HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So first of all I want to start today's episode by naming the traitor to the human race.
BEN KISSEL
Wait, what?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Within the three of us right now, in the triangle of the three of us sitting right now.
BEN KISSEL
What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And a lot of you guys would look at me.
BEN KISSEL
Is this a Judas moment?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is the person who kisses the other on the cheek before a golden coin.
BEN KISSEL
Yuck.
MARCUS PARKS
It was 10 pieces of silver. But it's fine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was for a promise of immortality. That's what this person did it for.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's the only reason why they allowed COVID-19 into their system. Because yes, I did allow COVID-19 in my system.
BEN KISSEL
You allowed it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I did, I allowed it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it was just to see how strong it was. It was just to see how the graphite would work throughout my system.
BEN KISSEL
What does graphite have to do with it?
MARCUS PARKS
The cobalt.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The cobalt.
BEN KISSEL
Wait, what?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I knew that I eat enough flax that I would shit it out naturally. But I know Marcus has problems with his butthole and that's why thanks to the research that I have done this week because Marcus allowed me to do about 1/4 of the total research, for me to present here on the episode today due to Marcus' weakness, that we now know that... This is the problem, he is now mostly cyborg.
BEN KISSEL
What is going on?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thanks to my research. Marcus, I know now for a fact is mostly cyborg, I am completely human. From your smell, you are mostly human. Marcus, I'm sorry, you have went to the other side.
BEN KISSEL
Welcome to the Last Podcast on the Left everyone. I am Ben hanging out with cyborg Marcus Parks who is full of COVID and Henry Zebrowski.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
So somehow our friend got a little bit ill over these past couple of days and Henry, you've weaponized that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I have.
BEN KISSEL
You've decided not to say, 'Oh do you need anything? Would you like some hot soup?'
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
BEN KISSEL
No instead you decided to demonize your friend.
MARCUS PARKS
You got on the offensive, you've attacked me while I'm at my weakest.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
When you are the most vulnerable, this is when it's time to come for you. Because he's on a shell.
BEN KISSEL
I'm just happy just in time for Alex Jones' bankruptcy, you've become him now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm sliding in. I'm sliding into position. But we know for a fact that all of this is built by the criminal intelligence agency with the military industrial technological offense, I believe the term that she uses, this idea that we are a part of an ionized environment that no human can escape.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But today's episode, well it sounds bleak.
BEN KISSEL
I'm a little bit concerned that this is going to be somebody's first time listening and this is going to be their favorite moment of the show.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Finally, finally.
BEN KISSEL
Transhumanism! That's what we're discussing today.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
BEN KISSEL
And it's a big topic, it seems like a large one.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is very large. And so today we were going to do an even deeper dive into transhumanism but I would say that this is a COVID Fit, this is a Relaxed Fit beginning breach into transhumanism part one.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because the topic which you discover which is fun because we don't like to show you how the sausage gets made here.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We want you to just experience the magic from us.
BEN KISSEL
Just the snap of the beef.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. So we were planning to jump into a historical series but Marcus of course allowed the technocracy to take over his body.
BEN KISSEL
You're blaming him. He didn't do anything wrong. He's technically quite I'll. Kind of stressful.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah I really put a lot of effort into getting this shit done and showing up for this. For us.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh you want an award from your friends? You want a friendship award? Oh the millennials.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
A small amount of empathy would be nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I did say, privately on the phone I was very nice. But this is chapter one of transhumanism because again, what have we discovered? This was a topic we were beginning to research and we've got a lot of the stuff for the first chapter which involves a lot of monkey come.
BEN KISSEL
Oh wow, okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you'd be really surprised how big the topic gets and how wide branching it goes.
BEN KISSEL
But it does start with monkey semen.
MARCUS PARKS
It starts with monkey come, yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Let's get into this.
MARCUS PARKS
Well ape come if we're going to be scientifically correct here. It's ape come.
BEN KISSEL
And we always of course are scientifically correct.
MARCUS PARKS
We pride ourselves on that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The data was downloaded into Marcus by the criminal intelligence agency.
BEN KISSEL
Interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
Well to put it as simply as possible, transhumanism is the idea that humans can be in control of their own evolution.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes!
MARCUS PARKS
That we have the power to take ourselves to the next level of existence in both the mental and physical realm.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm getting spider legs, dude!
BEN KISSEL
That sounds awesome. I'm a little bit upset. Let's just say it holds true, we started in the water and then we kind of like flop, flop, flopped out there and then of course if you're in Texas and you're a dolphin you'll get ridden to death because they don't know what to do with any kind of sea creatures.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
BEN KISSEL
Why didn't we keep the gills? Because I would love to be able to swim and I would love to be able to not need a snorkel. I wish we would have kept the gills.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Marcus. Marcus. He's never snorkeled in his life.
MARCUS PARKS
No, you never have. No, lungs are more adaptable to land. Gills are more adaptable to water.
BEN KISSEL
Why don't we keep both?
MARCUS PARKS
You can't have both. Nobody has both.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is all part of the technocrizing of this podcast.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Well I'm sure there's like three animals that have both and we'll get a bunch of emails like, 'Actually the fucking platabumpabump has fucking gills and lungs.'
BEN KISSEL
Don't mess with the platabumpabump.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm open to corrections. We have been too defensive on Side Stories. Sidestorieslpotl@gmail. com. What is the platabumpabump and why can you not fuck it?
BEN KISSEL
It has one testicle and a large vagina.
MARCUS PARKS
There are in essence two approaches to transhumanism. One is technological in which we use computers, nanotechnology, or robotics to take us to the next level of evolution.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes because maybe there is an overarching belief which I do agree that we need to somehow embrace technology with our own biology. We have to come together if we ever plan to travel the stars.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
The other which we'll mostly be focusing on today is biological in which we combine our DNA with that of another animal to make us something more than human.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
More human than human!
BEN KISSEL
Whoa! Whoa! I love you, Rob! I love you, Rob!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's fucking sweet, dude.
BEN KISSEL
I just realized I should have taken a note out of Henry's book but instead of telling people to smoke a bunch of weed and roll up a hog's leg, this is a whiskey episode.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
BEN KISSEL
You're gonna want to pour a little bit of whiskey, you're gonna want to look at your kid but look through him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Technically you're a robot I made.
BEN KISSEL
Yes. I definitely think you want to pour yourself a nice Macallan 12 on this one.
MARCUS PARKS
Now for some reason certain biologists in the early 20th century became obsessed with the idea that the next level of human existence could be achieved by joining our DNA with an animal which shares a common ancestor with humans.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's because those guys were horny and metal.
BEN KISSEL
I guess.
MARCUS PARKS
The animal was the chimpanzee.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh for certain.
BEN KISSEL
Now these scientists, wouldn't they believe in evolution? I thought we already did all this.
MARCUS PARKS
They do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There is a lot of conjecture about where these ideas came from and one was a philosopher by the name of Nikolai Fyodorov who was a futurist. And he theorized this concept, he came from... What time period was this? This was in the 1890s.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And he was really interested in this idea of the perfection of the human race and society using things like he wanted immortality, revival of the dead, space and ocean colonization.
BEN KISSEL
Oh that's gonna end well.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is because his idea too, one of his most extreme ideas is that immortality cannot be achieved until not only is every person on the planet able to live forever but every person who has ever been dead has also been revived.
BEN KISSEL
So that's horrifying.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
BEN KISSEL
We're not doing great with people that are alive, let alone if we all of a sudden have to have the undead and of course the undead lobby, I don't even know what their issues are.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Load 'em up! Load 'em up! But he started this idea that you can use technology, that we will use technology to join together, we will join with technology and we will become our own gods in essence.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That we've been given this consciousness, this inventor's mind by the creative agency of the universe and that now we are the creative agency of the universe and our goal is for us to change ourselves and to change the world. And there's things that are locked into that which is again maybe the total and absolute control of our living environment so that we eventually merge with the robots, become robotic in essence, and then can travel infinitely across the stars.
BEN KISSEL
I hate to break it to this guy, Go-Gurt. That's what we've done. We have Go-Gurt.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We can't even perfect the dick sucking machine. You know what I mean?
MARCUS PARKS
I would argue with that. I think we have perfected the dick sucking machine.
BEN KISSEL
Well yes because your fuck thermos which is the most disgusting thing of all time, the fleshlight.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it's using your hands, it's using your motions. You can have the machine that can possibly know how to suck it in a way that you can tell it by looking in your eyeballs.
MARCUS PARKS
I've never used the dick sucking machine, but the ads look pretty promising.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wow. Wow.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness. Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See? See what happens?
BEN KISSEL
Wow, interesting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
People say I'm the one who's going to give up the human race. Marcus is already there.
MARCUS PARKS
Now as the story goes, the most infamous example of combining humans and apes came out of an old story from soviet Russia. As was reported in a paper called 'The Scotsman' in 2005, a soviet scientist was allegedly ordered by Joseph Stalin to combine humans with apes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
With apes!
BEN KISSEL
Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Give me my man apes!
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
Allegedly Stalin said, quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food that they eat."
BEN KISSEL
Man, I don't know. That seems bad man because he's just talking about how... I feel like if a human bonds with the ape, I don't think that we should feed them bad food.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well we'll get into this.
BEN KISSEL
I think it should only have some of the best food around.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We'll get into this a little bit because I actually agree. And he is actually I think in correcting this idea that chimps would actually eat bad food because they are very similar to us and they get mad, they want higher quality shit.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely. Yes they do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Except you can teach them to get used to a certain level which is actually very sad.
BEN KISSEL
Well that's what we're getting used to as well. I mean obviously Taco Bell has brought back the Mexican pizza but let's not be hypocritical here when it comes to the lower quality of food within our fast food chains.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Chimpanzees should also be allowed to have liquid diarrhea.
BEN KISSEL
They should.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But the reason why we started with biology is because that seemed at the time period the science we had the most control over, this idea that we were really heavily invested in biology especially from the ideas of Darwin coming all the way up. So there was a lot of this idea that this is the first science we can wrap our hands around. The idea of going to space was too far off and the idea of all these other far flung ideas, the futurist ideas for transhumanism, was really far off. So first of all it starts with this section of it being like well what if we fuck with what we have here. And the idea that Stalin wanted super soldier man apes, it might have been a fun meeting that he had but it also does seem to be a little bit of American propaganda as well.
BEN KISSEL
Mapes.
MARCUS PARKS
Quite possible.
BEN KISSEL
I'm starting to think we need more women in the sciences. I just feel like there was not a woman in the room when Stalin was like, 'Let's have men fuck a bunch of apes, make mapes. I just feel like someone could have been like we don't need to do that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It just sounds like one of those meetings at the very end and he's like anybody has anything else? And then the one guy who didn't talk is like, 'What if we combine man and ape to make super soldier?' And then he's just like, 'That's fucking great, dude. Can we do that fucking shit?'
BEN KISSEL
That's great.
MARCUS PARKS
And Ben by the way the preferred nomenclature is humanzee.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Humanzee.
BEN KISSEL
Oh okay. Humanzee.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in 1926 the Politburo in Moscow allegedly passed the request for humanzees to the Soviet Academy of Science with an order to build a living war machine, i.e. a man combined with a chimpanzee.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
I don't think that's it! What about a giraffe?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well there's a lot of other ideas that maybe there's another, again, I think a fake idea that they thought that they could engineer the perfect proletariat as well. Slowly but surely seeding this man an easily more controllable, happier in any given environment.
BEN KISSEL
I just don't think it's going to be true!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I also don't think it's going to be true. I think that you'll just give a chimpanzee more free will.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. This is not the worst idea in a physical sense because chimps are as we all know extraordinarily strong animals capable of ripping the hands and faces off people they don't like. As we all remember from the chimpy face ripping stories of yore. Remember Travis the chimp? No one forgets about Travis the chimp.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't forget it. I don't forget that ever.
BEN KISSEL
Too much red wine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Absolutely. That was the problem, he became a real Kathy.
BEN KISSEL
It was.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you also have to be careful with these chimpanzees, they do whatever they want.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, especially if you get them hammered.
MARCUS PARKS
Additionally Russia had lost quite a few men during both WWI and the revolution that came around the same time. So there was intense pressure to find a new labor force and a new military force, specifically one that wouldn't complain. But I also think that's a bad read because chimpanzees complain constantly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They throw their shit, they throw their little shit when they are mad.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely. I mean I don't have a lot of experience but you think about Bubbles. Remember Bubbles?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Honestly Bubbles was complicit.
BEN KISSEL
Well of course he's complicit, a lot of upkeep, a lot of secrets.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He knew sign language.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Bubbles could have said something about those kids.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely he could have.
MARCUS PARKS
This of course was coming at the same time that Russia was embarking on its first 5 year plan to fast track industrialization, which as we all know resulted in famine that killed millions. And of course as Henry also said this sounds a lot like American propaganda even if part of it is true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean Stalin did kill millions of people, there was a massive starve-off and it was very bad over there. But again it's more about their goals.
BEN KISSEL
A starve-off? That's what you're calling starvation now?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what it is. It's a starve-off!
BEN KISSEL
That is a fun reality show way to talk about famine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, very much so. But Stalin, you know what I want to say? It seems to be Stalinist communism, maybe I'm wrong, it seems a lot about broad strokes and not a lot about the little details that are the millions of humans that are involved in the gears of the system. Maybe I'm incorrect.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
MARCUS PARKS
But at any rate, according to the story, the job of creating a so-called humanzee was given to a highly regarded scientist named Ilya Ivanov, who had established his reputation under the czar back in 1901 when he founded the first center for the artificial insemination of racehorses, which is still big money business as we all know. How many animal come stories did we talk about on Roundtable? 20? 25?
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness, Roundtable after the beers were flowing, we couldn't stop talking about semen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And there's also a lot of money in semen. And there's a lot of interest.
BEN KISSEL
There's huge amounts of money. And specifically pig semen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh we know.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Marcus comes from pig royalty.
BEN KISSEL
I know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You understand how much pig come goes for.
MARCUS PARKS
No, it's not pig royalty. This is another one of those Zebrowski lies.
BEN KISSEL
You're a cattleman, he's a cattleman.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, he slapped the pig with the little sticks. He slapped the pig with the little sticks!
BEN KISSEL
What are you talking about?
MARCUS PARKS
No, my nephew Kellan. Yes he did slap his pig Mr. Jenkins with little sticks but that's what you do when you're a kid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And he made it go around the thing.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah he made it go around the thing, that doesn't make him pig royalty, that makes him a fucking kid that grew up in rural Texas.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You need to watch Pig Royalty, Kissel.
BEN KISSEL
No I know, I'm looking at it right now. Marcus Parks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah he's right here. He's right here. But back to the story, Ilya Ivanov, he is what I would consider to be more so like a modern Dr. Frankenstein in a way.
MARCUS PARKS
In a way.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is where with Last Podcast we talk about the human element. I think the human element here is that a lot of this man ape research was done by simply a very curious scientist who figured out a way to get it subsidized by his government.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ilya Ivanov was obsessed with this concept of cross-fucking, making animals cross-fuck and doing all these things. We'll get into it.
BEN KISSEL
We'll get into it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah, we'll get into it. In 1926 Ilya Ivanov was supposedly sent to West Africa with $200,000 to conduct his first experiments in impregnating female chimpanzees with human semen. At the same time a center was set up in the country of Georgia to raise these humanzees when the experiment paid off. There's a whole infrastructure working. But when impregnating chimps with human sperm didn't work, Ivanov returned to Georgia to try it the other way, impregnating human women with chimpanzee semen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
See I was actually going to give them a little credit.
MARCUS PARKS
Allegedly.
BEN KISSEL
I was going to give them a little bit of credit because it's such a stupid idea, it's definitely a male idea.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No man. You put a yam on her pussy. That's how you get those chimps in there, man. They'll go crawling up there.
BEN KISSEL
I don't even know if chimpanzees like yams.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Put a little hammer and sickle on there, give it a little hat, those Russian hats, get 'em right in there, man. I see.
BEN KISSEL
But now of course I'm very disappointed because I do think it's like okay this is an idea, let's go fuck. But now it's very bad.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is.
MARCUS PARKS
I mean it's a it's a turkey baster, they're not actually having men have sex with chimpanzees and chimpanzees have sex with women. I mean it's invasive, yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was thrown out there.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It definitely at some point in a meeting was like, 'Could we get them to actually fuck?' And someone's like, 'I guess if we just shave one of them he could look like my husband.' said. Except the big problem of this whole thing was finding volunteers during this section.
BEN KISSEL
Yes! I would imagine.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah but we'll also get to that. It's also something to get to.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Ivanov, when he couldn't impregnate human women with chimpanzee sperm, that was another failure for him.
BEN KISSEL
What a Friday. Just like you go home and you're like goddammit honey, I couldn't.
MARCUS PARKS
And then all the monkeys in Georgia died. They all just fucking died.
BEN KISSEL
They didn't have fun. Committed suicide?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I was watching this documentary about Ringling Brothers and the idea of how they used to have to bring exotic animals across the world to get to wherever the circus was. Let's say they needed five lions. They package up 30 lions to see which ones would make the trip because a lot of them just died on the trip.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, I would imagine.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So these monkeys, they would go and get as many apes-
MARCUS PARKS
They're apes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah whatever, man! I'm not dealing with it. That I will not deal with.
MARCUS PARKS
I'll be a stickler on that one. I'll be the guy on that one.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You fucking cyborg. This cyborg talking to me. It's like Siri over there with his little page boy haircut on.
BEN KISSEL
Again, no reason to demonize our friend who's a little bit under the weather.
MARCUS PARKS
Really.
BEN KISSEL
Right before we started, Henry just said he was going to attack Marcus the entire episode and you are living up to that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm sorry.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah because I would not be able to defend myself properly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Shoot for the king whenever he's sad and alone. So he packaged up like 100 apes to go to Russia.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
It was actually 700.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my god!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. And they got something like 20 of them.
BEN KISSEL
Jeez, that's horrible!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's a very bad group. It's a very bad group.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my lord.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well at the end of his rope and with all the Georgian monkeys dead, Ivanov supposedly contacted a Cuban heiress to lend him some of her monkeys so he could make a last ditch effort.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
How horny are these monkeys?
BEN KISSEL
Well what is going on now? I didn't realize that this was so common.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well I mean that's the thing, it's a woman in Cuba with a bunch of apes.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
MARCUS PARKS
And so he's like, 'Hey, soviet Russia, Cuba, we're friendly here.'
BEN KISSEL
We're friends.
MARCUS PARKS
We're friends, give me some of the apes. But when the Americans were made aware of the plan and the New York Times reported on the story, the Cuban heiress dropped out, didn't want the bad publicity.
BEN KISSEL
I've had enough of this, I'm keeping my apes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
As we learned from the Alan Moore BBC Masterclass that we've been taking, Marcus and I, is that back in the day the worst curse that could happen to you would be you'd become the subject of a bard's tale. A satire lives forever.
MARCUS PARKS
A satire.
BEN KISSEL
Wow indeed, a powerful message.
MARCUS PARKS
Powerful. So the whole thing failed and for this expensive blunder-
BEN KISSEL
Huh. Didn't see that coming.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Those apes did.
BEN KISSEL
Hello!
MARCUS PARKS
For this expensive blunder, Ivanov was sentenced to five years in jail which was commuted to five years exile in Kazakhstan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh Borat!
MARCUS PARKS
There he reportedly died a classic soviet death, falling sick while standing on a freezing railway platform and dying of a subsequent stroke.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah!
BEN KISSEL
I didn't know that's the classic soviet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Death. Cause of death, being Russian.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's on the fucking death certificate. Dying like a fucking dog. Done. Nobody knows where the Scotsman got the quote from Stalin directing his people to create humanzee soldiers and workers because nobody has been able to find a shred of evidence that Stalin ever said such a thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But even if Stalin wasn't specifically looking for human-chimp soldiers, everything else in the story is true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah buddy!
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I love humans, man.
BEN KISSEL
Nice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
When there is an idea, we've done it.
BEN KISSEL
Yep. We've thought about it.
MARCUS PARKS
And in the end this story is really about one man's obsession to fill human women with chimp come.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) I am a simple man. Ii am a simple man, I have but one goal in life.
BEN KISSEL
It's not that simple though.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) You'd be surprised because it is a romantic meet up, the come in the egg. All it takes is yes, a bit of struggle to get come. You pin him down, you get his grakor, you give his grakor 4, 5, 6, 9 tugs, right. Very difficult because he's thrashing and biting.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) And the woman, she's always kicking and saying no, my baby will not be mutant. And I say shut up, it's for Russia. And I go in, I pin up her legs up to the wall, I take her toes, I clip her toes to a thing about the bed.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) And then I just shove it right in there.
BEN KISSEL
What's the point?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) I simply have all of this come I must get rid of.
BEN KISSEL
I see.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I mean Ivanov really was obsessed with creating a human-chimp hybrid.
BEN KISSEL
And were they just getting to come from random employees? Was it come day?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, man. Nah, dude.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. He really did try to impregnate chimps with man come and women with chimp come multiple times in multiple locations.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) Multiple different time zones, different temperatures.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
In addition, he also had the assistance of some of the most respected scientific organizations of the day. And while his motivations weren't about creating a race of workers and soldiers for the Soviet Union, his motivations were decidedly soviet in certain ways. According to one read of the situation, Ivanov was trying to discredit religious belief in creationism.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dude, this is fucking honestly the most metal thing I've heard from a scientist. Like what he wanted to do, I agree with this read.
MARCUS PARKS
Essentially if Ivanov was able to crossbreed a chimp with a human, then he would have proved Darwin's theory of evolution which would help the Soviet Union's quest to stamp out religion forever.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Seriously his actual statement was "With this experiment, we can kill God." Fuck yes! (guitar riff) Just one vial of chimp come. Bye, bye Jesus! That's all it took.
BEN KISSEL
Well it didn't work, that's for sure. I feel like it might make me believe in God more.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no, no. It's about this idea that, because they're all saying the core of that central belief is that human beings are special, celestial, handmade thing by God to be in their image and whatever. Or this idea is that if we are enough genetically close to a chimp, it's just showing that oh no, that we were just one of many races of standing ape that ascended to this level, that if we can crossbreed with other things that are close to us, that shows that there were probably many strains of humankind. Which now we know from our archaeology that there were many different levels of humans but at the time they were trying to prove it, prove it. The the proof was in the pudding.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa! Do you think this is why Tom Cruise has his fish fetish perhaps?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think he has that fish fetish just to show that again it's about him being able to get hard for the fish and that shows mastery of his body.
BEN KISSEL
I went into a YouTube hole of Tom Cruise. I could see having an idea very similar to this and I have to say he does his own stunts.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He does.
BEN KISSEL
And they're quite difficult.
MARCUS PARKS
So this is where you've landed on the Tom Cruise fish fucking scandal, on the blind items, is that he's having sex with fish to prove that he has mastery over his own body? If he can get hard for fish then he can do anything?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He can do anything.
BEN KISSEL
I mean there's a certain truth to that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think that he could do anything possible. He hung on the side of a plane.
BEN KISSEL
It's not easy to do.
MARCUS PARKS
Well let's get back to Ilya Ivanov.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Let's get back to some serious stuff.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely, some science.
MARCUS PARKS
As far as who Ilya Ivanov really was, he was actually a master in the field of animal hybridization and artificial insemination.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He was responsible for creating such hybrids as the guinea pig mouse-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cute.
MARCUS PARKS
And the zedonk which was a hybrid of a zebra and a donkey. Or you could call it a zeedonk.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh I'm sorry, zeedonk. I'd say zeedonk because it's zebra.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, instead of a zedonk.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
I think zonkey would work.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Natalie had a big thing about whether or not it's humanZEE or huMANzee.
MARCUS PARKS
I would say it's a humanZEE.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what she says, humanZEE.
BEN KISSEL
I wouldn't end the marriage over it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh no, we're in tatters.
BEN KISSEL
Oh really?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm sleeping in the car.
MARCUS PARKS
By 1910 Ivanov had presented his idea of a humanzee at the World Congress of Zoologists, which considering his reputation and how much success he'd had with the zeedonk, this idea was met with a fair amount of curiosity and intrigue.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Do you not think that there was no cross talk of people or just anybody just being like, 'I think this guy just likes watching animals fuck each other.'
BEN KISSEL
Oh they must have but I think they all liked it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I guess so. But I don't think anybody's that charmed with the idea of a chimp making love to a human woman.
MARCUS PARKS
No, that's the thing Henry. They're they're all accepting that no one is making love to anybody else.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Why?
BEN KISSEL
That's even worse then.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Why? That sucks.
MARCUS PARKS
It's artificial insemination. That's what they're excited about because that's science, it's dispassionate, it's a thinker.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No man, that's ridiculous.
BEN KISSEL
Science is very passionate.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know people that are in the sex work community and its dispassionate.
BEN KISSEL
Sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They know for a fact they both have fun and don't have fun. It is a job. So if you get a professional chimp porn actor with a professional woman sex worker-
BEN KISSEL
But you did say make love which has a bit of emotion to it.
MARCUS PARKS
You did say make love.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because make fuck, it doesn't work in a lab.
BEN KISSEL
Make fuck? I don't know, it's just a lot of crunchy khakis there in this zoology meeting and I would like to know what zoologists talk about behind closed doors because I bet you they still have conversations that can get a little icky.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They call us a bunch of cucks for zebras and giraffes. They're like no one gives a fucking shit about a giraffe, look at these guys out here watching like it's some kind of TV show, Ze-Masked Singer.
BEN KISSEL
Zebra cuck. Zuck.
MARCUS PARKS
Well remember, Ilya Ivanov was Russian and by 1917 the Russian Revolution had occurred. So Ivanov needed a good angle to get funded, a good communist soviet angle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah he had to pitch it.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Hence he approached the soviet government with his humanzee experiment as a way to validate Darwin's theory, thus striking a blow against organized religion.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A spear into the heart of Christ!
BEN KISSEL
I don't know.
MARCUS PARKS
In my opinion, I think in reality he really just wanted to fill chimps with man come and women with chimp come, Darwin be damned, but needs must when a man has a passion.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I do agree. I think this is the true example of fascinating. It's just a man watching from the side. He just wants to see it happen.
BEN KISSEL
Yes, scientists gone wild here. Really some stuff happening.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he's just trying to get his fucking idea off the ground and he's selling it. Every scientist has to sell it to the fucking board.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) He's got my money. I want to see these fucking chimp babies.
BEN KISSEL
Do they care what kind of come it is? Or anyone's come will do? Or do they do they try to get the smartest of the smart come?
MARCUS PARKS
They kept it just apes like chimps, orangutans.
BEN KISSEL
No but I'm talking about the human come, when it comes to the human come.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh it was his.
BEN KISSEL
Oh it was his.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I am more than certain because we know this for a fact that in America, there's a new documentary series that's about this.
BEN KISSEL
Come harvesting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There was a whole time period where people were going in with fertility problems and fertility doctors were using their own semen to inseminate these various women that had problems conceiving.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So I cannot believe it would be anybody else besides like, (Russian accent) 'Hey, Grigor! Have you jerked it today?'
BEN KISSEL
Did you jerk it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Russian accent) No, no. Good, good, good. You haven't yet? Let's get your top cream. I need greens man, I need you to get your fucking greens, bro.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah have some pineapple there. All right. Kind of like Spiderman, they can kind of web it out. Yeah I mean he's making his own science.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't be that wrong, right Marcus?
MARCUS PARKS
It was probably like amongst the community, it was probably their own.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right?
BEN KISSEL
Are you mandated? Is it like, 'Oh it's Monday, my day to come.'
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep, it might be.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah because they're not trying to raise these things to be college professors, these are soldiers, these are workers. They're they're not truly concerned with how much thought they can put into a dissertation.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And honestly I'd use one professional golfer's come, I'd use a comedian's come.
BEN KISSEL
Oh absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'd use a president's come.
BEN KISSEL
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay so as I said, Ivanov first tried to impregnate a chimp with human semen in Africa but as we mentioned that failed. So he headed home to impregnate women with chimp semen. And surprisingly five women actually volunteered for the program for reasons unknown although we may put the word "volunteer" into quotes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He was trying his best to, from what I was reading is that he was trying his best to find a volunteer. He wanted someone to be willing to do it because the way he pitched it is again, we're at the forefront of scientific discovery. This is the most incredible chapter in humankind possible.
BEN KISSEL
I mean it's not Jurassic Park.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Will you be the mother to the future of humankind? And then they're all like, (russian accent) 'You're putting monkey come up inside of my fucking guts?'
BEN KISSEL
Ugh it's so gross!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And he's just like ah yes, now you understand!
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness. Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they did basically, I think in the end they were forced.
BEN KISSEL
They were kinda forced.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, forced.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
However the apes that Ivanov had brought with them from their native land didn't do too well in Georgia, even though the climate is somewhat subtropical for Eastern Europe. All the apes soon died except one. And by the time the experiment was finally ready to go, only a 26 year old orangutan named Tarzan was left and he soon died of a brain hemorrhage.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude.
BEN KISSEL
What is going on?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
If you have to come enough for five separate pregnancy experiments, you're gonna pop a vessel.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my lord, Tarzan. I guess.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know what I mean? That's him every day being like, 'I can't come no more! There's nothing left in the chamber, sir!'
BEN KISSEL
Also 26, isn't that like super old?
MARCUS PARKS
Not really.
BEN KISSEL
No? DO they live that long?
MARCUS PARKS
Actually for apes in captivity it's about 10 years from death. Usually apes in captivity on average live around 30-35 years.
BEN KISSEL
He's probably over it. He doesn't want to come anymore, he's done. It's like I'm not a teenager anymore.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah it says 35-45 years, yep.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Oh, I'm looking at them now, they're so cute!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ready to fuck.
BEN KISSEL
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Look at his little eyes.
BEN KISSEL
Aw.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nobody fucks me, man.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Ivanov tried putting in another order for apes but before the apes arrived at the facility, Ivanov fell victim to the widespread purge of soviet scientists and was exiled to Kazakhstan where he did in fact die of a stroke. Now before we shame Ivanov too much as a mad scientist, it's important to know that he was not the only scientist who had this idea.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nah, dude.
BEN KISSEL
I actually don't know if he is a mad scientist. I could see him being immensely happy just doing what he loves.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's just truly, he's a pure scientist I would say.
BEN KISSEL
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where he did not really care about the sociological implications of what he was doing. He was just happy to see. While we were asking if we could do it, we never asked if we should.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. He was the definition of that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
When it was discovered that humans and chimps were far more similar genetically than we'd ever imagined, a German sexologist named Herman Rohleder-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That just sounds like a fake name you tell to a foreign person.
BEN KISSEL
Yes. I always whenever I think of a sexologist I think of a Herman.
MARCUS PARKS
He tried going through with the experiment of inseminating chimps with human sperm. His partner in this was a dutch zoologist named another Hermann, Hermann Moens.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hermann. Paging Mr. Moens. Paging Mr. Moens.
MARCUS PARKS
But while Rohleder remained a respected name in sexology after the experiment was rejected in the planning stages-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We have finally found the clit!
BEN KISSEL
Oh wow.
MARCUS PARKS
The dutch zoologist was fired from his teaching position for even participating in the preliminary stages of such a wild experiment.
BEN KISSEL
Well I don't know if they need to be fired.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I agree because a zoologist's job is not trying to... Keep it to the animals.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Keep it to the animals. So you think that bringing the people in, that's where he broke zoologist protocol.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. It's good for the other guy, the sexologist should actually have a zoologist around to be like, 'Hey how can I make this ape harder? What apes like?' I mean that kind of thing. But the zoologist shouldn't be there with the fucking goggles on testing out there being like, 'Ah yeah, get her, girl.' That's what I think. A sexologist is allowed to be a professional pervert.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
I think they need someone around who would have been like, 'What you guys doing there?' Just like everyone needs a 'what you guys doing there?' Guy. Because I'd be like oh you guys are fucking apes and shit? And then I would say you tell me and say it out loud, I'm putting come inside of this ape. And be like see?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah so you have to say it out loud.
BEN KISSEL
You have to say it out loud and be like does it sound like you're doing something good? What are you doing there?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's transhumanism.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And it must be said that all of Ivanov's research was not met with applause at every corner even in the Soviet Union. Apparently the soviets were fine with him filling chimps with human come but filling humans with chimp come was a bridge too far.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh whatever man.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, it's a bridge too far.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whatever dude.
BEN KISSEL
It might be, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But what really got Ivanov in hot water in the end was not scientific ethics but scientific politics.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah man. President Stalin wanted it to be his come.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, I know this isn't a Gold Star episode. Maybe it's like a Milky Star episode?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's a Milky Way episode, yeah.
BEN KISSEL
It's just there's a lot of come here.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yes. We warned the audience.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And I'm not done yet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
BEN KISSEL
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
See Ivanov had gotten swept up in the eugenics conversation, although it was argued that his area of research was in so-called positive eugenics.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh I love that spin. I love that spin.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well that's when parents with quote unquote "good genetics" are encouraged to have more children and that's the end of it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
But as we know eugenics by its very nature cannot be positive if you are encouraging so-called good genetics then by definition you are discouraging so-called bad genetics. Which is a conversation that ends at the most innocent side, forced sterilization and at the worst complete genocide.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
It also doesn't work. I've seen beautiful parents with some of the ugliest, dumpiest kids.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Hideous. Hideous children.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Most of the most successful parents have a child that is then completely woefully unable to be singularly successful in society.
BEN KISSEL
Look at Robert Durst!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. And then they become monsters. But if you do want to see quote unquote "bad genetics" just on fire, you just take a trip down to Disney World and you just take a look at that experiment, it's well and good.
BEN KISSEL
You have a vengeance now against Disney World.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It ruined my experience of Disney World and we will never go back.
BEN KISSEL
Isn't that too bad?
MARCUS PARKS
Very good. Well since eugenics was a central tenet of nazism and therefore fascism, which is an absolute enemy of soviet Russia and communism, Ivanov was seen as a community of eugenic scientists that needed to be purged from soviet Russia.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well this is where he also got trapped up in maybe even like how propaganda from other places will fuck with you within your own home.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because this idea of well I kind of hinted at before which was they thought that they could re- engineer the perfect proletariat. Like this idea that was attached to him that may or may have never have come from inside his community. But it was that idea of what we'll do is seed the world with this DNA and have more and more half monkey, half people that will then fuck other people. And then more and more thin out human DNA into perfectly controllable chimpanzees.
BEN KISSEL
Well that'll be a fun conversation to have with the folks, you're getting married there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Ivanov was actually one of the lucky ones because many of Ivanov's contemporaries were simply shot instead of being exiled to Kazakhstan to die freezing on a railway platform like a fucking stray dog.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. I'd just be like shoot me! Just shoot me in the head.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But while soviet Russia abandoned their plans for a humanzee, there were reports that China actually attempted a human-chimpanzee crossbreeding program in 1967.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Allegedly the head of a Chinese hospital claimed that a chimpanzee female had been impregnated with human sperm.
BEN KISSEL
Have we thought like what about the infant then?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah man, there's a lot of thought about it.
BEN KISSEL
Cause that would be kind of weird if you were like, 'My birth mother is a chimpanzee.'
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you keep it alive for the seven days that it will live and then you throw in the garbage.
BEN KISSEL
Aw. That's science?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That is science.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well this is aborted science. According to this hospital official's account, the experiment was cut short by China's cultural revolution and the scientist responsible for impregnating the chimp were sent to a farm labor camp for re-education and they were probably fucking killed and the chimp, three months pregnant, died of neglect.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Probably best. Probably best because I just don't think at this time period, I think especially after the cultural revolution, I don't know if we were ready to raise the humanzee.
BEN KISSEL
The culture before was all for it. And then they were like let's not be for it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well they weren't given a choice.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They weren't given a choice.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But while a humanzee was never successfully created in a laboratory-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We don't know!
BEN KISSEL
I've seen Hellboy.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay, allegedly, allegedly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because what was his name, Gordon Gekko?
BEN KISSEL
Gordon Gekko.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There was another...
MARCUS PARKS
Gordon Ramsay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No!
BEN KISSEL
What Gordon?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Gordon Gallup.
BEN KISSEL
Gordon Gallup.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's another scientist who believed that we did create a humanzee in a lab. And again it lived for seven days and then it died on its own.
BEN KISSEL
(screaming) I mean what a horrible life.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, of course. It was alive for a second but I imagine those seven days must have been trippy as fuck. But I don't know if it happened.
BEN KISSEL
I don't know.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But while a humanzee was never officially successfully created in a laboratory-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thank you.
MARCUS PARKS
It was suspected that a humanzee had somehow been created in the wild. Somehow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude. Fucking Noah's lab, dude.
BEN KISSEL
Yep, all right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what the ark was, man. It was a fucking transhumanism lab, bro!
BEN KISSEL
The fuck boat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. That's why I'm gonna name my new program Noah's Ark.
BEN KISSEL
That's fantastic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Every type of chick with vials of my penis, my semen. That's Epstein. I'm sorry that's all Jeffrey Epstein.
BEN KISSEL
I'm so excited for your 'it's international waters' phase.
MARCUS PARKS
Well to wit, a performing chimpanzee named Oliver captured in the Congo was believed to be a humanzee bred in the wild.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Oh yeah, man. Missing link, dog.
BEN KISSEL
Well they shouldn't have given it that nerdy name, he's going to be made fun of in school.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No man, he was fucking huge, dude.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Now admittedly Oliver did appear to look more human than most chimpanzees.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He did.
MARCUS PARKS
He had a flatter face, he walked by bipedally instead of on his knuckles.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like a dude does. Like a fucking bro does. My fucking bro.
BEN KISSEL
He's a dude.
MARCUS PARKS
And he reportedly preferred human females to chimp females.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Who wouldn't?
BEN KISSEL
Just be very careful because that's dangerous.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And sometimes you know how it is being super tall, sometimes girls will just give you a shot.
BEN KISSEL
I don't know.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They see this new dude, this new type of guy.
BEN KISSEL
This cool guy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, you don't know, man.
BEN KISSEL
Does he skateboard and stuff?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He can't talk.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He'll rip your tits off.
MARCUS PARKS
Well according to one of Oliver's owners, a woman named Janet Berger, Oliver became attracted to her when he turned 16.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not good.
MARCUS PARKS
Which prompted her and her husband to sell the horny ape to a New York attorney.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know what to do with this horny ape. I know what to do. I'm gonna take him to law school.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely. A regular old Giuliani there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. We can clean up the neighborhoods.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. So I mean she must have completed the circuit, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ha! You're blaming this on her? You're fucking disgusting! You're disgusting.
BEN KISSEL
It's an animal. So it's like I think he really likes to fuck.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, cause it's grabbing her tits and it had a big hard cock on him cause he was getting an erection.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, she's not flirting with him, dude.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's not coy looks across the dancefloor.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
He's still a very aggressive animal that is actively trying to have sex with her that's treating this woman like she is another chimp.
BEN KISSEL
I see.
MARCUS PARKS
It's not writing her fucking love notes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah man.
BEN KISSEL
They're not writing love notes.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're not going to the In-N-Out.
MARCUS PARKS
No, it's not sharing a fucking chocolate malted.
BEN KISSEL
Just sucking on straws together.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, sucking on straws. Some fucking spaghetti in a back alley.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(chimp screams)
BEN KISSEL
THere's just something about the way that you fling your dookie. When you fling your dookie, it's so funny. What a date.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh man.
BEN KISSEL
Scientific episode.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, there's a lot of research in this.
BEN KISSEL
So much research, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love Oliver.
BEN KISSEL
All right, 16 year old horny ass ape, kind of living the dream here.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I got the giggles.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh man. Okay. Well the attorney who bought Oliver was (bursts out laughing)-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You got him, you killed him.
BEN KISSEL
We killed him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We killed him with our act out. It's the date. It's this big huge erect animal and this tiny woman.
BEN KISSEL
It is. Wow. You never know what's gonna happen.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm really sorry guys, yeah. Well I've been under fucking COVID pressure for a week, it's starting to lift off now. It's nice.
BEN KISSEL
That's great, you're laughing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I talked to you yesterday and you're like, 'You're the first person I've talked to in 7 days.'
BEN KISSEL
I'm just so happy the entire time you were researching this.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Honestly at least this is not MK Ultra.
BEN KISSEL
No it's not.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the attorney who bought Oliver was Michael Miller who met with Oliver after reading about him in the newspaper. He paid $8000 for Oliver the chimp and exhibited him at various events like the Explorers Club Banquet.
BEN KISSEL
Just because he was horny, that was it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well they had to get rid of him and they're looking at this thing-
BEN KISSEL
No but I'm saying the attorney, he's just like the fact that it was such a horny ape, that's what-
MARCUS PARKS
It's a sideshow. It's not just that he's a horny ape, he also looks like a dude and walks around like a dude.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Gotcha, okay.
MARCUS PARKS
You put a little suit on him, you give him a cigar, and you got a show.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'd go see that show now.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Remember when we played that fucking theater in Oakland and there was that monkey who sold out an entire week at that theater?
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. Was it Astor or something like that?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. He played the piano and it was awesome. It was a great show.
MARCUS PARKS
It was just a tiny spider monkey. I mean imagine you get a chimp that looks like a dude.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Huge cock.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, apparently.
MARCUS PARKS
The next year Michael Miller flew Oliver to Japan to appear on TV followed by a three week tour of the country exhibiting behavior close to human. Look at the monkey, isn't he great?
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
After that Oliver bounced around various owners and even spent time in a small cage at a research facility.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But thankfully Oliver ended up at a sanctuary called Primarily Primates where he died at the age of 55, 20 years longer than most apes in captivity.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa!
MARCUS PARKS
And he died right next to his loving chimp girlfriend named Raisin.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Raisin. They found each other at the very end in his retirement community. Primarily Primates is one of the first ever reserves for former performing apes to go live at the end of their life and it's like around a fucking tree. But he was seven years in that research facility.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, in a tiny little cage.
BEN KISSEL
Oh poor guy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it's interesting too for something that really was... Because they don't know what the hell he was, they don't know what the hell he was. We'll get into more details about it. But if something was so close to human and it really was, he did kind of exhibit like that thing, that weird uncanny valley thing that some chimps, certain high performative apes do where they are a lot like us, they can experience empathy, they experience jealousy.
BEN KISSEL
Well there's a reason we don't eat them I think.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. I mean they don't taste good.
BEN KISSEL
You think that's the reason?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. No, no, we should have killed them out a long time ago. They're only there are only competition besides the octopus.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely not. And the octopi are very, very successful. I don't know if they should be farmed though.
MARCUS PARKS
No. No, they shouldn't be.
BEN KISSEL
Too smart.
MARCUS PARKS
Now it's all well and good to just say that a chimpanzee is more human than most-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(singing) More human than human!
MARCUS PARKS
Because it's adept at imitating human behavior, it looks more human than most other apes, and it's obviously attracted to human females. But that's not scientific proof. The scientific proof for dubbing Oliver an official humanzee was all in the chromosomes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It always is. Look at Chet Hanks.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nothing could save him.
BEN KISSEL
Speaking of, Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, beautiful people both physically and internally, Chet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
BEN KISSEL
Even Tom Hanks.
MARCUS PARKS
But also Colin.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly.
MARCUS PARKS
Very sweet man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
One sleepy come, one alert come. That's all it takes.
MARCUS PARKS
Well humans have 46 chromosomes while chimps have 48. So logically a humanzee should have 47, right down the middle, split the difference. But when Oliver was finally tested it was found that he did indeed have 48.
BEN KISSEL
Whoa!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
In the pudding! It's in the pudding!
MARCUS PARKS
Yep. So in the end while Oliver did look and act more human and he did have a predilection towards human women, he was still a chimp. An odd chimp to be sure,, a special chimp but a chimp nonetheless.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They think he might have been a crossbreed between a gorilla and another type of chimpanzee, they think it might have been that.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There is also a case to be made that something like him could have been the thing that led to humankind.
BEN KISSEL
A missing link.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It just showed these little bridge steps that these qualities pop up and eventually if that thing and there was another humanzee-style thing and they fucked, they'd make something that was even closer to a person. And other things, they all fuck and make something closer to a person enough til we get Kissel.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Me, I was genetically engineered by Polish scientists.
BEN KISSEL
Oh yeah, I could see you in a lab there.
MARCUS PARKS
While it's been proved again and again that humanzees don't exist in the real world-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not yet!
MARCUS PARKS
Not yet.
BEN KISSEL
Not yet.
MARCUS PARKS
That hasn't stopped science fiction writers from exploring the idea that humanzees may one day populate the earth.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
From your mouth to God's ears. Let them take the fucking wheel, man.
BEN KISSEL
Wow. Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Specifically a 2000 science fiction novel by F. Paul Wilson called 'Sims' explores just such a notion.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I imagine that they must have in some way, shape, or form cleared the word Sims or this was self published.
BEN KISSEL
Oh yes, indeed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
I believe if this is 2000, this was right around the time that the game the Sims came out. I think that came out first in maybe '99, 2001.
BEN KISSEL
Well maybe this is a copyright on chimp fucking. It's very different.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's different. It is different. But it did win the Libertarian Science Fiction Award so when it comes down to it it really is operating on it's own principles.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well in the book humans used gene therapy to cure most deadly diseases. And apparently their first idea after curing all diseases is to create a slave race of part chimpanzee, part humans that they call Sims.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Helper race.
BEN KISSEL
I just feel like they're greatly missing automation and robots and stuff.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh no, it'll get there.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Well as far as plot goes, the Sims have been a part of society for a while but are beginning to realize their plight. And it all begins with a group of humanzee golf caddies who decide that they want to unionize.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And the real villain of the story here is of course the unions.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That is what they're really upset about.
BEN KISSEL
That's not right.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Best libertarian science fiction story of the year.
BEN KISSEL
Oh my goodness.
MARCUS PARKS
Really the author's note at the beginning of the novel says it all. Henry, if you would.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Sims takes place just around the corner timewise in your town, your country, your world. It may seem like science fiction but it isn't. For right now as you read these words, someone somewhere is altering a chimpanzee's genome to make it more human."
BEN KISSEL
Is this David Mamet's new book?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Right now. So it won't be too long before we all come face to face with the same issues challenging the characters in Sims."
BEN KISSEL
This is what you're wasting your time writing, huh?
MARCUS PARKS
Well I mean that's really all about, wow, you really toned that down quite a bit. You switched the tone on that because I imagined it to be very like much more like a Rod Serling.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. Sims takes place just around the corner timewise in your town, your country.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, the former was more accurate.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. For right now, as you read these words, someone somewhere is altering a chimpanzee's genome to make it more human right now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right now!
BEN KISSEL
It's not a baseball announcer. You sound like Bob Uecker.
MARCUS PARKS
It's urgency to it.
BEN KISSEL
I see.
MARCUS PARKS
But humanzees of course, that's just the biology side of things when it comes to transhumanism.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
There's also the technological side which you may not be surprised has been twisted by certain conspiracy theorists as a possible path to a dystopian future for us all.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We will definitely need to do a chapter two of transhumanism to really get into the details of where all of this goes from. Because much like the humble beginnings of transhumanism with monkey come, there is an actual normal idea of this concept of we will join ourselves with robotic technology.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We will join with technology and we will move on. Ray Kurzweil who is the guy that created the idea of the singularity, this idea that he believes by 2049 there will be an AI that will actually be able to function like a human mind and we will use that to travel into space. But it mostly seems that what way Kurzweil has mastered is the power of hair technology because he went from bald to the most free flowing, beautiful Kyle MacLachlan pompadour that I have ever seen.
BEN KISSEL
Oh wow. Good for him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That really shows the power of the future.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
One of the leading paranoiacs in this field, the field that transhumanism is a dystopian reality, is a woman named Elana Freeland.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
She's written a trilogy of books on the subject that ended with a book called 'Geoengineered Transhumanism: How the environment has been weaponized by chemicals, electromagnetism, and nanotechnology for synthetic biology.'
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That is the entire title.
BEN KISSEL
What a pain in the ass. To write that entire title on all of those?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is the other two books in the trilogy.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Under an ionized sky: From chemtrails to space fence lockdown'. Chemtrails, HAARP, and the full spectrum dominance of planet Earth'. Because that's what she's focused on is the idea of the full spectrum dominance of planet Earth.
BEN KISSEL
All right.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Her general idea is that for decades the government has been controlling the ionosphere with phased array heater blasts.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Space vents!
MARCUS PARKS
To maintain an ionized atmosphere. I'm taking this slow so everyone-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Power the world like an antenna!
BEN KISSEL
Like an antenna.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. An ionized atmosphere in which chemicals, nanotechnology, and SynBio synergies are continuously laid by jets, drones, and rockets in the name of so-called climate change.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. Seeding the clouds with nanomachines to make them brighter so they reflect more light! But guess where it goes, man?
BEN KISSEL
Where?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You think it stays in the fucking clouds, you fucking asshole?
BEN KISSEL
I have no idea.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No man, drifts down into your little precious pink lungs.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Basically this is a chemtrail conspiracy in which the air we breathe, the soil we grow our food, and the water we drink have all been commandeered as an advanced team by biotech and big pharma for what Elana Freeland calls human 2.0 transhumanism.
BEN KISSEL
She might be onto something. Monsanto! Don't even give me going on baked potatoes.
MARCUS PARKS
But she's not onto anything.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Not a single thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She is a very sad woman. She's a very, very sad, broken woman.
BEN KISSEL
She doesn't seem sad. She's got all these ideas.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I've listened to hours of her speak. She is very upset.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. She's busy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She's busy.
MARCUS PARKS
Well combined with what else but vaccinations-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No Marcus, the Wuhan incident.
BEN KISSEL
Very intriguing.
MARCUS PARKS
Because it's not just the COVID vaccination, this stuff goes back years and years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This goes back to the 6th century.
BEN KISSEL
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is what she says, it goes back to the 6th century when they invented, basically how plagues were always invented by warfare. It's all biowarfare.
BEN KISSEL
Biological warfare.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah and they use the same story we talked about in the black plague series as the invention of plagues in general.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But combined with what else but vaccinations, all of this is in preparation for the software phase of the brain computer interface or BCI which is about to go into effect after decades of quiet war preparation. And all of this is somehow controlled by something called a space fence.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Space fence!
BEN KISSEL
All right hold on now. Is she in any way antisemitic?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not yet.
MARCUS PARKS
Not yet.
BEN KISSEL
Fantastic. So then I'm gonna say this, she might be onto something. She might be onto something.
MARCUS PARKS
No!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know.
MARCUS PARKS
No! No, she's not.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The word 'elite' is thrown around quite a bit, there's that. I have not gotten to the Rothschild chapter yet.
BEN KISSEL
Let me know when you do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It's going to get antisemitic at some point. It always does.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It will but it's not yet. Well it's definitely anti-Chinese and it's anti-humans. It's anti herself.
BEN KISSEL
Well then I'm not for it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, she's very upset all the time, very sad, and very afraid of everything. She's terrified of everything.
BEN KISSEL
Now how can she be upset with a YouTube channel though? She has a YouTube channel. So isn't that exciting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
She doesn't have a YouTube channel because she doesn't have any form of technology in her home. I don't know how, she must have something.
MARCUS PARKS
Well how does that work? I've seen her do on camera interviews for other YouTube channels, she has about 40 listed.
BEN KISSEL
She's got a secret TV in the closet, you know that.
MARCUS PARKS
Who put together her PDF of recoveries and remedies that tell us that wifi and 5G are breaking down the cells and chemicals in our body?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well it's because the Wuhan incident is they wired all of Wuhan with 5G and then released COVID.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They released COVID-19, right, which is the receptor. What you have to do, what she says here, it's ordo sub aurea which is the concept of creating chaos in order to control the solution, right.
BEN KISSEL
Okay. Broad strokes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because then the vaccines put graphite in your blood that the 5G can use to track you even though you already got a phone, it doesn't really matter. No, no, no, it's to track you, bro. Because what it is is a sleeper cell inside your body. So when they finally will get to 6G, that's G-G-G-G-G-G.
BEN KISSEL
That's 6Gs, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They are going to go in there and they're going to be able to zap into your blood and then turn you into a robot from the inside out.
BEN KISSEL
Got it. Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And that's about as much as my COVID brain can handle with this. For more on space fences and chemtrail transhumanism, Henry please, turning it over to you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay, so this is what I'm gonna do here. Because there's not a lot of things that make sense, I'm just going to read you a little bit of what she talks about. Now Elana Freeland is a very sad person who seems very, very upset.
MARCUS PARKS
Very afraid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And her idea is essentially it starts with chemtrails which is that they have been seeding our environment with these various elements that are going to slowly but surely replace all of our molecules in our body with machine particles and nanoparticles.
BEN KISSEL
She sounds like Richard Chase.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It does begin to sound insane.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It's a different kind of paranoia. It's strange because it's a very controlled paranoia. And it's not as manic as Richard Chase's. But if you read that PDF of recoveries and remedies, she believes in every single conspiracy theory that exists.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah. It's exhausting.
MARCUS PARKS
It seems absolutely exhausting, absolutely.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It sounds like it's a very difficult life.
MARCUS PARKS
And she believes in gangstalking as well.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
It's everything, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Morgellons. Have you ever read anything into Morgellons disease?
MARCUS PARKS
Is that the Morgellons and the heavy metals and all that shit?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. From chemtrails, that these things work your way into your skin, it's this weird fibrous things. She says Morgellons is a sign that you have been chosen by the US government as a trace agent.
BEN KISSEL
Is that cool or bad?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't think there's any benefits.
BEN KISSEL
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't think you get to go to Quantico and go ride the horses.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, you don't get to stop paying taxes.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
If only. You know how you stop paying taxes? You just stop paying taxes. That's what they learned.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Or become a priest.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh man, I'm so upset. We just paid taxes.
BEN KISSEL
You can still do it one day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But so her main thrust is that we are trapped in the agenda of an occult military industrial complex that believes that we have to gain mastery, what she calls full spectrum dominance of the planet earth in order to spread across the galaxy. So this idea that we need to turn the planet Earth into entirely the technological being that we are all networked together, made out of nano machines, and that we will spread out amongst the stars. Because it's about this idea of human beings need to evolve into this thing in order to do it, you have to gain total control using things like HAARP, chemtrails. You slowly see the world with these nanomachines that will slowly replace us piece by piece by piece.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
With the space fences was the space fence was talked about in 2017, it was under the Donald Trump administration where it was this idea to combat global warming. That's where it comes from is that global warming is of course not created by pollution. You have to be such a fucking asshole to even think that, right.
BEN KISSEL
Well I do, I think that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But in order to never fuck with the corporation's bottom line in any way, shape, or form-
BEN KISSEL
Sure, it's true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What they have figured out is the way to maybe acknowledge climate change but not acknowledge global warming, what we will do is we'll create what they call a space fence. We will go up in space and we will drop essentially nanoparticles, like shiny things, like little tiny microscopic mirrors.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is very stupid explanation. Sidestorieslpotl@gmail.com to help me actually explain it true. But the idea is that these particles will create a cloud around the planet Earth that will reflect the sun away from us.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And what she is saying that that is one of these programs, an insidious program that allows these machines to then drop down into our world and then get into our lungs so slowly but surely we can be replaced into robot material.
BEN KISSEL
I don't know if we're quite there yet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no. Kissel, they invent the weather. The US government has total control over the weather. They have terraformed everything. She says she's been watching the California wildfires for the last four years, you can't fuck with her. She's been researching on YouTube for three years.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Three years, dude.
BEN KISSEL
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
She's been watching YouTube for three years.
BEN KISSEL
Well the military industrial complex is real.
MARCUS PARKS
Hasn't gone to the library one time but she's been watching YouTube for three years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's where the nanomachines are! If you look at her book, she had the very end, you see how many pages?
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Wait Henry, I thought she didn't have any technology in her home.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think her computer is made of wood. If you look at the page count, look at the page count right there. See how many pages 'Geoengineered Transhumanism' has?
BEN KISSEL
What page are we on here? Oh 834.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
834 pages of this book 'Geoengineered Transhumanism'. And this is what she says is the final rollout, right.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So the idea is that they are going to completely geoengineer the entire planet and get total control over it and that we are a part of that. And this is one sentence from this book.
BEN KISSEL
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"The transhumanist Trojan horse, we entered the decidedly occult precincts of eugenics minded global elite bloodlines and secret societies that have sought for millennia the technology by which to turn the human masses into SynBio synthetic biology golems or homunculi from the magic human head brain and second brain to the genetics of the recently bold COVID-19 occult assault on the human genome, the intent being to replace the natural human body and brain, protein, carbon, with the nanoparticle silicon polymer graphene-based hydrogel brain computer interface that's BCI for total artificial intelligence AI cloud domination over any and all future attempts to individually develop or fine tune free will."
BEN KISSEL
You tell me if she's in a sundress with big boobs that you wouldn't sit there and listen to her talk?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh of course. Of course.
BEN KISSEL
I mean that's the first statement right there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Absolutely. Because the whole point is that she acknowledges the mystical property of free will. That the one thing that they don't want to talk about, if you read the Kybalion and everything is mental, the universe is mental, this idea that we know in our heart of hearts that we generate reality with our own specific brain, with our brains, right.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
With our free will. Our observation of the of society, what it does is that we can change, according to this and also mystical thinking, that you can change the world simply by thinking about it.
BEN KISSEL
And changing your behavior.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure, absolutely. And she says that that's the reason why they have to fully mechanize us so they can take away the property of free will so that we will become one roving force headed towards the stars.
BEN KISSEL
The metaverse.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, the metaverse, nobody fighting against it, right. I know I'm starting to make sense to you.
BEN KISSEL
She's got a lot of thoughts that's for sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And that's what we got. That's what we got for today.
BEN KISSEL
Wow. All right!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because remember it's not called half scale dominance of the fucking planet Earth.
BEN KISSEL
No, it's full scale.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Full scale.
BEN KISSEL
Full scale.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because the US government can do shit, they can make their own Birkeland currents, they can make their own toroidal forms. What are these words? She says stuff in here that is wild, dog. And I paid for this book. I gave her fucking money.
BEN KISSEL
Wow, how much was it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was $15. I gave her my money and I read as much as I could.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because she even just talks about just how insidious this is. "Across and above America pulse signals streak to and fro, power lines glow, toaster ovens and electric lights and hair and clothes dryers emanate, exude, lead. Cellphone, laptop, and wireless frequencies pulse billions of times per second at low power. Human and animal bodies and brains attempt to pulse at their ancient natural frequencies but radiation drowns out the human life cycle of 7.83 hertz. Neural conditions like amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease are on the increase." All right.
BEN KISSEL
That's horrible.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Along with breast and testicular cancer. She's saying this is all because of the phones, dude. And we're helping the breakaway civilization. I am no longer able to go out to dinner tonight because of what has happened here.
BEN KISSEL
Well I think that's fantastic. All right, a little introduction to transhumanism.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sorry, this is my research into Morgellons that just popped up.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely a lot of disease pictures there. Very fun there on Henry's laptop.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But that's just the beginning of it. I mean obviously I think that when we really do, we'll do a chapter two because what we really need to talk about is fucking bio hacks.
BEN KISSEL
Right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We need to talk about fucking bio hacks because those guys who put chips and magnets in their fingers. We'll get deeper into Ray Kurzweil and what all that's fucking about.
BEN KISSEL
Sure. Well that will be really exciting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Will it?
BEN KISSEL
Okay everyone, thank you all so much for listening.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Are you excited? There's a lot of material to cover here.
BEN KISSEL
Check out the comic books.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is fucking huge!
BEN KISSEL
Soul Plumber. Also check out Z2.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Soul Plumber is over! It's been out!
BEN KISSEL
It's not over! It's there forever.
MARCUS PARKS
It's out.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I actually saw an issue on Ebay For $35.
BEN KISSEL
There you go.
MARCUS PARKS
$35, wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Don't buy it there though. I have a pile of my house. If you can find me and I have them on me I'll just give them to you.
BEN KISSEL
Yeah, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I had to buy my own at the comic book store.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Why did you have to buy your own?
MARCUS PARKS
I never got any.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You never got any of them?
MARCUS PARKS
I never got any. I had to buy my own. I bought mine Action City Comics here in Brooklyn.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We run a well oiled machine here.
BEN KISSEL
Absolutely perfect. Thank you all so much for supporting the shows on the network. And yeah, anything else? We're gonna be on the road, so you know where to find us there. And yeah, all right everyone.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Do you? Where are we? We're in Buffalo next week.
BEN KISSEL
Buffalo, Pittsburgh, and Northfield.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, Northfield.
BEN KISSEL
Northfield's gonna be great.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It better be.
BEN KISSEL
I actually got a bunch of people from the surrounding area in Northfield. It's another casino gig. So that'll be fun when we stare at people who have no idea who we are or why we're there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I want to shout out at Foxwoods when I was walking to the elevator a lovely woman, she was going in the elevator and she's like, 'We're coming to see you all tonight. I'm so excited, we're here for my girlfriend's birthday.' And I looked down and she was holding two full buckets of fireball shots.
BEN KISSEL
Woo!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I was like I wonder if you made it to the show, ma'am. And I hope that you did. I hope that you made it and that you enjoyed it.
BEN KISSEL
For some reason casinos and fireball. Casinos and people who love fireball go together.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That has graphite in it.
BEN KISSEL
It might.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah well it's all a bunch of bad decisions mixed together.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love casinos, man. But next week we shall be as we originally scheduled, we will be hitting the high seas and we're very, very excited. It will be very good. And then we will come back. I feel like we should just turn back around and just do transhumanism two and do the next level of all the technology shit because there's so much more to cover.
MARCUS PARKS
We can see.
BEN KISSEL
Let's see what the reaction to this one is. Okay everyone, thank you so much for listening. Hail yourselves!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hail Satan!
MARCUS PARKS
Hail Gein.
BEN KISSEL
Megustalations everybody.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hail me. And next shows man, Marcus was sick as a dog. You still pumped out a six page script. What are these other people have any fucking excuses for, man?
MARCUS PARKS
Well I've fucking also been doing it for 12 fucking years.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's my boy! That's my fucking boy!
MARCUS PARKS
It's my fucking job bro. Fucking show up for my job.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah dude! Fucking them fingers man don't have fucking COVID dude. Now he's fine.
BEN KISSEL
No, he looks great.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We would not make him do this show if he was like dying.
MARCUS PARKS
No, no. I didn't do it last week. Yeah. My teeth are getting yellower.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I can see.
MARCUS PARKS
Which is weird, I don't know why. It has to be the lighting, yeah. My teeth seem to be getting a lot yellower.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that's interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
Quit smoking and all that. I don't know what it is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah it's like I lost weight and I look worse.
MARCUS PARKS
I actually drink less coffee now, I drink espresso.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
It's just a little bit of it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well what are you gonna do?
MARCUS PARKS
I refuse to get them whitened. Goodbye.