HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So getting into this week's research, Marcus, it might be the COVID talking.
MARCUS PARKS
Could be. You're on day four, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Day four COVID, deep in it. It's helped I think. I think it helped me understand this topic. Eddie, you don't know what's coming for you.
ED LARSON
Yeah. I don't know what a vortex is, so that might need to be explained to me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's a lot of math I'm gonna bring out. I hope you brought your TI-89 from middle school. But what do you do? All right. Mysterious triangles, covered them before.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But what do you do when the haunted triangle is the entire state?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like if it's the entire state, you can't avoid it.
MARCUS PARKS
It's not the entire state. It's the entirety of the state that fits within the shape of a triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it's-
MARCUS PARKS
So it's not the entire shape because the state is not shaped as a triangle.
ED LARSON
It's a giant state. I know that much.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Most of the state. It's most of the state.
MARCUS PARKS
It's most of the state. This is the Last Podcast on the Left. We're talking about the Alaska Triangle today. I'm Marcus Parks with Ed Larson, Henry Zebrowski. It's not the entire state, it's just as much as the state that can be fit inside a triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The only thing that's missing is like four beaches.
ED LARSON
No, no, there's a lot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Look at the triangle.
ED LARSON
That's a big triangle.
MARCUS PARKS
There's a peninsula I believe that is not included, an Alaskan peninsula that's not included.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's nobody there to go missing! It's just a bunch of seals.
ED LARSON
See I always thought the Alaska Triangle is what you see when Sarah Palin bends over.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh yeah, no prisoners.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No prisoners.
MARCUS PARKS
Fuck yeah, bro. Going back to 2012 topics with 2012 jokes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. Check out her pussy, man.
MARCUS PARKS
Now out of all the wild and wooly triangles around the world-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's so many triangles!
MARCUS PARKS
There's 12. From the Bermuda to the Dragon to the Devil's to the Bridgewater, one of the least talked about is the Alaska Triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not anymore.
MARCUS PARKS
Partly that's because nobody really noticed there even was an Alaska Triangle until very recently.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because it's most of the state. It is the entire state of Alaska. People go missing.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
More people go missing in Alaska than live there in a year. Their state should be empty.
ED LARSON
Yeah. No, they pay people to live there to go missing. That's why they paid people to live there.
MARCUS PARKS
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
So they can go missing.
ED LARSON
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And is this all about Travel Channel? Is this Travel Channel fixing the books?
MARCUS PARKS
Well from what our research team can tell, there was no information on the internet at all about the Alaska Triangle before the year 2020 when the Travel Channel released a show called what else but The Alaska Triangle, which has since released two seasons.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Did you watch any of it?
MARCUS PARKS
I watched the first episode, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I watched the entire first season.
MARCUS PARKS
Well you had COVID time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. Oh yeah, I got it. I watched the entire first season and guess what is the really most legit thing you can say about the Travel Channel's... When they go into this subject, the invitation to the subject, the only true things you can say is that they did travel to Alaska. But nothing else within it is technically helpful or real.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know but it's very compelling. You never know.
MARCUS PARKS
Well consequently, a book was released thereafter by a character named Mike Ricksecker called 'Alaska's Mysterious Triangle' which is basically a promo piece for the Travel Channel show and mentions the series at least once in every chapter. Because Mike Ricksecker is in the TV show quite a bit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's there, man.
MARCUS PARKS
He's also an Ancient Aliens guy.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah. This brings out all the stops. There's a lot of people in here that they just say stuff like Alaska, well you know the grays, they love the cold. They're just saying stuff. There's a lot. But Alaska is dangerous, don't get me wrong.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I mean and to be fair, we say that no one's talked about the Alaska Triangle until 2020 but nobody knew about the Bermuda Triangle until the book was released about that subject in 1974. And the Bermuda Triangle is now as much a part of our collective consciousness as Bigfoot or crop circles. Everyone knows what the Bermuda Triangle is.
ED LARSON
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But we do know, yes, while there is a mysterious vortex that lies in the center of the Bermuda Triangle that allows people to travel through wormholes, we do also know the main problem with the Bermuda Triangle is ocean farts. Because ocean farts is literally what brings planes down. We talked about it, we know this.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because methane bubbles come out of the water and it makes planes lose air buoyancy and they fall into the water.
ED LARSON
What I want to know is when's the Bermuda Triangle gonna start pulling its weight and cleaning up some of this plastic?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what we need.
ED LARSON
Suck the plastic in.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what we need the vortex for.
ED LARSON
Send that shit to fucking Bigfootland!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well unfortunately, Eddie, because then, oh, you're shifting the problem to Bigfoot now. Now it's Bigfoot's fucking problem in his world of neutrinos?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
He's got nothing to do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
He's got a lot to do!
MARCUS PARKS
He's just wandering around the forest doing jack shit. I'm on Eddie's side. Fucking send it to Bigfootland, let them deal with it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Horseshit.
MARCUS PARKS
Give them a job.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no.
MARCUS PARKS
Give them a job. If they're gonna fucking wander around America, give them a job.
ED LARSON
He could build a hive out of it or something. They all live in hives, right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Their jobs are to help us spiritually ascend. All right? You didn't read the book about the psychic Bigfoot talking to the author who talked about how they're trying to help us spiritually, intellectually. They're reading books. Bigfoots are busy.
ED LARSON
Oh I'm getting something right now, he says ugh.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm done. I'm already frustrated. You must learn Eddie. This is a part of your education.
MARCUS PARKS
This is a part of your education. We're starting at the beginning, we start with triangles and we're gonna get to vortices.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And portals.
ED LARSON
We get to equilaterals, I'm fucked.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It's not geometry.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the difference between the Bermuda Triangle and the Alaska Triangle is that the Alaska Triangle is mostly land. In fact, the Alaska Triangle admittedly is pretty much the maximum amount of Alaskan land mass that can fit inside the shape of a triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's the entire state but the tips. Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And a lot of the Bering Sea as well. There's a lot of water involved, which we'll get to. Now one of the most bold claims made in both the book and the TV show is that 16,000 people have gone missing in the Alaska Triangle in the last 30 years. But we're not sure where those stats came from because Alaska didn't start recording missing people until 1988.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
16,000 in 30 years is also an incredible number when compared to the rest of the United States. For comparison, Hawaii and Oklahoma are tied for 2nd and 3rd when it comes to missing persons.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh wow.
MARCUS PARKS
At 16 per 100,000 residents.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Alaska meanwhile has 173 missing people per 100,000.
ED LARSON
That's fucking nuts.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Besides just the vortexes and-
MARCUS PARKS
Vortices.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Vortices.
MARCUS PARKS
Vortices.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And besides alien abductions and besides US government-
ED LARSON
The Into The Wild kid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, besides that kid. That was just one and he did that to himself, right. Besides that, I feel like a lot of it can be... We talked about it. Remember when we covered Robert Hanson, we talked about Alaska's frontier land.
MARCUS PARKS
I mean yeah, the common sense reasons for this outside of mysterious triangle energies are most obvious, Alaska is extraordinarily dangerous, it's sparsely populated, and it's twice the size of Texas.
ED LARSON
You could fit Texas, California, and Montana into Alaska and still have more space.
MARCUS PARKS
Jesus, really?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't wanna go.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't wanna go anywhere. They're all in the triangle! All of those states are inside of a single triangle of danger.
MARCUS PARKS
Well additionally, Alaska, Hawaii, and Oklahoma all have large indigenous populations. As we know, when indigenous people go missing their disappearances are far less likely to be investigated. So a possible murder often gets filed away as a missing person because nobody could be bothered to look into the report at all. But even though the people missing off the ground may have common sense explanations, the many disappearances are merely a companion piece, a side dish if you will.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The yams.
MARCUS PARKS
The yams. I've got special yams. I make yams. They're very good yams.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We had them this year. You did very well.
ED LARSON
They were very good, yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Thank you. Thank you. But that's merely the yams to the overall phenomenon that is the Alaska Triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. But guess what you're leaving out, man? Pyramids, dog. Because what is a pyramid but four triangles. Right?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I remember.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And pyramids also coming into play.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. No, I remember the pyramid. Actually when I was a very lazy little boy I did a science fair experiment where I built a pyramid out of cardboard and straws and I made a little cardboard camel and my entire argument was did you know that a pyramid is four triangles?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's deeper than you think.
ED LARSON
And a square on the bottom.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
No, the bottom is the fourth triangle.
ED LARSON
Is it?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Oh so it's three... Wow!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, pyramids are four triangles. He's right. A pyramid is technically four triangles and a square.
ED LARSON
I gotta go.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I gotta go. I gotta get outta here.
MARCUS PARKS
No it's not, it's one, two, three, and then the bottom is the fourth.
ED LARSON
Okay, okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes. Depending on the pyramid. But I also got a book called 'Pyramids Around the World' by doctor of science Sam Osmanagich who says that hey, did you know pyramids can also be circles?
ED LARSON
Go fuck yourself.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Dude. Pyramid... Guess what I learned through my travels with COVID? Yes, I might have COVID and I might have had a lot of edibles and I've spent hours and hours and hours listening to Linda Moulton Howe and Travel Channel. But guess what? Pyramids just vibe, dog.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. So you're saying that a circle can be a pyramid if it feels like it's a pyramid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And if it has the same properties as a pyramid but it's still circle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. It's just got pyramids shit. It's got a pyramid lifestyle.
MARCUS PARKS
A vibe.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's used for something else. Because what do we know about pyramids? Some people think that oh, they're just monuments built to remembrance and to the vivaciousness of the human spirit. To that I say fuck you, you moron.
ED LARSON
They're full of cats.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Full of cats! Number one, they're vets/shelters. And then two, it is fucking wormholes, dog. And do you know that triangles naturally create energy?
ED LARSON
Is that true?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Now when it comes to the definition of a wild and wooly triangle in the paranormal world, it usually refers to a gateway or window of focused, unexplained activity. Usually they encompass missing planes, ships, and people, in addition to cryptids, hauntings, UFOs, and other analogous phenomena. The most famous of course is the aforementioned Bermuda Triangle, which was chronicled as far back as 1492 as a place where strange things happen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yup.
MARCUS PARKS
None other than Christopher Columbus recorded erratic compass readings-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Erratic. That's the word of the day.
MARCUS PARKS
Erratic. Erratic compass readings while sailing in the Bermuda Triangle. And wrote that he saw flames plummet into the ocean along with what he called a small wax candle being raised and lowered in the night sky.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But he didn't realize that was just him in the bath with an erection.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Watching it slosh back and forth. I used to do that.
MARCUS PARKS
Christopher Columbus had a bright orange Cheeto-colored penis.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah. Pure Italian man. He had a little manicotto.
MARCUS PARKS
Now according to those who believe that there's something paranormal about these triangles outside of naturally occurring electromagnetic phenomena, these areas contain vortices of energy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Vortices.
MARCUS PARKS
Vortices being the plural of vortex. You don't say vortexes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
MARCUS PARKS
You say vortices.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Vortices.
ED LARSON
You're from Vor-Texas, right?
MARCUS PARKS
Vor-Texas is where the anime convention is held every year. Well from what believers say, these vortices of energy build up in the earth's core and cause strange phenomena to suddenly transpire, like unusual weather patterns, bizarre electromagnetic anomalies, and coolest of all, interdimensional portals.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Shit, dude. Fucking interdimensional portals, dogs. Fucking bus station to fucking Bigfootland, dog. That's what we're talking about. This stuff is very stupid but there is maybe it's got something to do with yes, some vortices are created by natural rock formations and they talk about the idea of especially natural water sources mixed with certain types of rocks create energetic properties, they believe. There's also again, just triangles being what they are, natural flows of energy. But if you stuck up a... All right, you make a triangle erect, it's a pyramid. Energy flows up. What if I told you that at the very epicenter of the Alaskan Triangle, center of the state, there is a hidden obsidian pyramid underneath the ground bigger than the Giza pyramids, my friend, that the US government has been slowly but surely using an energy diaper, that is a term that I have heard. Where they line it with electronically... They're pumping energy into an underground pyramid in order to fuel the DEW Line, right, which I'll explain later. That is creating a series of anomalous events inside of Alaska.
ED LARSON
Now an underground pyramid, why not just put it in a mountain?
MARCUS PARKS
Because I guess if you put the pyramid in a mountain-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's difficult.
MARCUS PARKS
That's just-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's just a mountain.
MARCUS PARKS
It's just the mountain.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's difficult to hollow out a mountain.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But it's easier to dig a hole.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But according to the Travel Channel, it's actually extremely, even more impossible to build a pyramid. But the only people who could do it obviously are aliens, they live underground. And a lot of people keep talking about the Travel Channel too. They're like pyramids? Why do these people keep burying them under dirt? And it's like it's been there for thousands of years. I think dirt naturally accrues. They assume, no, they assume that people are just literally covering them up with dirt.
MARCUS PARKS
Interesting.
ED LARSON
How mad would you be if you were a slave and you built a pyramid and at the end of it the pharaoh's like bury it!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hate it. Hate it. But now we know, Eddie, a lot of them were cultured artisans.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Yeah. And it was definitely humans who built the pyramids.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
The humans built the pyramids.
ED LARSON
Oh it had to be.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it had to be.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not according to Linda Moulton Howe.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And also Mike Ricksecker. He is very much on the side that everything is Atlantis and everything came from Atlantis and everything that we have ever had in the ancient world is all Atlanteans. White Atlanteans.
ED LARSON
Oh, Ricksecker we should use for like a bullshit artist.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
ED LARSON
It's a good term for that.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah right, this guy's a real Ricksecker. Because it sounds like a slur but it's not.
ED LARSON
It really does.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It does.
ED LARSON
It's fun to say.
MARCUS PARKS
Fucking Rickseckers. Well that last phenomena, the interdimensional portals, that brings us to our first story of the Alaska Triangle. Because when there's possible interdimensional portals, there's also gonna be stories of airplanes vanishing from the air without a trace.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Popping in and out.
MARCUS PARKS
Now according to Mike Ricksecker, Alaska is particularly sensitive to the creations of vortices and portals because of solar flares and the aurora borealis.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Which does in fact interfere with electronic equipment and GPS navigation. That part is true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Alaska's closer to the sky.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just said that. I just said that. I don't even know what that means.
MARCUS PARKS
And I agreed with you because it sounded good and I assumed you knew what you were talking about.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
ED LARSON
There's high mountains there, technically those could be closer to the sky.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The only thing I do know is about the obsidian pyramid underneath the dirt of Alaska. It's the only thing I actually know about today.
MARCUS PARKS
And the DEW lines.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
ED LARSON
I'm into it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Now one might say that the aurora borealis just makes exploration travel in Alaska more dangerous because proven scientific phenomena plays haywire with the instruments humans use to locate and orient themselves, especially in the sky.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Nope.
MARCUS PARKS
But from what Mike Ricksecker claims, these currents of energy ebb and flow, meaning that Alaska is more prone to paranormal phenomena at certain times. And if we hadn't lost our knowledge from the ancient world, mainly from Atlantis, we'd know what the fuck all this was about. But we did and we don't.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They paid a big... I guess they, well they wiped themselves out with their own thermonuclear device.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We know this to be true.
MARCUS PARKS
They all wiped themselves out with their own thermonuclear device. And just as some deserts are now green spaces and some green spaces are now deserts, so too did Atlantis become buried in the antediluvian flood.
ED LARSON
Oh.
MARCUS PARKS
Hail Atlantis.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Eddie, just pick it up as you go. Just let in what you can let in and then discard.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I can relate.
MARCUS PARKS
No, you know that Donovan song Atlantis, right?
ED LARSON
No, I don't.
MARCUS PARKS
You don't?
ED LARSON
I never got too into Donovan.
MARCUS PARKS
This is the one you're gonna love. I'll send it to you afterwards.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
Way down in the ocean where I want to be.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It'll tell you everything you need to know about Atlantis.
ED LARSON
When I was a kid. Atlantis was the name of the water park in Fort Lauderdale where I used to go all the time. And then ironically it got wiped away by Hurricane Andrew.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh wow. Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Interesting. Either way, Alaska is a place where people disappear. And while most sadly go unnoticed, some disappearances over the years have become national mysteries. Back in 1972, US majority leader Hale Boggs and an Alaskan congressman named Nick Begich took off... It is the worst name I've ever heard in my life.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Terrible name.
ED LARSON
There's a lot of bad names today I think.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Hale Boggs, Nick Begich.
ED LARSON
Ricksecker.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ricksecker!
MARCUS PARKS
They took off from Anchorage, Alaska at 9 a.m. on their way to Juneau for a fundraising drive, following a well worn flight path in a twin engine Cessna. But before their plane reached the Portage Pass, communication was lost and the plane disappeared from radar.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whispering) Alaska.
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Triangle. The largest search and rescue mission of the day was mounted soon after, which logged 3600 man hours and covered 325,000 square miles. But despite all efforts, no sign of the four passengers nor their plane was ever seen again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whispering) Alaska.
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Triangle. Now yeah, they might have flown through a portal-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah!
MARCUS PARKS
But what's interesting is that while Mike Ricksecker's whole argument is that wild shit happens in the Alaska Triangle, he still pushes a bit of conspiracy on the disappearance of Hale Boggs. He just can't fucking help himself. Apparently Hale Boggs had dissented against the Warren Commission in 1963.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Target on his fucking back.
MARCUS PARKS
When they concluded that Lee Harvey Oswald and his magic bullet had been the only factor surrounding the assassination of JFK. Why it took nine years for the government to retaliate to this dissension is unclear.
ED LARSON
They never forget, man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They never forget and they want to wait til you forget, dog. And by that point, everyone had forgotten about the JFK assassination. So why not let it-
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's already went under the radar and so not even think about it. It's all, yeah, it was nine years. That's a long time.
MARCUS PARKS
Nine years. Mike Ricksecker also hints that because Boggs was of Croatian heritage-
ED LARSON
Whoa.
MARCUS PARKS
He may have been targeted by Serbians for reasons that are unclear.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Jealous of Alaska.
MARCUS PARKS
While the podcast Missing in Alaska about the disappearance of Hale Boggs revealed that a mafioso told the FBI that the plane had been bombed.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And nothing is more reliable than an out of work mafioso. Nothing. You always listen. They're always not full of shit.
MARCUS PARKS
Now you guys remember that Hale Boggs? You remember Hale Boggs?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I did that.
ED LARSON
He's part of the Fairbanks gang.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, you know how it is. You know what they say now. He's swimming with the penguins. That's what we do. It's dangerous above Alaska but it's funny because each guy, they always say this too, they're all like and there is no way a plane would ever go missing in Alaska. It is one of the most observed areas of space, as they say. The flight area of Alaska, right?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. We're about to get into that. We're about to get into that. Because the disappearance of Boggs's plane was but one of many in the Alaska Triangle and it is by no means the most mysterious. See it would be very easy for a small Cessna to disappear into the Alaskan wilderness. There's not a lot of mystery there. But the same could not be said of a Douglas C- 54 Skymaster.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
According to Travel Channel, the most important plane to have ever been built.
ED LARSON
Most important plane? More than Air Force One?
MARCUS PARKS
It was used a lot. The most important plane model.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, they said that this one plane is one of the most important special planes. They did. I'm only here-
MARCUS PARKS
I watched that episode. They made no such claim.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They said a special plane. This plane could talk.
MARCUS PARKS
Your COVID, wow, I'm really seeing how much your COVID brain is really like filtering shit through.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know what's gonna come out.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in January of 1950, a Douglas Skymaster took off from Elmendorf Air Force Base near Anchorage, bound for Montana with dozens of people aboard. The Douglas, one of the most used military aircraft of the day, had a 100 ft wingspan, three times larger than the average Cessna. But just as the plane passed over the small Alaskan town of Snag-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Ugh.
MARCUS PARKS
I know, Snag, Alaska.
ED LARSON
Yeah, that's an awful name.
MARCUS PARKS
Alaska's full of... Skagway.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Guffton, that's a good name for a town.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it happened when one of the pioneer's wives got her panties stuck on a fucking walrus.
ED LARSON
Name it Snag.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Name it Snag.
ED LARSON
After my wife's vagina.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, my wife's vagina.
MARCUS PARKS
Well as the plane was passing over Snag, it disappeared from radar and was never seen again. Now remember this was 1950, right when the Cold War was heating up. And since Alaska is right next to Russia, the sky above Alaska is one of the most surveilled places on the planet. So for a plane like this to just disappear was a big fucking deal. And it was not in the military's best interest to leave a plane with possibly sensitive material aboard lying around in the wilderness for the Ruskies to find.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because they're right there.
MARCUS PARKS
Or should I say the Ruskies.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The Ruskies. They're right there and they're waiting. And because we also have the DEW line, right. So the DEW line was a series of radio towers that are supposed to warn us if the Ruskies are coming over to bomb us. They ping. So it's extra surveilled and they don't know how it could remotely be possible. But now that we saw that when we blew those objects over the sky in Alaska and we went to go look for the beginning of this year, we couldn't find, last year, we couldn't find jack shit.
MARCUS PARKS
So the DEW line is powered, that DEW line that is there to look for Russian missiles, that's powered by the obsidian pyramid underground.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The dark pyramid. Yeah, absolutely. Doug Mutschler, he talks a lot about it.
MARCUS PARKS
Powered by energy. The conduit is an energy diaper.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. I mean I read all about this and we don't know exactly how to do it. We just know that if you put energy into the corners of the pyramid, it actually flows out of the tip much harder.
ED LARSON
So it's cum.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
In a sense isn't everything?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Protons. It's protons.
MARCUS PARKS
But even though every effort was made to find the Douglas, no trace of the crew nor the wreckage was ever found. In fact people are still looking for the Douglas. A couple of years ago a bunch of guys put a bunch of drones out into Alaska to explore unreachable areas, found nothing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that shit's fucking gone, dog. It's big. It's a big state.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But also it's a big plane.
ED LARSON
It could be buried by now.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it could be.
ED LARSON
A couple of trees fall down, you're not gonna find that fucking thing.
MARCUS PARKS
No, you're not.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Eddie, nothing naturally gets buried. Okay? Everything must be purposefully buried.
ED LARSON
You just said pyramids get buried!
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, by people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, by people.
ED LARSON
Oh okay. You're right. I'm sorry, Henry.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're out of your league here, buddy. I know what's going on here.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm glad you're bringing your humility to this, I really appreciate it. But what makes the disappearance of the Douglas more interesting in the triangle realm as opposed to the Boggs disappearance is what happened before and after. Four days after the Douglas went missing, a garbled cryptic radio message was supposedly intercepted in the Yukon, followed by two more garbled cryptic radio messages. I couldn't find though what those cryptic messages were.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Help! Help! It's cold!
MARCUS PARKS
That's not cryptic at all. That's just help!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's cold. Help! Help! There's a guy. There's a little penguin, he's playing with my helmet.
ED LARSON
You come find me.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They said that that is exactly why we know for a fact that they were abducted by aliens.
MARCUS PARKS
Well additionally, a couple days before the disappearance, a navy pilot clocked a UFO going an estimated 1800 MPH in the same area where the Douglas disappeared. Now there is an extreme amount of electromagnetic energy in the Alaska Triangle due to its proximity to the North Pole and the northern lights and so on and so forth. So it is possible that the Douglas entered into a magnetic anomaly which caused its instruments to go haywire. Because back then most on-flight instruments were magnetic.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well Doug Mutschler, who was a counterintelligence officer for the CIA, must be real, he said that this is a story that he told to people was that he was working on a base in Alaska. And he turned on his television at night and he saw a documentary that talked about the idea that these dark pyramids underneath Alaska are creating electronic anomalies attracting UFOs. And he saw this whole thing, they talked about the wonders and powers of pyramids, about pyramids are natural batteries and they've been used since time immemorial to fuel machines and technology that we don't have access to anymore because it was blown up by Atlanteans. Right? And all of that stuff went by the way of like it's now sunk to the bottom of the ocean. We can't find it anymore. We can't get it back. No way. Right? And so he saw this documentary and he went down to the station, he said he was so incensed and so inspired by the documentary, he went down to the station. He said I want a copy for myself. And guess what they told him? We never played that. And then they said they're like what? And then a guy, some other guy he refuses to name because he's not a stool pigeon, he pulled him aside and he says like they don't want us to know, they don't want anybody to know the reason why people are going missing here and what's going on here. So we've accidentally opened up a wormhole using that pyramid. And that's why we can only show that documentary once, right, which I didn't even know why they can, I don't know why they couldn't show it multiple times. But he said to him, it's like when Bill Cooper found-
MARCUS PARKS
We can only show it once.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can only show it once. It was like Bill Cooper found the secrets to the Illuminati in a xerox machine, right? You can only find it once.
MARCUS PARKS
We'll tell you all about that one.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they go and they just said... And so then he got invited to be a part of this top secret pyramid project when they went down there and they were all just being like we don't know what the fuck this thing does but it does suck people into a hole.
MARCUS PARKS
Well if you believe that UFOs are interdimensional craft rather than intergalactic, which makes more sense scientifically... You know why?
ED LARSON
Because space is far.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes. You got it.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
There are assholes who will spend fucking three hours saying the exact same thing that you just said in three words. Because space is far. Four words.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, Eddie. You're ruining your career as a talking head in the paranormal space.
MARCUS PARKS
Space is far.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You have to find new and longer ways to say that.
MARCUS PARKS
But if you believe that they're interdimensional craft rather than intergalactic, then it's possible that these electromagnetic energies might also somehow be portals to another dimension.
ED LARSON
Hey.
MARCUS PARKS
This claim is paired with the aforementioned garbled radio transmissions that followed the disappearance of the Douglas, which leads some to speculate that these messages may have come through the portal the Douglas disappeared into, which is the same portal the UFO came out of.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whispering) Alaska
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Triangle.
ED LARSON
Square.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's everywhere! If you're in Alaska, it's everywhere.
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Shades.
ED LARSON
You know what they say about interdimensional travel.
MARCUS PARKS
What?
ED LARSON
Dimension.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
One too far, step too far.
MARCUS PARKS
I liked it. I liked it.
ED LARSON
I mean we have to dimension it or else there isn't a show.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There isn't a show. It's not good.
MARCUS PARKS
Now as far as a possible portal in Alaska goes, Mike Ricksecker believes that he found a vortex outside of Anchorage. After scanning the face of Flattop Mountain with a set of dowsing rods and an electromagnetic field meter, he said he found definite signs of a quote "swelling of the earth's energy", indicating a vortex.
ED LARSON
Who's funding this guy?
MARCUS PARKS
Himself.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Himself.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, Eddie. A lot of this comes from truly, it's private money. There is some of that. Some of these guys get... Robert Bigelow, he was the billionaire that funded all of NIDS and the people that did all the Skinwalker Ranch research societies. They find people with money and they'll spend it looking for UFOs. I can't wait.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Have you funded any searches?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I gave MUFON plenty of money. I gave them too much money.
MARCUS PARKS
That doesn't mean because Mike Ricksecker found the vortex outside of Anchorage is that a bunch of UFOs are suddenly gonna spurt out of a mountain. Because a vortex is not a portal. Rather the electromatic power of a vortex creates a portal.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
See?
MARCUS PARKS
Or it can be used to create a portal if interdimensional beings are indeed using these portals as interdimensional highways.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Like The Mist.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, like The Mist.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like The Mist but we talk about pyramids, this is the very center of this, it's all shapes. Pyramids are a part of this. If you turn them on, that's a part of the issue with the dark pyramid is that using this kind of weird governmental process we did, this weird experiment we did with the dark pyramid, we accidentally popped open a vortex.
MARCUS PARKS
Could be.
ED LARSON
So it's like Moses and The Mist. Which is great. Pyramids. He was around pyramids, Moses.
MARCUS PARKS
Moses?
ED LARSON
He ran from them.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, he was afraid of them. Didn't he drop his baby off? Oh no, that was the river.
MARCUS PARKS
That was the river, yeah. No, he was the baby, wasn't he?
ED LARSON
Yeah, I think he was the baby.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he was the baby.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I stopped reading comic books a long time ago.
MARCUS PARKS
But concerning triangles like the Alaska Triangle, while vortices do appear randomly, they appear far more often in the triangles which is supposedly why so many planes and people and ships and cars and so on and so forth go missing in these areas. This of course could be explained further if we ever return to the subject of the 12 vile vortices.
ED LARSON
Ooh.
MARCUS PARKS
But while there have been many, many Cessnas, Pipers, and various other twin engine planes that have disappeared in the Alaska Triangle, ie Alaska over the decades, there have been just as many maritime disasters that have occurred in the seas contained therein.
ED LARSON
That's a fucked up ocean.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It really is. Alaska is very dangerous.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Now again, yes, the Bering Sea is extremely dangerous.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And ships are lost in its waters every single year. But within the triangle, the ships that are lost seem to have a spookier edge.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, that's what makes it fun. That's what makes it good.
MARCUS PARKS
It's spooky. The earliest account of a spooky ship is from 1761, concerning a ship called The Octavius that was sailing back to England from China through the Northwest Passage.
ED LARSON
That's far.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real far. The legend is that the ship disappeared. But almost 15 years later, another ship happened upon the wreck of The Octavius and found all 28 men frozen dead in their quarters.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(metal guitar riff) It's fucking sweet.
ED LARSON
That makes sense.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
The eyes open in this state of fear.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's awesome. Yeah!
MARCUS PARKS
The next ship to earn a story came over 100 years later in 1898, when a ship called The Clara Nevada ran aground and exploded near Seward, Alaska. Although the circumstances surrounding its destruction were not in any way mysterious, rather what is mysterious is what came after.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh okay. Because then it's like why then are we talking about it? Yeah, yeah.
ED LARSON
Why did it explode?
MARCUS PARKS
I'll get to you.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
During the Klondike gold rush of the 1890s, the modern equivalent of $6 million in gold was boarded onto The Clara Nevada, presumably for a trip to Vancouver or the lower 48, which wasn't the best idea considering the shape of the ship.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Shape.
MARCUS PARKS
Shipshape. Shape of the ship. Shape of ship's bad. See The Clara Nevada had formerly been a government survey ship called The Hassler, which is a great name for a boat.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa. It is.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, especially a survey ship.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Hey, what are you doing in there? Let me see that, lemme see your hands.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. This is my other boat, The Fuckface.
MARCUS PARKS
But The Hassler was retired after 25 years of service in 1897 when it was deemed unfit for further service.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh it was in bad shape. I thought it was like a horseshoe shape. I thought it was literally like a bad shape.
MARCUS PARKS
No, no, it was not a bad physical shape.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Talking a lot of shapes. There's a lot.
MARCUS PARKS
I'm talking about it was damaged and not fit for sea travel, especially in one of the most dangerous seas in the world.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Did you know a circle could be a pyramid? Because that's what Stonehenge is. Stonehenge is a circular pyramid, bro. Same function.
MARCUS PARKS
There are no...
ED LARSON
It's not a pyramid.
MARCUS PARKS
It's not a pyramid. There are no pyramids, it is a circle made of rectangles.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's a vibe, dog. You'll never understand. You'll never get it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
But there's no roof.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Y'all too old.
ED LARSON
A pyramid needs a roof.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Y'all boomers don't understand what's going on with pyramids, their fucking styling, dude. Pyramid styling.
MARCUS PARKS
Well concerning The Hassler, the Pacific and Alaska Transportation Company decided it was just fine and after some minor refits, it was rechristened The Clara Nevada and sent back out to sea. Within a year though, a fire broke out on board, the boiler exploded, and 6 million in gold sank to the bottom of the Bering Sea never to be found again.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Man, we gotta go get it, we gotta go get it, dude.
MARCUS PARKS
You gotta go get that $6 million? Yeah man, I'd like to be... Yeah. Fucking be an Alaska treasure hunter in the Bering Sea?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. That'd be cool.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Oh yeah, man. That's a way to die within like a week. Yeah. That is slow suicide.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Absolutely.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Not slow, it's a pretty quick suicide.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We'd be dead.
MARCUS PARKS
No, no, I got it.
ED LARSON
Who knows how long you'd be there?
MARCUS PARKS
Quiet suicide. That's right.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Quiet suicide.
MARCUS PARKS
Eight years later though, after a lighthouse was constructed nearby, people began seeing the ghost of The Clara Nevada sailing the seas on particularly spooky nights.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cool.
MARCUS PARKS
But the most tragic of the Alaskan naval disasters was the sinking of the SS Princess Sophia. In 1918, this passenger liner went down with 353 souls aboard, all of whom died terrible, agonizing deaths.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Man, I remember I just recently, a Quora thing popped up on my Gmail where it's like they sent me randomly like whatever the best... And the thing it said was do you think that the victims of 9/11 died instantly? Jesus fucking Christ.
ED LARSON
No, here's plenty of pictures of them jumping out of the building.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Actually there was many different ways that they died. Some slow, some in fire, some suffocated. And it was just like Jesus Christ.
MARCUS PARKS
Quora, man. What a disappointment.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sad day.
MARCUS PARKS
Now The Sophia was a relatively new ship. It had set sail six years earlier, the same year that the Titanic had sunk, 1912. And in fact, it had been fitted with new buoyancy tanks following the disaster of the Titanic, presumably to better keep The Sophia afloat should it hit ice. But on October 24th, 1918, just after the Sophia left the port of Skagway, a snowstorm blew in, bringing 50 mile per hour winds that blew the ship to and fro. And even though the captain was confident that they would reach their destination of Vancouver, The Sophia crashed into the Vanderbilt Reef at around 2 a.m.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, we got it. Yeah, don't worry about it. Yeah, we're going back and forth. But what you gonna do? All right. Come on, we can take it. All right.
MARCUS PARKS
Now The Sophia was able to immediately send out a distress call and that call was received, but the storm was so intense that no rescue attempt could be made. So the passengers on board were told that they just have to wait it out. But after 40 hours of constant bad weather, the wind and the waves finally lifted the stern of The Sophia off the reef and spun the ship around. The hull tore and spilled the ship's oil into the sea, while the ice water that flowed into the breach caused the boilers to explode.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
None of this is good. This is like, I don't like boats, man. I'm supposed to go on a cruise this summer. I don't wanna go, dude.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh you'll be fine.
ED LARSON
You're going out of Florida.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
You're gonna be fine.
MARCUS PARKS
The worst thing that's gonna happen to you is you're gonna get the shits.
ED LARSON
Yeah. It's just a big petri dish.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know, I'm gonna get dysentery. Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well at that point all the passengers had to abandon ship, but the lifeboats were far too small to survive such a storm. Those who did make it to the water in the boats were quickly sunk or thrown overboard and everyone who ended up in the frozen water were either dead from hypothermia within minutes or were suffocated by the oil in the water.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's the bad way to go. I think I'd rather die of hypothermia because then you kind of just go to sleep I think. I think that's how it goes. Sidestorieslpotl@gmail.com. I'm pretty certain that you just kind of slide into nothingness when you have hypothermia. Where it's like if you're choking on oil while you're swimming, it's bad. That's a bad way.
ED LARSON
I mean either way it's a fucking horrible-
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's a horrible death.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But hypothermia, you just kind of go to sleep.
MARCUS PARKS
Well I guess.
ED LARSON
I guess if I had to choose a horrible way to die, cold to death is the best.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cold to death is way better than hot to death.
ED LARSON
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. That is true, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We covered this elderly couple that got steamed to death on Side Stories this week.
ED LARSON
Oh.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. Their boiler set itself to 1000 degrees.
ED LARSON
Whoa!
MARCUS PARKS
And when they were discovered the house was 120 degrees and they had both died and suffocated in their beds.
ED LARSON
All right, I'll listen.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. I got good emails that were basically saying it sounds like when the kids were fucking with the heater to fix it, they shut off the governor.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because it's supposed to shut off on its own but it went to 1000 degrees. Yeah, it's not good.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Or it tried making it to 1000 degrees. It made it to 120 and the furnace was glowing so red hot that the basement looked like it was on fire.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man.
ED LARSON
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's the American dream.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. The only survivor of The Sophia though, there was one survivor, it was a dog.
ED LARSON
Hey! That's because a dog ain't got a soul.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Aw, that's not true.
MARCUS PARKS
It was an English setter who was found covered in oil days later, 20 miles from the crash site, starving and shaken but otherwise unharmed.
ED LARSON
Wow.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Aw.
ED LARSON
What a good doggie.
MARCUS PARKS
It was such a good doggie, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it went on to be the dog that chose who went to the camps. Auschwitz.
MARCUS PARKS
Now the mystery of The Princess Sophia was not necessarily why it sank but the circumstances leading up to the crash. Now the ship was a few hours behind schedule leaving the port of Skagway. So it could be they would go fast, trying to make up some time. But the captain, a one Leonard Locke, was pushing the ship at almost three times the normal speed through a labyrinth of dangerous islands, islets, and fjords.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey man, it's all about making good time, dog.
ED LARSON
One hand on the bottle, one hand on the wheel.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Woo!
MARCUS PARKS
This was also in the middle of a storm that was so bad that visibility was brought down to zero. Therefore by the time the ship slammed into the Vanderbilt Reef at 11 knots, it was a mile and a half off course. The question is why this 25 years of master maritime pilot was being so reckless. Could it be that he was trying to escape something?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Could it be?
MARCUS PARKS
Or could it be that he was chasing something?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whispering) Alaska.
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is just the tip. This is just the tip of one of these triangles, man.
MARCUS PARKS
Another interesting aspect of the Alaska Triangle is its long lived ghost ships, namely the abandoned USS Baychimo, AKA the ghost ship of the Arctic.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's sad because we do want to do a whole series on ghost ships but they really just kind of show up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I mean to be clear, ghost ships in this context, they're not the ghosts of ships, they're abandoned ships that drift through the seas.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I do find them interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But it is just... We were gonna do a whole episode of it but it's really just a boat floating there.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, or shipping containers.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And so there's not a lot of meat in the episode.
MARCUS PARKS
Not a lot of stories, it's just a boat. Someone goes like oh we don't need this boat no more. And then they leave the boat and the boat just keeps floating.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well they might die mysteriously but we'll never know. And we have no idea what happens inside of it but now it's just a boat drifting. And so yes, on one level it is extremely mysterious and it's very compelling. But if you do a 45 minute episode about something, you can't just have it be a boat floating there because a lot of boats just float there.
MARCUS PARKS
Yep.
ED LARSON
Why not sink them?
MARCUS PARKS
The ghost ships?
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because they're good boats.
MARCUS PARKS
I think people like having them around.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, they're good boats.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The boats are fine. The boats have held.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well in the case of the ghost ship of the Arctic, a 1300 ton cargo ship called the Baychimo got stuck in the ice in the year 1931, so the crew had no choice but to go ashore and make camp. A month later, a blizzard dislodged the ship from the ice when the crew wasn't looking and it was briefly lost. The crew found it soon enough but abandoned it after unloading its cargo of valuable furs, thinking it would soon sink. Instead the USS Baychimo survived for decades, drifting about the Arctic seas. While sightings of it were in the dozens, every so often a crew would try to board the ship and commandeer it but it always managed to get stuck in ice, after which it would be abandoned again and it would let itself loose again and then someone else would try to get it.
ED LARSON
See I can't tell if that's a good ship or a bad ship.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think it's a bad ship.
ED LARSON
Because it didn't sink but it kept getting stuck.
MARCUS PARKS
It sounds like a cursed ship.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's very, it's weird to have a ship that keeps losing itself.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Like it goes out there, it's like letting out a horse. It's like I let out Wendy. Wendy can sort of find her way back on some level but then she's just gonna... She doesn't know.
MARCUS PARKS
The last time the Baychimo was seen was in 1969 when the ship, you guessed it, got stuck in ice.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wow.
MARCUS PARKS
A final search was mounted in 2006 but it seems like the ghost ship of the Arctic has finally found a resting place somewhere in the Alaska Triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whispering) Alaska.
ED LARSON
Triangle.
MARCUS PARKS
Now the vortices we spoke of earlier aren't necessarily just portals for UFOs. According to Mike Ricksecker, these interdimensional portals can cause or make possible damn near any paranormal phenomena, including time travel. This I love. In Mike's opinion, time travel works like the 1980 Christopher Reeve movie Somewhere in Time, written by Twilight Zone alum Richard Matheson. You know that movie?
ED LARSON
I've never seen it but I would love to.
MARCUS PARKS
You've seen it, Henry?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. Richard Matheson is one of my favorite authors in the world. I've actually never heard of this movie.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, he wrote a book and he also wrote the screenplay for, yeah, this Christopher Reeve movie. In this movie, Christopher Reeve hypnotizes himself so he can time travel to 1912 so he can have sex with Jane Seymour, which he does.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Hey man.
ED LARSON
A good enough reason as any.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, she shows up, like he's at a lighthouse and this old lady shows up and says I see you in the past, I see you in 1912. And so he-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So he looks at an old picture of an old woman and he's like man, she used to be fucking hot.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I better travel back in time to fuck her?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh she used to be hot.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah. And then he travels back in time and he makes it and then there's something with a penny and you know... It's a very Twilight Zone-
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It's an extended Twilight Zone episode.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. The way I did that is that I just fucking took a fleshlight, I jammed it in a bunch of pillows or printed out a picture from Pioneer Woman. I taped it to the top of the pillows and I just fucking went to town on that. And next thing I know I'm banging Jane Seymour. And I'll tell anybody that that's real because I've done it.
ED LARSON
You just told a bunch of people. Time travel in Alaska, like how would you even know? You're just like in a forest again.
MARCUS PARKS
Exactly.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But for proof of time travel in the Alaska Triangle, Mike points towards a photo that made the rounds on Twitter back in 2019 that showed a girl who looks almost exactly like climate activist Greta Thunberg. This little girl was working at a gold mine.
ED LARSON
Greta Thunberg ain't working no mine.
MARCUS PARKS
The location of that gold mine, the Canadian Yukon. Right next to the Alaska Triangle. Well it's Mike's contention that many of the missing people in Alaska are actually time traveling, having accidentally walked through one temporal portal or another, either to the future or to the past. And to answer your question, yes, they probably wouldn't have much of an idea as to if they had traveled to the future of the past because they're probably still just in the woods.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're in the woods. It wouldn't mean anything. And they are actually probably they are time traveling but they're doing it the old fashioned way, getting blackout drunk. And then all of a sudden it's morning. It's Alaska. They get really, really drunk, it's very, very cold.
MARCUS PARKS
In other examples of people just disappearing, Mike recounted the tale of a village of Inuits found abandoned by a fur trapper named Joe Labelle. According to the trapper, 30 people inhabited this village. He knew that for a fact. But all of them had vanished so suddenly that a pot of stew was still cooking over a fire when Labelle arrived. When Labelle told the local Mounties what he'd found, they said that they had seen, independently of Mike's report, a group of mysterious blue glowing lights in the sky the night before, indicating that this may have been a mass alien abduction or a portal incident.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A Portal Incident is just a great name for an album.
MARCUS PARKS
The Portal Incident. Portal Incident. That's a good, yeah, prog rock album. It's like the third Yes album.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
And when it comes to alien abduction tales, the Alaska Triangle has plenty. One of the more interesting was from 2008 when a hunter in Marshall, Alaska encountered a young boy in the woods who was confused and disoriented. Now the hunter knew the boy personally and once the kid got his bearings, he described being quote unquote "brought into" a nearby mountain where he met a girl who asked him what year it was. Man, I'm just waiting for the day when someone asks me what year is it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I want it so bad. Just the idea of just being... It's so hard to experience the phenomenon, man. It's gotta happen to you.
MARCUS PARKS
If someone asked you what year is it, would you tell the truth?
ED LARSON
Of course I'd tell the truth.
MARCUS PARKS
You wouldn't say 1973.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's what I do.
ED LARSON
It'd probably take me a second.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
What year is it?
ED LARSON
It's 2024.
MARCUS PARKS
2024
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
How old am I?
ED LARSON
Yeah, yeah. It's fine, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
You're when you're supposed to be, don't worry about it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is funny though because we have seen many, many alien abduction stories that include that style of questioning, being like where am I? Where do you work? Like what year is this? It's a thing that aliens do. Don't know whether or not it's a trick question just to fuck with you but essentially it's also them trying to find their temporal space.
MARCUS PARKS
Well no, no, no, this is a little girl that's asking the little boy what year is it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh like she's not an alien? Like she's not herself a fucking alien, dude?
MARCUS PARKS
No, she's not an alien, dude, because that's my whole fucking point. When he told her, she said that she'd been in the mountain for 40 years. Yet she had not aged. Because this is not necessarily a time travel story, this is an interdimensional story. See the mountain in question, Pilcher Mountain, another terrible name-
ED LARSON
Yeah, they gotta work on it.
MARCUS PARKS
They really do. Has long been associated with encounters involving the Ircinraq, who figure heavily in Inuit folklore. Much like the Pukwudgies in the Bridgewater Triangle, I know you love the Pukwudgies, Henry.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Of course, they're troublemakers. They're fun. They work in a group and I like that.
MARCUS PARKS
And they're little.
ED LARSON
And they pull your pants up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That's the Pukwedgie.
MARCUS PARKS
The Ircinraq are small, human-like creatures who seem to serve no purpose but to vex humanity. In the 2008 case, the Ircinraq only purpose seems to be to abduct the boy, show him to the scared little girl, then set the boy free to tell the story for reasons unknown. But here's where things get interesting.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This is where things get interesting.
MARCUS PARKS
See the Ircinraq have been said by the elders of the Inuit to have come from another dimension for centuries, to appear and disappear as they please in our world. Much like other fairy creature folklore around the world, time is said to work differently in the Ircinraq's dwelling.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All of this sounds like aliens, dog.
MARCUS PARKS
Well according to the legend, a day in the dwelling of an Ircinraq is equivalent to a year on earth. So if the boy's story is true, then the girl would have only been in that dimension for 40 days, which would account for why she had not aged and yet said it had been 40 years since she left.
ED LARSON
So did they ever find the girl?
MARCUS PARKS
No.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No.
ED LARSON
Little kids are liars.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no, no, no. She's been abducted.
MARCUS PARKS
See, I did think about that. The thought did cross my mind that kids are liars.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, no, no. She has been taken by the Ircinraq because you never know. But it does mirror how many times every single society has a story of sort of a trickster-like energy. Again, this all fits into Jacques Vallée's theory that these guys are all, they all went to the same high school.
MARCUS PARKS
And it's also the theory of like if you go to these tricksters, the dimensions or the dwellings of these tricksters, that time moves much slower there than it does here. So when you enter into it and when you leave, in your mind it'll be an hour or two hours and it'll end up being like six months or something.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well that's very specific. It's more that time doesn't work there, that there is no such thing as time when you're outside of our temporal world. We made up time, dog.
MARCUS PARKS
What do you think about that?
ED LARSON
I think time made us up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa. Wow, all right. All right. Now we're gonna get into it. This is it. All right. I'm ready to fight.
MARCUS PARKS
But while there's plenty of interdimensional beings on the ground from what the legends say, there have been dozens if not hundreds of legitimate UFO sightings in the air above the Alaska Triangle, including a rare encounter with a passenger jet.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We just blew one up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. In 1986, Japan Airlines flight 1628 encountered a UFO in the Alaska Triangle. Pilot Kenji Terauchi saw unidentified lights that were keeping pace with the plane. But when he radioed the sighting to Anchorage air control, they reported no other active flights nearby. Suddenly two UFOs appeared in front of the jet and shot off lights that caused the cockpit to heat up. Then the UFOs emitted jets of fire for several seconds before stopping and joining a small circle formation of other UFOs that continued keeping pace with the plane. Now from Terauchi's recollection, the UFOs were about the size of a DC-8, which if you'll remember was the airplane L. Ron Hubbard said was the plane of choice for Scientology's evil galactic overlord Xenu, who had if I remember correctly golden DC-8s equipped with rocket engines to bring aliens to earth so he could drop them into volcanos after which their souls could then be collected, brainwashed, and attached to humanity as engrams that can only be cleared by copious amounts of auditing in a rundown building in Burbank.
ED LARSON
So that's what happened.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That'll be $150,000 grand for anybody who just saw that. But yes. I mean yeah, you haven't spoken to a lie yet.
MARCUS PARKS
But back to the flight, the UFO followed the Japan Airlines jet for over 400 miles but it disappeared into thin air once a United Airlines jet flew into the same space. Not surprisingly though, in addition to UFOs, the Alaska Triangle is also rife with USOs or unidentified submersible objects.
ED LARSON
I never even thought about that.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, dog.
MARCUS PARKS
I knew I was gonna blow your mind with that. Yeah, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because they come from everywhere. Honestly, there's more people that believe that if there is indeed a phenomenon... I've heard the term, people talk about like we might be dealing with a natural thing that we don't fully, we can't identify yet. Something about things coming out of the ocean and shooting into the atmosphere. But if all the stuff that the US Navy and Air Force are currently seeing, they're all popping out of the ocean, it's all coming up from the-
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So there's actually probably a lot more USOs than UFOs.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
So but what if UFOs and USOs are the same thing?
MARCUS PARKS
Exactly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly.
ED LARSON
So yeah. And then because the alien submarine could just go into the water and then fly out whenever the fuck it wants.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's called transmedium flight. That's literally a thing they talk about. It's a part of the issue is why we don't know whether or not for a long time if UFO talk is a screen technology that some other country has that we don't have. Because we are looking for the secret, the reason why the US government is taking UFOs vaguely seriously or they say that they're taking them vaguely seriously because they're trying to harness this ability to be able to go from air to ocean without losing speed or losing trajectory going in and out.
ED LARSON
It would be a much better place to hide. You know 70% of the earth is ocean.
MARCUS PARKS
Exactly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Now you're seeing. And you see, you understand.
MARCUS PARKS
Now you're getting it. Now you're getting it, bud.
ED LARSON
Yeah. I'm glad.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You're not going to be able to have sex with your wife after this is.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Is that what happens?!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep.
ED LARSON
Is that what fucking happens?!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Nah, you're just not gonna remember the starting lineup of like the 1994 Miami Dolphins anymore.
ED LARSON
Impossible!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It just deletes a couple of things.
ED LARSON
Louis Oliver, #25. John Offerdahl, #56.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We'll try again next week.
MARCUS PARKS
Next week-
ED LARSON
Dwight Hollier.
MARCUS PARKS
Well starting in the 40s, crews out at sea in the Alaska Triangle saw dark spheres rising from the ocean before flying away, red-orange elliptical UFOs shooting out of the water at thousands of miles an hour, and rows of red lights floating parallel to ships before disappearing. And what we get from the emails from our listeners and what we get when people talk to us at live shows, our Navy people, they see this shit all the time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All the time.
MARCUS PARKS
All the time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is so common that now they are... That's why they are making big changes to the reporting of seeing these things. Because again for a long time we were just afraid, we just didn't know whether or not it was China. And my theory is that if China had these, they'd be zapping us with them all the time.
ED LARSON
They need us!
MARCUS PARKS
Well for the longest time-
ED LARSON
We buy all their shit.
MARCUS PARKS
True. But for the longest time, people wouldn't report these stories because it makes you sound crazy.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It makes you crazy. Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And you could lose a promotion, you could lose whatever if you're saying like hey, I saw some shit. But then finally within the last I guess like 5, 10 years, somewhere around that, enough people have kind of come together and said like we really need to start talking about this shit because it happens a lot.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We gotta look at it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We gotta look at it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Like a fucking airline pilot might even be like grounded if you said like hey, I saw some weird shit out there.
ED LARSON
Not anymore, man. They need those pilots.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah they do.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No. Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw a really, man, my pilot to the last flight I took coming back from Raleigh, he just looked so tired. And then it was just like oh god, just be careful, man. You gotta fucking go to sleep, man.
ED LARSON
That's why you always gotta smuggle cocaine withy you.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, I always do. And I'm like hey, hey, you want a root-a-toot? You want a fucking Colombian pick me up?
MARCUS PARKS
want a bump? You want to keep up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You want a bump?
MARCUS PARKS
Bump, bump. Go to meet me in the bathroom. But even though-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Next thing you know, I'm fucking this pilot. Sucking my dick for cocaine. But hey man, SkyMiles. Which is nice.
ED LARSON
I've never licked a man's neck so much.
MARCUS PARKS
But even though UFO S always play heavily in triangle lore, a similar phenomenon, if we're talking interdimensional beings, is the consistent appearance of cryptids, both land and waterborne.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Now it's probably not surprising because there's so much wilderness in Alaska, they got their own Sasquatch.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Of course they do. It's known locally as either the Stick Man, the Hairy Man, or the Bush Man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Did you see those guys? Honestly they did a great video with Jenna Jameson back in the day.
MARCUS PARKS
To the Inuit, the Bush Man is known as Nantiinaq and written accounts of the creature go as far back as 1786.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I personally believe that if Bigfoot as a physical creature exists anywhere, it would be in Alaska.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, it's impossible to search all of it.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's extremely difficult.
MARCUS PARKS
But as opposed to the more peaceful and solitary Bigfoots in the Pacific Northwest or Florida, the Boreal Sasquatch is like other cold weather squatches like the Yeti and the Wendigo, it's highly dangerous.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Even if you're out in the wilderness just trying to mind your own business. Territorial.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I never really understood that because largely other areas of Bigfoot, I mean like...
MARCUS PARKS
Maybe it's the difference between like a black bear and a polar bear.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Because they're viewed for some reason, cold weather Bigfoots are always more dangerous. They hurt people. Where everything else is-
ED LARSON
Yeah, cranky.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know, I guess.
ED LARSON
It's cold!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they're used to it, their built for it. So wouldn't they be uncomfortable if they were hot?
ED LARSON
Polar bears are more cranky than black bears.
MARCUS PARKS
Exactly.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We know that.
MARCUS PARKS
They're deadlier, yeah.
ED LARSON
Because they're cold!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well I think it's because there's more food but the polar bears is because they're trying to eat and because their resources are so scarce because they're always drowning, right, when we're doing that to them. Where I feel like with Bigfoots, they are largely vegetarian, they probably eat birds, squirrels. They're not eating people for meat.
ED LARSON
That's not vegetarian.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But they're what they are. They're omnivores.
ED LARSON
Well gorillas don't need people for meat. Hippopotamuses are vegetarian, they kill the fuck out of people.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But that's just because people are there, because you're fucking with their babies.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
I don't know.
ED LARSON
You show up, you're gonna get fucked up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, that's true.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You might be onto something, that's true.
MARCUS PARKS
They have to be much more territorial. Because there's a lot more space, they can afford to be.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Bigfoot in the Pacific Northwest can't really afford to be all that territorial, what with the encroachment of people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. More liberal politics.
ED LARSON
Yeah. They know that if anyone sees them, they're bringing more people, they're gonna come kill him and his family. So he fucking kills them first.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I agree.
MARCUS PARKS
Yup.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Maybe.
MARCUS PARKS
Well the most well known story comes from 1905, when a guy named Albert Petka encountered the Bush Man in an unprovoked attack which happened either onshore or on the boat where Petka lived in the Alaska Triangle. And the details surrounding the assault are unknown but Petka was able to make it to civilization after the attack, where he said the Bush Man savagely beat him but was chased off by Petka's dogs. Petka then died of his injuries without giving any more details.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Bigfoots are notoriously scared of dogs.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, they really are. It's a strange thing.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
23 years later, a man named John Mire, known locally as the Dutchman, was assaulted near the town of Ruby in Alaska. Just like Petka, the Dutchman was savagely beaten in an unprovoked attack. And again, the dogs chased him off. But also like Petka, the Dutchman only made it far enough to say it was the Bush Man what done it before he too expired. But what's interesting about the local Alaska Triangle cryptids is that Mike Ricksecker managed to tie one in particular to his time portal theory. That of course is the great Thunderbird.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I just did this on Tiers of a Clown, the thing about Thunderbirds is it's just a big bird.
MARCUS PARKS
Thunderbird.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It's just a very large bird.
ED LARSON
Or a car driven by an Italian man.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa.
MARCUS PARKS
Like many indigenous tribes in North America, the Inuits have legends of massive birds. And it's Ricksecker's theory that these so-called big birds were really airplanes that got caught in a timestream.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right. I like that.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a theory.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That to me, that's creative, right.
MARCUS PARKS
That is creative. Very, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Because they think they're seeing big birds but they're seeing time traveling airplanes. That's a good way to flip it around. That's a good way to confuse somebody at a dinner party. And like you say that, if you're saying that shit, that Thunderbirds are just future planes that went through time portals, that's how you know you've lost everyone.
ED LARSON
Well the only animal they saw in the Andes were the condors.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Sure.
ED LARSON
So are there condors up there maybe?
MARCUS PARKS
I would imagine there's some very large birds up there somewhere. There's bald eagles up there.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, I bet you. Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well the strangest legend among the Inuits though are the Kushtaka, AKA the otter men.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
This shit is my favorite shit because I've never heard of the otter men. I didn't know otter people was a thing. And what I love is one of my favorite factoids the Travel Channel dropped, which is that do you know more often than not the Kushtaka can be invisible? And that doesn't mean they aren't there! They are just hidden by their abilities to be invisible otter men.
MARCUS PARKS
Well they make themselves known when they want to make themselves known.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They go agh-agh-agh!
ED LARSON
Are the otter men like little tiny dudes or...?
MARCUS PARKS
No, they're huge.
ED LARSON
Really?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Similar to the skinwalkers of the American Southwest, the otter men are shapeshifters but appear as half man, half otter.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Most of them, they just sit there with like the blocks going like... They do the little arms, the little arms and the blocks.
ED LARSON
Otters will fuck you up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, they will.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
They're 8 ft tall and they have glowing eyes, needle teeth, and long tails. But what makes them truly disturbing is that they have human hands and feet.
ED LARSON
That sounds like more odder than man.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, sure.
ED LARSON
It's not half and half.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh sure.
MARCUS PARKS
Interesting. But since they are after all half man, they do communicate.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
MARCUS PARKS
So there's something that makes them a little more man-like. Although their method of communication is a high pitched, three part whistle. (whistling)
ED LARSON
They're birds.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're otter men.
MARCUS PARKS
They're otter men.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
They're otter men and they make different noises, it's kind of like how Bigfoot's cry, you think it would be deep but an actual Bigfoot cry is like ah! Where it's like the otter men, they go in little whistles. But they're also known as the demon men, demon men. They don't like it. Apparently the Kushtaka, you're not supposed to bring it up amongst the Inuit people.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. They're evil creatures. They lure people into the forest to either kill them or turn them into more otter men.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man. They flip you.
ED LARSON
So we could be turned into otter men?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah, dude.
MARCUS PARKS
Conceivably. Many things could happen.
ED LARSON
I love a good ottoman.
MARCUS PARKS
A good otter man?
ED LARSON
Yeah, put your feet up.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But you don't want it to be a real otter man. You don't want to put your feet anywhere near that guy.
ED LARSON
Oh my feet! Oh my god!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whistling)
MARCUS PARKS
Well those otter men, their most nefarious deed is capturing souls after a person's death which prevents the soul from reincarnating. Presumably those souls are what the otter men use to make more otter men.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
God, it's like Ursula.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Or Xenu.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Whoa, it is like Xenu. Man, otter men are weird. This is a very specific Alaska cryptid. This is very, very strange.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. But now that we've covered cryptids, aliens, UFOs, shipwrecks, and disappearances, it begs the question as to what is coming through these portals. As some of you versed in the spooky already know, a theory for hauntings is that the veil between the spirit world and the corporeal is but a membrane of dimension.
ED LARSON
Goddamn, you talk pretty.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. Won't you give me a kiss? Won't you kiss me now? You kiss that smart boy, you kiss that book learning child.
ED LARSON
Goddamn, that mouth of yours.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Speaking poetry.
MARCUS PARKS
Goddamn that mouth and this wedding ring on my finger. Now being as it is a state of tragedy, Alaska is a haunted place.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Extremely haunted. Of all of the phenomena that we're talking about... Because the Kushtaka is interesting because people do freak out, right, they don't like the Kushtaka and it's a thing that if you bring up, apparently you can get into a fight, right, if you go to a locals only bar in Alaska. But this place is for certain haunted as balls.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. One of the most haunted buildings in Alaska is the Historic Anchorage Hotel, which is one of the few buildings in Anchorage to survive the great earthquake of 1964 which killed 131 people and destroyed much of the city. But out of the many ghosts hanging around that hotel, one of the more famous is Blackjack Sturgis.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, he always splits tens.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, Blackjack. See Blackjack was the police chief in Anchorage in the early 1920s but was shot in the back and killed with his own gun. His murder was never solved but it's said that his ghost returns to the scene on the anniversary of his death to search for clues as to who killed him. That's it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, man. He just continues-
ED LARSON
it sounds like he dropped his gun.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just bounced off of a rock and it's just him constantly finding himself.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh no.
ED LARSON
Something bit me!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Something bit me.
MARCUS PARKS
In addition to Blackjack, guests at the Historic Anchorage have reported other ghosts, including that of a woman who hanged herself after her fiance left her for the gold rush, a happy little boy prancing about-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You can't kill me again. You can't kill me again. I'm in hell!
MARCUS PARKS
And an insane old woman gibbering and jabbering.
ED LARSON
Is that her name?
MARCUS PARKS
Gibbering and jabbering? No, she's from Gibber in Alaska, her name's Jabbering.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But from what it seems, hotels are the haunting hotspots in Alaska, as both the Captain Cook Hotel and the Alaskan Hotel in Juneau have both reported high amounts of ghost activity.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I would put it towards the fact that it's a lot of seasonal workers.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Everything changes, people coming. Referring to what I actually know, we're talking about the Robert Hanson episodes, it's just the idea that people come in and out. There's a lot of tragedy, a lot of sex workers coming and they also follow the trail of people that are the seasonal workers. They're the oil people, the people that work in the various places like that are only open in the summer months in a very, very cold place. And so there is a lot of tragedy, there's a lot of murder.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
There's a lot of crime associated with these frontier towns.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Where everyone's hammered, lonely, and crazy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
It's a bad recipe.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It is.
MARCUS PARKS
Well in the Captain Cook, the ghost of a woman who died by suicide in a bathroom reportedly haunts the hotel as a poltergeist, causing doors to fly open and faucets to turn on and off. And yet no maintenance crew has ever been able to find a practical reason behind either phenomenon. As far as the Alaskan Hotel goes, it's haunted by the ghost of a woman who was murdered in room 219 by her boyfriend again during the gold rush. And it's said she still inhabits the room to this day.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's just like couldn't you have killed me in San Francisco?
MARCUS PARKS
There was also the case of a sailor who stayed in the most haunted room in the hotel, room 315. Supposedly the sailor was so scared of what he experienced that he threw himself out of the window of the room and the walls of his room were found to be covered in blood.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fuck yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
This happened in 2007.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah!
MARCUS PARKS
But the sailor has since recovered from his ordeal.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh he didn't die?
MARCUS PARKS
No, he jumped out the window and survived. It was probably second story.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
So there was blood on the walls even though he jumped out the window.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. I think he had probably hurt himself in the room.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Well it's blood raining from the walls which we know is a common thing people report during poltergeists activities.
ED LARSON
Did anyone else see the blood?
MARCUS PARKS
I don't think so.
ED LARSON
Was it his blood?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Eddie, let's just ease off, okay? Okay? This is a ghost story.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't get down to the nitty gritty here.
MARCUS PARKS
I got a morsel of information on this. I got just a paragraph.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
And of course there's one of my favorite haunting locations, the haunted bar. The Red Onion Saloon in Skagway has two spirits. One that appears as a woman hanging by a noose and another that appears as a large boorish man who creates a dark oppressive air.
ED LARSON
I bet they knew each other.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(snoring) Just a guy dying, you hear him having sleep apnea.
MARCUS PARKS
(snoring)
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
No, he's the character you used to do on Roundtable all the time, the 'I'm sorry' guy.
ED LARSON
I'm sorry.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm sorry.
MARCUS PARKS
I just came here, it's the bleeding. I'm sorry.
ED LARSON
Oh my bandaid fell off again. I can't find it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't find it. Sorry, I'm scabby everywhere, I have psoriasis.
ED LARSON
My medicine's missing. Can you help me find it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I can't sleep without my mask. Where's my mask?
MARCUS PARKS
Now some of you out there might be saying, so what?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Fuck you!
MARCUS PARKS
So there's a lot of death and unexplained phenomena in Alaska, a place that's massive, largely unexplored, full of tragedy, and holds the distinction of being one of the most dangerous places in America this side of Death Valley. Some of you might even be saying okay, granted there's these portals and vortices. But what do you do with an Alaskan Triangle?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You film a Travel Channel television show there.
MARCUS PARKS
Apart from that. Practically, what do you do with it?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I mean I think we need to make it a square or something. We gotta figure out because it is not... Maybe make the triangle smaller?
MARCUS PARKS
Well according to some, the United States government is taking full advantage of the increased electromagnetic properties in the Alaska Triangle through the high frequency active auroral research program, AKA HAARP.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
You will let me inside of there. My website www.jesseventura.com. I can't do it right. Remember when he tried to get into HAARP and they kicked him out?
MARCUS PARKS
You spent a whole episode outside of HAARP. Because HAARP, it's 100% real.
ED LARSON
Okay.
MARCUS PARKS
It's a legitimate project that operates out of a very real research facility. And yeah, Jesse Ventura did once stand outside of its gates and just yell and yell and yell. I want in there, let me in there!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Let me in there!
ED LARSON
It's like no, that's why we built the fence.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know and I've made an appointment to arrive. I've made an appointment and you won't let me take the tour. Because you can take a tour of HAARP.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But this is the problem is that we covered the conspiracy theories behind HAARP back in the day.
MARCUS PARKS
It's like episode 20 or something.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Back when it was like fresh. But now it's so hard to do the conspiracy theories about it because it's so obviously not what's happening. Because it was mostly out of a misunderstanding of what the fuck was happening at HAARP.
MARCUS PARKS
Well officially it specializes in analyzing the ionosphere, which is the portion of the atmosphere that stretches from 53 to 370 miles above sea level. And HAARP is no small operation. It's 360 radio transmitters and 180 antennas covering over 30 acres of land near Gakona, Alaska. And at the heart of the facility is a very impressive sounding phased array radar that emits radio waves. In other words, there's some serious shit going down at HAARP or at least some very involved shit, stuff that sounds scary.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. It's stuff that's used to mind control us from Alaska and it's sending messages into the minds of the American people in order to help us to believe that what the fucking president says is real. It's a mind control device and they're beaming it everywhere, dog. It's why everybody gets the new iPhone, man. We're slaves to it, dude.
MARCUS PARKS
You did just pull one out, that did prove your point.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No! And not like when we saw the photo, someone said that out of the United Airline flight, the door or whatever, it was the Alaska Airline flight-
ED LARSON
Alaska.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Alaska.
ED LARSON
Don't besmirch United.
MARCUS PARKS
Nor Delta.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
But I mean Alaska Airlines, the side of the airplane fell off and they found an iPhone that la landed unscathed, quote unquote "landed unscathed" from 16,000 ft, which I think is a plant. I think it's a fake. I think it's an advertisement from fucking Apple.
ED LARSON
Absolutely. Because everyone knows you drop it out of your pocket and it fucking cracks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cracks!
ED LARSON
My thing's a goddamn mess.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yes.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And you're playing right into it because you've mentioned this on three different shows and have given Apple free advertisement every single time.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No dude, it was before. I didn't actually say it on the shows but Apple, I mean they could pay us. You could pay us if you wanted to. But I still think it's a fucking PSYOP, dog.
ED LARSON
Any coincidence that it's Alaska Airlines?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly.
MARCUS PARKS
Aw shit, bro.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Exactly.
ED LARSON
Fucking put it in there.
MARCUS PARKS
Oh yeah. Well amongst other projects, we're talking about HAARP, their current research experiments as of two years ago, and these research experiments are too complicated to go into outside of their names, are the moon bounce, the Jupiter experiment, and a partnership with UC Berkeley called STEVE.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh man, that sounds like a Disney show.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. That's Strong Thermal Emission Velocity Enhancement, STEVE.
ED LARSON
Oh okay.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
STEVE. But basically one of the things that they do is they are working on a communications satellite. I believe the goal is to bounce messages off the ionosphere in order to... It's about communication and radio communication.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
I believe that.
MARCUS PARKS
But the reason why Harp is connected to conspiracy thought is that its inception is tied to the Cold War where many government conspiracies, especially the true ones like MK Ultra, come from. Basically projects like HAARP were being used to emit extremely low frequency waves, ELF waves for short, to communicate with submerged submarines. ELF projects however were scuttled in the lower 48 after facilities in Michigan and Wisconsin made nearby residents sterile, stupid, and riddled with cancer.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's bad. That's enough of a conspiracy. You know what I mean?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, it's not a conspiracy, that just happened.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah. They just poisoned a bunch of people.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. And so the study of ELF waves was brought to a more remote location in Alaska. This was ushered in by Senator Ted Stevens, who was the guy who said that the internet was a series of tubes. To remind you of that claim, Henry will now read you Ted's old man rant that he gave about just this subject in Congress.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
"Ten movies streaming across that, that internet. And what happens to your own personal internet? I just the other day got an internet was set by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday. I got it Tuesday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on in the internet commercially. They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something that you just dump something on, it's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes! And if you don't understand, these tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line, right, and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material." My daughter won't call.
MARCUS PARKS
This was the man who at the time was heavily involved in debates that were regulating the internet.
ED LARSON
oh thank god.
MARCUS PARKS
That make the rules that form our world today.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
My son dresses like a cactus! Why is everybody hanging out with Care Bears? What's happening? What's a Pikachu?
MARCUS PARKS
But Ted Stevens was also highly involved in HAARP, saying in public that they were going to harness the aurora borealis quote unquote "down to earth" so it could be used to solve the energy crisis.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I went out there with two big nets. We knew we had to catch the borealis and bring it down, put it into sacks, distribute it amongst my constituents. Each one of you will get one section of the aurora borealis. It's gonna help your tubes.
MARCUS PARKS
This of course didn't work. And all this may go a little way towards putting away some conspiracy theories when you really take a close look at who is actually in charge of this country. But after the Cold War, HAARP pivoted to more scientific pursuits until 9/11. After that it was used to study ways to counter the effects of high altitude nuclear detonation which would cripple low earth satellites. But there are some who believe that HAARP has far more nefarious, far more dangerous, and far more powerful functions than being a simple monitoring and research station. Most of those conspiracies say that HAARP uses an antenna to manipulate the high frequency range which allows them to do everything from controlling the weather to controlling people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's one of those things where if they did, if they could do this, they would be using it. But then I guess that's why, because that's what convinced us all. You know what I mean? Because the most up to date versions of HAARP is talking about how that's what in coordinations with the 5G crystals that have been put into our blood because of the series of war crimes called the COVID-19 vaccines that were rolled out on all of us, is that HAARP is gonna harness those like midi-chlorians from the vaccines in our blood in order to turn us into, I believe turn us into trans people.
ED LARSON
Should I?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
No, it is changing. I believe that is one of the actual theories.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
And it's flipping us.
ED LARSON
I wouldn't harp on it.
MARCUS PARKS
Well HAARP has actually been nicknamed the Area 51 of Alaska and it's been blamed for, I remember this stuff so well-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
It got blamed for Hurricane Katrina-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Hurricane Sandy-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
And a false flag attack on North Korea. That didn't take though. And it's not just internet theorists who jumped on this bandwagon. In 2008, a Russian military journal described HAARP as a geophysical superweapon which can, for lack of a better term, fuck with the ionosphere above other countries to slowly drive them mad and slowly kill them by burning a specific hole in the ozone layer which would allow deadly cosmic radiation to seep through. Even old Hugo Chavez, if you remember him, do you remember him?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah!
ED LARSON
No, who is he again?
MARCUS PARKS
Venezuelan dictator.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That guy!
MARCUS PARKS
He said that the 2010 Haitian earthquake, remember that bad one that killed like 100,000 people?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Yeah, we all donated and they stole our money and fucking made stupid shit.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I remember.
MARCUS PARKS
Well Wyclef Jean stole the money.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well Hugo Chavez said that that was caused by the testing of a tectonic weapon developed by the United States. The Venezuelan press subsequently wrote that the earthquake may have been associated with Project HAARP. And now we come to Dr. Nick Begich. If you remember from the beginning of this episode, the politician Hale Boggs, the one whose plane disappeared, was out raising money for a congressman named Nick Begich. And Dr. Nick Begich is congressman Nick Begich's son.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I hate this fucking name so much.
ED LARSON
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Is that real? Is his name really Nick Begich?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well I can't see how else is it would be-
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Or is it Bej-itch?
MARCUS PARKS
Maybe it's Bej-itch.
ED LARSON
Beg-ike!
MARCUS PARKS
Maybe it's like Buttigieg.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Bej-itch? It might be Bej-itch.
MARCUS PARKS
It might be Bej-itch but I mean you see Nick Begich and you gotta read it like Nick Beg-ick.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'm looking at this now, I'm looking to see if that's how you pronounce it.
ED LARSON
Like ba-gawk? Ba-gawk!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Mark Begich. It is Beg-itch.
ED LARSON
Beg-itch.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's Beg-itch.
MARCUS PARKS
Okay, it's Beg-itch. Okay so it's Nick Begich. Dr. Nick Begich.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's still a horrible name.
MARCUS PARKS
Nick Begich. I don't know, I just like Nick Beg-ick.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I do too.
MARCUS PARKS
But I'll say Beg-itch. Nick Begich. It must be said however that Nick Begich Jr's doctor title, that comes from an honorary Doctorate of Medicine for independent work in health and political science at the Open International University for Complementary Medicines in Sri Lanka. So I would say that calling him doctor is very much optional.
ED LARSON
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think it's kind of fun. It seems like it's one of those where as long as you show up with a stethoscope, you're a doctor.
MARCUS PARKS
But at any rate, Dr. Nick Begich wrote a highly critical book about the Area 51 of Alaska called 'Angels Don't Play This HAARP'.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah! I think we used that, didn't we use that from back in the day when we did our HAARP episode?
MARCUS PARKS
No. Back then, we didn't use books at all. We seriously looked shit up on the internet like a couple of hours before we recorded and just went with it. That was us for like 80 episodes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I think I have this book somewhere. This is so funny. I gotta get into this. Because it's Tesla technology. You gotta forget, this is all Tesla shit. Same thing with the pyramids being used as batteries.
ED LARSON
Yes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's this idea that you can make more energy than you want to using a small amount of energy.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Well in 'Angels Don't Play This HAARP', he claims that HAARP is capable of firing heat beams through the atmosphere that can penetrate everything, living or dead, which sounds a lot like the plot from Plan 9 From Outer Space.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
But no matter its purpose, author Mike Ricksecker believes that HAARP is only possible because it harnesses the energy of the Alaska Triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
The fucking dark pyramid, dude! This is what I'm fucking saying, the very heart, Montanali, dude.
MARCUS PARKS
And even though yeah, it is harnessing an energy that is highly scientific and provable, the question remains as to whether there is something else happening in the Alaska Triangle which we do not yet have the methods to prove but may sometime have in the future if we haven't already had it in the past.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
(whispering) Alaska.
MARCUS PARKS
(whispering) Triangle.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
It's Alaska, buddy. You gotta be careful.
ED LARSON
Always be careful in Alaska.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
We have our listeners in Alaska. I wanna know-
MARCUS PARKS
I would love to do a show in Anchorage. I'd still love to go to Alaska.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I'd love to.
ED LARSON
Oh my god, I need to go to Alaska.
MARCUS PARKS
I wanna go to Alaska so fucking bad.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I gotta go.
ED LARSON
I wanna see some glaciers before they're gone.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I want to see the whole thing. I really wanna go. Sidestorieslpotl@gmail.com. I'd love to hear people, because we have a lot of listeners in Alaska, your stories of the unusual. Because it is much like the forests of Oregon or outside of like in Washington, Colorado, in Europe, like in the UK, it's a very mysterious place. Yes, the triangle might be the entire state but it really just shows-
MARCUS PARKS
Most of the state.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Most of the state. But it does show that it's weird and they do weird shit and weird shit happens and it has its own fucking Bigfoot and it's got the fucking otter man which I love, I just love the otter man.
ED LARSON
Otter man's great. I'm always about him. I'm glad you can't wait to hang out with them and become one later in life.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep. It's a good way to flip.
ED LARSON
It's how you stay alive for longer.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
ED LARSON
You become an otter man, cure this heart disease. Everything will be great.
MARCUS PARKS
Perfect.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So this is our first foray. Eddie, you're gonna see more about the capital P Phenomena, you're gonna learn a lot this month. We're gonna be doing more. We're gonna get a little weird, we're gonna get a little spooky. Very excited. You're gonna see, you're gonna see. We got a lot of aliens, a lot of fucking bullshit, then we're gonna do some hardcore true crime next month.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
ED LARSON
Luckily I already forgot everything we said today.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Excellent.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. Those fucking Dolphins lineups ain't going nowhere.
ED LARSON
Woo!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Stay fresh.
ED LARSON
Fuck you, Kansas city! We're coming for your ass!
MARCUS PARKS
Y'all don't stand a fucking chance.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I actually thought that you guys just lost the division or whatever.
ED LARSON
We did lose the division but the playoffs start this weekend and we're going to Kansas City in -4°. And we've never, Tua, my man, he's never won a game in under 40 degrees. So this is gonna be no problem.
MARCUS PARKS
Oof.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Let's see what happens. They gotta start working in the refrigerator.
ED LARSON
Fuck you, Kansas City! Stupid ribs.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
So go check out Operation Sunshine. I love Kansas City barbecue, don't you fucking...
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
That is the one good thing about that fucking state. Don't you fucking dare, don't you fucking dare ever. If I was there, if I was there...
MARCUS PARKS
You ever actually had Kansas City barbecue though?
ED LARSON
I've had like... I've never been to Kansas City but I've had Kansas City... It's delicious! I know it's delicious! All right?
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Kansas City barbecue.
ED LARSON
I'm just talking shit because we're playing them this week!
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I know.
ED LARSON
There's lots of great shit in Kansas City.
MARCUS PARKS
You want to say shit about Patrick Mahomes? He's my fucking alumni.
ED LARSON
He's alumni to you?
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah, He's Texas tech.
ED LARSON
Well he looks like a squid.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wow.
ED LARSON
Yeah. Take that, you piece of shit.
MARCUS PARKS
You fucking fly into Lubbock but you fly into fucking Preston Smith International Airport. First thing you see is a big picture of Patrick Mahomes advertising for McGavock Nissan. McGavock, McGavock.
ED LARSON
Oh. He's getting all the big contracts.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yep, the big ones.
MARCUS PARKS
I think that was a few years ago. I think since he's won like Super Bowls, he doesn't like answer McGavock Nissan's calls anymore.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Not as much.
MARCUS PARKS
Because they use a frog as their mascot. McGavock, McGavock.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, I think he got sucked up.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't think that he's-
MARCUS PARKS
Because I think there was a comedy club in Lubbock that was also frog-based.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Wasn't that place called Gags?
ED LARSON
Croaks.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Croaks. It think it was called like Froggy's Flip Room? I know there was a karaoke-
ED LARSON
Giggin.
MARCUS PARKS
Giggin. Giggin, yeah.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Yeah, Giggin.
MARCUS PARKS
I know there was that karaoke bar in the strip club called Adolf's.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh god, that's great. But check out Operation Sunshine #4, it's out there, go buy it, local comic book store. It's the end of our first run, we're gonna have four more coming out in two months. You're gonna see, it's gonna complete the sequence. You got anything else to plug? You're about to go do shows in Phoenix.
ED LARSON
That's right. I'll be doing shows tonight and tomorrow. I get to perform while the Dolphins are beating the Kansas City Chiefs. That's gonna be very annoying for me. So come and watch me struggle on stage. I'll be at Stand Up Live. And in this week, The Brighter Side, we talked about the Florida Triangle, the everglades.
MARCUS PARKS
Hell yeah.
ED LARSON
Lots of plane crashes in that too.
MARCUS PARKS
Tons.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Oh yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yes.
ED LARSON
So many plane crashes lately with all of us.
MARCUS PARKS
Skunk apes.
ED LARSON
Skunk apes.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
A lot of people dropping off drugs. A lot of people dropping off drugs.
ED LARSON
Oh yeah. They go missing and then we gotta find it.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
I don't know where that cocaine went. Hail Satan!
MARCUS PARKS
Hail Gein.
ED LARSON
Hail Inuits.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
Cool. That's good, yeah.
MARCUS PARKS
Yeah. They're great people.
HENRY ZEBROWSKI
All right. Bye!
MARCUS PARKS Bye.