HENRY ZEBROWSKI Now guys, it's so nice because the last month and a half, let's just say were the opposite of
relaxed, right?
BEN KISSEL What do you mean, man? I'm on so much acid still.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI No, I know. And you are technically right now, if you could see Kissel is perched on top of the
chair like a gargoyle and he is completely shaved.
BEN KISSEL Ooh I just saw that scene in Ghostbusters yesterday.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah. But guys, let's talk about this. Because this is a relaxed fit.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI What relaxes us? I feel like it's important for the audience to know. Kissel, what do you do
when you kick back and want to let your hair down?
BEN KISSEL I watch Gordon Ramsay on cocaine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I wish it was him on cocaine. It's him vs cocaine in his own restaurant. It's a travesty!
MARCUS PARKS If you take cocaine away from the waiters of America, this entire fucking industry will collapse.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It's gonna collapse.
BEN KISSEL It's ridiculous. Steak videos, salisbury steak videos or dogs playing with other dogs perhaps.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI But Marcus, Dogmeat.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI What do you do when you want to sit back and you want to kick up your heels and you want
to chillax?
MARCUS PARKS Elden Ring, motherfucker.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I don't know, I think you're graying from that game.
MARCUS PARKS No man, yeah, it's the most relaxing possible thing that I can do because I'm going off of
nicotine right now and I usually have to constantly chew gum or just fucking jam on a
toothpick for hours at a time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Cool.
MARCUS PARKS But when I play Elden Ring I don't need anything at all because my focus is right there, man. I
took Radahn down with a straight melee build, I fucking did it man.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Not exactly relaxed.
BEN KISSEL We got video games, we got dog videos, we got food. What about you, Henry?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I'm so glad you asked. One of my favorite activities recently, what really helps me just chill out
is I love just giving random one star reviews to anything on the internet. Products, shows. I just
go out there, I don't know anything about it. I just go in there.
BEN KISSEL Get a one star.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I have many different accounts, I give a one star. I say stuff like 'this man has my family
captive'. I say stuff like that just to kind of see where it goes. Just something to release. You
know what I mean?
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And my blowjob machine.
BEN KISSEL Alright, well welcome to the Last Podcast on the Left everyone. I am Ben, hanging out with
Marcus and the recently relieved Henry Zebrowski. I didn't realize that you got a full machine
to fake give you fellatio.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI They don't need to make these things look like women's heads.
BEN KISSEL No they really don't.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I feel like that's superfluous. I'm here for the suction and that's it. All right? I have a wife.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. Back when I used a fleshlight still, I prefered the one that didn't look like anything at all,
that was just a tube to come in. That's all I need.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I don't need lips.
MARCUS PARKS Or needed. It's been many years since I many years since I retired the fleshlight. But you know,
just saying back then.
BEN KISSEL We all remember your fuck thermos. Really fantastic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It kept the come warm.
BEN KISSEL Ugh so it's good for-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI For hours.
BEN KISSEL Anyway, total non sequitur to today's episode. This is gonna be so fun. Fuck MK Ultra. I mean
think about it, it's all real and everything like that. Have fun with that. But today we are
moving on to something a little bit more out of this world.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Mysterioso.
BEN KISSEL We're talking about the UFO sighting by the eyes of Frederick Valentich.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He's close, he's close. Guys, we are really, honestly we're right back to incredibly mysterious
information. This is shit that truly the deeper I got into this story and as I was reading about it,
at first it seemed kind of like a quick in and out, right. It's this mysterious disappearance of
Frederick Valentich is an amateur pilot.
BEN KISSEL I don't like those terms. Amateur pilot sounds scary.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And we as we will cover, he was very amateur.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He dabbled. He did too much dabbling and he should have done a little bit more concentrating
on being a pilot.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI But it's really very mysterious and the circumstances are really strange and the stuff that
comes out of this story is very compelling.
BEN KISSEL Awesome.
MARCUS PARKS The mysterious disappearance of Australian pilot Frederick Valentich is among the most well
known of UFO encounters in the aviation realm. While it's not as groundbreaking as say the
Kenneth Arnold encounter, one of the very first aviation UFO flaps, it is certainly more
compelling than the skeptics make it out to be.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI The Kenneth Arnold encounter for those of you don't remember, that's where the term 'flying
saucers' came from. It's the first time he saw a thing. It was back in the day and he saw a
bunch of saucers wobbling and that's what he called him. He said that they looked like saucers
upon the water.
BEN KISSEL Interesting.
MARCUS PARKS Yes. And I'm aware I didn't use the word flap necessarily correctly, I just like to take any
opportunity to say the word flap.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah you did. No, absolutely, you were correct. You were correct.
BEN KISSEL Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Anytime you drop in a flap in the stories you're allowed to. A flap is normally a series of
sightings but it's also the side of a ufologist.
BEN KISSEL Right. So he coined the term flying saucers and it isn't that interesting, we discuss how people
try to rationalize what they're seeing and he's like oh that looks like a little saucer cup and
that's why the term exists. Isn't that something?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes. Thank you. Yes, it is.
BEN KISSEL Fascinating.
MARCUS PARKS Basically in 1978 Frederick Valentich was flying a single engine Cessna in southeastern
Australia and after calling in an encounter with a UFO, he and his plane disappeared while he
was on the radio with air traffic control. Now the area in which Valentich disappeared was
known for decades as a danger zone, the Bermuda Triangle of Australia. But while the
tragedies mostly involved naval vessels, Australia's Bass Strait Triangle was known as a place
where ships simply disappeared.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It's fucked up. It's very scary.
BEN KISSEL Sounds like it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Because it's right outside of Tasmania which is supposedly a UFO hotspot of the world and I
guess it's an incredibly deep body of water.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. And also as we know UFOs and aliens have been seen by the aboriginal people of
Australia for centuries if not millennia.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah, much like the Dogon people. And I had to look that up and we stopped the podcast so
that I can look that up so I could know for certain.
BEN KISSEL Research. That's good though, making sure you're getting it right.
MARCUS PARKS At first I thought it was dugong but then I realized that a dugong is just a cousin of the
manatee. But I was close.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Honestly, I can't believe you knew that.
BEN KISSEL That's amazing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI But yes, it's another group of people that have an incredibly close relationship to their sky
brothers.
BEN KISSEL I don't know nothing about the manatee and he's like knowing about their relationships, their
cousins, their grandparents, my goodness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That's that manatee's wife!
BEN KISSEL I have no clue dude.
MARCUS PARKS Well between 1858 and 1979, 6 ships vanished in the Bass Strait Triangle, including a
Briwarship with the strangely sexy name of the HMS Sappho that disappeared with 100 souls
on board.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Good Lord. I guess if you get enough guys with their dicks tucked back eventually it becomes a
lesbian sex party.
BEN KISSEL Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Is that appropriate?
BEN KISSEL You know that's the British, you can see they've actually carved vagina right into the top there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That's nice.
BEN KISSEL Isn't that fun? Speaking of flaps.
MARCUS PARKS That said, wreckage has occasionally been found from ships that had been missing for as long
as 100 years. So disappearance in the Bass Strait Triangle doesn't necessarily mean lost to
another dimension. Much like people believe, say like flight 19 in the Bermuda Triangle, many
people believe that they flew straight into a parallel dimension somehow.
BEN KISSEL Or the Malaysian plane. Remember the Malaysian plane?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI They're still looking for it!
BEN KISSEL CNN has been looking for that for five years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Where's the goddamn plane!?
BEN KISSEL Oh my Lord.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I'll be screaming that a lot in this episode too because we don't know where this damn pain is.
And what's weird is that the fucking currents, there's something about the current that also
makes it very difficult to find wreckage, where it gets all mish-mashy and then sent out to
lunch.
BEN KISSEL Whoa.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah, that's official.
MARCUS PARKS Even so though, these disappearances certainly add an extra spooky dimension to the story of
Frederick Valentich. Not much has been made public about the early life of Fred Valentich but
there are really only two personality characteristics that matter to our story. First, both Fred
and his father were ardent and lifelong enthusiasts of UFO lore which was admittedly in a
more larval stage in 1978 than it is now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He had a healthy interest in UFOs and he talked about it a lot with his family, which it does
seem to come up quite a bit. It sounds like maybe he might have had an experience as a little
boy.
BEN KISSEL Interesting. Perhaps this is where the Australians came up with the wonderful boomerang
idea, perhaps technology from the alien gods.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That's actually, you just stepped into ethnoracism.
BEN KISSEL What? Wait a second!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You just stepped into a deep fucking problem inside of anthropology, mister.
BEN KISSEL Oh my lord.
MARCUS PARKS You did.
BEN KISSEL I didn't mean to!
MARCUS PARKS You stepped straight into the ancient aliens pile of fucking horse dung, my friend.
BEN KISSEL I didn't know everything was a fucking problem.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Welcome to the op world.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
MARCUS PARKS Well in addition to being fascinated with UFOs, Frederick was also a lifelong aviation
enthusiast whose only dream was to one day fly airplanes professionally.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I wanna fly airplanes! That's what he said everyday. I wanna fly airplanes!
BEN KISSEL Be careful what you wish for.
MARCUS PARKS And with this you have a bit of a chicken in the egg situation going. Either Fred Valentich
believed in UFOs because he was fascinated with every constructed object in the sky no
matter what or he may have wanted to fly so he could get closer to the UFO world and maybe
see something for himself. The former is more likely but you never know.
BEN KISSEL You never know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Well his dream was that he wanted to fly in the Australian version of the Air Force, like he
really wanted to be a soldier and he wanted to fly up there and he wanted to shoot all the
Nazis. Which it's far from them because it's 1978 so I don't know why he thought now is the
time I'm joining WWII even though it's 30 years over.
BEN KISSEL Were the Australians involved in Vietnam at all?
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI They watched it.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
MARCUS PARKS But either way, Fred Valentich's dreams of becoming a well respected pilot were unfortunately
not in the cards because despite his lofty ambitions, evidence shows that Fred just wasn't very
good at piloting aircraft.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I didn't know you could fail all of these tests so much and so often and still be allowed to rent a
plane and fly in the sky. Of course it's a relaxed fit so I was like oh this will be interesting.
BEN KISSEL Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I listened to the Coast to Coast episode, there's an old In Search Of by Leonard Nimoy in his
mustache phase, he looks very dashing in it. And I was like oh that'll be it. And then of course
what do I find? A 315 page PDF of the collection, essentially the Australian version of a FOIA
request into this case. And what it reveals is how often he failed these tests and how often he
sorta - I love Fred, I'm not blaming Fred, we might need to blame Fred - but he said to people,
it's sort of like a white lie about how he did pass all of these tests.
BEN KISSEL But he didn't.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI No. And people kept asking his pilot mentor who might have been half bird, he asked him like
how did those tests go? And Fred's like, (Australian accent) 'Great! I'm doing great. I got an A.'
You got an a F, you know what I mean? You got an F in it.
MARCUS PARKS Well in his late teens Fred was rejected from the Royal Australian Air Force because he didn't
meet the qualifications. So he went into the RAAF Training Corps and had logged 150 hours of
flight time by the time of his disappearance. Problem was during those 150 hours he'd actually
been involved in a disturbing amount of potentially disastrous incidents.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He's a bit of a Mr. Magoo.
BEN KISSEL All right. Maybe he shouldn't be flying a plane.
MARCUS PARKS No. One time he strayed into a controlled zone in Sydney, meaning he very well could have
crashed into a passenger jet.
BEN KISSEL That's just fantastic. I always love feeling the comfort.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI (Australian accent) Hey, name's Fred, and I'm an accidental terrorist.
BEN KISSEL Remember that dude in New York drove his plane into the tower, the former baseball player
and it's like you don't want to do that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah. It was right after 9/11, right?
BEN KISSEL It was really bad timing.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. Two other times he was cited for intentionally flying into a cloud which again could have
crashed him into another plane because the type of single engine planes he was allowed to fly,
they didn't have onboard radar.
BEN KISSEL What is he a doberman? He's just like there's a cloud! And then he just goes for it? What is
happening?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He's sky curious.
BEN KISSEL I understand the idea of like seeing a cloud and being like I want to go through that cloud. But
then I'm a child and he's a pilot, so he really needs to not do what he wants to do as a child.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I'll tell you what the only difference between a child and a pilot is a hat and a plane. As long as
you can get in there, you're a pilot.
BEN KISSEL I guess.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI When you're in the chair, you're now a pilot officially.
BEN KISSEL That's true.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. Not surprisingly these offenses, particularly the cloud attacks, they were actually serious
enough where Fred was considered for prosecution.
BEN KISSEL What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Cloud attacks. I gotta get these clouds!
BEN KISSEL What are you in for? Well you see those goddamn clouds up there? Yeah, I tried to fuck with
them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI (Australian accent) Yeah, guess what? Me too. Because them clouds are the ones making me
gay.
BEN KISSEL Oh, isn't that nice?
MARCUS PARKS But every time they let him off with a warning. And even with these black marks on his record,
Fred was granted a private pilot's license in May of 1978, just 5 months before he disappeared.
At the same time, Valentich was still trying to take another route to a pilot career but when he
tried being a commercial airline pilot, he failed all five of the subject exams and not only that,
he failed all five of them twice in the same month.
BEN KISSEL Just stop.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Hey man, hey, I'm a professional improver and I have failed any sort of class I've ever taken. I
didn't take improv class, okay. So maybe this is all about being DIY. It's about putting together
a pilot's career for your fucking self. Fuck what all these commercial airline people say about
how you're not fit to fly and we can't give you a 727. When it comes down to it man, go
fucking take one.
BEN KISSEL I kinda want you to know how to fly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Pull yourself up by your own pilot bootstraps and put yourself in the sky.
BEN KISSEL I don't think that's right.
MARCUS PARKS But sometimes you just can't keep a dream down, no matter how many flashing red lights are
telling you that this is not what you were meant to do.
BEN KISSEL Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS And on October 21st, 1978 Fred Valentich took off for the last time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI My father's birthday.
BEN KISSEL Oh nice.
MARCUS PARKS Now the flight plan took him 250 miles from Victoria to King Island but no one is really sure
why he took this flight. He told some people he was going to go pick up some very brave
friends, while others thought that he was going to go to King Island to buy crayfish. Later
investigation however found that both of these statements were untrue or rather no evidence
was found that either were true, which is an important distinction.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes.
BEN KISSEL I thought the crayfish were going to be his friends.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Well I also did some heavy research into what the Australians call crayfish because here in
America we call them crawdads and they're tiny little sea bugs, right.
BEN KISSEL Not a fan but that's okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I absolutely love them.
BEN KISSEL I know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You gotta soak the heads.
MARCUS PARKS I despise them, they're disgusting things.
BEN KISSEL I've never understood the fascination with them but that's okay.
MARCUS PARKS Never got it. They're gross.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Because it's also the sausages in there and the corn cobs and the potatoes.
BEN KISSEL Well you're just talking about something that's much different.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Very delicious. No, crayfish in Australia, them's lobsters, friend.
BEN KISSEL Oh those are lobsters.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah, fuckers.
BEN KISSEL Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And so they fucking switched it up on us again. What was he really looking for? But there is
some evidence in here that I will talk about that I do find interesting. I think there's a bit of a
human element and there is some shit here that we'll unpack as we go.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. And you know while his motivation for going to King Island, while it may seem trivial, it
does play into later possible explanations for what happened. Concerning Fred's conveyance
on the day of his disappearance he was flying a 182 L Cessna that he had rented from the
Southern Air Service. To give a size of scale, this Cessna was a light four seat single engine
plane. In other words, it was tiny. And from what I can tell from playing Microsoft Flight
Simulator, these planes are somewhat easy to lose control of, although I might just be really
bad at that game.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah, I love that game too. And I tell you what if the US government had any tap into my data
of what I was like when I played the Microsoft Flight Simulator, I would be put on a no fly list.
BEN KISSEL All right!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Because I always flew into buildings even as a little boy, I loved blowing stuff up on the ground
and attacking people and never thought about flying safely even once.
BEN KISSEL No, that's the video game, you're allowed to be creative like that. That doesn't mean you're
going to be grown up, grow up to be a domestic terrorist or anything like that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Nah man, nah man. Because I ain't no Bud Light. Yeah, I'm somebody else. But no, it's like the
size of a Toyota, right? I don't know. If you're a pilot, let us know.
BEN KISSEL It sounds scary.
MARCUS PARKS It's small. Now other pilots who were at the airport just before Valentich took off, they said
that he seemed a bit nervous but they assumed that this was because most new pilots get
nervous before a flight. However according to Fred's father, Guido Valentich, Fred was
becoming increasingly worried that UFOs might attack him while he was in the sky which does
lend credence towards the skeptical opinion that Fred just thought he saw a UFO and crashed
the plane because he was distracted by a delusion.
BEN KISSEL Oh no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I am beginning to think though that he had been seeing UFOs. Because he did see this thing
before and he did weirdly become obsessed with it. But Guido also kind of fed this too because
Guido was super into it. And his name is Guido and so that also makes some kind of sus and
he's there, he's in Australia. But they were both obsessed with this and they kind of fed off of
each other. And I think the reason why he was nervous was because it was a night flight and
he had some experience, technically he was approved for a night flight but this was probably
only his second or third night flight to go up.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI So he hadn't had a lot of practice.
MARCUS PARKS He'd just got his instrument rating for night flights like a couple of weeks before. He had not
done a lot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI So so far we really haven't set up any sort of mysterious case, it really just seems like A bad
pilot ended up in Ariel's garden. But I will say you're gonna see it does get mysterious.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah it does. So Valentich's plan was supposed to stop at Cape Otway before continuing to
King Island. And at 7pm Fred contacted air traffic control in Melbourne and told them that he
had Cape Otway in sight, flying at 4500 ft. But just 6 minutes later, Valentich contacted air
traffic control again and asked if there was any known aircraft flying below 5000 ft because an
unidentified craft seemed to be following him.
BEN KISSEL Uh oh.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And this is where it really gets mysterious. Now the the actual recording of this air traffic
control call is out there on the internet but it is very difficult audio to listen to. So we can't
really feature on the show, like we won't be able to hear it. I had to actually like put my head
up against the laptop, which I'm certain is helping my brain, to really absorb what it was they
were saying. But it does start to get really wiggedy here because he says okay, there's
something behind me. Because there is military space here. And he asked to check are there
any military operations going on right now? Are there any military airplanes in sight?
BEN KISSEL Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And they were like no. And he's like because I got this thing right behind me that's real big.
BEN KISSEL That is some scary stuff.
MARCUS PARKS The air traffic controller responded that nothing could be seen on his radar. So he had
Valentich described what he was seeing. From what Fred said, the craft had four bright lights
that looked like landing lights and it was approaching from due east while seemingly playing a
game, flying at over 2-3 times Fred's speed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He straight up said I think it's playing a game with me. Here's a little tiny reading of what he
described as he was flying.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI "It's flying past. It's a long shape." Open microphone for 3 seconds. "I cannot identify more
than." Open microphone for 3 seconds. "Before me right now, Melbourne, it's right before me.
Melbourne, it seems like it's stationary. What it's doing right now is orbiting and the thing is,
it's just orbiting on top of me. Also it's got a green light and sort of metallic, it's all shiny on the
outside."
BEN KISSEL Whoa! That's fricking crazy, dude. Even if he was a good pilot, he'd be freaking the hell out. So
I mean it makes sense.
MARCUS PARKS We'll get into the full skeptics explanation later.
BEN KISSEL Sure.
MARCUS PARKS And there is speculation that he freaked out because he wasn't a good pilot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Oh definitely, definitely. And there's also speculation that he was flying upside down and he
was looking at his reflection in the ocean. That is actually an explanation. But they also said his
plane would not be able to last longer than three seconds. That type of Cessna would sputter
out, it would literally shut down.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah, it's got a, what do they call it, gravity fuel system. So if it went upside down, like you're
dead if you fly that plane upside down. But that's the thing that his description of the aircraft
is, it's why ufology is so much fun these days and it's one of the reasons why Fred's story can't
be wholeheartedly dismissed as a simple fuck up. Fred said the aircraft was oblong, it had a
green light, it was sort of metallic and shiny on the outside. And that sounds a hell of a lot like
the craft that's been described by pilots for decades. And those pilots' claims were finally
confirmed by hard video evidence of UFOs that have been released over the last few years. It
all matches up. That's what makes disclosure so fucking insane is that it all matches up with
shit these people have been reporting for fucking decades since the 50s.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah, dude. Foo Fighters, man.
BEN KISSEL I know what I saw!
MARCUS PARKS Just after Valentich described his UFO it vanished and to Fred's credit, he did not immediately
start screaming that he'd just seen a UFO. Instead he first assumed that he'd seen a military
craft because as soon as it disappeared he asked are there any military craft in this area? Is
there any project planned in this area right now? And just when air traffic control told him that
no such craft was present nor were any exercises being done in the area, Valentich said over
the radio that his UFO had just come back into sight and was approaching him from the
southwest. At that same time, Valentich also reported that his plane was quote unquote
"rough idling" which means that it was sputtering out.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah, that's me on minute five of having sex.
BEN KISSEL Yeah, rough sputtering. Rough sputtering.
MARCUS PARKS Rough idling.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Rough idling.
BEN KISSEL Rough idling.
MARCUS PARKS Yes. The last report about the UFO that Valentich gave was that the craft was hovering above
him and his last words just before the radio went silent were "It is not an aircraft."
BEN KISSEL Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah, I'll read it. Can I read it from the actual description?
MARCUS PARKS Read it, go ahead!
BEN KISSEL Scary, it's not an aircraft, no!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI "The engine is rough idling. I've got it set at 23-24 and the thing is coughing, it's coughing."
"Roger. What are your intentions?"
"My intentions are to go to King Island, Melbourne. That strange aircraft is hovering on top of
me again." Open microphone for two seconds. "It is hovering and it's not an aircraft." Cuts out.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
BEN KISSEL Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And then this noise can be heard on the actual recording, you hear this noise that sounds like
(garbled squealing).
MARCUS PARKS It's a metallic screeching is how it's described and it goes on for 17 seconds.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I'mma black out.
BEN KISSEL Wow.
MARCUS PARKS 17 seconds is how long it goes on for and then it just disconnects. Now it was assumed
immediately that Fred Valentich had simply become discombobulated during a night flight, he
began flying upside down which is apparently possible in single engine planes flying at night,
and he fell into a death spiral.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Because it's completely pitch black out there. It's completely pitch black out there.
BEN KISSEL Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It's very, very easy to get disoriented in the 3D space of flying an airplane.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. Three days later however, once the transcript was released, Fred's father Guido made a
public statement saying that he hoped his son was abducted by aliens because the alternative
was death, which ain't the worst assumption based on Fred's flight record.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI (Italian accent) And I got to tell you, I didn't make this puppet and have an angel turn him into
a boy for him to get abducted by the aliens.
BEN KISSEL It's one of the stranger Australian accents but it checks out.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI (Italian accent) My brother Gepetto, he makes a little boy who cannot lie and then that's why
his nose is 7 ft long when I ask him did Gepetto touch you on the downstairs, Pinocchio? Did
he touch you?
BEN KISSEL Well all right. A deleted scene perhaps. Although Pinocchio was abused, e was abused.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Oh definitely.
MARCUS PARKS Why do you say Pinocchio was abused? Who was Pinocchio abused by?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He went to that Boy Island with the donkeys.
MARCUS PARKS Well the Boy Island is something different altogether. Yeah, he did get turned into a donkey
but is that abuse or is that just fun? Is that just good, clean fun?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You want to be a donkey.
MARCUS PARKS I would like to be a donkey, I wouldn't mind being a donkey.
BEN KISSEL I think the role is already filled. Well yeah, he was abused. He didn't ask to be born or anything
and then he's made of wood.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Birth is abuse.
BEN KISSEL Yeah, in a way. He's like every time you lie your nose gets longer and it's like well how is he
going to survive in America?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I don't know.
MARCUS PARKS Well as it turned out, Fred hadn't just told his father about his UFO fascination. Apparently
Fred had also told his girlfriend that if a UFO did come to Earth he'd go with it. But he added a
romantic caveat but he wouldn't leave without her.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And that's how you know he's truly a ufologist because I have to have the same conversation
with Natalie because she said that once, it came up and I had to do the thing where I was like,
yeah if they come I'm going to go right into the spaceship. And then I was like but I'd never
leave without you baby! Like I had to make sure, I had to think about it because you have to
add that tag, always being like but with you baby! There's no way that you're secondary.
BEN KISSEL Well what if she doesn't want to go?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI She's going to have to go.
BEN KISSEL She's gonna have to go. Fantastic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Because half my butt belongs to her and if the aliens want to probe me, they're gonna have to
ask her permission.
BEN KISSEL All right!
MARCUS PARKS And even so this girlfriend didn't believe in the UFO story at all and became firmly convinced
that Valentich probably turned back to land after his engine trouble began because that's what
he told her he'd do in a situation just like this. However land searches turned up not a shred of
evidence for this theory either and multiple searches of the sea turned up not even an oil slick.
BEN KISSEL Oh no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And you see this within that FOIA request. Like if you look at these documents, they did an
incredibly thorough search for him and they could not find any sort of... Because that's what
you kind of look for, the telltale signs are puddles of fucking fuel, like maybe the fuel can tell
you where the thing is.
BEN KISSEL Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It was all dissipated. They found nothing.
BEN KISSEL All right.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. However 5 years later an engine cowl flap was found off the coast of Fenders island
which was indeed a part of a Cessna 182L with registration numbers that were within the
boundaries of Fred's plane. And this to skeptics is definitive proof of the crash theory.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI So now we're here, this is what we call the full diaper part of this story because we got the
skeptics in there and they're like (whining) nobody likes me!
BEN KISSEL Kind of taking it out on people there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI (whining) I'm sitting in my pee cause everybody hates me.
BEN KISSEL Mocking the skeptical mind, perhaps.
MARCUS PARKS (whining) Yeah, if you use someone's fucking ashes, you're not a real fucking From Software
player.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI (whining)
BEN KISSEL Fender island, of course one of the louder islands given the electric guitars.
MARCUS PARKS The guitars.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Wow.
BEN KISSEL Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Oh the guitars.
BEN KISSEL I wouldn't want to be neighbors to Fender Island, they're all practicing there.
MARCUS PARKS Right near the Gibson Peninsula.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes! Yes! Yes!
BEN KISSEL Oh my God.
MARCUS PARKS Near the Ibanez Archipelago.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I'm just so happy to be here for this.
BEN KISSEL I know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I am. We are breaking new ground here.
BEN KISSEL Yes indeed.
MARCUS PARKS Now the skeptics view of what happened to Fred Valentich was put forth by a United States Air
Force pilot named James McGaha. And right there by his side was a professional wet blanket
named Joe Nickell who basically makes a living pissing on paranormal parades.
BEN KISSEL Yep.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Bigfoot's just a homeless guy and you're dumb! And I have no one who loves me.
BEN KISSEL Don't yell at me, I'm a McGaha from a long line of McGahas. McGaha of course is my birth
name. My uncle, he's Uncle McGaha. My grandfather when he made my father, he said,
'McGaha!' When he came in my grandmother and that's how he got the name. Why do you
ask?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I really had a McGaha moment the first time I had black pudding.
BEN KISSEL Yeah?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That's really funny because it's about a Scottish aha moment.
BEN KISSEL Oh I get it, very intriguing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI A McGaha moment.
BEN KISSEL Everyone always knows the best jokes have to be explained.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That's how you know it's comedy.
BEN KISSEL Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS Well McGaha and Nickell said that the four lights seen by Fred at the start of the sighting were
actually the planets Venus, Mars, and Mercury along with the bright star named Antares.
Apparently conditions on that night were perfect to see these lights in such a way that might
appear to be a landing strip.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I think that's dumb. Stars ain't a landing strip. Like we know that, right?
BEN KISSEL But it does seem a little strange, he's describing an aircraft and they're like it could be the stars
but those are pretty different things.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That's what I'm thinking.
MARCUS PARKS Well they also think that the green light seen by Valentich was probably just a reflection of one
of his instrument lights in the windows of his airplane which is why it seemed to hover next to
him. In other words, according to the skeptics, Fred panicked about UFOs when he should
have been focused on keeping his plane in the air.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes but I would posit what if... Because now we know things like this are harassing some of our
pilots. We are seeing these reports every other day. They are seeing all types of craft, black
triangles, cylinders, orbs, they're seeing this ship all the time. And now a lot of these especially
if you're in a big like corporate airliner, we know that the human part comes when you land
and when you take off. The rest of the time you're kind of in an autopilot scenario so you have
a lot of time to observe. And what if fucking Valentich, my postulate is that he fucking freaked
out when he saw one of these things and was like, 'Ahhh!' and then crashed into the Bass
Strait.
BEN KISSEL Like an unwilling kamikaze pilot.
MARCUS PARKS Well other explanations speculate that Fred Valentich might have staged his own
disappearance because Melbourne Police received reports of a light aircraft making a
mysterious landing not far from Cape Otway right after Valentich was supposed to have
disappeared. There's also speculation that Valentich might have used the UFO story as a cover
for suicide but this is also unlikely because from what I know about suicide, people rarely if
ever go into the day of their death thinking that they're just going to have fun with it.
BEN KISSEL Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I mean that's how I plan to. But Fred Valentish also, there were plans set in place. So one thing,
he was supposed to get these crawfish or crayfish, whatever the fuck it is.
BEN KISSEL Yeah, I just feel bad for everyone who was expecting this great lobster feast.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Sure, absolutely.
BEN KISSEL And then all of a sudden it's like what happened to the guy who's gonna get the lobster?
Aliens. The aliens abducted him. Are you kidding me? You're gonna tell me this happens once
every 10 years and it's on lobster Sunday!?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes, yes. And that is a seafood crime.
BEN KISSEL That is a crime.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI If you're supposed to show up with the lobster and you don't, you should be hung.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI But the thing is local fisherman said he never ordered the crayfish ahead of time. So that's
mysterious, right? But part of me thinks it could have been impulse, who knows? He could
have showed up and done it. And then everybody also says what points towards a suicide is
because went on King Island, the people that he was supposed to pick up were not there
waiting for him, right, to go on the plane. But I think that the human element factor here is
because Fred Valentich wasn't necessarily the pilot you want to be with, like he's not the guy.
BEN KISSEL yeah. He makes Harrison Ford look competent.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah. I think that they just decided maybe if they were going to meet him, being like, 'Let's
just see if he shows up and then he'll call us.' Or like 'We don't need to go there.' They do the
thing where it's always fun to make a plan but it's not really fun to complete the plan. All
everyone has to do is just all flake at the same time.
BEN KISSEL So this is 1978, correct?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah maybe people were a little flakey in 1978.
BEN KISSEL Has Buddy Holly died yet? Has Lynyrd Skynyrd died yet?
MARCUS PARKS Yeah, yeah, 24 years before.
BEN KISSEL Aaliyah has not died yet though. So but people do know-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI If there's such a thing this time.
BEN KISSEL So people do know flying single engine planes with someone who is not competent can lead to
death. People are aware. Like Patsy Cline is dead, people know what's kind of up, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Oh yeah. Kobe tried to make that helicopter pilot have the mamba mentality against his will
and fly in the middle of a storm.
BEN KISSEL No, the helicopter didn't have the mamba mentality and that was the problem.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes.
MARCUS PARKS However, even though the flap and the lights and the stars seemed to wrap up the entire
disappearance into a neat little package, there were people on the ground who tell tales that
scooch the story back to the other direction. A UFO group out of Phoenix called the Ground
Saucer Watch said that they are in possession of a photo from the day of Valentich's
disappearance that was taken by a plumber named Roy Manifold during his vacation to
Australia.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Now is the Ground Saucer Watch, is it funny to think about it? Is it because they're so heavy
they have to remain on the ground?. Or is it funny that they just don't want to go up in the sky
which is where the UFOs are, right.
BEN KISSEL I did envision them looking like the round folks from Alice in Wonderland. You know the ones
that have the little heads.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
BEN KISSEL Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI With binoculars.
BEN KISSEL Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS Now while the photo that was taken by Roy Manifold during his vacation in Australia, while
isn't necessarily what you call breathtaking, it could be perceived to be a fast moving object
exiting the water near the Cape Otway Lighthouse, very close to where Fred Valentich
disappeared.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And the Tasmanian waters have a lot of examples of USOs. USOs are a big part of this entire
story within the Bass Strait.
MARCUS PARKS USO being unidentified submersible object.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI If the audience doesn't fucking get it now, if they can't keep up with the acronyms now, then
they've learned nothing, they followed nothing.
BEN KISSEL Well let's not forget the USO comedy tours. You can go and perform for the troops, so perhaps
they were thinking-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI They're never thinking of that!
BEN KISSEL Maybe.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI They're never thinking of the USO show unless they're currently in the military. And then we
want to say thank you for your service.
MARCUS PARKS Thank you for your service.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely and we would love to do a USO tour especially if we're you're stationed in Hawaii,
we'll perform for you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Love to go. Love to go.
BEN KISSEL If you are stationed in Berlin, we will go hang out with you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Love to go.
MARCUS PARKS Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI We have this great new show, it's all called How Project Monarch Can Help You. And I'm really
excited to take it to the troops.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS Well according to Ground Saucer Watch, the so-called plumbers photo showed a bonafide
unknown flying object of moderate dimensions, apparently surrounded by a cloud-like
vapor/exhaust residue. The picture however is quite blurry and is by no means definitive.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It's a picture.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah, certainly is a picture. But it's one of those things where if you get one wiggedy thing,
whatever. If you get 20 wiggedy things then you might have something there.
BEN KISSEL Right.
MARCUS PARKS And this was not the only ground sighting. around the time of the Valentich disappearance. A
bank manager named Colin Morgan and his wife said they saw a glowing object hovering in the
sky for nearly an hour near the town of Geelong, 35 miles southwest of Melbourne. And I did
look it up, it looks like it's called 'G-Long'. I think it's 'Gah-long', I looked it up to make sure I
wouldn't get any shit and I think I said it wrong anyway.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You did your best.
MARCUS PARKS I did.
BEN KISSEL Its okay, it's all we can do.
MARCUS PARKS Mr. Morgan said that the craft seemed to be cruising above them as they drove down the
highway. It was bright and had green flickering lights at one end, much like the light volunteers
reported and 20 other people reported green lights in the sky on the night of Fred's
disappearance. Now these reports were deemed unreliable by some because they were made
after Valentich disappearance had been reported and it was assumed that all of these people
were just trying to make themselves a part of the story.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes, there was a big UFO flap after it was announced that he was gone and a lot of people
reported and called in saying that they were seeing objects in the sky. And then you don't
really know whether or not is it inspired by the story or is it more people looking at the sky?
BEN KISSEL Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I think that's what it is too and then half the time if you look at the sky, you don't know the
kind of the various objects so you can't really identify them. And so there's probably going to
be a glut of UFO visions and sightings after something like this.
BEN KISSEL Okay.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah, that very well may be true for some of the witnesses, that they just wanted to be a part
of the story.
BEN KISSEL Well wouldn't that also play into the whole idea of the psychic collective unconscious? Maybe
the fact that this person saw it brings it to light and now all of a sudden people are seeing it.
But before you can see it, you have to believe that you can see it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Well it's also that phenomenon when you find out something for the first time and then you
see it everywhere. It's like Baader-Meinhof.
BEN KISSEL It's when you meet Bob, the friend that your wife has been seeing but then you realize oh my
God, they're having sex with each other. It's like that moment. It's like oh I see.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes, the cuck threshold.
BEN KISSEL The cuck threshold, yes.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. Or when you buy a car and you notice how many other models of that car are out on the
road where before you didn't see any and now you think oh my God, everybody owns a
fucking Subaru.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Do you know that the Subaru is Japanese for - not for pelican - but it is for the Pleiadian star
system which is why it has three stars on it which is actually the stars that are located, what
it's connected to. And maybe you think about what's the real fucking story. What's the real
history of Subaru?
BEN KISSEL To be honest if aliens do come back or if aliens do come to earth, I think Ween would be their
favorite band.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah!
BEN KISSEL Much like of course the one who owns the Subaru loves Ween.
MARCUS PARKS That's right. But the thing is that there was a primary witness who did tell others about his
sighting on the night of Fred Valentich's disappearance and he told people the next morning.
But he decided not to report it publicly after his story was met with disbelief and ridicule. The
night of Fred's disappearance, a man who still refuses to use his own name.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI My name is Dr. Raven!
BEN KISSEL Dr. Raven. Birth name Dr. Raven?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI See!
BEN KISSEL So your first name is Doctor.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes. With two Ks.
BEN KISSEL All right, very nice.
MARCUS PARKS Well this witness said that while driving home that night he and his two nieces saw both the
lights of a small aircraft and a very large green light traveling directly above the plane on the
night of Valentich's disappearance. Now it has always been assumed by authorities that
Valentich was over the water when he made his call because that's where he was supposed to
be. But remember Fred wasn't a great pilot.
BEN KISSEL Right.
MARCUS PARKS And he apparently didn't show up on the radar in Melbourne anymore than the alleged UFO
did.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Oh my God.
MARCUS PARKS Now on the very night that the witness and his nieces saw this amazing sight, he told his wife
what they had seen. But what did she do but laugh in his fucking face.
BEN KISSEL Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You gotta believe! I know what I saw!
BEN KISSEL Wow, it's going to break up another marriage.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI UFOs do that.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You've got to be strong, gotta be able to handle it.
MARCUS PARKS The next morning at work this witness told his co workers and they also made fun of him and
probably called our witness a fucking stangy dongo or some other nonsense Australian insult.
BEN KISSEL Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You don't know what you just said.
BEN KISSEL Stangy dongo.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You don't know what you just did. You might be banned in Australia from calling somebody in
an SD, Because that's the SD word.
BEN KISSEL Wow, stangy dongo.
MARCUS PARKS You know what? And if I did that proves my fucking point because I made up stangy dongo. I
totally made that up so if I accidentally said some sort of horrible Australian slur, that's on
them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Whoa, this is getting into Noam Chomsky, the actual dialectics conversation.
BEN KISSEL Yes indeed. Isn't that interesting. Linguistics, how they alter and change between religions and
cultures.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI See? Yes. Like what's a sweater and a sweatshirt? What's the difference? Apparently a whole
world if you look on menswear.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS What's interesting about this witness' story though is that he couldn't have known about Fred
Valentich's experience because none of it was made public until days later. But even after all
the details were released, our witness kept his mouth shut to avoid further ridicule which
probably came anyway from both his wife and his coworkers once the Fred Valentich story
came public.
BEN KISSEL You can just see it, going to work, it's already so exhausting. You have to put your khakis on
and your finest weird shoes. And then every time you go to the kitchen, maybe get a little
coffee, someone's cooking fish in the microwave and then you get made fun of.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah. Oh of course, like there goes alien boy, all he does is open up his butthole to the sky,
look at him hungry for it, looking for a scrape.
BEN KISSEL This is how you have an office shooting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That's why I'm not going back!
BEN KISSEL No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI But if you read this file like I did unfortunately, if you really go through all of this stuff, there's a
lot of pain here. Because the search for him was incredibly thorough and his father Guido who
did have an Italian accent, he showed up day after day after day after day. And they kept
giving him whatever material they could because again, because it was all next to a military
base, a lot of this shit had to go under like we couldn't talk about it. A lot of this is about
there's proprietary information inside of all of these calls that no one could know. And they
finally let him hear his son's last words but he kept the UFO thing going too. While I do believe
it is strange, especially his last words-
BEN KISSEL And his last words are "It's not an aircraft."
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It's not an aircraft.
BEN KISSEL That's his final statement.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes.
BEN KISSEL Oh wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And when they try to analyze the final sounds because it sounds like engine noise, it sounds
like he might be yelling and screaming over it, that it's been scrambled by the transmission
stuff. But his father kind of kept the UFO storyline, much like you said originally at the top of
the episode, out of pure just grief and hope that one day he would be found.
BEN KISSEL And that gives his death some purpose I suppose also.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS And also actually it just hit me that his last words were "It's not an aircraft" because it could
very well maybe him saying it's not an aircraft, it's my instrument light. Oh God, I'm gonna die,
I'm gonna die.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying. Yeah, it might be, it might be. But if you listen to it, it's fucking
freaky as hell.
BEN KISSEL That is a good point. But he was at least aware, he wasn't like, 'It's a pineapple!' He knew.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It was something weird.
BEN KISSEL Something very weird.
MARCUS PARKS Well the witness that I was just talking about, he happened to discuss his sightings with the
local policeman who passed the info to Guido Valentich and Guido told an ufologist who
interviewed the witness and made the citing public in a paper that hardly anyone read.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes.
MARCUS PARKS Now naturally there's also a bit of conspiracy to this story in the true sense of conspiracy in
that multiple people work in conjunction with each other to either break the law or in this case
conceal a secret.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI This is about the crayfish. Again, it comes back to the crayfish.
BEN KISSEL Oh no.
MARCUS PARKS It's said that there was actually more to Valentich's final transmission that was released to the
public but key elements were deleted in the public version by powers unknown.
BEN KISSEL In truth big lobster.
MARCUS PARKS In the final transcript there's a supposed break in transmission just before Valentich gave his
final words. Final words of course "It is hovering and it is not an aircraft." The claim is that
there was a more vivid description of the aircraft before this but an anonymous source at the
Department of Transport said that that description was cut.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI But don't worry, if you go through the file you can actually see the description that they just
made up inside of the UFO magazine that this article was citing. Where it's like they basically
say in this whole thing, they make up a whole description that he made. We don't know if he
did because what we also now know about the release of people seeing these types of crafts is
that this shit happens fast. Like they linger for a second but you really don't have a long time to
describe, especially if you also are quickly plummeting into the Bass Strait as you're describing
it.
BEN KISSEL Right.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. And interestingly this really could be a sign that maybe it was a military aircraft after all
and the description was cut because the craft was a part of a top secret project.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Sure.
MARCUS PARKS Now the going theories by ufologists is that either Valentich's aircraft was destroyed by a UFO
or both he and the plane were scooped up and abducted or Valentich was taken alone and the
engine cowl flap was found and there were 17 seconds of transmission after Fred's last words
because he was scooped up and the plane was left to crash into the sea.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI There's an article from the Herald Sun in Melbourne that says, don't worry out there. Yes, this
is from 2014. But there's a farmer who said that he might have seen the airplane that
Valentich was flying connected to a UFO.
BEN KISSEL Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Which was leaking fuel.
BEN KISSEL Oh my goodness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI He has not said his name and they can't find the farmer because he said at one time in passing
to somebody else. But he did see it and said it. And you know farmers don't lie except about
how much their farming, what they're producing, and what their farming, because they have
to lie to the government to get certain subsidies.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely. As they should. Of course Monsanto, we can go into it. This is Neil Young corner.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I love that Italian man.
BEN KISSEL Yes indeed. But you can always trust a farmer, I think that that's a great point. But that's
another eyewitness sighting and that's interesting that comes from 2014, the story is still alive!
MARCUS PARKS But while it is most likely that Fred Valentich just crashed into the sea, it is nonetheless
compelling that his description of the UFO, along with descriptions of those on the ground,
match what we see in real UFO footage today.
BEN KISSEL You know what I could see from the perspective of the lobsters? You can just see them
clapping when the plane crashes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Another one dead, another one dead!
BEN KISSEL We live another day, Lobster Man!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I really do think it's very compelling only because of his description because again, if we didn't
have what we have in terms of the soft disclosure movement, I really would think that this
story would kind of slide into the past and no one give a shit. But now that we really do have
footage of what people are seeing and the reports are coming out more and more and more.
My theory is that he saw something, he freaked out, and he crashed.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI And it just blew his mind and he lost control over the plane because he was not good at it.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah, I think that's probably a pretty good theory.
BEN KISSEL Yeah. It's just the idea of crashing in a plane, it doesn't sound very fun. But to be honest he
died doing what he loved which seems to be flying horribly. He should not have been up there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Fly a plane like no one's watching.
BEN KISSEL That's it. And that's what he did.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Really let it loose.
BEN KISSEL Wow.
MARCUS PARKS Yeah. And if a guy is going to do that, if he is just gonna fly horribly, Australia really is the place
to do it because if you do crash, chances are you aren't gonna hit shit.
BEN KISSEL When we went from Perth to Sydney, it's all ocean.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah.
BEN KISSEL I mean I get it, man. You dive in there, you're gone forever.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Oh yeah, man. Those welcoming waters. It seems so nice out there, pristine blue waters.
Imagining what your corpse is like down amongst the fishes. It's kind of fun.
BEN KISSEL How long do bones stay in the water?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Marcus?
MARCUS PARKS Actually they disintegrate pretty fast. I don't know exactly how long but there's a reason why
the Titanic isn't full of skeletons when they found it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI How fucking metal would that shit be though!
BEN KISSEL Yeah. They did find that little necklace though, didn't they? That was very nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That was fake.
BEN KISSEL What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah.
BEN KISSEL What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah.
BEN KISSEL Alright everyone. Well thank you so much for listening to this episode on Frederick Valentich.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yes.
BEN KISSEL He is a man who gave his life.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI For what?
MARCUS PARKS Now that I think about it, I'm thinking about it more, I think the skeletons down below in the
titanic, I think those disintegrated quickly because of the water pressure because it is so much
stronger underwater. I think the deeper you go into the sea, the faster a skeleton will
disintegrate and be crushed by water pressure. But I think probably under a lake, I mean they
found skeletons that are decades upon decades old. I think it really does depend on how deep
the water is, how long a skeleton will last.
BEN KISSEL All right.
MARCUS PARKS I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page there!
BEN KISSEL Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Thank you. Because the peace to be amongst those skeletons must be so nice to feel, much
like the piece of seeing Last Podcast on the Left live.
BEN KISSEL Yeah. It's just like that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI We're going to be in Jacksonville, the best city in Florida. I don't care what anybody says.
BEN KISSEL Jacksonville Jaguars.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI What an incredible city.
BEN KISSEL Sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI We're going to be in Hotlanta, my old stomping ground.
BEN KISSEL Atlanta.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI We're gonna be in Memphis, this is all in two weeks from now. Come and see our fucking
bullshit. We got Last Comic Book on the Left. Check it out, preorder it on Z2. We're now
cooking, I'm writing a little thing for it. Detective Popcorn makes an appearance, he's funny as
hell and I'm very, very excited.
BEN KISSEL Buttery goodness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI We've got Soul Plumber #6 is hitting the shelves very, very soon. I can't believe that our
adventure with DC is over for now.
BEN KISSEL For now.
MARCUS PARKS For now. Yeah, it actually comes out this Tuesday, March 15th because remember DC books
come out on Tuesday for some fucking reason. While everything else comes out on
Wednesday.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI So we will see you next Tuesday.
BEN KISSEL At the bookstore. Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI You know what that stands for?
BEN KISSEL Well I do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI It's for cunt.
BEN KISSEL Well I do know that and as I always say, I don't say that word. Although very often sometimes I
will call certain politicians that on Abe Lincoln's Top Hat, check out that show.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Cunt Watch!
BEN KISSEL Well yeah, I mean that's basically American politics at this point. CNN is just going to have that
kind of watch there very soon. Someone who's very mean with the lisp, a see you next
Thursday, a cunth. That's one of my favorite jokes there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Save it for the stage.
BEN KISSEL I save it for the stage cause that's kind of a go to, that's a classic Kissel. And yes, thanks for
supporting all the shows here on the Last Podcast Network and thanks for everyone who calls
in to Open Lines every Monday at 4pm PST, 7pm EST. That show has been so much fun, it's
been so great to hear from you all.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Marcus' butthole is doing great.
BEN KISSEL Marcus' colonoscopy went fantastic. Although he did say despite all the pooping, a little turd
was left behind.
MARCUS PARKS There was still some in there and I would say that the notes from my doctor in the test results
were a little passive aggressive trying to say that I didn't take enough fucking MiraLAX, that I
didn't take my fucking Dulcolax, that I didn't fucking shit my brains out for two days.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Another botched American pull-out. That's what this is all about.
BEN KISSEL Yeah, another botched American pull-out indeed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI This is about Afghanistan.
MARCUS PARKS I did my goddamn best, I did. I drank all the shit, I did it all when I fucking had to and still even
after I came out from under anesthesia, the first thing she told me was that there was still
some feces in the colon.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI They were complaining?
MARCUS PARKS I don't know, I did the best I could! I did the best I could.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI That sounds like a real Grandpa Joe over there.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Screaming. Look here, let me be clear. I did the best I could.
BEN KISSEL Maybe they could try to turn the shit into gold. What do you call that when people do that?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Alchemy.
BEN KISSEL There you go.
MARCUS PARKS Alchemy. That's lead into gold, not shit into gold.
BEN KISSEL I'm just saying if you can turn lead into gold, you can turn shit into gold.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI We're not here to discuss alchemy, we're here to wrap up a show.
BEN KISSEL Oh we're not going to start a whole new episode?
MARCUS PARKS One material is organic, the other material is inorganic. You don't know what you're talking
about.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Yeah but it's also an allegory about your soul, it's an allegory about transmuting yourself, it's
about receiving, it's about becoming one.
BEN KISSEL Good thing they didn't find a bunch of lead in your colon, that would have been bad. All right,
everyone. Thank you so much for listening.
MARCUS PARKS God, I'd be dead.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Jesus Christ. That'd be fucked up.
BEN KISSEL Yeah, that's be bad. Hail yourselves, everyone!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Hail Satan!
MARCUS PARKS Hail Gein.
BEN KISSEL Megustalations everyone.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI Hail me, man.
BEN KISSEL Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI My butthole is still teflon, man.
BEN KISSEL Your butthole is doing great, Marcus' butthole is clean and brand new.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI I did a no-wiper this morning, it was incredible.
BEN KISSEL Absolutely fantastic.