 'do your own research' that is driving our very world into a maelstrom of chaos-
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Is what he is like, that is what is old gig is.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Is that you decide what's real or what's not. Fuck the experts. Fuck it. It's about what you feel is correct.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. In 100 years time, if the human race is still around maybe 500 years from now, 'do your own research' I think is gonna be outlawed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Like the phrase 'do your own research', it's gonna be one of those things like no, no, no. Don't.
ED LARSON
Yeah. The research is done. Read your own books.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you know what it is is that 'do your own research' when you're buying a pair of shoes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Do your own research when you're looking for a deal on a TV, that helps.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Also like looking into stuff, you read books. And so just understand that-
MARCUS PARKS
But when I decide how to buy a TV, I don't do my own research.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm looking at someone else's research.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I go to the guys that have like watched 15 TVs.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I look at that shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Now while I don't believe that the ancient spirit of a Chinese man inhabited the body of a British psychic to tell a BBC sports reporter that he was destined to save mankind-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whatever.
MARCUS PARKS
I do believe that a woman claiming to be a psychic did say all of this shit out loud to a person who believed her. From what I can tell, it was this encounter that changed David's life because like all psychics, Betty Shine knew exactly what David wanted to hear. He wanted someone to confirm what he'd always believed, that he was a very special boy who was destined for very special things.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it can only be him because he's got the smile, he's got the fucking legs. Yeah, that body of his. And he's got the mind and the voice.
ED LARSON
So he's not Reptilian.
MARCUS PARKS
No!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No!
ED LARSON
Okay. But he can see them?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No!
MARCUS PARKS
No!
ED LARSON
He can't They Live them?
MARCUS PARKS
The Live by the way is real.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That is real. So is The Matrix, so is Truman Show.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. Truman Show, Matrix. Basically David Icke watches movies and thinks they're real.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
Cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What a nice life.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's a fun way to live life.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, dude.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And we're all just fucking orbs briefly experiencing humanity which is why I will not submit to a breathalyzer, officer!
MARCUS PARKS
Well David Icke said that he was quote "very unsurprised" by everything the spirit of Wang told him. And he was equally unsurprised that Socrates, one of the greatest minds in human history, had showed up for the event.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Someone must bottle this sauce.
MARCUS PARKS
(British accent) This, this, this, this, this, this, this cream!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cream!
ED LARSON
Everybody Wang cum tonight.
MARCUS PARKS
In fact, this revelation made David feel relieved because he saw himself as something of a Socrates.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Can you imagine waking up every day... I guess, do you do that?
MARCUS PARKS
What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
With how hard you work? Do you go wake up and you're like I'm the new Socrates.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Doubt. You feel like you experience doubt?
MARCUS PARKS
I experience, yeah, a little bit of doubt in my abilities. Just the tiniest bit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Good.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not me though.
ED LARSON
I know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I feel nothing!
ED LARSON
You hatless piece of shit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fuck you! People only ridicule... It's the mediocre ridiculing the geniuses!
MARCUS PARKS
Well in David's interpretation of history, which is wrong, Socrates was guided by a divine force and was sentenced to death for it. But in David's case, even his reading of his own life is wrong because the worst thing he's had to endure is ridicule. He wasn't fucking executed. He's still blabbing and talking shit to this day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) They say sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. But I will have you know I prefer to have my wiener hit with a stone because one star reviews are fucking my algorithm. I am shadowbanned! And that is worth than death itself.
MARCUS PARKS
But supposedly what sealed the deal for Icke, besides the cat diarrhea of course, was the confirmation of one of Wang's predictions. Wang told David that Earthquakes would begin to occur in strange places. And sure enough, David claims that four days after the channeling, a 4.9 Earthquake shook the Welsh/English border. Now from there, Icke plunged himself into the world of esoteric authors like Edgar Cayce and Nostradamus. And he took those predictions that those men made as 100% correct. This even included Nostradamus's prediction that one day a giant dog from France would be crowned Pope and would actually fulfill his papal duties as a giant dog.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) For as little as the Pope does, it might as well be a giant dog.
ED LARSON
I mean it still could happen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We don't know.
ED LARSON
We're about to lose another Pope. This guy looks bad.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Get him out!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I'd vote for a fucking dog.
MARCUS PARKS
Big dog. I mean a giant dog too, like Clifford.
ED LARSON
This Pope was like people are buying too many dogs and not having kids. He's anti-dog!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dog pope!
ED LARSON
This French dog is gonna come in, he's gonna be licking shit, he's gonna be smelling stuff.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, dude. And then we put a cat in charge of the Greek Orthodox Church.
ED LARSON
Amen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude, change it up. What I also love is that he didn't read real esoteria.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He didn't read Madame Blavatsky, he didn't read Aleister Crowley, he didn't read any of the stuff from the Golden Dawn. He went straight to the easy shit that you could get in a Hallmark store.
MARCUS PARKS
He read the people that read those other people. And the people that translated that shit into new age bullshit that's easy to digest. I mean it's not necessarily easy to explain but it's that sort of fucking new age bullshit where like David Icke does all the time, where you just say it as if it's true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And if anyone tells you-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I've done the research.
MARCUS PARKS
If anyone tells you that it's not true, all you have to do is give them a condescending look and say like well I guess you're one of them, aren't you?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It works.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But since Icke decided that all of Cayce and Nostradamus's predictions were true, he also decided that everything else they wrote about must be true as well, which is how Icke came to believe in the lost civilizations of Atlantis and Lemuria, also known as Mu. Now with particularly the works of Edgar Cayce, Icke added a couple more tools to his box of esoterica, which is both a strength and a weakness of David Icke.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Because he's a folder.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. See, Icke is the kind of writer who piles everything he knows into every theory he creates and connects all of it by just listing a bunch of factoids one after another after another.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I call it the Cold Stone Creamery effect where you get into conspiracy... Because this is the problem, right? Love Cold Stone Creamery.
ED LARSON
It's amazing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Really do love it. But also I feel like in some ways what's nice about going to a place where there is a set recipe for the thing you're gonna order, right. You have a bunch of people who went, again, this is like reading research from people that like know what they're talking about. They put together flavor profiles to make sense. The problem is that with us, right, as big fat dumb pieces of shit, right, is that I go into the Cold Stone Creamery, I'm throwing a bunch of random fucking garbage in there and it doesn't all fit into a cohesive dessert-like meal.
MARCUS PARKS
Tastes like brown.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Tastes like brown. So that's what he's doing here. He's putting gummy bears in, he's putting peanut butter cups in. And that doesn't make sense. Those two things should not be together. I know some people are gonna call me like a prude or whatever but for me, that makes you a dessert fucking pervert. And I actually think that you should be sterilized.
ED LARSON
Yeah. And also like Cold Stone Creamery, if you tip David Icke, he has to sing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He has to sing. (singing) Only you...
MARCUS PARKS
Well by doing this kind of information overload, Icke is able to overwhelm his readers with so much information that it starts making sense to people with weak critical thinking skills, only because he keeps telling you over and over again how much sense all of this makes. This guy's smart, he's telling me it makes sense. There's a bunch of this stuff that I don't really understand but it sounds good. So if he's telling me it makes sense, then it must make sense and therefore I now believe in Reptilians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What I believe is that he tried to see what sticks. Is that when this all came and then he started going down this avenue, he's gonna go out on the... We'll go to his first public appearance which really fucked him up. But he writes in generalities in the beginning. The first three books are all vague. Vibes, crystals, horseshit. It's not til later on-
MARCUS PARKS
Well The first book is vague and crystals and horseshit. The second and third book are quite different indeed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. But he puts like in the light of experience, he puts some stuff from Lemuria but it's not quite what it gets to, the biggest secret.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It's not quite there but it's definitely a lot of wink-wink. Rothschilds, you ever thought about them?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Eh, you ever think about that? You ever have a little think of that?
MARCUS PARKS
But Icke's informational vomit also turns off the majority of readers who correctly see his writing style as pathologically compulsive, considering how many of his books and how many of his, I don't know, dozens upon dozens of books are often over 500 pages long.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You can't not say he's an extremely prolific writer and commentator.
MARCUS PARKS
Well he's prolific. I was talking to Carolina about it the other day-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He just pumped shit out.
MARCUS PARKS
She used a great word for this. Compulsive.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is compulsive.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He is a compulsive writer, he has to do it.
ED LARSON
He's self-published. You can't be prolific and self-published.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He didn't start self-published but he got to be obviously because then people are starting to understand that Icke-
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Trouble areas.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Trouble areas. He wrote out all this stuff. I find it interesting because it's like how, I hate to be like this but like Trump's an idiot's version of a rich person. David Icke's an idiot's version of a smart person.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where you're looking at all this stuff, it's purposely written complicated. And then at first you think oh, he must be brilliant, look at all the stuff he knows. And then you read it and you're like oh, he's just piling things.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is actually unreadable. And what's the problem is that the dumb reader, and I'm not maligning our dumbs because it's hard because you're just ignorant. But at first you think it's so complicated and you're like I'm so stupid, I'm too stupid to read this. And then you're like oh it's because David Icke's a genius, he can put all this together.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I need him to explain to me what he wrote. And it just takes you a long time of poring through it when you begin to realize oh, I've just wasted hours!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And then all of a sudden you're standing in front of a synagogue with a machine gun in your hands.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I should have been a content creator!
MARCUS PARKS
Now within a couple of weeks of his first meeting with the spirit of Wang, Icke contacted psychic Betty Shine-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Spirit of Wang is a fucking porno movie.
MARCUS PARKS
Icke contacted psychic Betty Shine and told her that he'd been seeing weird shit. He'd been seeing images of eyes everywhere he looked. Betty, who probably knew that she'd hooked a big fish with a well-known television personality, told him that this was because his psychic powers were finally developing. And guess who was the only person who could help him develop those psychic powers further? Betty Shine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean how else are you gonna do it?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. In more sessions that I'm sure Icke paid a premium, Wang Yi Lee kept returning with more messages.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
God, I wish. Ugh, I can't.
MARCUS PARKS
I know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ooh, it's so hard.
MARCUS PARKS
The spirit supposedly told Icke that he was supposed to communicate a message that would change the world, that he would write five books in three years, and that he had to quit politics completely because politics were anti-spiritual.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it's not just because they wouldn't have him and nobody would vote for him.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Shine meanwhile, channeling Lee, supposedly continued to prove her psychic abilities in the same vein as the cat diarrhea prediction. In one session, she/he said that the spirit of the book David was reading at the time was in great anguish as it lay against a newspaper in his suitcase. The spirit of the book.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The book was having a bad day.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The book, Shine/Lee said, was much troubled by a story in the paper about bovine spongiform encephalopathy. That's mad cow disease.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fancy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The article was not truthful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa.
MARCUS PARKS
The book however was truthful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What?
MARCUS PARKS
And the book was upset because it was laying against an article that was saying the opposite of what the book said.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You sound like me at the very height of my OCD panic. You know what I mean? Like that is such a nonsensical thought.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where you're like, to me it's always like oh no, Carmy is gonna be sad.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And there's a dog. Like yeah, they do feel like that. But they don't think like that. I look in Carmy's eyes and yeah, she loves me, but she's also like chicken?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's a dog. Even that kind of makes sense.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A dog has emotions.
ED LARSON
She would eat you.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Carmy would absolutely eat you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, of course. Most of your dogs.
ED LARSON
I don't think Rambo would eat me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just think it'd be hard to get through the skin.
ED LARSON
Thank you.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I don't think Rambo has... Yeah.
ED LARSON
He's got good teeth.
MARCUS PARKS
He's got good teeth?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's got good teeth.
ED LARSON
He's got some.
MARCUS PARKS
Now after spending quite a bit of time with Betty Shine, Icke moved on to a psychic named Judy and brought along his wife Linda. Linda, by the way, was starting to buy into all of the new age lifestyle shit just as heavily as her husband.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
David and Linda were told that they've been together in hundreds of previous lives going back to Ancient Greece, where a mystical marriage tied their souls together for eternity. David and Linda, by the way, divorced in 2001.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah, yeah. About two years after 'The Biggest Secret'.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well that was because there was extenuating circumstances.
MARCUS PARKS
But from there, Icke received strong psychic messages to work with a psychic in Calgary named Deborah Shaw.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Okay, I'm getting a vision. She's blonde, she's got huge tits. I have to speak with her!
MARCUS PARKS
Shaw taught Icke the secret rituals and ways of the Native Americans, whose spirits came and spoke with both of them after these two white people desecrated a burial mound by endlessly chanting above it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) More deep! More deep! More deep! I find it interesting too because in the UK they find, which I do understand, they find Native American more fascinating.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right? Because obviously they came and they killed all of them. But then while they were killing all of them they found a bunch of cool stuff.
MARCUS PARKS
Let's not just put it on the British, it was also the Spaniards, it was also the French.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they came and they found a bucnh of cool stuff. And they're like it seems like those people we're subjugating might be groovy or whatever the fuck. Right? I do understand. But they wipe them all out. But now they're like super interested in it and so he does go through a... He is a man of many hats.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He became a Native American for a while.
MARCUS PARKS
Well that's the thing is that he has a very, until he gets to Reptilians, he has a very like Sonoma journey. Like first he really gets into Native Americans and then he gets really into turquoise.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Loves turquoise. And turquoise is different than teal.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because you, I believe-
ED LARSON
I'm a teal boy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're teal and orange.
MARCUS PARKS
It's Dolphins.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dolphins.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Coral, orange, and teal.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But teal is an entirely different, teal gives off the energy... Because like turquoise gives off the energy of generating-
ED LARSON
An old woman who lives in Phoenix.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Love and wisdom. No, it generates loves and wisdom. And teal invites the power of cuckholdery and choking in the fourth quarter.
ED LARSON
Oh I see what you did there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See, see?
ED LARSON
Yeah. Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow. Wow. I mean I guess this year would just be more apt to say like choking at the end of the season.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah. Which it did in the fourth quarter of that last game. Yes, they did.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
ED LARSON
I mean I know what I'm in for. The last time The Dolphins won the Super Bowl I was dead.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You weren't even cum.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It was around this time that David got fired from the BBC for refusing to pay the aforementioned tax. But now that he was completely unfettered, he could finally begin work on his third book, 'The Truth Vibrations', which is pretty much the new age pablum you'd expect it to be.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's awful.
MARCUS PARKS
It's nonsense.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(singing) Trueth, truth, truth, truth vibrations.
ED LARSON
It was very hard to hold the book because it was always shaking.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. But I sat on it and made my clit fucking huge.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this time is what David unironically refers to as his turquoise period because he began exclusively wearing turquoise tracksuits.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I almost bought one but I didn't want to fucking go into debt. I didn't want to pay money for this series.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
You paid hundreds of dollars for the materials to David Icke directly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah! That's work.
MARCUS PARKS
And you're not gonna pay a hard working American fashion designer who still makes turquoise tracksuits?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, I was looking at it. It is definitely made from pure petroleum from a bunch of children in India.
ED LARSON
They look decent.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
But I do hate that he wears like dress shirts under the tracksuit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It makes no sense. It's very British.
ED LARSON
It defeats the purpose of the tracksuit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The polo shirt underneath the tracksuit is very British.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It's for going to tennis games.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It's for stepping on lessers.
MARCUS PARKS
Well things also started getting a little sexually adventurous in the Icke household around this time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey man, of course.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. When psychic Deborah Shaw moved in and entered into a throuple with Icke and his wife.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is when he's at his most interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because I think that yeah, he's kind of full of some ideas. But he's dressed in turquoise, he's getting his dick sucked twice a night. Right? He's got a psychic lady who's being like I bet tonight, I have a vision we're gonna do butt stuff. And they're all like whoa, let's see if that vision comes to fruition!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then they had butt sex. And I mean they all hang out, him and his family. But this is kind of when like if he had just stayed in this lane-
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And kind of got into maybe skincare.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
If he Gooped it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, if he Gooped it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He could have been fine.
ED LARSON
Well the whole point of skincare is to make yourself attractive enough to fuck.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Or at least moist enough to touch.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well as they told the press when the story broke that a Marv Albert type was in a relationship with two women-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
This short-lived arrangement was called the turquoise triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Man, oh man.
MARCUS PARKS
Icke should have stayed in this spot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He really should have.
MARCUS PARKS
The turquoise triangle?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
These knobby-kneed, big fucking Adam's apple British people. I'll say, man, they get freaky.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh my god.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
These fucking weird ass, crooked teeth, fucking backwoods swamp people, they fuck and they suck like nobody's watching. Because nobody's watching.
ED LARSON
That's because they start fucking at 12 and it's not interesting by the time you're 40.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, you gotta spice it up. But it's like you know the type of sex that only a couple on TikTok has where like the lady is 300 plus pounds and the man's maybe like 100 lbs and that type of twisted ass, licking asshole, sucking feet, fucking it's taking a crumpet and putting it up your pussy.
MARCUS PARKS
I have four words for you. Fred and Rose West.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Who are they?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They are the peak of British sexuality. I'll send you some stuff on them.
ED LARSON
Thanks, I can't wait. I'll make sure I get my tea and crackers ready.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Make sure you crumble them up, put it in a bowl, shove them up your ass.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Deborah Shaw, psychic Deborah Shaw soon changed her name to Mari Shawsun-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And Icke's wife changed her name to Micola, because she was an aspect of the archangel Michael. David remained David.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, of course. I mean obviously it's the brand.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But now that the turquoise triangle was out of the bag, Icke held a full press conference with his wife and Deborah Shaw to announce to the world that he was the son of the godhead.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Not the son of god.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No! Not the son of god.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That would mean he'd be too big for his britches.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep, that's right.
ED LARSON
So he's the son of god's boss.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's the son of god's corporation.
ED LARSON
Can I ask you to explain godhead to me?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure. Basically it seems, so David Icke, he doesn't want you to think he's Jesus Christ, Eddie.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay? Because he's too humble.
MARCUS PARKS
Also Jesus Christ isn't real.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly.
ED LARSON
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
In David's cosmology.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
In David's world.
MARCUS PARKS
He's not real unless he is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's a spiritual creature that may or may not have been physical.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But in his mind, they said apparently, Betty Shine says that she explained to him the Rosicrucian concept of the godhead. Got it in there.
MARCUS PARKS
You got the Rosicrucians in there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right? The term son of god in Rosicrucian means someone who has purified themselves and developed such a high level of self sacrifice that they have reached a level of consciousness that rises above bodily desires and selfishness to the greater good and the brotherhood of mankind. You know, sports journalists, that's what they always do. But that's the idea that it's the son of the godhead means that you have done so good at being so cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because all you want to do is help people, like me. Like I'm a guy, I give and give and give and give endlessly. Part of me letting the hat go is letting the hat be free. All right? Why do I hold it back?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right? And I'm trying to accept my head and that's why I took it as a synchronicity. I'm sitting here working all day, right? David Icke says oh look for the synchronicities, points you in the right fucking direction at all times. Guess what? Yesterday, heard them talking about Rocky on the radio from an old Howard Stern from a long time ago. And then I go to put on the David Icke video before it began the other day and then a YouTube commercial, because I refuse to pay for YouTube Red, I won't do it, and they won't give it to me for free. The first thing it did was play a commercial that had the Rocky theme.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
What a coincidence.
ED LARSON
But who is the godhead?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think Jon Lovitz is gonna play it in a Marvel movie. Acting!
MARCUS PARKS
Now because of the bizarre nature of David Icke's press conference with his two wives-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
David Icke was invited to be interviewed on a primetime chat show called Wogan, presented by a well-respected journalist named Sir Terry Wogan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sir Terry Wogan. I don't know what the show was. Was it like Sally Jesse Raphael?
MARCUS PARKS
No, it's like-
ED LARSON
It's a woke Joe Rogan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Joe Wogan.
MARCUS PARKS
It's more like a David Frost.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay. So it was a serious journalism show.
MARCUS PARKS
Very serious. Yeah, it was a serious chat show. Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because the reaction, it felt like he was in, he went to be on fucking what's his name, like he was on...
ED LARSON
Cavett?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. It kind of felt like he was on Springer.
MARCUS PARKS
Springer? Oh no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well the environment.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The environment was a little rowdy but no, no, Sir Terry Wogan was a serious man from what I could tell. I might be getting a bunch of emails saying that he was like, I don't know, like John Cleese and I just don't know. But from what I read, he seemed fine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
See in this, Terry Wogan had a household name who had quite suddenly lost his mind and obviously wanted to talk about it. So Icke was a no brainer for a guest.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But while Icke thought that this was gonna be a national platform to tell people his truth, it was instead the most humiliating experience of his life. After Icke went on and on during the interview about the true history of the world being lost for 12,000 years, how the world was gonna end but in a positive way, and that great disasters were going to befall Great Britain within 12 months, Wogan went in for the kill. Wogan asked as many questions as he could through David Icke's steamroll style of being interviewed. But Wogan was also able to make a couple of jokes much to the delight of the audience. The atmosphere prompted this absolutely devastating exchange.
LPOTL
(audio)
Icke: You know the best way of removing negativity is to laugh and be joyous. So I'm delighted that there's so much laughter in the audience tonight.
Wogan: But no.
Icke: But just let me say this.
Wogan: They're laughing at you. They're not laughing with you. Icke: Fine.
MARCUS PARKS
Woof.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sheesh.
MARCUS PARKS
Woof.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I could see how, I've had seminal bombs, right? Like I've had bombs in my lifetime doing comedy that have taught me lessons that I needed to learn.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Of course.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like I've walked up, I failed extremely badly. And then you kind of like okay, we need to revisit this, we need to think about how we're approaching these various things. He decided that this was, his ridicule thing, this is the moment where he's like (British accent) oh this is my thing now.
ED LARSON
Yeah, he doubled down instead of rewriting.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nobody has doubled down more than KFC, than fucking David Icke. David Icke has sextupled down.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't think he's ever been up. He has so doubled down, his head is sticking out of his mouth which is up his ass.
ED LARSON
Nice.
MARCUS PARKS
Now that 15 minute interview absolutely destroyed both David Icke's reputation and his ego, making him a permanent figure of ridicule. But it also hardened his resolve. Icke had two choices, give up and backtrack or go all in.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We're going all in!
MARCUS PARKS
Yep. David of course went all in. And like a cult of one, he would continually up the ante year after year with increasingly unbelievable claims, I think all to keep himself believing in everything he was saying. Because that's the thing about cults, that's why cults get bad because the cult leader always has to have something new. They always have to have a new crazy fucking thing for everybody to follow. That's how Heaven's Gate went from a bunch of nerds, to a bunch of nerds chopping their balls off, to being dead.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You just have to keep, because you have to stay ahead of the crew. You got to stay ahead because if you lose them, they could potentially fucking kill you. You know what I mean? They could all freak out. So you're trying to constantly kind of monitor this group. And a cult leader always, in our minds, either has one foot in the belief system and one foot out. David Icke is somebody that I am still puzzled of how much he believed.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because of the way he doubles down and how much he talks. But then partially I wonder if that is again another one of those things that he's doing on purpose. That he's like look how real I am. I don't shut up.
MARCUS PARKS
I think his thing is that he talks and he writes but he doesn't think.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And that's how he stays where he is.
ED LARSON
So is he popular? Like do people believe and follow him?
MARCUS PARKS
We're gonna get into that more in episode two. But let's just say that 3% of Americans believe that Reptilians are real and they do run the government.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Are real. Yeah.
ED LARSON
God, so fucking depressing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean I was one of them for a long time. And I'm not putting against the Reptilians but I also feel like don't they want to do something else? Don't they want to be in show business?
MARCUS PARKS
They are!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nice.
MARCUS PARKS
Now around the time of the Wogan debacle, Icke's throuple fell apart and Deborah Shaw left after she got pregnant. After she gave birth, Shaw told David that she didn't want him to have anything to do with her child's life, which was a request David honored. But from that, the media piled on by saying that Icke had abandoned the child and was inventing a religion only to sleep with women.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No!
MARCUS PARKS
Although the likely explanation is that Shaw was kicked out by Icke's wife once the turquoise triangle got a little too real.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm just gonna put this again, even for David Icke, they don't work. Don't open your marriage. All right?
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Unless you've already been talking about it for a long time. That is my advice. Don't do it because it's hard. Because if David Icke can't keep two women happy and one of them thinks he's the son of the godhead, are you gonna do it?
MARCUS PARKS
I don't know. I've seen throuples work and I've seen throuples fail. But I have seen a lot more throuples fail than I've seen throuples work.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You just gotta get that dick game strong and you gotta be good at texting, know what proper emojis use. And then also don't... I think turquoise is not a sexy color.
ED LARSON
Also don't name it. Don't name your throuple.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't name your throuple.
ED LARSON
You're not a team.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't name your throuple.
MARCUS PARKS
But after publishing a couple more books that were more or less harmless, David Icke pivoted to full conspiracy mode. Icke began writing about globalists, which as we all know is code for Jewish folk.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was looking for a model. He was looking for a model for his giant leitmotif conspiracy theory to fit in.
MARCUS PARKS
Because he didn't really have much of a conspiracy theory at this point.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it was all-
MARCUS PARKS
He had a very vague conspiracy theory.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was way into end of Earth predictions.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it was always this thing where it could never be negative. It always had to be positive. The Earth had to go through all of this upheaval because if not the Earth would explode or he said not exist or some garbage.
MARCUS PARKS
Something. And he'd been saying in 'Truth Vibrations' that the Earth's history had been lost for the last 12,000 years. That 12,000 years ago, there was a great cataclysmic upheaval that destroyed Atlantis and Lemuria and we've been working to get back to that truth ever since. But then that's the thing is that in order to keep that going, he had to ask well who were the ones that caused the cataclysm? And who is it that's keeping us down?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was Venus.
MARCUS PARKS
It was Venus?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Venus got too close when the Nibiru hit Planet X and then it split up and then we were made at Earth and then Venus came by too close to the forming planet Earth. And then the ice from Venus is the reason why we have ice on Earth.
ED LARSON
I hope some people die in the next episode.
MARCUS PARKS
Well a lot of people are gonna like pretend die in this episode.
ED LARSON
Okay, fun. Let's go.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well in 1994, Icke wrote a book called 'The Robots Rebellion' in which he claimed that a shadowy cabal that may or may not be made up of extraterrestrials controlled the world.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) What do you think of that? Put that in your brain. Think about that one.
MARCUS PARKS
This plan, he wrote, was laid out in the anti-Semitic forgery 'The Protocols of the Elders of Zion', which is the go to text for anti-Semites who claim that the Jewish people are subhumans hellbent on total world domination. Are you familiar with the protocols?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Do you not see his back tattoo?
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's every word of it written on it. It's crazy to me but...
ED LARSON
I got fucked up though. I put it on left or right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, just so you know, are the quote unquote "proof" that Jewish people run the world.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And it was a forgery written by the Russian Secret Police like many, many, many years ago in order to justify pogroms.
ED LARSON
Do you know how many Jewish people I know that have asked to borrow money from me?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Have they thought about going down to the pet store and talking to some of the iguanas?
MARCUS PARKS
But Icke-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because that's his big thing, he's against banks.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
David Icke is so against banks.
ED LARSON
I'm with him!
MARCUS PARKS
Well it's because of the Rothschilds.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it's the thing, he's against the concept of you loan money and they pay you a percentage. Which is again, they get a percentage more on the loan.
MARCUS PARKS
Usury.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Usury.
MARCUS PARKS
He's against usury.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But that is again, that's another weird anti-Semitic thing. It's too much not not anti-Semitic. You know what I mean?
MARCUS PARKS
Oh yeah. Well that's the whole thing about Jewish people and why Jewish people got into banking is because they were pushed out of so many other professions that they had to figure out how the fuck to survive. And back in the day, Christians actually were against usury, it's in the bible.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Oh yes. That's why Jesus destroys all the fucking guys in the thing. He was like yeah, you fuck bitch! And he'd come out and he teabagged the guy.
MARCUS PARKS
Which people also use as an anti-Semitic thing by saying like Jesus was going into a den of thieves which some people think is code for Jews. But the thing is, the reason why the Jewish people got into banking is because Judaism has no law against usury, has no law against interest. And so that's why Jewish people started banking is because it was a fucking service that needed to be there.
ED LARSON
Yeah. It's the same-
MARCUS PARKS
Borrow money, pay the interest back, so on and so forth. But now of course you've got, I mean how many fucking Christian bankers do we have today?
ED LARSON
A lot!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Quite a few.
MARCUS PARKS
Quite a few.
ED LARSON
Too many.
MARCUS PARKS
Even though in the bible it says that you should not charge interest, it's against the rules.
ED LARSON
The banking Mecca of America is Charlotte.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I say we give the banks to the robots.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah!
ED LARSON
And it's the same reason the Jews started Hollywood because they were pushed out of every other fucking industry.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
And they came all the way out to Los Angeles and they fucking started performing because it was the only thing they were allowed to do because performers were supposed to be lesser than people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And now we're better than.
ED LARSON
Now we're better than.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I thought they went to California because they're used to the desert.
MARCUS PARKS
Can we point out that you're Jewish? I would like to point that out at this point.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well he's half Jewish.
MARCUS PARKS
Half Jewish.
ED LARSON
My father's Jewish, my mother's Catholic, I'm an atheist.
MARCUS PARKS
All right.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Great.
ED LARSON
Yeah. So there you go, everybody. I still get angry!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's one of them.
ED LARSON
When people talk bad about the Jews, I still get mad.
MARCUS PARKS
But Icke had an explanation proving that all of this was not anti-Semitic at all. In his world, it wasn't the Jews that were behind The Protocols of the Elders of Zion but the illuminati, it just so happened that the illuminati were mostly Jewish.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
This sort of 'I'm just saying' logic would become a Hallmark of David's career.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) What do you think about that?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) You could give a little think about that.
ED LARSON
I think that fucking Shine sounds like a Jewish last name. That's what I think.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She probably changed it from like Shinoli.
MARCUS PARKS
Well This sort of logic also got David dropped by his publisher. After 'The Robots Rebellion'-
ED LARSON
That's how it goes, bro.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. After 'The Robots Rebellion', Icke went even harder against the Jews with a book called 'And The Truth Shall Set You Free'.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sometimes the truth sets you free from your publishing contract.
MARCUS PARKS
Now while the anti-Semitism in 'The Robots Rebellion' kind of skated by, 'And The Truth Shall Set You Free' was way too anti-Semitic for his publisher, who refused to print it. And so Icke entered into the world of self-publishing, where he remains to this day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The only person gonna say no to you is you.
MARCUS PARKS
That's right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you know what I do every day? I say no.
ED LARSON
Bezos will put out any fucking book.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Any book.
MARCUS PARKS
But after the book in which he claims Jewish people themselves partially funded the Holocaust-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ugh!
MARCUS PARKS
He unleashed his magnum opus-
ED LARSON
I'm gonna flip over this fucking table.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. He unleashed his magnum opus upon the world. This volume would make Icke famous the world over, exposing the hidden history of life, the universe, and everything. In other words, it's time for us to finally get into the history of the Reptilians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yay!
MARCUS PARKS
As was laid out in David.Icke's 600 page book, 'The Biggest Secret'.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay. So sit down, this next segment should only take five or six hours. And we're really gonna get into it. I still believe that he just found a fun image and he ran with it. But we'll get there.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Now the concept of the Reptilians was by no means a David Icke invention. In the early 90s, a newsletter called The Cosmic Awareness, which was channeled by the founder of the Aquarian Universal Service-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that's as good as being there.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's as good as experiencing.
MARCUS PARKS
They published their own version that was very similar to David Icke's. The way The Cosmic Awareness put it, many of the political leaders of our world have been switched with cloned robotoids, that was their word, that were piloted by interdimensional Reptilians. This is pretty damn close to one form of Reptilians that Icke discusses.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But did they take 600 pages to describe it? I don't think so.
MARCUS PARKS
It was basically a newsletter which I'm sure David Icke read because he was in that scene. More interestingly though is the theory I've seen from multiple sources that says that the idea for Reptilians came from none other than Robert E. Howard, creator of Conan the Barbarian.
ED LARSON
Oh there we go.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm a massive Conan guy by the way.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love it.
MARCUS PARKS
Love Conan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Love Conan, I love the books, like the actual short stories of Conan the Barbarian are great.
MARCUS PARKS
I love the comic books. And the movies of course. I'll watch any sword and sorcery movie that has ever been made. I fucking love them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And the guy that wrote Conan, Robert E. Howard, is a very interesting character. Where he was like closeted gay and then he committed suicide. It was like a whole thing. But he's got this dark, crazy... It's good. You'll love it.
ED LARSON
I'll get into that. See I never went past Oliver Stone.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love the movies though, I think the movie is fantastic too.
ED LARSON
The movie's great.
MARCUS PARKS
Conan the Barbarian is such an amazing film.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's incredible.
MARCUS PARKS
Drawing upon the writings of Madame Helena Blavatsky, Howard used her versions of Atlantis and Lemuria amongst other theosophical ideas to create a race of serpent men for Conan to crush and see them driven before him and to hear the lamentation of the women!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Lamentation of the women!
MARCUS PARKS
Robert E. Howard's lizard people had human bodies and snake's heads but they could use their shape shifting and mind control abilities to infiltrate humanity from their underground hidey holes. Combine this with the description in The Cosmic Awareness and you've got the broad strokes David Icke used to create his own Reptilian race.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I also don't think it was that big of a jump. I think that he was every single... Let's just go out and say a con man. Like this is a con man where with Madame Blavatsky and Aleister Crowley, part of what they were trying to do was give you some kind of mastery over whatever you think about magical abilities or being able to the harness the esoteric arts. The goal was to open up the coffers so that you can understand and then you can go and maybe experience some of these things on your own. And I think that's however you want to deal with it. And obviously Madame Blavatsky had semi occult but mostly it was like a series of people kind of like taking care of her. But mostly it was like, not innocent, but it was kind of thoughts for thoughts sake and maybe you could get something out of this practice.
MARCUS PARKS
I mean the Nazis did take quite a few ideas from...
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well that was the issue. Big problem. But the thing with David Icke is that I still feel that everybody's looking for their thang, like what's their gimmick?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And for a while he was trying the turquoise and it was dumb. And then he was trying the normal wooey-woo like oh we gotta get our out of our own way, we're all psychic beings and we're going through it every 10 years. Because like the first time it was supposed to be 1997 was the end of the world. And then it was like 2001 was the end of the world. And he did all these and then 2012 was gonna be the end of the world, all this fucking bullshit. And he kind of put all these together. He couldn't really figure it out. I think that there were several things. He found this, he also brings up the Robert E. Howard, he talks about Reptilians and just being an awesome villain in general, right? Because there was a lot of talk, if you look at other people that have talked about alien abduction materials, like people who have dealt with alien abductions have kind of talked about there being a Grey and a Mantis and a Reptilian all hanging out, they're all a team of rivals working on the ship together. And people have talked about seeing that kind of imagery. But he got into gnosticism and he saw the Archons. And he was looking for a thing to be like this shit's always been this way.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So he saw the Archons and they were lightly described as dragon-like, as like lizard-like. And the Archons are the villains of the gnostic world, which is this idea they're like thought forms that are coming to corrupt us and they're stealing our energy.
ED LARSON
I thought Christ was the villain of the agnostic world.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'll give you a book on gnosticism, you'll go to sleep on top of it.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I'll give you 'The Invisibles', you'll love it and understand it even better.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You may, you might. But I think he took that and he was like that's it. And then he started looking up, I think he went to the library and he's like famous snakes! Like he just went famous snakes, when will this come up? And then he discovered that the concept of the Anunnaki.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And the idea of these like snake people or lizard-headed people. Because his idea is then you take every piece of, Gilgamesh talks about lizard people, other things have little like dragon- like characters.
MARCUS PARKS
Sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Instead of him saying in his head this is allegory, poetry, fiction from thousands of years ago, he's just like (British accent) oh now I see if I tell you it's a bit of a real, then maybe you think about it different. What do you think about that? I tell you it's actually completely real. Hieroglyphs, they weren't comic books, they were picture books. It's like a photography. A man came, big horsehead man, he came into the room and everyone's like oh, here he goes. And nobody's scared of him because they're used to him. They make the big guy in the hieroglyphs, he's bigger than the rest of them. Oh it might be symbolic that he was more culturally important. That's where I got your ass in a fucking cage. He was taller than them! He was just physically larger than them and it's an exact photo representation of those people!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he just kind of talks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Help me!
MARCUS PARKS
I gotta break you out of this.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Children of the Matrix', it says the most comprehensive explanation ever written of the Reptilian manipulation of human society. It is 499 pages long.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
ED LARSON
I've known you for 22 years, I don't think I've ever not listened to you more.
MARCUS PARKS
Now one of David Icke's many goals with the biggest secret is to chart the history of the interbreeding tribe of bloodlines that control the world today, thereby revealing the true nature of the capital G, capital A, Global Agenda. This conspiracy is three-pronged. Remove those who are a threat to the agenda, use those in positions of power to enact the agenda, and create problematic events so the people in power can come forth with a solution, thereby subconsciously ensuring that the world has faith in the institutions that serve the agenda.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And David Icke acts like he made it up. He called it problem, reaction, solution.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He said he made that up. And he didn't.
MARCUS PARKS
It's called a false flag.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. It's been around.
MARCUS PARKS
It's been around for-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ancient history.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Over millennia, the bloodlines have created a network of mystery schools like the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn and secret societies like the Freemasons to covertly introduce said agenda while simultaneously creating all religions to mentally imprison the masses and give convenient excuses for wars when needed. And even though there are some women involved-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Some.
MARCUS PARKS
Like a certain HRC-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, somebody get the balsa wood because somebody's cage needs to be relined.
ED LARSON
This is my favorite part.
MARCUS PARKS
The conspirators are overwhelmingly male. And since they go back to Babylonian times, David Icke refers to them as the Babylonian Brotherhood.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Or Brotherhood of the Flame and Brotherhood of the Serpent.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes. Basically everything of consequence that's ever happened in human history is due to the machinations of the brotherhood.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's where you're a fucking idiot, Eddie.
ED LARSON
I feel like one, that's for sure.
MARCUS PARKS
The brotherhood includes, amongst other lesser bloodlines, the British and European royalties along with all of their aristocracies, every duke, every... What are some of the other ones? Dowagers?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't fucking know.
MARCUS PARKS
Dowager Countesses? There's also the Rothschild banking family, the Rockefellers, probably all the US presidents.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Probably.
ED LARSON
Probably most of them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Most.
MARCUS PARKS
Probably all.
ED LARSON
The sheriff of Nottingham.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was in it, he was bad.
ED LARSON
Martin Luther King Sr.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man. Winnie the Pooh. He's real.
MARCUS PARKS
And all United States bankers. But I'm sure that you know all that, being the thinking people that you are.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, everybody's already fucking at their local bank asking for their money in gold coin.
MARCUS PARKS
But what you didn't know is that there's a secret behind the secret, the biggest secret. And that secret is that the global agenda is created, controlled, and guided by an alien race called the Reptilians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're the guys.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're the ones doing it.
MARCUS PARKS
The guys.
ED LARSON
And it makes sense that they're named after a creature on Earth.
MARCUS PARKS
Ah but it has not always been here on Earth, let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, my friend.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Also one of the more biologically imperative explanations is that the lizards naturally, they come from a world where instead of the primate getting consciousness, it was the lizard.
MARCUS PARKS
Now as far as where these Reptilians came from and when they got here, Icke quotes 'Ancient Alien' author Zecharia Sitchin in his claim that the Reptilians were first known on Earth as the Anunnaki.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Anunnaki.
MARCUS PARKS
They were believed at first I think to hail from the planet Nibiru.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Which collided with one of its moons to create our solar system's asteroid belt. And from what Henry has told me, well we already went through all that when Neptune or planet-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You want me to do it again? It's Venus. Well Nibiru clashed into Planet X and then it split off into Earth and Venus. And then Venus gave us our ice.
MARCUS PARKS
That's why we have ice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
But Venus is hotter than Earth.
MARCUS PARKS
Because it's closer to the sun.
ED LARSON
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
It was just on its way towards the sun.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
On it's way. It used to have ice and that's why we have ice. Because Earth used to be totally tropical and the only people who lived on Earth were black people. And on Mars, which was closer to the sun at the time because it got moved out during the explosion, was filled with mystical technologically advanced white people. And then when Mars got knocked out of orbit, all of the magical white people from Mars jumped onto planet Earth, killed all the black people here. But then the Reptilians showed up on the planet Earth and took all the white people, fucked a bunch of them, made a bunch of people that then would go on to become the black nobility. Those bloodlines would go on to take care of the planet Earth from then on.
ED LARSON
So are black people not Reptilians?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
No. No. Actually he said-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Except for Barack Obama but it's the white part.
ED LARSON
Except for Barack Obama but he's half white.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, exactly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Again, it's because he's from Hawaii.
MARCUS PARKS
From what David Icke says, the only royalty that is not Reptilian is African royalty.
ED LARSON
Okay, okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I can get behind that.
MARCUS PARKS
There's always something. That's the thing though, that's the hook.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He's got you hooked. Now the beings known as the Anunnaki first came to Earth 450,000 years ago-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
To the date.
MARCUS PARKS
Before the destruction of Nibiru so they could enslave humans to mine gold, which could then be shipped to their home world. But the headline here is that the Reptilian Anunnaki are the reason why there are so many serpent gods throughout human history. David Icke discovered more about the secret history of the world from an African shaman named Credo Mutwa, who we mentioned in our sexual liaisons with the alien episode. Credo was the guy who had a bad experience with the Greys and pissed on an alien's chest before being forced to have sex with a blonde monster woman's screw-on vagina.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey man, we've all been 25.
MARCUS PARKS
But outside of the Greys, Credo Mutwa had extensive knowledge of all the alien races that have been lovingly and meticulously cataloged on Biblioteca Pleyades these many years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
These races include the Pleiadians-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Space hippies.
MARCUS PARKS
The Plejarens.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I actually am not sure of the Plejarens.
MARCUS PARKS
I think the Pleiadians and the Plejarens are the same.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're being racist.
MARCUS PARKS
Weren't the Plejarens, wasn't that a Dave Huggins thing?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Let me check my encyclopedia of alien races. Continue.
ED LARSON
The Plejarens represent all of his plagiarisms.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Yes.
ROB OKEY
Billy Meier.
MARCUS PARKS
Billy Meier!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Billy Meier. Thank you.
MARCUS PARKS
Billy Meier was the Plejarens, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thank you, Rob.
ED LARSON
Was he the guy, the cleaning guy?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's Billy Mays.
ED LARSON
That's Billy Mays.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fervent enthusiasm.
ED LARSON
Love that guy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Yeah, Billy Meier was a totally different guy, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He created fake UFO photos and he convinced a bunch of people that he was like a guy but he was just some weird, fat Swedish guy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. He had sex with I think Asket, Semjase.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Ptaah. Yeah, there was all kinds of stuff going on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Good for him.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. No, he had fun. He had a lot of fun. But this guy, Credo Mutwa, also-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's a very interesting guy.
MARCUS PARKS
He's a very interesting man. Very, very interesting. But he had knowledge of the Draconians, aka the Reptilians. Reptilians by the way control the Greys. You know the Grey is the one with the big head-
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, I know the Greys.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And the Draconians rule the Reptilians.
ED LARSON
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the Draconians rule the... But I think don't the Draconians rule the Reptilian hybrids?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. That's Tesla.
MARCUS PARKS
Well according to Credo, the Reptilians have controlled humanity for thousands of years but they've been a part of Earth's history for 350 million years. Or I guess the Draconians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Draconians are the ones with the planners.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Reptilians are the foot soldiers of the Draconians.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Reptilians work alongside the Greys. The Greys are controlled by the Tall Greys and the Tall Whites.
MARCUS PARKS
Well all reptiles and dinosaurs descend from the Draconians, right? But some of these dinosaurs evolved into bipedal humanoids who maintain control over the mammalian humanoids and those that are Reptilians, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The funky ones.
ED LARSON
The Larry Kings.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
The Larry Kings. These evolved dinosaurs also created hybrid programs that have been going on for hundreds of thousands of years. That's how we got the Aryan race, which means Nazis are Reptilians or at least the high ranking ones were. Hitler was definitely Reptilian.
ED LARSON
Of course!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, very much so.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He made sure he said that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He made sure that to say that Hitler was a Reptilian, therefore not anti-Semitic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's not anti-Semitic.
MARCUS PARKS
Because he doesn't like Hitler.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
There you go! Proof.
MARCUS PARKS
Now according to Credo Mutwa, part of the reason why Reptilians maintain control over humans, part of the reason, and tell me if this sounds familiar, is so humans can be harvested for their adrenaline. And the adrenaline of children is the most potent and sought after.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is. It's delicious.
ED LARSON
Yeah. And those little fuckers, man, they go, dude.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
I'm sitting there, I'm hanging out with my nieces and nephews and like they're running around in circles. I'm like when the fuck will this stop?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You promised me you'd send me her pituitary glands.
ED LARSON
Oh absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. I've got an ice cream scoop I'll give you before you leave next time you go back to Cleveland.
ED LARSON
As soon as the fucking check clears.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this is right out of the QAnon playbook, or should I say that the 4Chan pranksters who created QAnon took a page from the Reptilian playbook.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Which has been around since the beginning of fucking time.
MARCUS PARKS
This is exactly where the QAnon belief that democrats harvest children for adrenochrome comes from. Because QAnon is nothing more than a cobbling together of the edgiest conspiracies out there, which makes sense considering how it came from the edgiest place on the internet, 4Chan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Also you know that Credo Mutwa believed that he was making prophetic sculptures and there was a belief that he predicted that AIDS was gonna be a thing because he made this sculpture of a king with a huge dick and he had a bunch of lesions which looked like lesions on the dick that were in the exact shape as the AIDS ribbon?
ED LARSON
I mean all ribbons have the same shape.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh the little loop?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
AIDS ribbon. Yeah.
ED LARSON
What color is the AIDS ribbon again?
MARCUS PARKS
Red?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Red?
ED LARSON
I know the yellow ribbon has the same shape as the red ribbon. The blue ribbon.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know, buddy. It's on the dick.
MARCUS PARKS
How dare you?
ED LARSON
Ribboned for no one's pleasure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it is not.
MARCUS PARKS
Now according to David Icke, there are three suggested origins for the Reptilians. The first theory is that they're just aliens.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Which is kind of, yeah, they're just aliens.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The second is that they're in intraterrestrials hailing from the hollow Earth. The third is that they're from another dimension and they manipulate humanity by possessing human bodies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that the only way they can be in this reality is by generating like a human body or puppeting humans from the other dimension.
ED LARSON
And it makes sense that Earth is hollow because it's just floating in space. Otherwise it would just sink.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly. And the hollow Earth-
MARCUS PARKS
You are fucking catching on, bro.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, dude. And have you ever walked up to a hole in the Earth and just go ooh!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, you blow on it like a beer bottle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Flute Earth. That's a flute Earth!
ED LARSON
Oh no, here it comes!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Flute Earth!
ED LARSON
Andre fucking 3001!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, dude! Woo! Fucking woo!
MARCUS PARKS
Well David Icke writes that all three of these are true. Because Icke is incapable of making a decision when it comes to the narratives he creates.
ED LARSON
Eh, I like all of them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know why? Because if not, it shuts off one of the lines that he can talk about.
MARCUS PARKS
Exactly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He has no way to wiggle back out.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep. Now in the extraterrestrial theory, the alien Reptilians that help control Earth come from the Draco constellation, making them the Draconians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Some of them do.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, some of them do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The bosses do.
MARCUS PARKS
But Draconians, they have wings, right? Some of them have wings and some of them don't?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Grand Draconians have wings.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the winged ones are supposedly where the story of Dracula comes from. Dragon, Draco, Dracula. Fucking get it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep, that easy.
ED LARSON
I'm on it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fucking Alpha Draconians.
MARCUS PARKS
Alpha Draconians, okay.
ED LARSON
But the thing is if there are a bunch of stars make up a constellation, then each one of those stars has their own fucking galaxy and they could be millions of miles away from all the other stars.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think he's thinking too much.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, I think you're thinking a little too hard.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think buddy-
ED LARSON
I'm trying to think! This is ruining me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's your first problem.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep, that's your first problem is that you're starting to think about Ivory Tower science.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah. It's called Victorian physics. Mainstream lying is what you're helping right now. So your brain right now is like this, right?
ED LARSON
Yeah, rock hard.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's rock hard.
ED LARSON
Ready to fuck.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you know what you need to do? And it's tight. What you need to do is relax it.
ED LARSON
Relax it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
To really let that information in there.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What you want to do is get that information in there.
ED LARSON
So I wanna get fucked instead of fuck.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. You need to be a bottom for knowledge.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. You, sir, are living in a postage stamp reality.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Postage stamp. (British accent) Oh I know how it is. It's hard to be there. You're sitting there, looking at your game shows, looking at your football games, looking at your little bippity-boos, you're playing the little man. He's a hedgehog. Oh I've never seen a fast hedgehog. Now you tell me, oh this one hedgehog is the fastest one of all.
MARCUS PARKS
David, get back to it. David, get back to it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Oh what are you telling me? Oh it's because you don't want to look up because you're afraid of busting your little postage stamp sausage machine factory lifestyle that you're used to. Because post stamps over here, you're sitting on with your tiny little feet. You jump over here. Guess what? Oh, so scared. Now I can see how the sausage is made. Oh no, I eat sausage! And that's why you're ignorant, suffering from dis-ease.
MARCUS PARKS
So why don't you tell me, Ed, what postage stamp reality sausage factory means?
ED LARSON
I mean, mail me sausage.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He just heard bratwurst.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah. PO Box 470, North Hollywood, California.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Put some dry ice for that too honestly.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, real good.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A lot of sausage doesn't travel super well.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I want no Jimmy Dean shit, either. I can get that here.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
No, no, good sausage.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well part of the job of the Draconians is to breed with humans to make hybrids because those hybrids can easily be possessed by the interdimensional Reptilians. But I could not figure out how the hollow Earth Reptilians fit into all this.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're like cousins.
MARCUS PARKS
But how do they fit into the agenda?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They hang out.
ED LARSON
There's plenty of space in the middle of the Earth because it's hollow.
MARCUS PARKS
No but they're out.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They were the ones, there are certain packs of Reptilians that have been a part of... So when the split came off, when the people of Sumeria understood what was going on and were being subjugated by these lizard people, because that's the one thing that the top of the pyramid can never control which is the base of the pyramid. Because the base of a pyramid, if you remember, it's four sides and a square at the bottom.
ED LARSON
Yeah, I was right.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I was very wrong on that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But the bottom of the pyramid is much bigger than the top.
MARCUS PARKS
My science project was like really bad.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Everybody was upset.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But because the base is so much bigger than the top, right, there's so many more people. And that's the thing about the people at the top is they don't understand is that you have to control all of the people at the base. And the Anunnaki, they underestimated humankind and the power of all of us when we all combine our fucking thought matrices together, we're unstoppable. And the Anunnaki couldn't face it. So when we combined and we chased them off, some of the Anunnaki ran underground forever, constantly monitoring the various secret schools-
MARCUS PARKS
The comic book store closes at 5 so I'm like really on the clock here.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You wanted an explanation. If I don't come at this this thickly, the emails I'm going to receive... I already know that they're coming. There's also people shutting off their cars because they don't understand, this is real. This is what you have to understand!
ED LARSON
The fact that the comic book store closes at 5 just proves that only people without jobs are reading comic books.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey. Hey, a lot of people with jobs read comic books.
MARCUS PARKS
Hey, they're open until 7 on... Earth-2 is open until 7 on Wednesdays, on the day the comic books come out, and they're there all weekend. All weekend long. It's very busy on a Saturday at Earth-2.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the breeding programs created by the extraterrestrial Reptilians have, according to Icke, hard evidence.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He says that the so-called reptile brain present in humans is proof that Reptilians have been futzing around with humans for millennia. And this claim is further proved by David's insistence that the pheromones in human women and iguanas are chemically matched.
ED LARSON
Okay, I can see that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
MARCUS PARKS
Is that why Miami's so horny?
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, man. You look up in those trees, nothing but fucking reptile pussy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's all I think about. When I look at an iguana and I think of its rough scales and it's tiny razor-sharp teeth and its claws, the first thing I think of is god, I wanna fuck it. I'm gonna rail that thing till it's a sock.
ED LARSON
Yeah, man. You can make a fleshlight out of an iguana.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. You just gotta fucking remove all the stinky parts.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. You can make a fleshlight out of anything cylindrical and wet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Anything that's wet.
ED LARSON
That's right. Thank you for listening.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's not the end of the episode. We're not even at the end of the episode. We're not even at the end of 'The Biggest Secret'!
MARCUS PARKS
No. Well concerning those interdimensional Reptilians, Icke says that they are directly involved in satanism.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ugh.
MARCUS PARKS
Because when Satanists summon demons, they're actually summoning Reptilians from the fourth dimension.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And the speech is the Aleister Crowley idea that when he was talking to Lam, Lam was a fucking alien entity speaking through him and channeling. Which I just think is fun.
ED LARSON
So god's not real but Satan is?
MARCUS PARKS
Well no, Satan is not real, Satan is a Reptilian.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well what we know as Satan is a Reptilian. We don't know anything, Eddie, because we have always been, since the beginning of rational thought, in a prison, a holographic prison created by Reptilians. We have no view outside. We actually have never even known god because the Reptilians have kept us from doing so.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But that's the thing is that the fourth dimensional Reptilians aren't even the ones in charge. From what I can surmise, it seems like the whole operation is managed by fifth dimensional Reptilians?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Which is why they couldn't do COVID until they got 5G.
MARCUS PARKS
But Icke, he doesn't know a lot about the CEOs of the Reptilian agenda. He just kind of glosses over that. Unless he's learned a lot more since 'The Biggest Secret' which I'm sure he has.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. It's all about you can imagine. That's all it is.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) What do you think about that?
MARCUS PARKS
I can imagine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He just says some stuff and he goes (British accent) what do you think about that? Roll that around there in your bean. Roll that around there.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't think a lot about that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Oh it's because you're dumb. You're dumb and I don't want to kiss you no more. I was thinking about it because you've got a ladylike vision even though you're a bit of a dude, aren't ya? Well...
ED LARSON
Has anyone beat the shit out of this guy?
MARCUS PARKS
I'm sure at one point.
ED LARSON
At some point, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I wanna say he got creampied.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Not that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not... The old fashioned way.
ED LARSON
Over at the BBC.
MARCUS PARKS
But as far as Reptilians and power on Earth go-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) You must bottle this sauce. Absolutely incredible. Oh it's scrummy.
MARCUS PARKS
(British accent) This sauce is a bit claggy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(British accent) Claggy.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't know if sauce can be claggy. Unless you use the sauce to bake a cake. Claggy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a lot of stories we've covered with people putting cum in cupcakes and stuff like that.
MARCUS PARKS
That is true which I imagine would make the cupcake very claggy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Did you know that the comic book store closes at 5?
MARCUS PARKS
But as far as Reptilians and power on Earth go, Icke writes again and again that the British royal family are Reptilians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
As proof, he writes that Princess Diana used to call them lizards and Reptilians. And she supposedly once told a close confidant who told David Icke that quote "they're not human".
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're not human. Which is why they fucking whacked her.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And Icke is one of those British people who were absolutely devastated by the death of Princess Diana for some weird fucking reason that I will never understand.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't step into these waters.
ED LARSON
People love her!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
People love Princess Di. She was a wonderful-
ED LARSON
I love Princess Diana!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's fine. One of the things is that she was a British person in a royal family that even like the bar was so low for humanity. So that her just-
ED LARSON
How would the land mines have you dug up?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She was just watching it.
MARCUS PARKS
I get it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She was watching from the side.
MARCUS PARKS
I get it, she did some good things.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She showed a human face.
MARCUS PARKS
But people in England lost their fucking minds.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think it's because it was such a low bar for humanity for the royal family.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And she was like a crack in it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And they were all like... So like watch now, they all think that Kate Middleton's dead and it's just probably because she's got a colostomy bag (burps) and no one wants to see it.
MARCUS PARKS
Now over in America, the full blooded Reptilians are the Rockefellers and the Bush family. But what's interesting is that while Bill Clinton is not a Reptilian, even though Icke says that all presidents were probably aliens-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's because he could play the saxophone, which is extremely difficult for a Reptilian. Have you seen their lips?
ED LARSON
Yeah. And their tongues.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Hillary Clinton is the Reptilian in this relationship.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Which I suppose makes the Rodham family the reptile line.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
David Icke, by the way-
ED LARSON
She can't even play the skin flute.
MARCUS PARKS
David Icke, by the way, was also the first person to say that Hillary Clinton was a blood sucking, flesh eating subhuman.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He can't be wrong all the time.
ED LARSON
I don't think he's the first person to say that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. I think we're looking at Bill, he was the first person who said that.
MARCUS PARKS
But he was the one who put this into conspiracy thought. And when pizzagate came out that said that this woman was eating flesh and this woman was drinking the blood of the innocents, that made sense to the fringes. And that gave pizzagate a little bit more conspiracy weight. And when QAnon came out, it fed back, which QAnon came from pizzagate. It just all feeds back to David Icke.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well definitely what David Icke has pushed into the new century.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But the most powerful of the Reptilian bloodlines is also, just by coincidence David says, the one that happens to be Jewish.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's just coincidence!
MARCUS PARKS
That bloodline belongs to the Rothschild banking family, who have been subject to anti-Semitic conspiracy theories for centuries and are still a favorite target of modern conspiracists like
Alex Jones.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Well nobody like, it's weird, like I'm not gonna wear a shirt that goes like the Rothschilds!
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm not like a fan necessarily.
MARCUS PARKS
No. They're one of the oldest, wealthiest, and largest banking families in history. You don't get there by playing nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
We're not saying they're like fucking great people or nothing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well you're a banking family.
MARCUS PARKS
But the problem with the Rothschild conspiracies is that they're usually framed as the Rothschild's being the front men for Jews everywhere who are all doing their part in a plot to take over the world.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Which is way more like Larry David's the front man for Jews everywhere.
ED LARSON
Where do they stand on the Koch brothers?
MARCUS PARKS
The Koch brothers-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is right before.
MARCUS PARKS
Their big thing is George Soros.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Because the Koch brothers, that's Republican, they don't want to go too far on that side. They want to make sure that it's the Democrats. That's the enemy.
ED LARSON
Okay, gotcha.
MARCUS PARKS
So George Soros is a Reptilian. George Soros is a lizard.
ED LARSON
All right. Warren Buffett?
MARCUS PARKS
Unclear.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh no way, dude. No way.
MARCUS PARKS
Probably lizard.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Because he's a banker.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I say no.
ED LARSON
Jimmy Buffett.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jimmy Buffett, not Warren Buffett.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't know if any of them are-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Are they related?
ED LARSON
No!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Man, have they ever been together? Jimmy Buffett's dead now.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
They fucking coined both of them, I'll tell you that much.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. They very much do. I haven't actually seen any... No, Beyonce is a Reptilian.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, we know that.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Beyonce is a Reptilian.
ED LARSON
But she's black.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But she's special. She's illuminati.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. She's an illuminati Reptilian but also a robot.
ED LARSON
Gotcha.
MARCUS PARKS
Taylor Swift, Reptilian. Definitely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We know she's a Nazi.
MARCUS PARKS
Madonna, Reptilian.
ED LARSON
Madonna.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That makes sense.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Does it make sense?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
She looks horrible.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. She's morphed into a lizard over the years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's just got a stylistic thing where she wants to look frightening.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Icke of course uses this concept to great effect by co-opting the Rothschild conspiracies and slotting in the Reptilians. At the same time, he claims that he can't be anti-Semitic because the Rothschilds aren't actually Jewish, they're Reptilian.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're Reptilian. Only their fathers were Jewish.
ED LARSON
Oh okay. Good.
MARCUS PARKS
But either way, Icke wrote that the Rothschilds funded the Holocaust, started the Atlantic slave trade, they run the KKK, they suppress secret disease cures and alien technology-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
And they've masterminded every attack on Christendom in history.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's a lot.
MARCUS PARKS
Icke makes this claim in the same breath in which he says that Christianity is also a Reptilian institution but explains that away by saying that Christianity was co-opted by the Reptilians while also saying that Jesus wasn't real because the only mention of Jesus in historical records was written by a Jewish historian who was a reptile.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Biggest Secret' now available on Amazon. It's because he never wants to be wrong.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So everything is included.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Now the method by which Reptilians maintain control over the world is through an interconnecting web of secret societies who have been orchestrating wars, pandemics, and general mayhem for thousands of years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This has been my big thing I've never understood about this entire-
MARCUS PARKS
What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean not saying that this doesn't make sense but I've been having sometimes understanding this one thing about Reptilians, which is why do they need the middlemen of all these secret societies when they can just show up and rule us all with an iron fist openly and take over the entire planet with literally little to no resistance?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I think they like the game.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That doesn't make any sense.
ED LARSON
Reptiles also have like very small brains and their brains are in the back of their necks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
These are thinking reptiles.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, exactly.
MARCUS PARKS
These are reptiles who have evolved.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We're not vs the Geico gecko here.
ED LARSON
Oh man. He's British!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the Freemasons are of course Reptilian, as is the Skull and Bones society at Yale. Skull and Bones, Icke writes, is a blood drinking satanic society consisting entirely of Reptilian bloodline families.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But there won't be a Jewish person to be found in there!
ED LARSON
No, certainly not. It's like the worst party in the world that I also kind of want to go to.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's a horrible party. It's not gonna be good but I do want to one time. Just let me go to fucking all... Can I go to Bohemian Grove?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, just as long-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I won't say anything.
MARCUS PARKS
Just as long as both of you are okay with getting spanked.
ED LARSON
Hand, yes. Stick, no.
MARCUS PARKS
No paddle?
ED LARSON
No paddle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What does she look like?
MARCUS PARKS
It's not a she, my friend.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well that's...
ED LARSON
It's Prescott Bush.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm still alive!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's going to be the ghost of Henry Kissinger.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa!
MARCUS PARKS
Or actually it'll just be the corpse of Henry Kissinger because what I heard is that-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's grandpa's time! Get grandpa!
MARCUS PARKS
I heard that in Bohemian Grove they actually have Henry Kissinger's corpse set up like an animatronic doll and they put him on like this big spring and they spring him back and they let go of him and he spanks you. So that way Kissinger can spank people for all eternity.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Marcus, are you lying?
MARCUS PARKS
Nah.
ED LARSON
Where is Bohemian Grove? Supposedly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Upstate.
ED LARSON
Upstate?
MARCUS PARKS
Upstate California.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'll take you.
ED LARSON
Yeah, great.
MARCUS PARKS
We'll go some. Well additionally, the Knights Templar are Reptilian-
ED LARSON
Oh these fucking guys?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dude, they're back.
ED LARSON
Jesus Christ!
MARCUS PARKS
They're back.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Knights Templar have got nothing to do with this, man.
MARCUS PARKS
No, they're the Reptilian enforcement wing. But their main job is to protect the royal bloodline of the legendary Merovingian family.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I did find that the Knights Templar does exist, they just live in Indiana.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And from what I can tell by their website and from them being from Indiana, it looks just like the KKK by a different name.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Marcus. But they got big fun hoods and lots of jewelry and aprons. And they said a lot of stuff and I didn't see it. Yeah, there might not have been a black person in the group photo.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And they got a lot of like fun names for each other.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, like different level of wizard or different level of tactician.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the legendary Merovingian family... Ugh, god.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god. It's so funny because you keep coming back to it like it's gonna make sense. You keep coming back to the script like this is gonna get easier to work through.
MARCUS PARKS
I know. It's just like it's just getting harder. And I wrote this.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is. Yeah, dude.
ED LARSON
I do really applaud you for like actually sitting there and trying your absolute best to make a shred of sense of this.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because I actually do believe, I can already hear people screaming about how long we're spending on this. But I want them to understand the reason why we're walking it through is because of how much these ideas permeate through the rest of conspiracy theory thought from here on out.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And so next episode when we kind of go into that, like that's why we're here, so you can kind of see this is what's in these quote unquote "secret books". This is what's in here that you don't... We're doing it for you. We're doing it so that you don't have to go and get accidentally indoctrinated because of this. Because my brain's covered with a fucking crust.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it doesn't get in!
MARCUS PARKS
Well the line that leads us to January 6th runs directly through 'The Biggest Secret'.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Like 'The Biggest Secret', all this shit is about understanding conspiracy thought in America, where we are, not just America, in the fucking world now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Because where America goes, so follows the world unfortunately. Well the Reptilian bloodline of the Merovingians-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh man. Ooh god.
MARCUS PARKS
Includes the Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses II, all Roman emperors, every member of the British royal family, the Bush family, Leonardo Da Vinci, Isaac Newton, and Jesus Christ. Although Icke again had already said that Jesus was a creation of a Reptilian Jewish historian.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But as far as the Merovingian legend goes, a Merovingian queen was pregnant by the king but when she went for a swim in the ocean, she was raped by a quinotaur which is an aquatic bull with five horns and a fishtail.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know.
ED LARSON
And at least one dick.
MARCUS PARKS
The resulting hybrid offspring, which was somehow Reptilian despite being the offspring of a fish-bull, replaced the first baby probably by eating it in the womb and became the founder of the Merovingian bloodline. Their present day ancestors are reptoid half-breeds who regularly sell out the rest of humanity to the new world order, which I suppose is the same as the old world order if, as Icke says, the Reptilians have been running everything for thousands of years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's the problem is that he just says whatever! It's just fucking whatever. And so this is an allegory but everything else you read is fucking picture perfect fucking reality?
MARCUS PARKS
As far as how Reptilians stay in power, that's the job of the Rosicrucians, who I know you love.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We did it!
MARCUS PARKS
They scheme and manipulate people in situations to ensure there's always a reptile in every driver's seat, unless there isn't.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Unless there isn't.
MARCUS PARKS
JFK for example was not a reptile.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
Although it's never fully explained how he bypassed all these Reptilian safeguards to capture the presidency.
ED LARSON
Catholicism.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, Catholicism.
MARCUS PARKS
Which I guess would mean that Joe Biden is also not a reptile.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
No Catholics.
ED LARSON
That's right. No Catholics allowed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No but he does need a salt lick because if not his nutrients drop and he does fall down.
MARCUS PARKS
No, no, no. The Catholics are Reptilians because the Pope's hat is shaped like a fish and that fish-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what the fish-bull represented, literally what it's talking about in this storyline.
ED LARSON
Honestly if these motherfuckers want to go around ripping off the hats of cardinals and bishops and Popes, I'm all for it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Direct it the Pope. If you got rage, go get the Pope!
MARCUS PARKS
Well according to Icke, at least 33 American presidents are of a Reptilian bloodline.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
But probably all of them are also Reptilians except the ones who aren't.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's some that aren't but the ones that are, are.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Gotchu.
MARCUS PARKS
As far as the people sitting next to the seat of power go, it may not surprise you that Henry Kissinger was one of the planet's most active servants of the Reptilians.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'll tell you what, it's so nice. I keep the little water bottles full, I go out... (garbled)
ED LARSON
Clear your throat, Kissinger!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god, I've never done that before. Oh my god, I've always sounded like this.
ED LARSON
Marv Albert?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes!
MARCUS PARKS
But when it comes to America, America, guess what? Never really existed anyway.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude.
MARCUS PARKS
At least not in the way that we think it exists.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We ain't solid, idiots.
MARCUS PARKS
And it's with the illusion of America as well as how all this goofy fake shit has actually shaped the real world we live in today, it's with all that that we'll return next week for the rest of the Reptilian agenda.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. And it doesn't stop just because you sleep. The Reptilian agenda goes on all night.
ED LARSON
Well they're nocturnal.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly.
MARCUS PARKS
Are they?
ED LARSON
Well alligators.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's why I advise you for the next several weeks, stay awake.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And if you're one of those fucks who got a lizard in your house, sleep with one eye open.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because guess what? Today's their January 6th, they're gonna rise up. They're gonna bite off your clits. So you have to be careful because that's all an iguana wants to do. It just sees you as a big old worm.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We're fucked.
ED LARSON
The more you worm, the more you squirm.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. My dad said that.
MARCUS PARKS
Good advice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. My dad used to say that all the time.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Sir Isaac Newton.
ED LARSON
Yeah. You reading all of this like explains to me why you like Dune so much.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Me?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. This is easier than Dune.
ED LARSON
For sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it's harder at the same time because Dune is nice.
ED LARSON
I don't think it's nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's better than this. Go to patreon.com/lastpodcastontheleft.
ED LARSON
It's just as long.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See some of the incredible visual jokes I did for you today. You're gonna love it. Go to twitch. tv/lpntv to watch all of our new Twitch streams. That's gonna be fun to do.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Go follow us on the socials, Instagram and TikTok.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Which hopefully soon be gone! But @LPontheleft.
MARCUS PARKS
It's gonna take a while. It's gonna be a whole thing.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know, I know. It's not gonna be that open and shut. But until then, follow us.
ED LARSON
Fuck yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Because then I don't know why.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And go out. You don't have to go anywhere. Go on your computer and buy tickets to JK Ultra, Last Podcast on the Left's new tour, we're gonna be back out to several North American cities.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes, several North American cities. And of course we're also coming to Australia in August.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And New Zealand. And so go check it out wherever tickets are sold.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Denver and Seattle are up first.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
So go, we're coming to you, fuckers.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
We're coming to see you.
MARCUS PARKS
And we might also be having a couple of other international dates to announce. But we're not going to be talking about that just yet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Very soon.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Spin the globe, you fuckers!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude. If you see a lizard, kick it.
ED LARSON
Yes, man. I got two cool things coming down the pipeline here. First one is we're doing a second Brighter Side every week now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
It's gonna come out on Wednesdays and we're calling it, are you ready for this?
MARCUS PARKS
I'm ready.
ED LARSON
Brighter Side Stories.
MARCUS PARKS
Hell yeah. He's doing it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah!
ED LARSON
We're doing it.
MARCUS PARKS
Crossover.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Unfortunately we are gonna have to sue him for copyright infringement. Well that's between you and me and we'll talk about that later.
MARCUS PARKS
We'll talk about that in private.
ED LARSON
Please sue me! I need the press. Also I'm gonna be in Tallahassee, Florida. I'm going back. I booked a show kind of, I just want people to come. I'm working for free. I'm doing like 15 minutes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What are you doing?
ED LARSON
I'm going to this place called Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god.
ED LARSON
It's a guy named John Strickland's birthday and I'm doing like 10-15 minutes on this show. I had to like talk my way onto the show. It's funny.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's very funny.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So please come support. That's on the 23rd of March at 8 pm, that's Bird's Aphrodisiac Oyster Shack in Tallahassee, Florida.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's hilarious.
ED LARSON
I can't wait. I'm not getting paid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. You get paid in oysters!
ED LARSON
It's a free show.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're like a walrus.
ED LARSON
If you wanna buy me, if you wanna treat me like the walrus from Alice in Wonderland-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You literally, don't do this. He's gonna get gout. He needs to be careful.
ED LARSON
I've got gout! Give it to me, baby. I love it. So I'll see you guys there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right, I'll see you next week, guys. Hail Satan!
MARCUS PARKS
Hail Gein.
ED LARSON
Hail none of these fucks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nah, man.
MARCUS PARKS
You know what I haven't said in a while? Megustalations, y'all.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Aw.
ED LARSON
Aw.
MARCUS PARKS
I was thinking about that when I was driving, my mind was wandering the other day and I should have been paying attention.
ED LARSON
Well megustalations to that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm always kinda on autopilot.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It's true. It's dangerous in LA, people just walk out in the middle of the street.
ED LARSON
Yeah, pay attention while you drive, both of you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I let the car censors tell me.
ED LARSON
I'm the person walking in the street.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know what's nice about you is that you can take at least one big hit.
ED LARSON
I can take a car. I've actually been hit by a car, jumped on the hood, and fell off and I was fine.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I did too but I was fatter.
ED LARSON
Yeah. I was fatter then.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I would not do well.
ED LARSON
No, no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Just do butt first. Let it go in.
ED LARSON
Goddamn. I'm already eating these oysters.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We gotta go.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh yeah.