HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I understand. I know you're shutting down with the cold. Are we recording? I'm looking at Marcus. I know you're cold.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm very cold.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But this is called fat man temperature.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay? There's two of us here.
ED LARSON
That's right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's one of you. You understand. Eventually every episode, right, happened last time, happens every single time. The temperature in the room will rise.
MARCUS PARKS
Sometimes it rises. Not always.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What are you talking about? I'm already sweating.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't understand.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I am sweating.
ED LARSON
There will be marks under my breasts by the end of this.
MARCUS PARKS
All right, if there's not marks under your breasts at the end of this show, we're gonna have a fucking chat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh he'll show you.
MARCUS PARKS
We're gonna have a chat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's gonna press it to your forehead.
MARCUS PARKS
Welcome to the Last Podcast on the Left, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Marcus Parks. I'm here with Henry Zebrowski and Ed Larson.
ED LARSON
Hello!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(singing) Old MacDonald had some kids. Ow ow ow ow ow! Is that bad?
MARCUS PARKS
No longer around today. We're talking about family annihilator, Jeffrey MacDonald.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(singing) Old MacDonald had a wife.
ED LARSON
This is for all the toddler listeners out there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey, honestly the toddler true crime reach is getting more amazing. I mean I can't believe the PR. I think there's a whole thing that's called Manson for Babies. It's good for them to understand.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Just before we started, we were talking about shapes for a while.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Getting into it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, exactly. Get into a toddler's-
ED LARSON
Henry's dressed like an Easter egg apparently.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fuck you. I hate the shit.
ED LARSON
You look like what they modeled Peeps after.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Get out of here. Get out of the studio.
ED LARSON
You look like a-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't wanna do it anymore!
ED LARSON
A cop that fell asleep at a poker party and woke up with his hair blue.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'll take it.
ED LARSON
Did that come with a bunch of costume wings?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, whatever man.
MARCUS PARKS
Now while you may have never heard of him, Jeffrey Macdonald was one of the most infamous and imaginative family annihilators of his time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm glad you called him imaginative.
MARCUS PARKS
He was. He deserves that credit. In February of 1970, Jeffrey murdered his pregnant wife and two young daughters in a frenzied amphetamine-fueled rage that involved two knives, a wooden club, and a single icepick.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Look at all my props! Honestly we're doing the Murderfist show right now, we're working on the Murderfist show, and it's kind of crazy running around with props again.
ED LARSON
It feels great, man. I've literally been texting people like do you have a gun I could borrow?
MARCUS PARKS
But unlike many family annihilators, Jeffrey MacDonald escaped justice for nearly a decade and in fact reveled in the celebrity that quote unquote "surviving" the brutal murder of his family brought him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They didn't even touch me! He really is so proud. In many ways I think it's weird hearing his testimony where like in his own head he is a hero. He kind of forgets about the entire family altogether. And it's more just being like but isn't it amazing that I survived?
MARCUS PARKS
He always had to make himself look good. And that celebrity of course came because Jeffrey created a damn good story to tell. And he actually acted as his own booking agent to tell that story to whatever media outlet was willing to listen. And those media outlets were legion.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah because if you're a super talkative murderer, nobody loves it more.
ED LARSON
Put him on camera!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He loved the attention and he just wanted all of it and they were ready to take whatever he would give them.
ED LARSON
It's just like you're gonna brag about killing someone, it shouldn't be kids. You know?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're right.
ED LARSON
It should be like a formidable opponent.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it should have been fresh from the sands of Iwo Jima.
MARCUS PARKS
See to cover up his crimes, Jeffrey claimed his home was invaded by four hippies who might have been Satanists.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You never know.
MARCUS PARKS
Although he couldn't be for sure. They then murdered his family one by one with all the fervor of the Manson family, mysteriously leaving Jeffrey, a trained Green Beret, with little more than a bump on the head and a punctured lung. A lightly punctured lung. Now since the Manson family murders that occurred just the previous summer... What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love that concept of a lightly punctured lung.
ED LARSON
Because I thought about punctured lung, I'm like I think I'd die.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no. It's just like when you poke the skin of a baked potato if you're gonna put it in the oven.
ED LARSON
Yeah, let out some air.
MARCUS PARKS
No, during one of his interrogations, one of the cops was like I've seen a man get shot in the heart by a .38 slug and run 100 yards and yet you get taken down by a lightly punctured lung.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't think you understand how important my lungs are to my athletic performance.
MARCUS PARKS
Now since the Manson family murders had occurred just the previous summer, the psycho hippie story was accepted by the public for years and could very well have contributed to the satanic panic that began in the late 70s and reached a fever pitch a decade later. But contrary to public opinion, investigators knew that Jeffrey was their man immediately. And although it took a few years, Jeffrey's in-laws came to believe that he was guilty as well. Together they eventually brought Jeffrey to justice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He brought everyone together.
ED LARSON
These family annihilators, man. They're such pussies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Be a real man and leave.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man. We've said this so many times. Where it's just being like, and I'll say it again, directly into camera, if you're thinking about it for a second, it's just so much easier to just get on a bus and go fucking anywhere else.
ED LARSON
Go be gay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Do it, please. Please be gay. Go out there, empty the bank accounts. It's okay. Yeah it's bad, blah, blah, blah. But just get the fuck outta there because then you just don't then kill your family.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Or get a punctured lung.
MARCUS PARKS
That's true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. That's part of the fucking...
MARCUS PARKS
You don't have to puncture your own lung.
ED LARSON
This is why I'm gonna adopt, you know. Because if I snap, I'm not killing my kid.
MARCUS PARKS
This story however also has a fun true crime industry twist which arose from today's source, 'Fatal Vision' by Joe McGinniss. See McGinniss was hired to write a book exonerating Jeffrey MacDonald of all criminal wrongdoing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Uh oh.
MARCUS PARKS
But as time went on, it became glaringly obvious to McGinniss that MacDonald was guilty. So McGinniss instead wrote the most extensive account of a family annihilator ever written, exquisitely detailing the murders, the investigations, the trial, and the years in between that led to MacDonald's conviction.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that guy, the one thing about this piece of shit, Jeffrey MacDonald, is that he sticks to his bad story by the letter every single time. He was on fucking a full on true crime documentary about himself. He was a talking head on his own murder fucking documentary. He was on Larry King Live.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Saying the same dumb horrible story.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Again and again and again. But I guess that's how you do it.
ED LARSON
You have to stick to it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
That is the one thing. That's probably why he got away with it for so long.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not that long.
MARCUS PARKS
I mean I don't know what he's trying to get at this point but I also don't know what he's trying to lose because he's now, spoiler alert, life in prison, no parole.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
There's nothing to gain here for him to stick to the story.
ED LARSON
So he's still alive.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's his own brain.
ED LARSON
That's crazy. These evil fucks won't die.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
ED LARSON
It's the craziest thing.
MARCUS PARKS
Ever.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The eviler you are, the longer you live. It's everybody who feels everything that gets fucking ground up in the goddamn machine.
MARCUS PARKS
Now to put it simply, Jeffrey MacDonald was a dick. Born in Queens in 1943-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jamaica. That was where I was born.
MARCUS PARKS
You were born in Jamaica, Queens.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
My wife, Carolina was born in Jackson Heights.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's my city!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I got lost there when I missed the train once. That was a nightmare.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It's bad.
ED LARSON
Lots of places you could buy a live chicken. I remember that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I was always baffled and excited throughout the years living in New York, just like when you turn a corner and you're like wow, I can buy a live chicken here. Didn't know.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Why was it more expensive than a cooked chicken?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because, seriously you wanna know why? Because the chickens, it's more tasty when it's alive. As soon as you fucking kill it, then you eat it immediately. That's one thing. Also you can have it for eggs, right?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So it's a business venture.
ED LARSON
Okay, okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Now you've become a dairy farm for some reason in a fucking railroad apartment in the middle of Brooklyn. But I was just in Tampa and it was the same thing. All night long with the roosters.
ED LARSON
They're everywhere.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I mean it. they don't just do it in the morning, man.
MARCUS PARKS
It's forever.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They do it all fucking night.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
All night, all day.
ED LARSON
You gotta give them, just throw your sleeping pills out your window.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No! Those are for me!
MARCUS PARKS
Jeffrey was a born narcissist. He was charming superficially but once someone got close, Jeffrey would ruin relationships by getting into fights with anyone who didn't do things Jeffrey's way. Now his home life growing up wasn't necessarily traumatic but it was definitely strained and without a doubt toxic. His father was a domineering, terrifying man who was so obsessed with masculinity that he wouldn't even touch or hug his children out of a fear that expressing love of any kind might be seen as feminine, or worse for him, gay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I find it really funny because Eddie had a very similar growing up fashion, right? But it just allowed him to then take his own wife's name in the wedding ceremony. So actually he failed.
ED LARSON
My dad didn't hug but he bought me shit sometimes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that's different. That's all they do.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this attitude of extremely insecure toxic masculinity was passed on to Jeffrey MacDonald. And like many men who feel like they have to constantly prove that they're a man's man, MacDonald would often boast about his sexual encounters going all the way back to childhood.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wow, just like John Holmes. Why are they all thinking it's so cool to fuck as a boy?
MARCUS PARKS
I don't know. Because I think it makes them think that like I've been a man before I was a man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, like I'm a Lothario.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Meanwhile I would write poetry.
MARCUS PARKS
As would I.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. And I had my little beret.
ED LARSON
You wrote poetry and had a beret as a child?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I had so much... It was worth so much more than sex. It was romance and drama.
ED LARSON
Oh interesting. Yeah. I smoked weed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah. That's different.
MARCUS PARKS
See before McGinniss switched the perspective of his book from possibly innocent to definitely guilty, he had a long correspondence with Jeffrey MacDonald in which Jeffrey bragged and obsessed over his cocksmanship, going into full detail about every sexual experience that made him look like a sexual dynamo.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You ever do 69 when you're six and nine?
MARCUS PARKS
Tellingly though the woman he chose for his wife, Colette Stevenson, was not sexually adventurous, nor sexually driven in any way whatsoever. In fact it seemed as if sex terrified Colette. And from the moment she and Jeffrey began dating, a long history of cheating began that did not end until Colette was dead and was therefore no longer in a position to be cheated on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Where do you get this information?
MARCUS PARKS
From Jeffrey.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, this was from him.
MARCUS PARKS
This was specifically from Jeffrey.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
This was from Jeffrey's letters to Joe McGinniss.
ED LARSON
I guess that makes sense. I was reading his Wikipedia page, it was like in 9th grade he dated so and so. I was like what the fuck?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's because he did nothing but not shut his fucking yapper.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like all he did was talk about himself and his crimes and all this shit over and over and over and over.
MARCUS PARKS
Well he talked about not doing his crimes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes. That's the thing. He constantly talks about his story. But yeah, it was like Joe McGinniss was saying it's just like page after page after page of sexual conquests and obsessing over how sexually competent he was.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Also you could see similarities in, I don't know if we'll ever cover it just because, one day maybe, the Chris Watts story, right. Where you could see how again the whole kickoff to him killing his entire family was because he met a new chick and he wanted to move on with a quote unquote "clean slate".
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
In that, a lot of people obviously in many ways, you think about that like why? That's where the weird, like his like mental illness comes in. That's what the glibness of psychopathy means, where every decision is basically weighed exactly the same. Instead of thinking... He did not think of killing his family as this crazy traumatic thing, he viewed it as a problem solving mechanism that can just be done. And then I just move on to this new life, not even thinking that that would be like traumatic to himself because this person does not feel anything.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And even then I think that's giving him a little bit more credit that he deserves as we'll soon get into.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure. Oh yes.
MARCUS PARKS
But as far as why Jeffrey chose Colette as his wife, he actually liked a shy, timid woman who lacked self-confidence. Because if she relied on him completely, he could easily feed the toxic masculinity complex that was passed down from his father. But all throughout Jeffrey's correspondence with Joe McGinniss, Jeffrey made sure to say again and again how in love he and his wife were.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, we were popping off. It's true.
MARCUS PARKS
But these proclamations were always in the superficial context of how passionate their lovemaking was, how they loved each other so much that they'd do it in public, how they couldn't keep their hands off each other, and so on and so forth. It was never about who she was, why he loved her, nothing like that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know how many times a day I lose my wedding ring in that little coin holder inside the jeans? I'm always in there!
MARCUS PARKS
At the same time though, Jeffrey actively made fun of his wife in his correspondence with Joe McGinniss. And this was while Jeffrey was claiming to be a grieving widower, still searching for the quote unquote "real killers". He wrote, quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"She's left-handed, you know, and so she had this like funny looking shot in the basketball court or whatever. And she could dribble only kind of intermittently well, like sometimes both hands. Dumb, right? She's very feminine, pretty, yeah. And so it's distressing to see her with the hair, you know, a little scraggly and sweating and grunting and complaining about the pain."
MARCUS PARKS
Direct quote. Direct fucking quote.
ED LARSON
That is so crazy. That is clearly one toxic Irishman thinking he's talking to another one.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Yeah. That's just called like if Sports Bar was a flavor.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like making fun of your wife for not being able to play basketball is like making fun of your wife for her not being able to nail in a fence post.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where's your shoulders?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where's your shoulders in all this fucking bullshit? You need that cross body strength.
ED LARSON
She could barely kick a field goal!
MARCUS PARKS
But all of that supposedly passionate sex eventually resulted in a pregnancy out of wedlock which quickly gave rise to a marriage in September of 1963. Remembering the birth of his first child, Jeffrey wrote, quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"The baby, quite honestly to me, she didn't look very pretty. Everyone kept saying what a pretty baby Kimmy was and she was cute, yeah, but she wasn't like, you know, like an elegant looking baby." That's quote. That is not a joke from me.
MARCUS PARKS
What's funny is that like it's not until I finally hear you say it in the accent that I see how fucking Queens this guy really-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Like the word like "elegant looking baby".
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Elegant looking baby.
MARCUS PARKS
Like that's a fucking Queens way of putting it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And also it's certain words. Intermittently. It sounds like gangsters that got dictionaries in jail, that have been reading law books that have to kind of figure out how to communicate legally.
ED LARSON
How do you make a baby look elegant? You just cover it in caviar?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Honestly... Ooh, excellent. Ooh, beluga.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Jeffrey was already pre-med and he enrolled in Northwestern Medical School following the wedding. Another baby, Kristen, came in 1967. But soon after Jeffrey suddenly decided that he wanted to join the Army and the Green Berets specifically, so he could fulfill his patriotic duty fighting the godless communists in Vietnam.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The godless communists. You know what's funny? I found his high school quote.
ED LARSON
What was it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jeffrey Robert MacDonald. He's full of fun plus noise and vim. There's really no one quite like him. That's why he wanted to be a Green Beret.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, all Green Berets are filled with vim.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Vim! I think vim is like yeah, that's what got Osama Bin Laden.
ED LARSON
So he fought in 'Nam?
MARCUS PARKS
No.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
MARCUS PARKS
He didn't make it. We'll get to hat here in a second.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
See Jeffrey felt that it was an American's duty to unquestionably obey the president. And he further felt that congress was filled with left wing liberals who didn't have the sense to see what the real patriots already understood. Vietnam needed to be defended or else all of Southeast Asia would fall to the red menace.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You can't even imagine the horrors of a Russian Vietnam. Beets being put into goddamn spring rolls? Can you even fucking imagine? I get so mad thinking about Vietnam!
MARCUS PARKS
Now Colette didn't want to be an army wife at all, nor did she relish the thought of her husband becoming a participant in a potentially deadly shooting war, even if he was going in as a surgeon. Jeffrey however found a way to shallowly attach his decision to join the Green Berets to sex, saying that he didn't mind the idea of going into the service because Colette didn't have sex with him enough anyway.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't even imagine going. You want to go be a professional killer because you're not getting laid.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Or he said it didn't matter. Like what do I need a wife around for? She's not fucking me anyway.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
God.
MARCUS PARKS
But in the end, Jeffrey did not go to Vietnam. Instead he was assigned to Fort Bragg in North Carolina outside of Fayetteville.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thank you.
MARCUS PARKS
That's Fayetteville.
ED LARSON
I got stuck in Fayetteville once.
MARCUS PARKS
How?
ED LARSON
I was on a Greyhound bus and the thing stopped moving and we were in Fayetteville for like a day and a half. And I was just walking around. I was on my way from Tallahassee to New Jersey. Someone thought I was Jesus.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's literally the worst bus ride I've ever heard. Tallahassee to Jersey.
ED LARSON
Atlantic City of all places.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ugh.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Ugh. Here inside a home at 554 Castle Drive, Jeffrey's 5 year old daughter and 2 year old toddler would meet their grizzly ends along with his pregnant wife. Now as far as motive goes for annihilating his family, it's kind of hard to pinpoint exactly what Jeffrey MacDonald was thinking.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're fucking with my money!
MARCUS PARKS
It was obvious from his constant cheating that he didn't want to be tethered to a family. And it's often the case that a man who kills everyone who depends on him is looking for a clean slate.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You don't get one though.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Slate is then dirtied.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
However it is very possible that MacDonald turned a mere fantasy of freedom into a gruesome reality during a split second decision amidst an amphetamine-fueled rage.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. I mean I don't know. It's a pretty extensive murder and it took a long... We'll get into more of the details of it but it took a long time.
MARCUS PARKS
I have my theories. I definitely have my theories as far as why I do believe that it was amphetamine-fueled and why it was-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it was not-
MARCUS PARKS
It was a fantasy very suddenly come to life.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man. It wasn't chamomile-fueled.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It wasn't like oh we're watching Murder She Wrote-fueled.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. See Jeffrey MacDonald wrote in a diary in early 1970 that he'd been taking a diet pill called Eskatrol to lose weight.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Man, it all starts with being skinny.
ED LARSON
Sounds like snails.
MARCUS PARKS
Well it wasn't that he wanted to be skinny, it's that he wanted to drop weight because he was a boxer at the time or something like that. He's trying to drop weight to make it down to the lower weight class. I think that's what it was. He had a lot of different explanations for why he was taking an extremely dangerous fucking diet pill. Because as opposed to other diet pills that were straight methamphetamines, Eskatrol included both dextroamphetamine and prochlorperazine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
Prochlorperazine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Can we just say jump juice?
ED LARSON
Fucking scientists showing off with the names of their medicines.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They just say whatever.
ED LARSON
Just fucking call it, yeah, yeah, jump juice, that's right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
No. The prochlorperazine, that wasn't jump juice, that was a down drop.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Because the first was basically speed which is what almost all diet pills were back then.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But that second ingredient, that was an antipsychotic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That should have helped.
ED LARSON
Yeah, it didn't work.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wait a second, there was an antipsychotic in a diet medication?
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
ED LARSON
Wow. Go crazy for losing weight.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
God. No, you're crazy before.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But by 1980, studies had proven that Eskatrol was an incredibly dangerous drug that functioned as both an upper and a downer because it contained both an amphetamine and an antipsychotic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. That's it.
ED LARSON
It makes you feel normal. Yeah, you're normal, you take it, you're still normal. Everything's fine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The key is you gotta get right in the middle! I'm somewhere between fucking getting skinny and feeling like I'm made of actual flames.
MARCUS PARKS
Well this of course created dangerously unstable individuals.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It was so dangerous that its manufacturer took it off the market in 1980 even though it was making a profit of $6 million a year, which is incredible when you consider that you can still be prescribed oxy in this country.
ED LARSON
Oh my god. It's fucking insane. They used to let... All kinds of shit is on the market, especially back then. I remember I used to take this stuff called Androstene which was-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You was a kid. But then your dad, because you did, like it's not steroids.
ED LARSON
That's what this is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
It turned out it was steroids. And they took it off the market but not before you go to GNC and they're like oh we're taking it off the market, you better buy it all now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Stock up.
ED LARSON
So we had it all because it was like legal.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jesus.
ED LARSON
So I'm like taking fucking... Meanwhile Mark McGwire is the spokesman.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ED LARSON
And I'm out on the football field, taking handfuls of grass and putting it in my mouth.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what keeps you normal. Also apparently, I'm looking this up right here, Jimmy Buffett talks about Eskatrol in his song called 'Fool Button'. Right? And I guess apparently the tone is is that if you mix it with a bottle of rum, it's gonna make you act foolishly and have a good time.
ED LARSON
Jimmy Buffett became a billionaire off of being lazy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah. After like creating toxic stepfather culture, being afraid of a man that's in your house half the week.
MARCUS PARKS
Now at best, Eskatrol caused insomnia, restlessness, nervousness, and dizziness. But in several studies, it was proved that in large doses, Eskatrol could cause psychosis and insanity.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god.
ED LARSON
Cool.
MARCUS PARKS
See the recommended dosage of Eskatrol was one pill a day, But as far as Jeffrey MacDonald's consumption went, he was taking 3-5 Eskatrol pills a day in the weeks leading up to his family's murder.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You don't think that hurt his belly? That would hurt my belly.
MARCUS PARKS
it hurt your belly?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well I mean I guess he's not eating.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
That's true.
MARCUS PARKS
So I guess there's nothing in there to hurt his belly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that's nice.
ED LARSON
They should have got a tip off and he was drawing little horns on himself in the mirror.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah. (squeaking) There I am.
MARCUS PARKS
This was of course possible because Jeffrey was a doctor who could prescribe these pills to himself.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's important I think for the audience to understand. This man is a doctor.
MARCUS PARKS
He's a surgeon specifically.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's a surgeon. I've known a lot of crazy surgeons, we've covered a lot of crazy doctors.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because sometimes I think to do the job, right, in many ways you have to kind of look at us like walking hunks of meat, right.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You gotta view us as just a pile of tubes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you gotta pick out, you gotta clean out the tubes, you gotta fucking get our juice out of us. All the fucking bullshit. They don't give a shit sometimes.
ED LARSON
Yeah because if you care, you might fuck up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, of course.
ED LARSON
You'll be emotional. You gotta have zero emotion. That's why they all think they're gods.
MARCUS PARKS
That's right.
ED LARSON
I got doctors in my family and, you know, they are gods. They pay for everything.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Thank you doctor daddy!
MARCUS PARKS
Now on 3-5 pills a day, Jeffrey would have likely suffered from irritability, hyperactivity, confusion, hallucinations, panic states, assaultiveness, and finally full psychosis.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god, this is incredible. Improv rap skills?
MARCUS PARKS
And all this checks out because peers and neighbors noticed during those few weeks that he would work 24 hour shifts followed by full days at the office. Then he'd clock out, go and play basketball for a little while, and then take his little girls out to feed their pony. All without resting or sleeping or stopping.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Feeling great! Hey, what are you guys doing here? You know what's fucked up? This pony doesn't even want to play horse with me! That's hilarious. All right guys, let's go! Go, go! Everybody wake up! Christmas is early! Come on!
ED LARSON
Imagine buying a pony for someone and then murdering them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think that's like a Murdaugh family story.
MARCUS PARKS
In addition, Jeffrey would have shown abnormal cardiovascular reactions like chillness and headaches. And these symptoms were both clearly exhibited when Jeffrey was examined by doctors on the night of the murders. And considering how Jeffrey murdered his family seemingly on a whim, maybe, maybe, it's safe to say that Jeffrey was most likely suffering from something called chronic amphetamine psychosis.
ED LARSON
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
In other words, he turned himself into a dangerous and reactive meth head. But he did lose 15 lbs in three weeks.
ED LARSON
There you go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wow. He's gonna be incredible for the family reunion.
MARCUS PARKS
Now as opposed to Jeffery's annihilation of his family being a carefully thought out plot to rid himself of dependents, it's more likely that Jeffrey had what psychopharmacologists call a rage reaction towards his wife. And once she was dead, it was in for a penny, in for a pound when it came to his children.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean because then you... How many family on the annihilators have we talked about this? I want to save them from the embarrassment of my crimes. You hear that a lot.
MARCUS PARKS
The kids.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Being like I don't want them to deal with what I did to everything else. Or just like a lot times because we see with family annihilators, there is a money faction, especially with the men who do it. Where like the idea of a change in status. And then it's always about like yeah, I don't want to everyone... It's so embarrassing to be poor. I gotta kill fucking everybody. It's fucked up, man.
MARCUS PARKS
But in addition to the two young daughters, Colette was pregnant again accidentally, which had of course added to MacDonald's stress level.
ED LARSON
No way.
MARCUS PARKS
Jeffrey meanwhile was full on manic according to his colleagues. And Colette was worried enough to tell her friends that Jeffrey's personality was significantly changing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You guys wanna come see me do crunches?! Come on, come on! Get the family up! I know it's four o'clock in the goddamn morning, it's exercise time!
ED LARSON
How many crunches can you do?
MARCUS PARKS
Finally though, Jeffrey's personality changed from a simple narcissist to that of a total psychopath. And his amphetamine-fueled rage exploded around 3:40 AM on February 17, 1970.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Take it back, take it back.
ED LARSON
Wow. That's early.
MARCUS PARKS
He got up early, yeah. Or is it late?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's late.
ED LARSON
One of the other.
MARCUS PARKS
Now on the night in question, a 911 dispatcher received a call from Jeffrey, who weakly and performatively said, quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Is this 911? Is it? Yes. 554 Castle Drive, help. Help. 554 Castle Drive. Stabbing."
MARCUS PARKS
That's all.
ED LARSON
Is Henry okay?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm just that good.
MARCUS PARKS
Now since the MacDonalds lived within Fort Bragg, it was the military police who showed up at their house. And within 10 minutes, a dozen MPs arrived to find the front door locked and the blinds drawn on a dead silent home.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Things look safe here. Let's go back.
MARCUS PARKS
They soon discovered however that the back door was open. And upon entering the house, they found a crime scene that would have put Richard Chase to shame. They first found Jeffrey's wife Colette laying on her back on the floor in the master bedroom, one eye was open, one arm was extended over her head. Her face was battered and she was covered in blood. Draped over part of her chest was a torn and blood-stained blue pajama top. But once the top was lifted, the MPs saw the full extent of what had been done. Colette had been stabbed 9 times in the neck, 7 times in the chest with a knife, and 21 times in the chest with an icepick. She'd been hit in the head with a wooden club of some sort 6 times, but not before both of her arms had been broken while trying to defend herself from the blows.
ED LARSON
Jesus.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And normally when you see something like that you assume, I mean truly like it's a rage, this is a rage-based crime.
MARCUS PARKS
But as a final indignity and in service of the narrative that Jeffrey planned on pushing, the fetus in Colette's womb had been removed.
ED LARSON
Ugh!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah.
ED LARSON
Leave it in!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
ED LARSON
Just leave it in!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
For what? No because again, it's him setting his story.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes, he's setting a scene here. He's telling a story. But before Colette's injuries were fully assessed, MPs had to roll off Jeffrey MacDonald himself. He was found face down on Colette's chest with an arm wrapped around her neck, motionless and wearing blue pajama bottoms.
ED LARSON
Okay, okay, okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Next to the couple on the blood soaked rug was a small paring knife. But the most interesting clue in regards to the future narrative was a single word written in letters eight inches high in blood on the headboard: PIG.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you could see it first, they're like is that PUG? Oh my god, is this a puppy-based crime?
ED LARSON
Hold on, does this guy hate cops?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That would mean, again, worst way to do this.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Now before all that could be processed, Jeffrey began moaning that someone needed to check on his kids because he'd heard them crying. That of course was when the true horror was discovered. Stepping into 5 year old Kimberley's room, an MP found that the little girl laid dead from having her skull bashed in by the same club that had broken her mother's arms. That however wasn't the end of it because Jeffrey either wanted his story to be credible or he was in the throes of the aforementioned psychotic rage.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is again, we'll kind of go back and forth on this because prolonged rage, I don't know, how long does an episode like this last? At what point does some form of rationality come in? And then like you have to sort of like figure out a plan in the middle or is it at the end?
MARCUS PARKS
I actually do have a theory as to the exact point in which it changed from rage to plan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah. For sure. It has to at some point.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
See after Kimberley had been smashed in the head so severely as to cause instant death, thankfully, she was additionally stabbed in the neck several times with the icepick, with some of the stabs being so deep that they went all the way through to the other side. The last to check on was the 2 year old Kristen. And the scene in her room-
ED LARSON
She was fine. She was fine.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Holding a knife and a machine gun.
MARCUS PARKS
No. No less horrific. Rather than being beaten, she'd been stabbed 16 times with both a paring knife found on the bloody rug in the master bedroom and with the icepick. But in this room was another clue, although this one was real and not staged. Since there was obviously more blood than you can even imagine in every room, there was a single bloody footprint made by an adult. The footprint however was bare, making it easily match to whoever had been in that room. Meanwhile as each grizzly scene was being discovered, Jeffrey was speaking to the MPs back in the bedroom. See Jeffrey had already implemented the first part of his plan by writing 'PIG' in blood on his own headboard.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah because this is what, 1970. So the the Manson crimes happened in 1969. So it's immediately a reference that everybody kind of understands. Which is in a way, I mean, that makes it a bad plan. Because he's Carlos Mencia-ing another group murder.
ED LARSON
I wrote PIG on my headboard just so I'd know where to sleep.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You fucking piece of fucking shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Well of course, yeah, for those of you versed in true crime lore, this is an obvious reference to the Manson family murders. Specifically it referenced the crime scene at Sharon Tate's home in which the exact same word was written in the exact same spot. But now that the pig graffiti had been noticed and Jeffrey was quote unquote "coming to"-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
My memories! (shouting)
MARCUS PARKS
He weakly and again performatively said that his family had been attacked by four hippies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
And one of them, a woman, kept chanting two phrases over and over again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Acid is groovy, kill the pigs. Acid is groovy, kill the pigs."
MARCUS PARKS
Over and over and over.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Acid is groovy.
MARCUS PARKS
Kill the pigs.
ED LARSON
All right, put a beat under it.
MARCUS PARKS
Acid is groovy, kill the pigs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Kill the pigs.
ED LARSON
Acid is groovy!
MARCUS PARKS
Kill the pigs!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We've done a lot of acid.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I've never been in the middle... I mean I guess I've done that, I've never really been that way I guess on hallucinogens where you sit there being like man, this is groovy. Like I've never had that. I know the first time I did acid, I was sitting on the front porch of my buddy's house. It was my birthday, I think I was 20 years old or whatever. And I remember sitting there and we were both looking at each other and I was like I finally understand tie-dye. Like it makes sense.
MARCUS PARKS
There's been plenty of times when I've been on hallucinogens and just suddenly thought like man, I'm having a really good time right now. Like if this isn't nice, I don't know what is.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Kurt Vonnegut.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes, that's right.
ED LARSON
You know last time I said acid is groovy, kill the pigs, I was at a barbecue festival.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah! You got it!
MARCUS PARKS
Well incredibly Jeffrey sticks to this idiotic claim to this day. Because even by 1970, like fucking nobody said the word groovy anymore. Outside of like Scooby-Doo, nobody said groovy.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it was like saying trill now.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Nobody says trill now.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what I'm saying.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Ash said groovy. That was cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, that's cool. But that was 30 years later.
ED LARSON
That's right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah and that was 30 years ago.
MARCUS PARKS
Actually I think it was 20 years later and 30 years ago.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jesus fucking Christ.
ED LARSON
Hell yeah, man. That's a lot of fun to think about.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't wanna talk about it!
MARCUS PARKS
And yet groovy was the word Jeffrey chose again and again in relation to his attacker's vocabulary. After quote unquote "passing out" for a second, prompting an MP to give Jeffrey mouth to mouth, he very quickly tried pushing his way past, saying that he had to go check on his kids.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Just full on kissing this military police officer. Oh sorry, I should have been in character.
ED LARSON
Yeah, you should do a couple more on me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Have you ever tried to do mouth to dick?
MARCUS PARKS
But when he stood up, he looked down at Colette's body and set down the next plank of his story. He said, quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Jesus Christ, look at my wife! I'm gonna kill these goddamn acid heads! I don't know why in the hell I fuck with them. I'm not gonna help them anymore."
ED LARSON
What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No idea.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. He's setting a scene, he's planting seeds.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You hearing me?!
ED LARSON
No one's writing this down!
MARCUS PARKS
Now after somewhat composing himself, Jeffrey said that there were four intruders. Two white guys, a black guy, and a white woman with long blonde hair wearing a floppy hat and high boots, holding a candle.
ED LARSON
Holding a candle?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. Because he's gotta get that cult angle in there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, they're crazy.
MARCUS PARKS
yeah, he's gotta make it spooky. All of them though were wearing distinctively hippie style clothing, as he put it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You know how it is. It's like macrame, a lot of tassels. One of them, I saw the top of a butt! Does anyone believe? But I love his cast of characters though.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because it is the Scooby gang.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And also in every one of those, I was watching all the documentaries about this and they always picture the menacing woman in the floppy hat that is just there, just looking like Shelley Duvall from an Altman film.
ED LARSON
If you would've had one in a wheelchair it would have been like the Burger King Kids Club.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. And that Wheels, he cannot be trusted. But the best part about him, if you need him to leave, you just take the handles and push him down the stairs. He was scary!
MARCUS PARKS
Well after performing a bit more by saying that he had been stabbed in the back and was going into shock, and after giving the MPs a quick lesson on how to care for someone going into shock, which is an incredible feat if you're actually going into shock, Jeffrey was put on a stretcher and carried to an ambulance.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just... God.
MARCUS PARKS
He was actually like no, no, no, lift my legs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Lift my legs.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm gonna swallow my tongue, I'm gonna swallow my tongue. You're not doing it right!
ED LARSON
Hold on, what comes next?
MARCUS PARKS
Well there in the ambulance he kept talking, saying that the woman with the long blonde hair cheered the action during the brave struggle that Jeffrey had with his assailants. She kept saying:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Groovy. Hit him again."
MARCUS PARKS
Jeffrey then broke off from the story and performed once again, switching the focus to his murdered wife by saying:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"My god, she was pregnant?"
ED LARSON
So he didn't know she was pregnant in this scenario?
MARCUS PARKS
No, he was saying like, "My god! She was pregnant!"
ED LARSON
Oh okay, all right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I'm doing it acting as if he knows he's a bad actor, setting up his crime. But I don't think it was that much better.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because they didn't necessarily trust him immediately.
MARCUS PARKS
Nor did they believe him.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
Because fucking none of it made sense.
ED LARSON
Yeah, how are hippies gonna fucking sneak onto an army base?
MARCUS PARKS
Well-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah!
MARCUS PARKS
That's actually an interesting thing about that. To give you a little bit of background on Fort Bragg, Fort Bragg is an unrestricted base.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
It has a four lane highway going right through it.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh wow, I didn't know that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It has 30 points of entry. So there no... Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Anybody can go in.
MARCUS PARKS
Anybody can go into Fort Bragg, yeah.
ED LARSON
Sounds like a shitty base.
MARCUS PARKS
You know what? I think it is.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know it's a front facing base, right? I don't know. I don't know how that works.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I mean it's open to the public.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But it is the largest military base in America though.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Now Jeffrey kept telling everyone that he was going into shock, that he'd been stabbed in the back, that he needed fluids, and so on and so forth. But when he got to the emergency room, the only thing that Jeffrey, a Green Beret, the only thing he needed medical attention for was a small wound on his right side that had barely punctured his lung.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's enough.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You just heard like a (squeak). Yeah, got it right there.
ED LARSON
Fucking fixed with superglue and shit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Nothing required stitches.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
This was of course in great contrast to the near demonic slayings of the rest of his family.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. They were all brutally murdered.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah. And he's a doctor.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
So he knows exactly where to stab himself.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I guess.
MARCUS PARKS
He does.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He must.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
We'll go into that later.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Hell, we'll go into it right now because this guy fucking did it, might as well not even... I don't even need to keep you in suspense.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, they know.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. No, when they checked out the blood spatter in each room, they went to one of the bathrooms and they saw that the blood spatter pattern could have only come from a man leaning over the counter and puncturing himself on the right side of his chest with a scalpel.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't wanna stain the rug.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah. There's also like a magic marker circle around it so he knew exactly where to go.
MARCUS PARKS
Well otherwise, Jeffrey had a bump on the noggin that didn't even break the skin, as opposed to the head bashing beatings received by his wife and eldest daughter. And none of the other quote unquote "wounds" he suffered even required stitches. Those wounds, by the way, were four punctures along a linear track, spaced evenly as if someone had dug their fingernails into his chest. And most likely that ripped flesh was under someone's fingernails back at the house. Now the next day, US Army CID agents and FBI agents arrived to interview MacDonald. As opposed to the emotional ranting of the night before, Jeffrey had barely a hint of emotion when talking about his wife and eldest child but he refused to talk about the toddler.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And the reason behind this I think-
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Is most likely that he killed his wife in a rage. That woke up the 5 year old daughter, who walked in the room. She also had to be murdered to cover up the crime while the rage was still at a high level.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But to completely cover all his bases and to back up his psycho hippie story, Jeffrey had to cold bloodedly murder his 2 year old daughter in her crib, then mutilate the body afterwards. Most likely Jeffrey did this after he somewhat calmed down from his initial rage reaction and had at least the presence of mind to synthesize a story. So it's fight with the wife, boom, go out back, grab the wood-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
MARCUS PARKS
Bam, bam, bam, beat her to death. Daughter comes out, hit her in the head once and she's fucking dead, she's fucking gone. And then finally you're like oh fuck, what did I do? And then you have to construct a crime scene. And then that's when the fantasy kicks over and says oh fuck-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What have I done? I don't know if it's 'what have I done'.
MARCUS PARKS
No, exactly. What I was about to say, it's oh fuck, I can get out of this completely. I can totally get rid of all this. I don't want to be a fucking single father, I don't want to take care of a fucking toddler. I've already killed two people, what's one more? But killing a toddler, killing your own daughter-
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
That's not gonna be something you want to talk about even if you're a psychopath.
ED LARSON
It's stressful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We've had a lot of guys... It's true. But we've had a lot of guys who do this.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They save something for themselves. Because in some way, shape-
MARCUS PARKS
Bundy, Ted Bundy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ted Bundy, because of his first crimes, right. They always said maybe he probably hurt or at least if not hurt or killed a little girl when he was like very young. And there's something about like saving something for yourself and I guess you could call it the, no armchair diagnosis here, but it does sound like what someone with some form of narcissism or one of these kind of things, where you wall these things off inside of your own mind so you could keep kind of like your own quote unquote "sanity".
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because again, he didn't have to. Like he didn't have to kill his whole family, he definitely could have killed his wife or whatever and then have freaked out and then you confess and you figure out all this shit, like if he was actually guilty. This shows what the actual glibness of the thought process was is that that was just another fairly perfunctory decision he decided to make.
ED LARSON
It probably would have looked better if he kept the toddler alive.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know. No.
ED LARSON
No?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's all bad.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's not good.
MARCUS PARKS
During this interview, Jeffrey had his story a little straighter and he was able to give his
account of what happened the night before. He claimed that he was sleeping on the couch that night because his daughter had wet her bed and she was therefore taking his place in his marriage bed with his wife. Quite suddenly though, Jeffrey was awakened by the cries of his wife and child. And when Jeffrey opened his eyes, he said he saw four people, a black guy in an army jacket, two white guys, one clean shaven, one mustachioed-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not me!
MARCUS PARKS
And the aforementioned floppy-hatted blonde with the candle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I wonder if he decided the cast beforehand. I wonder if he thought of actors.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he might have.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Was it The A-Team?
MARCUS PARKS
They were all wet because it had been raining that night. And one of them, Jeffrey thought, one of the white guys, may have been wearing surgical gloves. Now as Jeffrey tried getting up, he said that the black guy hit him with a baseball bat which was already covered in blood from previous beatings. Jeffery struggled but was suddenly stabbed with an icepick which ever so slightly punctured his lung.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
God, yeah. After they brutally murdered three other people, they're just gonna go eee.
MARCUS PARKS
Tink!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Eee.
ED LARSON
It would have probably felt good for him to beat the shit out of himself too. He really should have went for it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he should have.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The struggle however continued. But as Jeffrey tried making his way towards the two steps that led up from the living room to the hallway, he claimed to have fallen forward and passed out from a bump on the head that didn't even break the skin.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I was rattled! And honestly I'm pretty certain no one of those guys left behind a banana peel. Come on, cops, you gotta laugh sometimes.
MARCUS PARKS
But when he came to, his blue pajama top which was now torn, had been removed and used to tie his hands. And the intruders were gone. Apparently the psycho hippies were happy to simply leave the unconscious pig with a bump on the head and a single shallow stab wound, whereas the housewife and the children had been butchered to the nth degree. Jeffrey claimed that he then went from room to room checking pulses and administering mouth to mouth on each corpse. After realizing that everyone was dead, he pulled the knife from Colette's chest, covered her with his torn pajama top, and went to the back door to see if the intruders were still there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And would you believe it? I go out in the backyard and it was the four of them, then I saw The Mamas and the Papas, they were all hanging out for some reason, doing hookah. And I was just like what is happening here? But the next thing I know we're singing, we're hanging out, there was a little bit of a grill out next. And then I was like oh yeah, my fucking family! there was just so much going on that night. 1970, you had to be there to believe it.
MARCUS PARKS
Well he then went to the whole bathroom to assess his injuries before calling for help, then laid down next to his wife's corpse and waited for that help to arrive. That he claimed was all he knew. Now the first investigator on the scene the night before, after Jeffrey was taken away, was a man named William Ivory. After examining the house, Ivory canvassed the neighbors who said they didn't hear anything that sounded like a fight, a break-in, or any disturbance at all. They definitely didn't hear a hippie yelling:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Acid is groovy, man! Kill the pigs!
MARCUS PARKS
Nothing. Next, Fort Bragg's chief law enforcement officer, Franz Joseph Grebner-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wait a second, why would they be yelling it?
MARCUS PARKS
Why would they be yelling acid is groovy, kill the pigs?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whispering) Acid is groovy, kill the pigs.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Acid is groovy, kill the pigs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think it's way more like (whispering).
ED LARSON
Well that's if it was beatniks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Next, Fort Bragg's chief law enforcement officer, Franz Joseph Grebner, arrived at the house and immediately recognized that nothing about the scene matched MacDonald's story. As he put it, he'd been in poker games that had left the house in worse conditions.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh that's pretty-
ED LARSON
That's a great analogy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Worse than a family annihilation?
MARCUS PARKS
Now as Grebner's thinking went, this scene was supposed to be a life and death struggle between four intruders and a Green Beret officer.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it should have been destroyed. It should have been like a Jackie Chan movie in there. There should have been broken furniture and a guy through a glass, like the fucking window. There'd have to be guys fighting with pots and pans and shit.
ED LARSON
I'm surprised he did it like this because it would make him look like such a pussy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh Yeah. But that's, you see, I forgot what the term is. There's something about that but that, you use that, it's a way to inspire legitimacy where you admit something "embarrassing about yourself" quote unquote.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And then you could allow them... It's like the tiny penis clause.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's something like that where it's like I've read the example where it's like if you admit to having a super small dick, like maybe it shows that you're crazy honest.
ED LARSON
Yeah. And like when a violent criminal shows up to court with a walker.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah.
ED LARSON
And they pretend they're really sick and shit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And yet the living room was curiously tidy considering the circumstances. A coffee table had been tipped on its side next to the couch, resting on a stack of magazines. An empty flower pot stood upright on the floor because one of the MPs had stupidly put it back into its original position, but the plant had spilled out beside it. And finally a pair of glasses with a speck of blood on the lens was in the corner of the room.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's got one white glove and I do see there's a bit of a smudge on the item.
ED LARSON
Showing up to a crime scene like we should tidy up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This place is a mess!
MARCUS PARKS
You're not gonna believe what these fucking idiotic MPs did. You're not gonna believe. We're gonna get to it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because like it happened on the base. There's a way to do a crime is you're an officer and you do it on a base. These guys are automatically maybe gonna try to stick up for you or some shit. I don't know.
ED LARSON
Well also they probably, I don't know, I'm guessing there were no other murders on Fort Bragg up to this point.
MARCUS PARKS
I have no idea.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, I don't know.
ED LARSON
Also these military police probably have never dealt with this kind of shit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean that I don't know. I'm certain they have a homicide department or some shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, the CID.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Criminal investigations division.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. So yeah, they do have experience with crime scenes. It just wasn't...
MARCUS PARKS
And I might be wrong. SidestoriesLPOTL@gmail.com.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Please.
MARCUS PARKS
If I'm wrong about this. But I believe like MP is something you get busted down to.
ED LARSON
Yeah?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know. I don't know. I'm not saying anything about military police.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I love you.
ED LARSON
You're not in the military, they ain't coming for you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, I know. They might be. I don't want them to come and put me in.
MARCUS PARKS
But that was the full extent of the mess left behind in the living room. Additionally in the adjacent dining room, plates remain balanced on their edges in an unstable China cabinet and Valentine cards still stood upright on the table. None of these things would have been undisturbed if a struggle between a Green Beret and four intruders had happened in the next room.
ED LARSON
So he thought to get his wife a Valentine's day card three days before he murdered his entire family.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's why I wonder again about the rage entirely.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where I do feel like he had a little thought in the back of his head, like a little bit of inspiration. Also there has been homicides at Fort Bragg. I'm looking, there's a big Rolling Stone article about it.
MARCUS PARKS
Nice.
ED LARSON
Before this?
MARCUS PARKS
Not nice but...
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nice!
ED LARSON
We'll get to it soon.
MARCUS PARKS
Next, investigators found all the murder weapons outside of the house. The so-called baseball bat was actually a 31 inch piece of wood that was found outside the back door. And 20 ft away in a bush where a second knife and the icepick, both of which have been wiped clean of blood.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And there's some reason I find just a plank of wood to be much scarier than a baseball bat.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh very much so.
ED LARSON
You could make it the one too, if you want to.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's the idea.
ED LARSON
Like The Natural.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like in The Natural.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would imagine that he was in the midst of an argument with his wife, he was in a rage, for some reason the club, the piece of wood out back just popped into his head.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh sure.
MARCUS PARKS
He walked outside, he grabbed it, he came inside, and he just started fucking whacking her with it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Now Detective Ivory then turned his attention to Jeffrey's blue pajama top, the one that had been draped over Colette's corpse. Ivory discovered that there were 48 neat round holes that had obviously been made with the icepick. So Ivory assumed that Jeffrey had been stabbed 48 times times. Because when you looked at Colette's body, the wounds did not match up with the pajama top. Thinking that he was about to lose the last living witness and unaware that Jeffrey was just fine, Ivory dispatched his men to interview Jeffrey immediately and it was then that Jeffrey gave the hippie story. Soon after, news of Jeffrey's condition came back to Ivory and Ivory began to wonder why the hippies would take off Jeffery's pajama top while he was unconscious, stab it neatly 48 times just for funsies, then wrap it around Jeffery's wrists after completely destabilizing its integrity.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Like making it far easier to rip open.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But at the same time, you know what I understood at that moment? You know what they were doing? They were trying to make a scary rope. And that was the scariest shit. Honestly just doing that was scary. When they were stabbing the shirt in front of me, I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know you just killed my family but that shirt did nothing. I can't believe you!
MARCUS PARKS
Well as Ivory examined the bodies and murder weapons even further, he began to find little blue threads everywhere. They were stuck to the club, they were found in a large blood clot on Colette's head wound, and they were found underneath Colette's body. It immediately became clear that these blue threads came from what else but Jeffrey's pajama top, or possibly his matching pajama bottom. And it was quite odd that they should end up underneath Colette's body if he'd only draped it over her chest after it had been ripped up by the supposed hippies.
ED LARSON
It's because he killed them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Additionally, Ivory also found in Jeffrey and Colette's bed the finger of a latex glove that had been torn away as if someone had ripped off the glove in haste.
ED LARSON
That explains why he said one of the hippies had latex gloves on.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes, exactly. That's why he covered it up.
ED LARSON
Because he had fucking lost his-
MARCUS PARKS
Covering it up. Again and again, everything's got a story. The latex glove finger was stained with blood, obviously making it the finger that had painted PIG on the headboard. Now the investigators of course pegged Jeffrey MacDonald as their sole suspect immediately and didn't believe the hippie story for a fucking second.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But when the newspapers were tossed out to the sidewalks the next morning, the headlines read:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Officer's wife, children found slain at Fort Bragg, victims of hippie cult?"
MARCUS PARKS
Right in the headline. Leaning heavily on the drug problems in nearby Fayetteville that were the result of American soldiers smuggling drugs from Vietnam, the article claimed that the intruders had marched around the house chanting, quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"LSD is great! LSD is great! LSD is great!" Because, you know, it is.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They weren't wrong.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
ED LARSON
They punched it up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, they did.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, they did.
MARCUS PARKS
They punched it up, they switched some things around.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And worsening the panic, the Fayetteville county sheriff said that by his estimate about 2000 hippies had recently moved to the area to quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(Southern accent) "They mob up together, living like animals with quilts on the floor, painting all kinds of pictures and decorations." You know how it is these hippies, everything's an owl. Can't just something be normal? Can't just one thing I have shag upon it? A nice flat rug? Too much texture.
MARCUS PARKS
He then of course referenced the Manson family murders which again had occurred just the previous summer. The sheriff claimed that any and all hippies were capable of grotesque acts of violence.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. Because this time, now it's anti hippie across the country.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well I mean the Manson family murders were August. This was February.
ED LARSON
Oh okay. So it's fresh in everyone's head.
MARCUS PARKS
So fucking fresh. And the Manson family is also freshly caught, because they weren't caught until October.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well do you remember when Titanic came out and then like a month later there was that movie called like Titanique? That's like what this is.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, like when Deep Impact came out the same week as Armageddon?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Or when there's two Robert Kennedy movies and stuff like that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Antz, A Bug's Life. Two Prefontaine movies, that was the weirdest one.
ED LARSON
Yeah, that is really weird.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well there's a reason behind that. All these movie studios have these scripts ready to go. So when they hear the other movie studio is about to put out like a volcano movie-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's like now it's time for our volcano movie.
MARCUS PARKS
They push out their volcano movie.
ED LARSON
Dante's Peak.
MARCUS PARKS
Dante's Peak. And I think the other one is just-
ED LARSON
Volcano.
MARCUS PARKS
Volcano.
ED LARSON
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I believe that Dante's Peak was the good one.
ED LARSON
Dante's peak was better, I wouldn't call it the good one.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, all right.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, they say that's why we'll never have a Houdini movie because every studio has a Houdini script ready to go and it's like this mutually assured destruction thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, because you can't choose. Because which one's it gonna be? It's gonna be some skinny guy. And I just want, ah, just not British.
ED LARSON
Make it about his brother.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
That'd be good.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Loudini. Yeah, I played Loudini in a short I did for Ray-Ban or something. That's true.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the sheriff also just ratcheted up the fear that much more by saying they were probably Satanists. After that, the story went national and became the most talked about event in America. But speaking of media, if you'll rewind your brain just a bit, you'll remember that I mentioned that the coffee table had been tipped over on its side and underneath was a stack of magazines.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I remember.
ED LARSON
Seemed pretty pointless to mention.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah. But you see, that's a writer's mind.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes. The magazines, yes, they seemed like a superfluous detail in the past.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Bit of a red herring.
MARCUS PARKS
But you will now see that it is in fact the most important clue.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You fucking idiot! You never know anything!
ED LARSON
Okay. By the way, I have sweat-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, look! Now I'm sweating like a fucking animal.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm fine.
ED LARSON
I know you are!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I knew you were gonna be fine.
ED LARSON
That's okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Now I'm comfortable. Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm hot.
ED LARSON
I'm happy for you.
MARCUS PARKS
Thank you. But speaking... Well the caption read:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Evil lurks in California. Lee Marvin is afraid."
ED LARSON
That's a horrible press for Lee Marvin.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Lee was historically not afraid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I like it because it was just a picture of Lee Marvin hiding behind a blanket like oh!
ED LARSON
I'd be furious if I was Lee Marvin's publicist.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. I'm the $6 million man! Right? Isn't that Lee Marvin?
MARCUS PARKS
No. Lee Marvin was the leader of The Dirty Dozen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
This is like the man's man.
ED LARSON
Yeah, he's more badass than Steve McQueen at this point.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But I think that was the point that they were trying to make is that the problem in California-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Even he's scared.
MARCUS PARKS
Is so fucking horrible that even Lee Marvin is afraid.
ED LARSON
Lee Marvin is scared of these skinniest boys you'll ever find.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Every time I get near one, all I wanna do is kiss him. Really I'm just afraid of destroying the sanctity of my marriage.
MARCUS PARKS
Now the reason why Lee Marvin was afraid was because of the focus of that issue, which I'd love to get a copy of this issue. Because Lee Marvin was on the cover and everything. The subject was witchcraft cults, drug orgies, and violence perpetrated by hippies in California. In one picture detailing a satanic orgy, one could see an acid queen with long blonde hair, consummating a candle lit orgy by copulating with a black swan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Just bring me in.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't know how that works though.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well the swan normally is there. I also think the swan can eat pussy-
MARCUS PARKS
But they said copulating with the black swan.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, they put feed on her pussy and then the swan gets in there. But the tiny teeth-
ED LARSON
Maybe you lube up its head, it's got a long neck.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And you shove it in there.
ED LARSON
Yeah, you just fuck the whole head.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. You let it...
ED LARSON
You let it flail.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. It's like the female version of the gerbil thing, it just flails around.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It could be that or it's just fucking there underneath your balls, playing with your-
ED LARSON
But it was a woman.
MARCUS PARKS
It was a woman.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, playing with your pussy back.
ED LARSON
How did Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman do it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The straight up old fashioned way. They let the tongues do the reading.
ED LARSON
If you scissor with a swan, you get eggs inside of you.
MARCUS PARKS
But perhaps more important was an article about the Manson family that focused on the grizzly details of the Sharon Tate murder. Specifically, the article spoke extensively about the use of the word 'pig' at the crime scene
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Of course.
MARCUS PARKS
Detailing that it had been written on the headboard in Sharon Tate's bedroom. Exact same scene. He copied it.
ED LARSON
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
It also didn't hurt that both Tate and Colette were pregnant, another piece of the puzzle. Well all this points to, from the blonde acid queen to the pig graffiti, was the fact that Jeffrey MacDonald had taken direct inspiration from this issue of Esquire to stage a false copycat crime.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He had that idea that night.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like he literally was looking through the magazine. He was like no fucking way.
MARCUS PARKS
Come on, Esquire, give me some answers.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Come on, give me some answers.
MARCUS PARKS
If anything has the answers, it's Esquire.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'll write a letter to Lee Marvin and I'll tell him to come to my house and eliminate my hippie family.
ED LARSON
And it's like back then it's not a copycat, it's a copy-cool-cat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ooh okay.
ED LARSON
Joke for Top Hat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Right, insensitive. And again, this is about our new toddler-based true crime initiative. Bundy for Babies. Again, I think that will also be good.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it'd be wonderful.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Chase for Children. That one's problematic. That one's problematic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ED LARSON
Ed Gein would be great at making a bottle top.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh god.
MARCUS PARKS
Ed Gein was beloved by children.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He was the town babysitter. No shit.
ED LARSON
Really?
MARCUS PARKS
That's completely true.
ED LARSON
Well he definitely had free time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He uses the word 'beloved' like really loosely.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think that he was tolerated.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And that he was a simpleton that they just sort of allowed. They were like he's harmless, what does he know to do? He's just sitting there, he's just waving at the road and shit everyday, like waving at road signs, being like you know the birds tell me that I killed my mother.
MARCUS PARKS
Nope. On the night that Bernice Worden's body was found, he was having a pickle dinner, this is no shit-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I remember.
MARCUS PARKS
It was a pickle dinner at his 10 year old friend's house, at a little boy's house. With the parents of course.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It was Corey Feldman. A boy who's a friend to adults everywhere.
ED LARSON
Pickle dinner is just a pickle with a knife and a fork, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. It's hands.
MARCUS PARKS
At that point, yeah, it was mostly pickles. The focus of the meal was pickles. Now initially forensics had a field day with evidence gathering. Firstly, blue pajama threads were found in every room a murder occurred in places that only the murderer would have been. Additionally, threads weren't found in places that they should have been. And the same went for splinters left behind by the murder club.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You wouldn't believe, all right, the threads were everywhere!
MARCUS PARKS
Everywhere. One of the most telling clues was the fact that while every room was soaked and splattered and streaked and stained with blood, and while Jeffrey claimed to check everyone's pulse to make sure they were dead, and while everyone had extensive neck wounds, there was no blood on the telephone Jeffrey used to call for help.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Again, why stain the landline? Wash your hands.
ED LARSON
What are we doing here?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm a surgeon!
MARCUS PARKS
That's exactly what he later said. He said I'm a surgeon, I just wash my hands out of habit. I look down, I see blood on my hands, I gotta go-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm washing.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm washing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm washing here!
MARCUS PARKS
And everybody's fucking dead anyway, so why the fuck do I need to call 911 for in such a fucking hurry?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, what do you want from me? I'm just a guy!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
(death rattle)
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(death rattle) I can't hear you dying!
MARCUS PARKS
Finally, a neighbor who had been afraid to get involved at first came forward and reported hearing Colette's loud, angry voice coming from the MacDonald house that night. Even more disturbingly, the neighbor's daughter said that she heard Jeffrey either sobbing loudly or laughing hysterically. Neither however heard a struggle.
ED LARSON
I imagine it was both.
MARCUS PARKS
A little like alternating.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going back and forth.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
God. I wonder what my neighbors hear. Just the loud-
ED LARSON
I think it's the same thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, it sounds the same.
ED LARSON
Definitely acid is groovy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Kill the pigs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. But again, it's about pork.
MARCUS PARKS
Even without 44 days of forensic investigation, which that's what they did on that house, they spent 44 days in that house-
ED LARSON
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
Jeffrey was the main suspect by the second day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Me? Moi?
MARCUS PARKS
He didn't know that though. But by February 23rd, six days after the murder, investigators were confident enough to contact the FBI and tell them that they could stop their nationwide manhunt for four killer hippies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Meanwhile they've just been having so much fun beating the living fuck out of hitchhikers.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Hold on, I gotta stop beating hippies?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey, okay, all right. We know. What if we stop officially looking for them, right?
ED LARSON
And we just do it for fun.
MARCUS PARKS
The problem was that even though there was a ton of forensic evidence, the team on the job fucked up at almost every turn. And what was left that pointed towards Jeffrey was mostly circumstantial. See it's one thing to look at a scene and say holy fuck, it's so obvious that this guy totally fucking did it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Him, no wounds, just sitting there. Hi!
MARCUS PARKS
Yep.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hi! Yep.
MARCUS PARKS
But it's another thing entirely to prove beyond a reasonable doubt in court that a charming Green Beret would suddenly murder his entire family, especially since the Manson family murders were so fresh on everyone's mind. Additionally, Colette's parents had nothing but the highest praise for their son-in-law, saying that he was not capable of such a thing. And everyone investigators spoke to also had nothing but the highest praise for a man whose biggest weakness was probably that he worked too hard.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He cared too much. I know how it is. But you know, it just shows what compartmentalization can do and how you can basically live a whole separate life and no one will have any fucking idea what's going on in the center of your goddamn brain.
ED LARSON
Yeah because on paper he's like someone you look up to.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Of course. Yeah.
ED LARSON
So you don't want to believe that this guy-
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, he's a veteran.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's a doctor. And he weighed all of that I think against his crimes.
MARCUS PARKS
And not only that, like you gotta really remember the context of the crimes here. Then you got to remember the year. This is 1970. This is when vets are coming back from Vietnam and being literally called baby killers.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Like that is the narrative that is going on amongst certain people in America.
ED LARSON
Meanwhile the ones that stayed behind and didn't go, killed babies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's true.
MARCUS PARKS
It's real complicated, man. There's a lot ins and outs when it comes to this. And so the prosecution would have to rely on hard evidence, very little of which still existed. For example, at the hospital, MacDonald's pajama bottoms have been burned with the hospital trash because nobody thought to keep them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jesus fucking Christ.
MARCUS PARKS
I mean it goes on and on.
ED LARSON
That's so aggravating.
MARCUS PARKS
Back at the MacDonald home, the CID hadn't secured the garbage there either. And the trash collectors were allowed to take away bags that might have contained say a bloodstained surgical glove with one finger missing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my fucking god.
MARCUS PARKS
Concerning that bloody bare footprint, that got destroyed by accident when technicians tried removing the floorboards and fucked up the whole operation. It just went snap, crack, done.
ED LARSON
Good god.
MARCUS PARKS
There was also a piece of skin that had been found under Colette's fingernails. Remember that?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
when I said there's some skin on her fingernails.
ED LARSON
What happened? Some cop eat it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh wow. Man, I forgot my Clif Bars.
ED LARSON
Are you done sucking on her fingers?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Oh you want a go? Yeah, let me get on the feet.
MARCUS PARKS
Just lost. No one knows where it went. No one knows how it was lost, where it went, it's just inexplicably lost.
ED LARSON
Hanging out with JFK's brain.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Flesh mound heaven. Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But while the investigation was being put together, Jeffrey returned to duty. Six weeks later though, once investigators Franz Grebner and Robert Shaw felt like they had enough to rip apart MacDonald's narrative, they finally brought him in for questioning.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Eddie, do you think your father's feet is in flesh mound heaven?
ED LARSON
Interesting. What do they do with that stuff?
MARCUS PARKS
They burn it.
ED LARSON
They burn it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I also think sometimes they just throw it out.
MARCUS PARKS
Well they have biological waste.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Biological hazards. But I think it eventually goes to an incinerator. I think that's where it all goes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know. Sidestorieslpotl@gmail.com. Where do our body parts go when we die?
MARCUS PARKS
I would imagine, because I can't see a landfill just filled with like diabetic feet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can.
ED LARSON
In Reno.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what Reno is.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I got a tooth extracted, I kept that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's different.
MARCUS PARKS
That's fun because normally they don't let you keep those.
ED LARSON
I talked to my dentist, she's a nice lady.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. He knows a guy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well in a classic cat and mouse game, Grebner and Shaw slowly gathered information from MacDonald, waiting for the moment to pounce. For the most part though, Jeffrey did not do well under pressure. He spoke in a rapid, high pitched tone most of the time, stumbling and stammering over his words. But pretty soon Grebner started hitting him with questions about the hippies and the supposed 'acid is groovy' chant. This is what MacDonald said.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, all right, we can get into that. She wasn't jumping up and down and screaming, you know, she wasn't saying to kill them, you know. The point was when you see it like in Easy Rider, right, I made the mistake of going to see that film, they have all these stop action things. Well that's what it seemed like. Terrible movie. I can't even... What was I talking about? What was the question?
MARCUS PARKS
But after going through the story again and again, Franz Grebner went full bad cop and told Jeffrey that there were just too many discrepancies for a story to be true. The living room was too tidy for a struggle to have taken place, Jeffrey's wounds were too insubstantial.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no, absolutely, not. No, no, no, no, no!
MARCUS PARKS
Most damning though is that there was no evidence whatsoever that four rampaging psychotic hippies on acid had been anywhere in the house. No blonde hair, no footprints from a boot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I saw a floppy hat!
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's at this point that Jeffrey began panicking, saying quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Okay, Jesus Christ. What's this called? Circumstantial evidence? Yeah well go ahead. Yeah. What else do you have? All right. What you're doing is you're sitting here telling me that I killed my wife and my kids, right? That's unbelievable. That's unbelievable! Oh man, Jesus Christ. This is a nightmare. This is like Edgar Allan Poe! Wow. Apparently you don't know much about my family and myself. I'll tell you that to come up with that conclusion or me for that matter..." You're all just sitting here like is this a Scorsese film?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But by the end of it, Grebner had what he needed. A report was filed officially announcing that Jeffrey MacDonald was the main suspect in the murders. While criminal charges were not filed, and this is important, the army was going to conduct an internal Article 32 inquiry to see if charges would be filed. To give you a little bit of background on Article 32-
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's just, it's not necessarily, I wouldn't even call it like a military tribunal. It's kind of like a grand jury for the military where they go up, they put forth all of this evidence, you got your defense, you got your prosecution, although it's not really defense and prosecution. But it's just to see if the army wants to bring forth charges on a crime committed on an army base with an officer.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Okay.
ED LARSON
So the FBI can't just say fuck you?
MARCUS PARKS
No, the way the law is worked out, the way you just have the legal system.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It all goes.
MARCUS PARKS
It's the army's problem.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And the army has to deal with it, the military has to deal with it.
ED LARSON
They're good with killing, not solving.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. As we'll see.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We will see.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Now Article 32 or no, the filing was reported on the national news that very night. And a Philadelphia lawyer named Bernie Segal saw the story and thought Jesus Christ, this guy's fucking guilty. ,But much to his surprise Segal soon got a call from Jeffrey MacDonald's mother asking Segal to defend her son. Now ironically Bernie Segal was mostly a civil rights lawyer who defended war protesters, draft resisters, military deserters, and people with drug charges. In other words, he defended the people that Jeffrey Macdonald hated the most, ie hippies.
ED LARSON
I'm not a hippie!
MARCUS PARKS
Nevertheless, Segal took the case and ended up defending Jeffrey MacDonald for decades to come.
ED LARSON
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Once the Article 32 hearing came about, Segal proved himself well worth the money. He started by ripping apart the many investigative fuckups perpetrated by the Fort Bragg MPs. And this isn't even investigating, this is just MPs on the scene.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
This is just not malfeasance but incompetence.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
They didn't control the crime scene, they didn't keep a list of officers entering and exiting the apartment. Some of them tracked in wet grass.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
Several MPs just started touching stuff. And there was no attempt to control the evidence.
ED LARSON
Were they hammered?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it just was hyper careless. Super, super careless.
MARCUS PARKS
And they're all just fucking shocked at what they're seeing.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
They're all just incredibly traumatized.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I also wonder if they're young.
MARCUS PARKS
They probably are.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Probably 19 years old.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Not knowing shit about shit.
MARCUS PARKS
The absolute worst example of their failure to control the scene was the fact that the ambulance driver stole Jeffrey MacDonald's wallet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Anything for me?
MARCUS PARKS
He started going through desks and like checking and seeing like oh a fucking wallet, cool.
ED LARSON
Take the cash, leave the wallet.
MARCUS PARKS
Always.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We all know that.
MARCUS PARKS
The MPs, they even used the fucking bathroom, destroyed whatever evidence-
ED LARSON
Just add some more DNA.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Hey, do you mind if I cut myself in here?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, he's like shaving over the thing, cutting his toenails and leaving them.
MARCUS PARKS
Furthermore, Bernie Segal's cross examinations of the forensics teams would have made Johnny Cochran proud. Segal outed the team as confused, disorganized, and utterly out of their depth, using too many examples to go into here. We'd be here for another fucking 30 minutes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
If I went through everything they fucked up on.
ED LARSON
Jesus Christ.
MARCUS PARKS
They couldn't have fucked up worse if they tried.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think they might have tried.
MARCUS PARKS
You think so?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know. I mean I don't believe necessarily the idea that they would go in and they're not trying to exonerate this man, I just think that they just-
MARCUS PARKS
I don't think they knew what they were doing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They didn't know what the hell they were doing.
MARCUS PARKS
They just did not know what they were doing.
ED LARSON
I think there's a couple guys that didn't want him to be caught.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe.
ED LARSON
It's a bad look for a Green Beret to kill his family in Fort Bragg.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh sure. Literally at a military base.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like some army recruiter was like no, no, no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no. This is really gonna be bad. We're trying to get parachuters.
ED LARSON
Yeah, let's get him innocent and then send him out to Vietnam and have him killed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. He'll die the old fashioned way.
MARCUS PARKS
As it's done. Next, Segal brought in an MP named Kenneth Mika who revealed that on February 17, 1970, he'd seen a hippie.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh my fucking god.
ED LARSON
What?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No in 1970!
ED LARSON
Not in Fayetteville, that's for goddamn sure.
MARCUS PARKS
MP Mika said that on the night in question, just after the murders were known to have occurred, he saw a young woman a half mile from the murder scene wearing, get this, a floppy hat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I hate this fucking floppy hat. This is not evidence.
MARCUS PARKS
Unfortunately though, no units were dispatched that night to find the floppy-hatted woman.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, you have to send the haberdasher squad. Thank god she wasn't wearing a fez. They would never have been able to find her.
ED LARSON
There's so many stupid hats in this story. Berets.
MARCUS PARKS
But as it was, this woman did exist. Her name was Helena Stoeckley and she'd be a character in the Jeffrey MacDonald case for years to come. Supposedly, Stoeckley was a member of a witchcraft cult. And she was known to wear high boots, a blonde wig, and a floppy hat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I did it to cover my brain. My brain is sensitive. Than
ED LARSON
For sure.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
For sure.
MARCUS PARKS
In reality, Stoeckley was more of a burnout who sometimes dealt drugs. But a former neighbor of hers named William Posey told Bernie Segal that on the morning of the murders, he saw a car quickly pull into Helena Stoeckley's driveway containing two, possibly three men who were all just laughing and giggling. Cutting it up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Can't believe that George. But they were doing the (whispering) acid is groovy, kill the pigs.
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Acid is groovy, kill the pigs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's how you know.
MARCUS PARKS
No, they were fucking stoned out of their gourds and having a great night.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Looking at her stupid floppy hat. Probably sharing it.
MARCUS PARKS
Reaching over, flop.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Flop.
MARCUS PARKS
Flop, flop.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, you like flicking? You like flicking my hat?
MARCUS PARKS
Well Helena-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's my top clit!
MARCUS PARKS
Well Helena was then seen rushing out of the car into her house and the men immediately sped away. Then the neighbor said that on the day of the MacDonald family funeral, Helena wore all black and hung a funeral wreath on her door. Additionally, after February 17th, nary a single floppy hat, nor blonde wig was ever seen upon Helena Stoeckley's head ever again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe it's because there was a fucking a APB for person with a blonde wig and a floppy hat.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, she's not that stupid.
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean I don't know but she's probably like it was time for a switch up anyway. I'll go brunette.
MARCUS PARKS
And it's also very possible that Jeffrey took this image of the supposed woman-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And used it.
MARCUS PARKS
From Helena Stoeckley.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's quite possible he saw her around town. Posey then said that Helena left Fayetteville weeks later because she told him that the cops were giving her a hard time about the murder.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But when she returned in August and Posey Point Blake asked her about possible involvement in the murders, she said that she didn't remember anything about that night.
ED LARSON
Jesus!
MARCUS PARKS
But she did remember her boyfriend saying, quote:
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Well I guess we can't get married until we go out and kill some more people."
ED LARSON
Why would you ever in a million years...
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know.
MARCUS PARKS
She's out of her fucking... She's lifelong-
ED LARSON
Loves attention?
MARCUS PARKS
Well no, just a drug... Just fucking fried.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't tell you what I'm saying right now. Ain't nothing going on. Let's just say the hat's doing the thinking.
MARCUS PARKS
Fully acid fried, like crazy acid fried. Along with every other drug you can fucking imagine.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You ever been a bunny? You don't know what it's like to eat a carrot unless you've been a bunny before. Is this about the murder? The murder here?
ED LARSON
I imagine acid was a little different back then too.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And you're taking more of it probably.
ED LARSON
Yeah, not even knowing you are.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Like full sheets of paper.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, touching it and getting it all over you. I remember you told the story about when you had to run the pep rally and then the guy that you were buying acid-
ED LARSON
Yeah, I was buying liquid acid from this guy and we were putting it on fruit stripe gum. Delicious, great idea.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh that's an incredible idea.
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then he put it on my hand and he just looks up at me and goes oh no.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, he did a full squirt of a vial full of acid right onto his fucking hand.
ED LARSON
Yeah. And I was just fucking student council and I had to like load buses up for grad night. And just like talk to the principal and a bunch of cops.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. So do you remember the picture of the guy who was like the guy with all the different... I forget, it was like how his schizophrenia progressed.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where you saw like the cat slowly turn into colors like a kaleidoscope. That's like what he did to his teachers.
MARCUS PARKS
Now Stoeckley was called in to testify but she would alternate between confessing and recanting. And the only thing her stories proved was that she did a lot of drugs all the time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. You ever lick a shovel? I do fucking literally whatever.
MARCUS PARKS
But while Stoeckley was a bit of a nonstarter, Segal brought in character witness after character witness who all testified to Jeffrey MacDonald's unquestionable character. Even Jeffrey's father-in-law testified, saying that if he ever had another daughter, he'd still want the same son-in-law.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And I'd have her marry him by the time she was three years old. In fact, where's my wife?
ED LARSON
WHere's my damn wife?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Where's my wife? Pull your pants down, wife!
ED LARSON
Come on!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Time to make another wife for our son-in-law!
MARCUS PARKS
Finally though, Jeffrey MacDonald himself testified at his own hearing and he was far more practiced than what he'd been since the interrogation. He'd straightened out his story considerably and any discrepancies between the hearing and the multiple interviews since the murders were chalked up to either the fallibility of human memory or the blow to the head he received that fateful night.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Honestly now most of the time, truly, I can't even see a floppy hat. I am just beside myself. There's bucket hats that are supposed to be coming out soon. And I know it's gonna be a nightmare for me.
MARCUS PARKS
Well as such, by the time the Article 32 hearing was concluded, all charges were dismissed due to insufficient evidence. But an Article 32 hearing is not a criminal trial, it's not even a grand jury. This was simply an internal investigation within the military, so rules of double jeopardy did not apply. It just meant that he wasn't gonna get charged with the crime, that the government wasn't going to charge him and the military wasn't gonna charge him. But as far as Jeffrey was concerned, he was scot-free.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
He'd gotten away with murder. And riding that high, he decided to parlay his tragedy into stardom by becoming a highly visible professional mourner.
ED LARSON
Oh my god.
MARCUS PARKS
It would be that arrogance however that would eventually land Jeffrey in jail. And we'll detail every bit that led him to that point when we pick back up next week for part two.
ED LARSON
Ah nice. Just a bunch of lies next week.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A lot of lies.
MARCUS PARKS
A lot of lies. A lot of nervous hand wringing, a lot of anger from the father-in-law once he figures out like oh-
ED LARSON
Wait a second.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wait a minute!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Put that new wife of his back inside of you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
God, What a horrible story.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Next week, I'm glad we'll get it, we're gonna hunt him down, we're gonna get him, we're gonna put him in jail. Thank you guys for listening. We got a lot of bullshit out. Twitch. tv/lastpodcastnetwork, come and watch all the shows on Twitch. We've got Murderfist is happening right now.
ED LARSON
It's happening now, yeah, yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. 9/20.
ED LARSON
You already missed it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, it's already done. But yeah, the Dynasty Typewriter shows are this weekend, we can't fucking wait. We have all these horrible men in town. It's so nice to have all of Murderfist over at my house, I miss everybody.
ED LARSON
Oh man. To wake up and see a member of my fist in my house in the morning isn't scary.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. No, not anymore. Not anymore.
ED LARSON
It's been beautiful, man. It's been so nice. And it's been nice hanging with you guys.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Of course it's been nice having you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right, see you fuckers.
MARCUS PARKS
Bye.
ED LARSON
Peace!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hail Satan.
MARCUS PARKS
Hail Gein.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hail me, motherfuckers!